


Guiding Light

by ww713



Category: MCU, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Avengers Compound, Avengers Family, Avengers Feels, Avengers Party, Avengers Team Building, Avengers being happy for the most part, Domestic Avengers, F/M, Friendship, Humor, Memory Loss, Romantic Fluff, Some angst, Very fluffy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-01
Updated: 2019-07-20
Packaged: 2019-07-23 09:32:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 39
Words: 120,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16156349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ww713/pseuds/ww713
Summary: Caroline Page was kidnapped and experimented on by HYDRA because of her relationship to the Avengers. Now she must live a new life and figure out how to put the pieces together. Bucky Barnes finds himself the most unqualified qualified member of the group to be the one to help Caroline.





	1. She Has Superpowers, Great

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was just a thing that was in my head and that I wanted to get out. I won't always follow the MCU timeline, but eventually I will deal with Infinity War and Endgame. Thank you for reading :)

Her entire body shivered, not from the cold, but from the pain coursing through every inch of her, like tiny shocks of electricity. She didn’t know where she was, she hardly knew who she was. A voice echoed in her head over and over.

“Your name is Caroline Page.”

It seemed distant, like the voice was in another room, or a dream. Other voices filled the air around her, but they too seemed far away. 

“She’s shaking,” Caroline heard someone say as the voices drew nearer, “Her entire body is shaking.”

A gentle hand brushed lightly across one of her arms, she shivered under human contact, something she hadn’t felt in long time. 

“She’s got bruising, almost everywhere,” this voice was from a female, she vaguely recognized it. 

“Buck, what did they do to her?” 

She stirred a little more, she knew this voice too. It made her feel safe and warm, something else she hadn't felt in a while. When no one answered, the voice started again.

“I know it’s hard for you to be back here, I know the memories don’t always come back, but I need you to try,” he said in a harsher tone.

“I’m trying my best Steve,” came a low, frustrated voice. 

Caroline’s eyes shot open, that voice she knew, that voice she would recognize anywhere. She threw her hand out and in an instant the Winter Soldier was up against the wall. 

“Hey Kid, guess you remember me, I wasn't sure you would,” he choked out, his feet dangling.

“Okay, and she has super powers, great. Steve we really have to stop finding your friends like this. ” 

Caroline turned her head to see Tony Stark decked out in his Iron suit. His helmet shut with a clunk and he lifted an armored hand to her. 

“What is going on?” Caroline asked breathlessly. 

“Tony stand down, she isn’t going to hurt us.”

“Speak for yourself,” spat Bucky, still dangling in the air, struggling against her invisible force. 

“Steve?” said Caroline slowly. 

“Hey, Caroline,” he said gently. 

The voice that had made her feel safe just a moment ago set a wave of anger through her as a memory flashed into her head. She threw her other hand up, sending Steve flying up against the adjacent wall. 

“You were saying Cap?” Tony said raising his hand again.

Caroline panted, her body was exhausted, her head was pounding, but the pure rage coursing through her veins was keeping the two men up. 

“Caroline, it’s me, let me down,” Steve said firmly. 

“You think I don’t know who you are? Steve Rogers, you're the reason I’m here, you're they reason the did this to me,” Caroline growled. 

“Barnes, next time you give us information, all of it would be nice,” shot Tony.

“I assumed we all knew she’d been brainwashed, it’s HYDRA after all,” Barnes sneered.

“Okay, fair,” Tony nodded.

“Caroline, I didn’t do this,” Steve pleaded.

“They came after me because of you, they took me, that night, because of you” she panted.

Flashes of memories flooded back to her. She remembered Tony’s party at the Avenger’s tower. Everyone was there, Natasha, Thor, Bruce, everyone…and Steve. She had been Steve’s date, she had worn a pretty blue dress, they had all laughed, played drinking games, told stories. Tony made the Parker kid leave at ten, saying it was “past his bed time”, and had Happy escort him home after his third try at sneaking back in. It wasn't the first time Steve had brought her to the tower, but it would be the last. Steve had taken her back to the apartment complex where they both lived across the hall from each other. She had told him he didn’t need to walk her all the way up the four flights to their floor, he had to get back to the tower anyway. He kissed her on the cheek, and watched her as she took the first flight of stairs. 

They had been waiting for her in her apartment. They forced her to write a note telling Steve she was leaving and not to follow her. She knew as she wrote it that he wouldn't buy it, that he would track her down and come for her. Every day she spent in this place, she believed that less and less. 

“Listen Kid, we’re here to help you, we cleared out the base to get to you,” said the Winter Solider, snapping her back. 

She clenched her hand into a fist, tightening her grip on him. She remembered his face, remembered his voice, and her body remembered the pain that he had caused. She hated him, she had been taught to hate him. 

“And you,” she hissed, “they tortured me because of you. They tortured me for hours because I took down their precious asset.”

“Caroline, I’m sorry,” he gasped. 

Hearing him say her name sent a shiver down her spine. Another memory flashed into her head, he was talking to her. The soldier, saying her name over and over. She didn’t know what to call him, and he couldn't remember enough to tell her. He made her tell him her name, repeated it to her so she wouldn’t forget. 

Her body ached, everything ached. The pounding in her head was getting worse, and every nerve in her body felt like it was on fire. With a cry she dropped her arms to her sides and crumpled into the ground. Steve and the soldier toppled to the floor. 

“Okay, what just happened?” asked Tony. 

Steve moved towards her. She held up her hand to him again, but this time could only knock him off his feet,

“Steve don’t,” it was the female voice again, Natasha. 

She was at Caroline’s side in an instant, wrapping Caroline in her arms. Caroline’s whole body began shaking again, this time more violently. The whole base shook with her. 

“She’s having a panic attack,” she heard the soldier say as he stood to his feet, “She can’t control it.”

“What do we do Barnes?” Tony asked sharply. 

“I don’t know,” he said, frustration seeping into his voice.

“We don’t have time for an ‘I don’t know’ Buck,” said Steve as the walls began to crack.

“I can knock her out with this,” Tony said procuring a syringe with clear liquid.

“No, I can do this,” Bucky said quickly.

He knelt down beside Natasha and put his hand on Caroline’s cheek. She looked up at him, tears streaming down her face. Natasha retreated to Steve’s side. 

“Hey Kid,” he said gently.

“It hurts,” she cried.

“I know, I’m sorry,” he said. 

She pressed her cheek further into his hand. It felt familiar, but the memory was just out of reach. She knew he could help her, but she couldn't remember how.

“Please help me,” she pleaded.

“I’m trying,” he said in earnest. 

Her entire body tensed as another wave of pain coursed through every inch of her. He couldn't remember how to help her either, another thing HYDRA had taken from her. She screamed releasing everything she had in her.

“Sorry, we’re out of time Barnes, executive decision,” Tony said lunging towards her. 

“Tony wait!” Steve yelled.

But it was too late, he had pushed the clear liquid into her system. The world around her went fuzzy and then dark. 

* * *

 

Bucky glared up at Tony. He knelt on the floor with Caroline’s limp body in his arms.

“I told you I could help,” he said angrily.

“This place was about to come tumbling down around us,” said Tony, “You couldn't remember, so I saved our lives.”

“I said I could help her, I used to know how to help her. I know her,” said Bucky.

“We all know her Barnes!” yelled Tony.

“And long before you did,” Natasha said under her breath. 

“Okay enough,” Steve said firmly, “Tony, Nat, I know this is hard for you. It’s hard for me too.”

He glanced down at Bucky and Caroline and sighed heavily.

“Buck, what happened here?” he asked. 

“HYDRA loves their experiments, you know that,” said Bucky, “They were trying to enhance humans using means other than the serum.”  


“We know, we have one living with us currently,” Natasha sighed.

“But we thought they were the only ones who survived the experiments?” said Tony.

“Well clearly you were wrong,” Bucky replied. 

Tony opened his mouth to speak, but Steve cut him off.

“Okay they kept her at the same base as you? Why? The Maximoff’s were somewhere else” he asked.

“I don’t know Steve. Honestly, it probably had something to do with you. They had us go against each other pretty much daily for weeks, until I went rogue. I’d be lying if I said she didn't kick my ass almost every time.”

“Really?” Natasha asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Yes,” Bucky replied curtly, “It’s a little hard to pack punches when you're being thrown across the room by someone a foot away from you.”

“Fair,” Natasha nodded.

“If she beat me, they tortured her. If I beat her, they tortured her.” said Bucky.

Tony swore under his breath, his metal fist collided with the wall behind him. Steve dropped to his knees beside Bucky and Caroline. Bucky looked to his friend, memories started to come back, memories of Caroline.

“It wasn’t good Steve,” Bucky said softly, “Sometimes they would throw us in cells next to each other, when I wasn't on ice. She would come back from being tortured, exhausted, crying. I have some memories, but I can't always tell what's real. In those moments, I think I used to talk to her, ask her questions about her life, help her hold onto her past.”

“Why didn’t you tell us what we were walking into Buck?” he asked his friend. 

Bucky looked up at Steve and gave him a sad smile. 

“I’m sorry, seventy years of HYDRA blending my brain, sometimes things get lost. I didn't remember most of this until I saw her. I told you everything I knew.” he said. 

Steve clasped a hand on Bucky’s shoulder and nodded solemnly. Silence filled the air around them. Natasha dropped down beside them as well. She ran a hand across Caroline’s forehead. 

“We should get her to the jet,” she said glancing at Steve. 

Steve nodded and moved to lift Caroline from Bucky’s arms, but Bucky hesitated to let go.

“I’ve got it Buck,” said Steve. 

“As adorable is this is, we need to get going,” Tony said scooping Caroline into his own arms.

Natasha smirked down at Steve and Bucky, then turned to follow Tony. Steve stood, reaching a hand down help his friend. 

“I shouldn't have come,” said Bucky. 

“No, I don’t think that,” Steve said shaking his head, “If anything, maybe I shouldn’t have come, she won’t even let me come anywhere near her.”

Bucky stopped walking. He grabbed his friend by the shoulder and turned him around to face him.

“Steve, it’s not entirely her, you know that,” he said firmly.

“No, I know,” he nodded.

“HYDRA isn't out to make Captain America any friends,” said Bucky.

“Yeah, I just wish they would stop taking the ones I already have to turn them against me,” Steve sighed. 

Bucky nodded and placed his hand reassuringly on Steve’s shoulder. 

“C’mon Steve,” he said to his friend. 

 

The jet was solemn. Tony and Steve sat in the front, quietly navigating. Natasha was in the back with Caroline, who was still asleep on the med table. Bruce Banner, who they had brought along in case of any emergencies, was hovering over her, taking her vitals. Bucky sat on the floor, his back leaning against the med table. 

Tony glanced over at Steve. He knew how hard this entire thing was on him. He had seen a different side of Steve since finding Bucky. Even with his best friend recovering in Wakanda, Tony felt that Steve had finally found a sense of peace. That was until Bucky remembered Caroline, remembered her calling out Steve’s name, remembered that she was probably still alive. 

He watched Steve beat himself up for not realizing that the note she had left behind telling him she was leaving, wasn’t from her at all, but a HYDRA plant. They were all on edge, Caroline had become friends with more of the Avengers than just Steve. They all wanted her back. 

“Hey,” he said turning his seat to face Steve, “We found her, she’s safe, it’s over.”

Steve sighed and dropped his head. 

“No Tony, it isn’t. Bucky is still recovering from everything HYDRA put him through. She’s not the same and she might never be the same,” said Steve. 

“I’d say getting her here is a pretty good start though,” said Tony. 

“You’re right about that” Steve nodded. 

“Steve, you have Bucky, you have Caroline, it might take a minute, but they are on their way back to you,” Tony said gently, “And the rest of the team is going to be stoked to have her back. I mean, Peter keeps sending me text messages asking if we've found her yet.”

Steve laughed, he knew the rest of the team had become fond of Caroline. He knew they were going to be thrilled upon her return, but he also knew they had a long road ahead of them before she was actually back. 

“Uh, sorry, am I interrupting?” Bruce asked, poking his head between them.

“No, not at all, is everything ok?” asked Steve.

“She’s been through a lot Steve,” Bruce said solemnly, “As far as I can tell they experimented on her in pretty much the same way the did on the twins. We thought that they were the only two who survived the experiments, but Caroline is proof that they weren’t alone.”

“Why? Why did they survive but not the others?” Tony asked.

“I don’t know Tony, maybe she had more to fight for,” Bruce said glancing at Steve, “Anyway, the difference is, the twins could control their powers early on. Anytime Caroline moves, so do the things around her, she doesn't seem to have much control.”  


“She has control,” came Bucky’s voice, “but it’s messy and erratic. If she’s focused, she’s great.”

“Right,” Banner nodded, “the problem however, is that her brain and her body have been through a significant amount of trauma.”

“She can’t focus on anything but the pain,” said Bucky.

“Thanks Barnes, I think we got it,” Tony snapped.

Tony and Steve looked at each other, both knowing the discussion they were about to have wasn't going to be an easy one. 

“We can’t bring her back to the compound,” Tony said quickly. 

“No I know,” Steve said, “But she needs help.”

“And training,” Natasha said walking into the conversation.

“Wouldn’t that be best done with us?” Bruce asked. 

“If she loses control the damage could be extensive,” said Tony.

“What if she doesn't want training, what if she doesn't want to be one of us?” Steve asked.

“Well, regardless, she needs to learn how to control this, and on top of that, we need to find a way for her to manage the pain,” Tony countered, “Do you think the physical damage is permanent Banner?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know what they did to her exactly,” he said turning to Bucky, “Barnes if you have any ideas…” he trailed off.

Bucky sighed and leaned his head back against the table. 

“Yeah, I think I do,” he replied, “I’m pretty sure they would shock her, for hours, strong enough to torment her, wear her down, but not strong enough to kill her, which is probably what she wanted by the end of it,” he glanced over at them, “It’s one of their favorite forms of torture. I wouldn't be surprised if there were other methods as well, and I can’t speak for what happened after I left”

“Right, she’s been in there for about a year and a half without Barnes. I mean our information is already pretty limited,” said Bruce. 

“Tony, can I talk to you for a second,” Steve said standing, nodding his head away from the group.

Tony stood and followed Steve out of earshot of the others.

“What about Wanda,” said Natasha, “She’s the obvious choice. They have similar powers from the same source.”

“They’ll be the perfect team until Caroline finds out that Wanda volunteered for the same group of people that took everything from her,” Bruce said dryly.

“I wonder if Fury would have any ideas,” Natasha mumbled to herself.

“Why don’t you just put me out of my misery, seems like it would be a lot less trouble for everyone.”

Bruce and Natasha turned to see Caroline sitting up cross legged on the bed. Bucky stood awkwardly next to her.

“Oh, she’s awake,” he said after a beat.

“Well thanks for the notice Barnes,” Natasha said striding over to her.

She brushed a a piece of hair behind Caroline’s ear. Caroline flinched at human contact, and Natasha pulled back.

“Hey Nat,” she said with a half hearted smile.

“It’s good to see you Caroline,” Natasha said warmly. 

“There will be no putting anyone out of their misery, here,” Bruce said with a grin. 

“Believe me I’ve tried that one on them too,” Bucky mumbled beside her. 

She jumped at the sound of his voice and he took a step back.

“I’m not going to hurt you,” he said quickly. 

She looked him up and down and nodded.

“No, I know,” she said. 

He slowly returned to his place by her side. 

Steve and Tony returned to the group, both pausing upon seeing Caroline. Tony’s face broke into a smile as he strode over to her wrapping her in his arms.

“Hi Tony,” she said melting against him. 

She had always been incredibly fond of Tony. He had welcomed her into their little family with open arms and a quick mouth. 

“It’s good to have you back,” he said giving her shoulder a squeeze.

She smiled and nodded. Then she looked to Steve. He stood still, watching them, concern etched into the lines on his face. She wanted to reassure him, tell him that she was okay and that everything was alright. But the sight of him caused an inexplicable rage within her. She knew she needed to be as far from him as she could be, otherwise she wasn't sure she could control herself.

“Hey Steve,” she said softly. 

“Caroline,” he said starting to move to her.

She held up a hand and he stopped, unable to move any further. Caroline was holding him back.

“If you come any closer I don’t know if I will be able to control it,” she said in a shaky voice.

“Okay,” Steve nodded, “I’ll stay back.”

She lowered her hand, releasing her hold on him. He didn't move any closer, but glanced at Bucky.

“What about Bucky here? Does he put you on edge?” Tony asked.

“Who the hell is Bucky?” Caroline asked.

Steve coughed, suppressing a laugh. The others grinned, but Caroline looked around confused.

“I’m Bucky,” Bucky grumbled, shuffling at her side.

“Your name is Bucky?” Caroline asked incredulously.

“James Buchanan Barnes,” he sighed.

“Well, it’s nice to finally get real name,” said Caroline.

“It’s not like I was keeping it from you,” Bucky said angrily. 

“Obviously I know you weren't keeping it from me, I’m just pointing out that it’s nice to finally be able to call you something other than ‘Winter Soldier’ or ‘HYDRA’s best asset’, even if it is Bucky,” Caroline snarked. 

“You don’t have to call me Bucky, Barnes works just fine,” he shot back.

Caroline opened her mouth to reply, but Tony cut in quickly.

“Okay, that is enough of that,” Tony said, “Steve, they seem fine.”

Steve sighed and nodded. They did seem fine. Bucky had been standing right next to her the entire time, and so far he had not triggered any kind of reaction from her. Still, Steve knew that he need to brace himself for the conversation that was coming.

“We found a solution,” Steve said. 

“The solution is Bucky,” said Tony, “Well Bucky and Wakanda.” 

“No,” Bucky and Caroline said at the same time.

“This is a bad idea Steve, do you know how many walls she's thrown me up against?” said Bucky.

“They tortured me because of him,” Caroline protested. 

“And yet he can stand inches from you and you don’t feel the urge to continue throwing him against any walls, your powers aren't even triggered, whereas some of us can’t even get near you,” Steve countered sharply. 

Caroline’s head shot up and the cabinets around her burst open, spilling supplies everywhere.

“I’m so sorry you're hurt Steve,” Caroline snapped, “I can’t imagine what this must be like for you.” Each word was sarcastic and biting. 

“Caroline I didn’t do this to you,” Steve said hotly, “You have to know that.”

“You should have known that I wouldn't have just left!” she cried throwing Steve off his feet.

Tony moved to counter Caroline, but Bucky slid in front of him, his back turned to Tony and Steve. He put his arms on either side of her, leaning in close. 

“Hey Kid, c’mon, that’s enough,” he said in a low, even voice, “You know who did this to you and it’s not him. They want you to hate him. You’re letting them win.”

She nodded tearfully, and he pressed his forehead against hers. 

“This is going to be hard Caroline,” he whispered to her, "but you're going to be okay."

He held her for a second more, then backed away and resumed his place beside the table. Tony had eased up and was helping Steve to his feet. Natasha was watching, a slight grin on her face. Bruce had his mouth agape, staring intently. 

“Steve I’m sorry,” she said gently.

He slowly moved towards her, eyeing her with caution. Her whole body tensed as he reached out to touch her face, but she leaned into his hand. He slid his hand against her cheek and intertwined his fingers in her hair.

“I know this isn’t your fault Steve,” she whispered, “I know that. But right now I can’t wrap my head around it.”

“I know,” he nodded.

He backed away, and went back to his seat, turning auto pilot off, he began to navigate the jet towards Wakanda. 

“I would say you’re in good hands, but, well you know Barnes," Tony grinned.

“Thanks Stark,” Bucky mumbled. 

“You know I’m joking Barnes” Tony said clapping a hand on Bucky’s shoulder. 

He followed Steve and took his seat next to him. Natasha smirked at Caroline and gently tugged on a piece or her hair. 

“How’s the pain?” asked Bruce.

“Um, it’s not great,” Caroline replied.

“I can put you out for the rest of the trip if you’d like, I’m sure you could use the extra rest,” Bruce said.

Caroline nodded and Bruce walked over to the med cabinets to find what he was looking for. Bucky shifted awkwardly at Caroline’s side, but hesitated to leave her.

“I can’t do this,” she breathed. 

He propped himself up onto the med table next to her, and brought her face to meet his.

“You have to,” he said in a low voice.

“I don’t want to,” she said, tears streaming down cheek.

“There is no alternative Caroline,” he said firmly.

“It’s just so much, the pain is just so much, everything is so much” she cried, “My entire body feel like it’s on fire.”

“She might have a fever, she's been through a lot in a short amount of time,” Bruce said, his back still turned to them. 

Bucky hopped down and stood in front of her. He pressed the back of his hand against her forehead. Her skin was indeed burning. She looked up at him, her eyes full of anxiety. 

“Here,” he said placing his metal hand on her cheek, “Does that help at all?”

She nodded and moved it to her other cheek. Bruce stood beside her with a needle in his hand. He smiled reassuringly.

“Ok this is going to help with the pain and help you sleep,” he said pushing the liquid into her arm. 

“You are going to be okay,” Bucky told her gently.

She nodded and her eyes fluttered. Bucky slid his hand behind her head as she began to lose consciousness. He lowered her down onto the table. He looked up and saw Steve watching them. Steve smiled and nodded at his friend. Bucky knew how difficult this was for Steve. Losing his two best friends, then finding them broken, almost gone. Bucky fought every day to bring himself back, in the darkest moments he pushed through for Steve. He would bring Caroline back too, he had to. 

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Some Team Bonding

Shuri had been the one to greet them upon their arrival to Wakanda. She had been warm and welcoming to Caroline, in the same way that she had been with Bucky when he first arrived. Caroline had gone with her up to her lab so that Shuri could run preliminary tests. Shuri had also helped Caroline assemble some semblance of a wardrobe, then brought her back to live with Bucky.

Bucky was relieved to be back in Wakanda, he missed his routine and he missed his goats. He had expected that living another human being would change things, make life a little different, especially with someone as volatile as Caroline. They had however been living together for a little over two weeks and he had hardly even seen her. 

He assumed she did normal people things when she left her room, like eat, but he hadn't seen her in the kitchen once. He left in the mornings to go for a run and she was still in bed. When he came back she was sometimes curled up in a ball on the sofa, staring at a black television screen that Shuri had brought into the house for them. She didn't say anything to Bucky, most times she didn't even acknowledge his presence at all. When he found her like this he would sit next on the couch next to her and put something on the tv, just to drown out the silence. Occasionally she would move over, sitting right next to him. Other times she would get up and slam her bedroom door before he could even sit.

At first, none of this bothered him. Bucky was used to being alone. He had spent almost his entire life alone. But eventually he became hyper aware that he was supposed to be helping Caroline. Every time he heard her wake up screaming or crying, his heart sunk with the realization that he was failing miserably at helping her. Still, he didn’t try talking to her, he couldn't bring himself too. He had inadvertently caused so much of the pain she was in, and he was afraid to make things worse for her. 

He lay on his bed, staring up at the ceiling fan, another modern amenity Shuri thought they might enjoy. His cell phone buzzed next to him. He hated the stupid thing, but Steve insisted he keep it on him. He glanced at the screen. A picture of Steve looking like a disappointed father, flashed across. Tony had set all the contact pictures in Bucky’s phone and this one of Steve was Tony’s favorite to use. 

“Hello,” Bucky said answering the call.

“Hey Buck, how’s it going?” Steve asked on the other end.

“You mean how is she.” Bucky said flatly. 

“Yes, ok,” Steve sighed, “How is she?”

“I don’t know Steve. She hasn't really had any powerful outbursts, sometimes the walls shake or I’ll hear something break and I know it’s her. She won’t talk to me, she hardly even looks at me. I don’t know if she’s eating, I’ve never seen any evidence of it. I hear her cry through the walls every night and I don’t know how to fix that,” he said in a flurry of words.

“Okay, so not great,” said Steve, “Either of you.”

“Boy, that is an understatement,” Bucky said sarcastically. 

“You need to talk to her Buck,” Steve said after a moment, “I know you don’t want to hear this, but you have to talk to her. You are the only one who can.”

Bucky sighed heavily into the phone. 

“Fine,” he said curtly. 

He could hear Steve try and suppress a laugh. He was taking all this rather well, but then again Steve wasn't the one in close proximity to her.

“You’re doing me a huge favor Buck, I owe you one,” Steve said.

“You owe me two Rogers,” Bucky replied.

“Alright,” Steve laughed, “I owe you two.”

“I’ll let you know how it goes,” said Bucky.

“Thanks,” said Steve, “And hey, try and make friends yeah? It would be nice if my two best pals actually got along.”

“Okay bye now Steve,” Bucky said hanging up the phone.

He rolled out of bed and opened his bedroom door. Caroline was not on the sofa, which meant she was in her room, hopefully not crying. He paced in front of her door for a minute, then took a deep breath and knocked. There was no response. He knocked again. Nothing. He slowly opened the door and peered inside. She was lying in her bed, crumpled in a ball of blankets. She looked up at him.

“Oh my God I thought the not responding thing would have tipped you off,” she mumbled to him.

“Well usually someone will say something like ‘I’m busy’ or ‘Don’t come in’ or even ‘Go away’. Or alternatively ‘please come in’, but you did none of that so I became concerned,” he replied. 

“Oh ok, let me try again, go away,” she said.

“When was the last time you ate?” Bucky asked, ignoring her completely.

“See now why would you give me the option if you weren’t going to actually go away?” she asked.

“Caroline, I’m serious, when was the last time you ate?” he asked again.

“I don’t know.”

“You need to eat,” he said.

“I don’t want to eat,” she replied firmly.

“You have to eat,” he said.

“What if I just didn’t?” she asked. 

“Then you would die. Steve would be sad, Tony would be sad, Natasha would be sad, that guy with the arrows would be sad. Probably some others,” Bucky replied monotone.

“Yeah, but I wouldn't have to deal with that,” she said rolling over, turning her back towards him.

“Okay we’re done with this,” Bucky said pulling the blankets off of her.

“What the fuck Barnes?” she said sitting upright.

“I tried to be patient, but I am not doing this with you anymore, let’s go,” he said picking her up and throwing her over his shoulder.

“I could throw you up against these walls so fast Barnes,” she protested.

“Actually you can’t. You haven't eaten in days, you don't have the strength,” he said continuing to walk down the hall.

"I have eaten," she said in protest, " I just can't remember the last time."

He opened the bathroom door and set her down, then turned on the shower. He grabbed towels from the cabinet and threw them at her.

“Turn the water as hot as you can handle, it will help with the pain,” he ordered, “When you’re finished you have five minutes to get dressed and come to the kitchen. Do not get in that bed, do not get under those blankets.”

She glared at him, fuming. The lights flickered and he knew he was pushing his luck. He turned to leave and felt the door slam hard behind him. 

Caroline was in the shower for an hour and fifteen minutes. When Bucky heard the water turn off he watched the clock and waited five minutes, then he waited five more because he was feeling generous. She made her way into the kitchen exactly eleven minutes after she had gotten out of the shower. 

Her hair was in two wet braids and she was wearing black gym shorts and an oversized white t-shirt. She still looked angry as she sat on one of the barstools and propped her elbows up on the counter. 

“Is that my shirt?” Bucky asked, pulling a ceramic bowl from the cupboard above them. 

“Yes. The only pajamas Shuri gave me are fancy and I don’t like them,” she replied flatly.

Bucky said nothing as he scooped pasta into the bowl. He pulled a fork from a drawer and then slid it over to her.

“Here,” he said, “eat.”

“Not hungry,” she said sliding it back.

“Okay but consider this, I just made you dinner, and you’re going to eat it,” he said pushing it back towards her again.

She tried to shove it back, but he held his metal hand against it. She narrowed her eyes at him and lifted the fork.

“Consider this Barnes, I could hurl this bowl and everything it at your head without lifting a finger,” she said stabbing at a noodle.

“But you won’t,” he shrugged.

She took a bite, glaring at him. He was just glad to see her finally eat something, regardless of how she felt about him at the moment. 

“So,” she said picking up a second fork full, “Where did you learn to make pasta.”

“I lived an entire twenty-seven years before joining the army and subsequently getting captured and brainwashed by HYDRA,” he said sarcastically.

“Oh my God I hate you,” she said rolling her eyes. 

“Fine, as long as you don't hate my pasta,” he said.

“Well joke’s on you, I do hate it, I’m just hungry,” she snapped.

"You're eating, that's all that matters," he shrugged. 

He watched her eat carefully. He knew he had to talk to her, but he didn't want to interrupt. 

"So..." he said slowly.

She looked up at him, her eyebrows raised. However she continued to eat, so he decided to take a chance.

"Do you want to talk about...you know, things?" he asked.

"No," she replied curtly.

"Caroline," Bucky started.

"Do not push it Barnes," she said cutting him off.

"I know, but Steve thinks-"

"I said don't" she growled.

Before he could try again, Caroline waved her hand in and flung the dish across the room into the wall behind them, sauce splattered everywhere.

“Really Caroline?!” Bucky shouted. 

She hopped off the bar stool and began to walk down the hall back towards her room, but Bucky caught her arm in his metal hand and spun her to face him. He could feel her body shaking against his hand.

“Let go of me, Winter Soldier," she spat.

He flinched at the name. She knew what it meant to him, she knew exactly what she was doing to him when she said it. She threw her other hand up, but Bucky caught that one too, and flung her to the ground.

“Don’t call me that,” he breathed holding her arms above her head.

She glared up at him, her eyes full of determination. Both were vaguely aware of how familiar they were with this position. They had fought like this many times before, but never of their own accord. 

“Get off of me,” Caroline said struggling against him. 

He released her and stood up. He ran a shaky hand through his hair, then looked down at her and offered her his metal one. She laughed and with a flick of her wrist flung him into the wall. The weight of his body crushed the drywall, leaving a large indent where he landed. By the time he got back up, she had stormed into her bedroom.

He grabbed the handle of her door and threw it open, ripping it off it’s hinges in the process. He threw it to the floor. 

“This isn’t working,” he said angrily.

“No shit,” she said under her breath

But she wasn’t looking at him. She was staring at herself in her mirror, her shirt lifted exposing her abdomen. Her fingers were tracing a dark blue and black bruise, that spread out in purple streaks all over her lower belly and chest. She caught his eye in the mirror and dropped her shirt, then spun around to glare at him. 

“What the hell was that?” he asked softly.

She moved her bed and pulled her legs up and sat criss crossed on the edge. She dropped her head into her hands, her shoulders shook as she began crying. 

Bucky hesitated at the door, then slowly moved to sit down next to her. She lifted her head and wiped her eyes with the backs of her hands.

“After we fought, no matter who won, they would take me back into a room, and use this machine on me. It felt like lighting all over my body, they would aim it right here,” she said lifting her shirt again to show him, “then it would move through everywhere else.”

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered.

“Shuri says that it might fade, but it won’t ever go away,” said Caroline. 

“How did you survive Caroline?” Bucky wondered out loud.

“I wish I hadn’t,” she replied. 

A wave of anger rushed over Bucky once again. He dropped to his knees onto the floor in front of her and placed his hands on either side of her. 

“Enough,” he said angrily, “You aren’t the only one who had everything taken from them by HYDRA, not by a long shot.”

She looked up, her eyes meeting his. It was the first time since they found her that there wasn't anger behind her eyes. 

"I know," she whispered.

“Okay,” Bucky said getting to his feet, “And please, for the love of God, can you stop throwing me into walls?”

She let out small laugh and Bucky’s breath hitched in his chest. He had never heard her laugh before, he had barely seen her smile. He couldn't believe his stupid joke had made her laugh, but he was glad that it did. 

“I’ll try my best Barnes,” she said.

"Alright let's go," he said offering her his hand.

She looked up at him and raised an eyebrow.

"You need to finish eating," he said, "and we need to make a call to Shuri."

* * *

 

 An hour later Bucky and Caroline sat on the sofa in their living room. Shuri stood behind them leaning on the back of the couch and in front of them, on the coffee table was a large screen showing Tony and Steve.

“So,” said Tony, “Who broke the bowl?”

“That was me,” said Caroline looking down at her hands. 

“I assume you tore her door off it’s hinges?” Steve said looking at Bucky.

“I did,” he nodded.

“And the Barnes shaped hole in the wall, let me guess, Caroline?” Tony asked. 

“Okay obviously,” she said sarcastically. 

“I may have provoked it,” Bucky threw in. 

Caroline glanced at him, grateful that he wasn’t letting her take all of the blame. He gave her a small shrug, then turned back to Tony and Steve. 

“Apparently they are fine now Captain,” Shuri said from behind them. 

“Call me Steve,” he replied with a smile. 

“Well Steve, they seem to be fine, but, I don’t know,” Shuri said with a smirk, “We worked hard to make this place nice for them.”

“Shuri, I am so sorry,” Caroline said quickly.

Shuri placed a hand on her shoulder and grinned. Although Caroline knew she had been teasing, she still couldn't help but feel awful for what had happened. Especially after Shuri, T’Challa, and so many of the Wakandan people had shown her such hospitality and warmth. 

“Here’s the thing kiddos,” Tony interjected, “We’ve already had a conversation with Shuri, and she came up with a really great idea for the two of you.”

Caroline did not miss the concerned glance Steve gave Bucky, whatever was coming, she knew neither of them was going to like it much.

“What you two need is some team bonding,” she said putting an arm around each of them.

“What?” Bucky asked shaking his head, “Team bonding?”

“You need to get to know each other,” Steve explained. 

“Exactly,” said Shuri, “And since someone is going to have to come in here and clean up this mess, I thought I would put you up somewhere else for a few nights. Somewhere smaller.”

“How small?” Caroline asked looking to Tony. 

“It's small. There is a modest living are where we’ve put in a sofa bed, in the same area there is a small refrigerator to store some food for you, and then there is a bathroom, and that is it,” Shuri said with a glint in her eye. 

“We can get to know each other here,” Bucky said quickly.

“Yeah, I don’t mind sleeping without a door for a bit,” Caroline added.

“There’s too much space for you to avoid each other there,” said Steve.

“Not to mention you wrecked the Princess’ house,” Tony said crossing his arms, “She should be the one to decide the punishment.”

“This is not a punishment Mr. Stark,” Shuri said coming to sit in between Caroline and Bucky, “I really do think it will help.”

“But it’s also kind of a punishment,” said Tony shrugged.

“And you think this is a good idea?” Bucky asked Steve incredulously. 

“I mean yeah, I kind of do,” Steve nodded, “The whole point of this was for you to help her and from my understanding you’ve mostly just been avoiding each other.”

“Or trying to kill each other,” Tony added. 

“Okay, drama man, that is a bit of an exaggeration don't you think?” asked Caroline.

“That, right there!” Tony said, “I miss that! The sooner you and Barnes can figure out how to work together, the sooner you and Barnes can figure out how to get you better, and the sooner you and I guess Barnes, can come back here.” 

“That was a lousy invitation Stark,” said Bucky, “I’m still waiting for a real one.”

Steve tried to hide a grin as he glanced over at Tony. Tony laughed and looked over at Steve in disbelief. 

“He’s cracking jokes Rogers,” he said putting a hand on Steve’s shoulder.

“I guess you were right Tony, they are good for each other,” Steve said nodding.

“We put a hole in a wall after spending less than ten minutes together!” Caroline protested. 

“Which is why you need the team building!” Shuri said springing up, “Caroline I’m going to put some things together for you, I know you’re still feeling a lot of pain.”

She ran off into Caroline’s room and began throwing clothes in a backpack for her. Caroline looked to Bucky, but he was silent.

“How long is this going to be for?” asked Caroline.

“Shuri said three nights,” Tony replied. 

“What about my goats?” Bucky mumbled. 

Caroline snorted and then began to laugh. Shuri popped her head out of Caroline’s room, smiling from ear to ear. Tony and Steve shared a wide wide eyed glance.

“See that Barnes, you've got her laughing,” said Tony chuckling.

"Exactly, no need for team building, we're fine," said Bucky grumpily.

"You're going," Steve said firmly.

“Your goats will be fine Sergeant Barnes,” Shuri laughed, dodging back into Caroline’s room.

“Uh, there’s one more catch,” Steve said shifting uncomfortably in his seat, “Shuri do you want to tell them?”

“No, go ahead Captain!” Shuri called from the other room. 

Steve glanced at Tony, who shook his head and threw his hands up defensively. 

“Oh no, it’s all you Rogers,” he said. 

“Okay,” Steve sighed, “Well, you can’t leave the hut at all.” 

“I’m sorry? You mean we’re stuck in a one bedroom, just the two of us, for three days? You're locking us up?” asked Caroline incredulously.

“Uh yes,” Steve nodded, “Shuri has informed us that there’s a rather large storm approaching Wakanda, and you guys won't be able to leave once you're there.”

“Oh my God, she’s controlling the weather, she created a freaking storm!” Caroline said angrily. 

The light bulb in the light next to them popped and the lamp crashed to the floor. She jumped at the noise, realizing she had unintentionally made this happen. Bucky saw her begin to panic as the house around them began to shake. He shifted closer to her and pulled her eyes to meet his.

“Caroline, calm down,” Bucky said in a low voice. 

She nodded her head and slowed her breath to match his breathing. Shuri came out of Caroline’s bedroom slowly. She sat on the coffee table in front of Caroline. 

“I promise Caroline, I cannot control the weather,” she said with a slight smile. 

Caroline let out a small laugh and nodded. 

“Alright, we’re gonna go,” Steve said cautiously.

“Yeah we haven’t checked on Peter and Clint in a good hour, last time we left those two alone, we found Clint teaching Peter to use his bow,” Tony said rolling his eyes. 

“We’ll be fine,” Bucky said curtly, mostly to a concerned looking Steve. 

Steve nodded, then Tony leaned forward and disconnected their call. Shuri moved to stand in front of Bucky and Caroline, she was beaming, a bag for Caroline in her hand. 

“I’ll go get my things,” Bucky grunted.

He came back almost immediately with a small black backpack and stood at the door, ready to leave. 

“Do you just always have that ready to go?” asked Caroline.

“Old habit,” he shrugged.

“Alright you two, let’s go,” Shuri said pulling Caroline up.

Bucky took Caroline’s bag from Shuri and opened the door for them. Shuri led the way. Caroline paused at the door, looking up at Bucky. They exchanged weak smiles, then Bucky gestured her out the door. He closed the door behind him, then followed the two women ahead of him. 


	3. Just...Don't Freak Out

Shuri had made them walk the three miles to their new temporary home. The lack of food mixed with the pain sill coursing through Caroline’s body, made the journey difficult for her. She had protested more than once, but eventually found herself begrudgingly climbing onto Bucky’s back, and being carried through the wilderness of Wakanda.

Caroline felt like they had been walking for hours, although she realized it probably hadn't been that long at all. Her body ached despite being held up completely by Bucky. She rested her head on Bucky's shoulder, pressing her nose into his neck. She was exhausted, and the steady movement of his footsteps relaxed her and made her eyes heavy. She was asleep in minutes, and didn't even realize when they had finally come to a stop. 

"Hey kid, where here."

Caroline stirred and lifted her head at Bucky's low voice. Shuri stood in front of a small hut, beaming with pride. 

“This is it,” she said throwing up a hand toward the home. 

“You weren't kidding,” Bucky said pausing to take it in. 

“I wasn’t kidding about the storm either,” Shuri said pointing to the dark clouds moving above them, "Besides Barnes, you should be used to living in one of these, you've done it before."

"Yes, but I was alone," Bucky grumbled. 

Bucky released Caroline’s legs as she unraveled her arms from around his neck and hopped down. Bucky sighed, picked up their things, and strode into the house. Shuri bounced over to Caroline.

“How are you feeling?” she asked.

“Not great,” Caroline sighed, “Although I can’t tell if it’s the physical pain or the idea of being stuck in there with Barnes for three days,” she laughed. 

“I have been working on something to help with the pain,” Shuri said breezing past her comment, “It’s not a permanent fix, but it will help for the time being.”

She pulled out a small glass bottle filled with a blue liquid and a syringe with a needle attached from her bag.

“Just inject it into your arm or thigh,” she said handing it to Caroline, “We haven’t tested it on you yet, I don’t believe it’s strong enough to completely eradicate your pain, only dull it for a bit, but it will help at the very least."

“Thank you Shuri,” Caroline said.

Shuri smiled and reached out her hand to reassuringly graze Caroline’s arm. Caroline nodded, affirming to Shuri that she would be ok. Shuri led the way into the house with Caroline following close behind. Bucky was standing in the middle of the small room with his non-metal arm scratching the back of his head looking thoroughly confused. He turned to Shuri in disbelief.

“Really?” he said looking around the room.

There was a couch in the center next to where Bucky was standing. It took up much of the living space and the only other piece of furniture in the room was a bookshelf, which was stacked with books. Directly behind the sofa was a small kitchen equipped with mini refrigerator and a microwave on a counter with a couple of drawers and a cabinet to store some essentials. There was a kitchen sink next to the counter. The bathroom was off to the side, down a short hall and that was it. 

“I’ve stocked the refrigerator with enough food and that couch there turns into a bed,” said Shuri.

“We can switch off sleeping on the bed,” Caroline suggested. 

“No,” said Bucky, “I’ll sleep on the floor.”

“Or you could be adults and share it,” Shuri said nonchalantly. 

“Okay, I think we’ve got it from here,” Bucky sighed, giving Shuri an exasperated smile. 

“Sorry about the door and the hole in the wall,” said Caroline as Shuri made her way to leave.

“Don’t worry, we’ll fix it up for you,” she said grinning. 

She opened the door and with a wink at the two, closed it behind her and was gone. Bucky and Caroline stood awkwardly in the small room, unmoving. Caroline dared a glance at Bucky, he was watching her intently. 

“This is,” she started.

“Awkward,” he sighed, finishing her thought.

“Yeah,” she nodded. 

She dropped to the sofa, pulling her legs up into her. Bucky moved to the other end and rested on the arm of the couch, dropping his hands in his lap. They both glanced up at the ceiling as the rain began to fall. It was loud on the tin roof.

“How the hell did I get here?” she said laughing in disbelief. 

“I carried you,” said Bucky. 

She turned her head towards him, rolling her eyes as far back into her head as she could. 

“Funny,” she said sarcastically.

“I thought it was,” he shrugged, “How are you feeling?” he added. 

“I’m fine,” she lied. 

“Fine,” he said curtly. 

He knew she wasn't telling him the truth, but he didn’t want to risk damaging anymore walls, and he couldn’t figure out how to get her to trust him yet. He stood and walked the five or six steps it took to get to their mock kitchen and reached into the refrigerator pulling out an apple. 

“Are you hungry?” he asked.

“No,” she said, her back towards him. 

“Of course not,” he said under his breath. 

She brandished her middle finger at him from her spot on the sofa and he couldn't help but chuckle. He opened the drawer underneath the microwave, it had two forks, two spoons, and one knife, he grabbed the knife. Caroline stood and made her way to the bookshelf, glancing at him, before stopping in front of the small selection of books.

“Why don’t you just bite into it like a normal human being?” she asked fingering the spines of each book.

“Why don’t you eat like a normal human being?” he said, slicing into the apple. 

“Fine, no more questions,” she shot.

He watched as she ran her finger down the spine of each book. Her long honey brown hair fell down to the middle of her back. He had never noticed how many shades of color there was in her hair, she usually had it up in a messy bun, or in two braids. He had never, in fact, really taken much notice of her appearance at all. When they were at the Hydra base they were either fighting, or talking to each other through a wall. 

She finally picked up a book, her body was cheated towards him as she read the back cover. She smiled slightly and Bucky noticed for the first time, the freckles the covered her face. She walked back to the couch, the book in her hand, and he saw that her arms were littered with freckles as well. He watched as she opened the book, her eyes scanning the words on the page.

“Ouch! Shit!” Bucky shouted dropping the knife.

Caroline jumped up and spun around to see Bucky holding his non metal hand in his metal one, blood splattering onto the counter and apple below him. She ran to the kitchen and grabbed a dish towel. 

“What the fuck Barnes, I thought knives were your kind of your specialty,” she said taking his bleeding hand and wrapping it in the towel.

“I was distracted,” he grunted, “How do you even know that?” 

“Would you like to see the scar you left me during one of our little matches?” she asked pressing her hand into his.

Bucky looked at her horrified. 

“It’s fine Barnes, it’s not like you had a choice,” she said dragging him over to the sink, shoving his hand under the faucet. He winced as the water hit his bleeding hand. 

“Was it bad?” he asked. 

She sighed heavily and lifted up her shirt with one hand to expose her side. Bucky could see that the dark marks from Hydra’s torture device spread out towards her back. He could also make out a thin white scar that traveled from right under her ribcage to her the top of her hip. He instinctively reached out his metal hand to touch it. Her body shivered against the cool virbrainium and she dropped her shirt. 

“It’s long, but it wasn't deep,” she said, her fingers gently rinsing the blood from his hand, “Besides, it was nothing compared to…well you know.” she said avoiding eye contact. 

She pulled his hand out from under the water and began to inspect it. He had sliced open his index finger into his palm. The wound was still bleeding heavily and she looked up him. He was turning pale, though she wasn't sure if it was from the loss of blood, or the realization that he had at one point, sliced her open. She looked back down at his hand quickly. 

“I don’t even know how you managed this,” she said shaking her head. 

“Did you at least throw me into a wall that time?” asked Bucky. 

“Barnes,” Caroline groaned, “Look if it makes you feel any better, then yes, I did. I kicked your ass right after you stabbed me,” she said sarcastically. 

“Caroline please,” Bucky said softly. 

She looked up at him again, his eyes were confused and full of concern. She knew how hard it was, trying to remember things. Flashes of memories would flood her mind, but she couldn't place them. Where they before Hydra? During? It was exhausting. If she could help him remember something, she would. 

“Okay,” she nodded pressing the towel back into his hand. 

She led him to the couch and sat him down beside her. They both turned and sat cross legged, facing each other. She lifted his hand above his head, holding the pressure evenly. 

“It was one of the last times they made us fight,” she started, “It was rare that you beat me, only because I usually had you against the wall before you could even get close. Not that that mattered,” she paused to take him in. 

His head was hung low, his long hair in front of his face. She didn't have to see his expression to know how hard this was for him. She continued her story.

“This time they gave you a head start. I think they wanted to see if I would actually fight you or if I would continue on the defense. They kept me distracted, when you came at me I was caught off guard and you took your chance. It hurt like hell. You dropped your knife and pressed your hand against me to stop the bleeding and you kept apologizing, and then they took you away, and I didn’t see you again, ever,” she finished. 

“That’s all true?” he asked softly.

“Yes,” she said firmly, “They said you were a ruthless soldier, their weapon, but there were still parts of you there Barnes, even then, even before you found Steve again. He brought you back, but you were trying your damnedest to it yourself,” she with a small smile. 

He nodded, then winced, finally feeling the pain from his hand. She lowered his arm and put his hand in her lap. 

“This is not good Barnes,” she said shaking her head.

“We can’t call Shuri, there’s no signal out here,” he replied, “I checked earlier.”

“Steve is going to lose it when he realizes he can’t check up on you for the next couple of days,” Caroline smirked.

“Check up on us,” he corrected, “And you’re right. Maybe no signal is actually a blessing in disguise.”

She let out a laugh, but her concern over Bucky’s hand was more pressing. He had bled through the towel and was still turning white, this time she was sure from the loss of blood. 

“I’ve already lost one arm, might as well lose the other,” he said with a laugh.

“That was a stupid joke Barnes,” Caroline said glaring at him.

“I thought it was funny,” he smiled. 

“Okay, I’m going to fix this,” she said finally, "Just...don't freak out."

She opened his palm in hers, and glanced up at him anxiously. He winced as she placed her other palm over his. Then, slowly the pain began to dissipate. He felt a strange tingling sensation, and then a tugging, like his skin was being gently stretched. When she removed her hand from his, there was no more bleeding, the cut was gone. 

“What the hell did you just do?” he asked wide eyed. 

“They said I could manipulate matter,” she said slowly, “I realized that meant I could probably heal myself. Apparently it works on others too.”

“Tony and Steve are going to be so excited,” Bucky said under his breath. 

“Oh no,” Caroline said, panicked, “no, no, no. Steven Rogers and Tony Stark do not need to be hearing about this.”

“Okay,” said Bucky.

“You are the first person I have even tried this on, they're going to want me to heal all kinds of people. What if I mess up and make it worse? I can’t even control these stupid powers. I could seriously hurt someone,” Caroline babbled in a rush of words. 

“Hey,” Bucky asserted, “I said okay. I won’t say anything.”

She froze and narrowed her eyes at him. 

“Okay,” she said.

“Look, I get it,” he shrugged.

“You do?” she asked.

“Yeah. Agency is not a luxury either of us has had in a long time. You’re allowed to keep things private. You don’t have to join Steve and Tony’s team just because all of a sudden you can,” he said.

She nodded slowly. He had articulated her exact fear. Steve and Tony would expect something out of her, to be something that she wasn't sure she wanted to be. She looked down at his hand, still resting in hers, and traced the thin white line where his cut had just been. 

“This will go away,” she said softly. 

“I wasn't worried about it,” Bucky said with a small smile. 

Caroline placed his hand back in his lap and swung her legs out to stand. She picked up the bloody kitchen rag and threw it in the trash. Bucky watched her carefully from the couch. He could almost feel her anxious energy bouncing off of every wall in the room, but nothing around them had broken yet, and the house wasn’t shaking. 

“I’m going to go shower,” she said pulling her hair up into a pony tail. 

“Caroline,” he said quickly, before she reached the bathroom. 

She paused and turned to face him. 

“You’re controlling it,” he said. 

“What?” she asked cocking her head to the side. 

“You’re a nervous wreck right now and you completely panicked when I brought up Steve and Tony, but your powers are in check,” he said, “You’ve kept them under control.”

“Well,” she said with a smirk, “I guess I was just too preoccupied with the bleeding idiot to even notice I wasn't inadvertently destroying things.”

“Watch it Kid,” he laughed standing up and walking to his backpack, “We made some progress tonight, I’d hate to see you back slide.”

“I wasn't a complete nervous wreck,” she said watching Bucky fish around in his bag. 

“Sure,” he said, then “Here,” throwing a ball of burgundy fabric at her.

“What is this?” she asked, catching it before it hit her in the face.

“It’s one of mine,” he grinned as she un-crumpled it, “So you don’t have to steal anymore.”

“Very funny Barnes,” she said holding up one of his shirts, “Also, thank you.”

 

* * *

 

Caroline took a long shower, allowing the steaming hot water to relax her aching muscles. It was almost the only relief she could find from the pain she felt throughout the day. She knew that whatever Shuri had given her had the potential to help significantly, but she didn't want to use it. She didn't want to have to use it. She din’t want her stupid powers either. She wanted the pain, the powers, Bucky, all of it to be gone. She wanted her old life back, at present however, that didn't seem possible. So it felt easier to pretend that the pain didn’t exist, like every move she made felt like a thousand tiny needles pricking her skin, like it didn't take everything in her to walk, to sit, or stand. She knew Bucky wasn't stupid, that he probably knew all of this, at the very least assumed it. 

Caroline sighed and reached out her hand, turning off the water without touching the knob. She pulled herself out of the shower and grabbed the towel hanging on the hook next to her. She dried off, pausing to look at herself in the mirror. She winced as she moved her fingers of the dark spot in the middle of her abdomen. She traced the lines that looking like bolts of lightning streaking across her body and willed herself not to cry. She grabbed Bucky’s shirt that was on the counter and threw it on, then finished dressing quickly. 

She walked out into the small living room, the couch had been converted into a bed, Bucky was lying on the ground reading the book she had pulled from the shelf, a small pillow under his head. He, put the book on his chest and turned to look at her as she entered the room, giving her a small smile. 

“Thank you Barnes,” she said crawling onto the bed and sitting crossed legged. 

“You know you can call me ‘Bucky’ right?” he asked rolling onto his side and propping himself up onto his metal arm. 

“Now why would I do that?” Caroline smirked, asked glancing down at him, “I wouldn't want you to get the idea that we’re becoming friends.”

“Oh, right,” Bucky grinned. 

She laughed as she parted her hair and began to braid one side. Bucky picked up the book again, rolling onto his back to continue reading it.

“I was going to read that,” she said. 

“I know, but you were busy and I haven't read this book in a very long time,” he replied.

“You’ve read _The Hobbit_?” she asked.

“Yes,” he said shortly, “I think it was my favorite when I was growing up.”

“It was mine too,” she smiled, “That’s why I picked it up. I didn’t realize it was around when you were a kid,” she said teasing. 

“Okay first of all, this book is older than I am,” Bucky said with a laugh. 

“And second of all?” she asked.

“I didn't actually have a second of all,” he replied. 

Caroline laughed, crawling under the blankets. She lay her head down on the pillow and stared up at the ceiling. The rain was a constant patter on the roof, the wind picked up roaring against the house. 

“I had a sister,” Caroline said softly, “I mean I have a sister.”

“Avery,” Bucky said from the floor.

“Yeah, did I tell you that?” she asked, still staring up at the ceiling. 

“You did,” he replied. 

“I don’t remember,” she said sadly.

“If it makes you feel any better I hardly remember most things,” he said, “I remember asking you questions about your life when you had panic attacks.”

“Yes,” she said, “You wanted me to hold onto my old life. You used to repeat my name over and over so that I wouldn't forget it, because,” she stopped abruptly.

“Because I couldn’t remember mine,” Bucky finished for her. 

There was a loud rumble of thunder and Caroline jumped. She sighed heavily as Bucky laughed at her. 

“Don’t laugh,” she said angrily, “I don't know how I’m going to sleep tonight, not that I’ve been sleeping anyway,” she rambled.

“It takes time, I still don't sleep most night,” said Bucky. 

Then he tossed his hand up on the bed next to Caroline’s head. She looked at it, mildly confused. Slowly, she moved her head towards his hand, placing her cheek in his open palm. His fingers wove into her hair and gently scratched her scalp.

“Do you remember this?” he asked. 

“You used to slide your hand through that tiny hole in the wall when I was panicking and I would lay my head on it,” she replied slowly.

“I hardly remembered until now,” he breathed. 

“Do you think they knew?” she asked sleepily.

“I don’t know,” he said, “Maybe. It doesn’t matter. Either they knew and were letting it happen or they didn’t, and if they had found out we both would have suffered.” 

“Yeah,” she whispered.

“It’s over now,” he said gently. 

She nodded against his palm. She lifted her hand and flicked the lights off with a swish. The rain poured harder and the thunder grew louder, but for the first time in a long time, Caroline fell asleep and stayed asleep.

 


	4. Knocking Down Walls

Bucky woke with a start the next day. His arm was still up on the bed next to him and was completely numb. He pulled it down, groaning as blood rushed through his arm to his fingertips, tingling all the way. He sat up slowly and groggily scanned the room. He looked at the clock on the wall, they had slept almost the entire day, which he thought was pretty good considering neither of them had seemed to be able to get much sleep ever.

He glanced over at the bed where Caroline had been crumpled up, fast asleep,noticing for the first time that it was empty. It didn’t, however, take long for Bucky to figure out where Caroline was. The front door was wide open, rain seeping into the house. 

“Shit,” he said jumping up and running to the door.

She was outside, sitting on the boulder, her arms wrapped around her knees. The rain was pouring down harder than Bucky had ever seen rain fall. He stepped out, becoming instantly soaked. Unsure of where she was mentally, he walked towards her cautiously. There were no walls for her to fling him against out in the open, but that didn't mean she couldn't send him flying across this field. She didn't move as he approached her. She didn’t even glance in his direction as he reached her side. 

“Caroline?” he said softly. 

She flinched ever so slightly at her name, her eyes still staring off into the distance. He could see that she was crying. Tears fell from her bloodshot eyes and mixed with raindrops on her cheek. Her shoulders heaved up and down, her lip quivered. He moved in front of her, his concerned eyes scanning her face for anything that could tell him what had made her like this. 

“Caroline what’s wrong?” he asked pressing his hand against her wet cheek. 

She finally met his eyes, hers full of panic and fear. He could feel her shaking against him. 

“I remembered things. I had a nightmare, a memory,” she stammered, “I did things. They made me do horrible things,” she whimpered, her eyes welling up again.

Bucky didn’t need to ask her to elaborate, he knew what she meant. He knew all too well what it felt like to wake from a dream, a nightmare, that felt more like a memory, because in truth it was a memory. He understood that remembering things in sleep felt more real than anything, because the mind could fill in the blanks with vivid details that a waking brain was too preoccupied to fill. The sky light up with a crack of lighting, then a loud booming roar of thunder, but neither of them moved. 

“I thought,” she started, closing her eyes, “I thought that I was only ever at the base, training, fighting you, getting tortured. They sent me on missions, I killed people,” she whispered the last part, crumpling into herself. 

He didn't know what to say. There was nothing he could say, he had been exactly where she had been, except he had to deal with it on his own. He wasn't sure what he would have wanted to hear and he was sure that whatever it was, it wouldn't be the same for Caroline. He wrapped his arms around her.

“You’re going to be okay,” he said gently.

“No, I’m not,” she shot. 

“You are Caroline, I promise you are, but we have to go inside now,” he said into her hair as more thunder roared loudly around them. 

She pushed him away from her, glaring up at him angrily. 

“I killed people!” she screamed, “I don't even remember who they were or why they made me do it! They had families Barnes, people who cared about them. I ruined lives!” 

“Caroline that wasn’t you, you were forced to do those things,” he said, echoing the words Steve had once said to him, knowing they would bring her as little comfort as they had brought him. 

“No that doesn't matter!” she yelled.

The earth under Bucky's feet shook, he the storm was not the source. She was beginning to lose control again. He knew he needed to get her out of the storm, but more importantly he knew he needed to calm her down. 

“Caroline I know, please trust me, I know,” Bucky said rapidly, “but right now, we have to get inside. The rain is coming down harder and there is lightning, we shouldn't be out here.”

“I can’t do this,” she said defeated.

“Caroline please,” Bucky said reaching for her.

Her head shot up and she threw out her hand pushing him back. He stood up, thoroughly annoyed and ready to fight back, when he saw her reach out towards the lightning that was striking right where he had just stood. He had absolutely no time to react as the bolt of lighting came hurtling at her. Then with a guttural scream, she seemed to catch the lighting, stumbling back a few steps. Her entire body lit up as the lightning danced around her for a moment, until with her other hand she hurled it at the boulder she had just been sitting on, cracking it fully in half. She fell to the ground, breathing heavily, but otherwise unscathed. Bucky rushed to her, dropping down beside her. 

“What the hell was that?” he asked brushing a strand of hair out of her face.

“That was me, saving your life, I didn’t even know if that would work,” she breathed.

“Thank you,” he said.

“Do you think Shuri is going to be mad that I broke her boulder?” asked Caroline. 

“I think she’ll be fine,” Bucky laughed, “You know, Thor is going to be real bitter if he finds out you can do that,” Bucky said with a grin.

“He controls the lighting, I can only play with it, apparently,” she said, “Now let’s get you inside before that metal arm of yours attracts anymore lighting and gets you killed, I don’t think I have it in me to do that again,” she said dropping her forehead to his shoulder. 

He laughed, then put an arm under her legs. She wrapped her arms around his neck, allowing him to lift her. He brought her into the house and placed her gently on the ground. Then he went into the bathroom and grabbed some towels. When he came back out she was huddled into her knees, crying again. He wrapped a towel around her, then threw one over himself and sat down beside her. 

“Steve said that to me once, what I said to you out there, about it not being you that did those things,” he said running the towel over his hair. 

“It sounds like something he would say,” she scoffed, “to make everyone feel better about the situation. Himself included.”

“He’s right, but it doesn't make it any easier,” said Bucky. 

“Do you always agree with Steve?” asked Caroline.

“Actually I almost never agree with Steve. He’s a reckless idiot with a complete disregard for his own life and I think he makes a lot of stupid decisions,” Bucky said, a smile playing across his lips, “But when he’s right, he’s right.”

Bucky’s stomach did a flip as Caroline began to laugh. He wanted to make her laugh like that all of the time. She tucked a piece of loose hair behind her ear and bit her lip, looking up at him anxious;y.

“How did you do it?” she asked softly.

“Do what?” he asked.

“Get through it, get over it, I don’t know, live?” she asked. 

“You’ll never get over,” he began after a moment, “You just won’t. But to live? I found things to occupy my time I guess,” he said, “First it was discovering my past, finding Steve. Then it was getting whatever Hydra had put inside me out, taking care of those damned goats.”

Caroline laughed at this, but Bucky shook his head.

“It’s true, they helped. Then it was helping Steve find you, and now it’s you,” he explained, “Helping you, now it’s helping you,” he added quickly.

“I have nothing,” Caroline whispered. 

“You have everything. You have Steve, Tony, Natasha, all of those guys, every one of them,” Bucky said adamantly, “You have me, for whatever that’s worth,” he shrugged, “and if that’s not enough, then we’ll get you some goats too.

 “I want a goat,” Caroline sniffled with a small laugh.

“Okay, we’ll get you a goat,” he chuckled, putting an arm around her, “It’s gonna be okay Kid, I promise,” he said giving her shoulder a squeeze. 

“Thank you,” she said nodding into his shoulder. 

She didn’t move for minutes, allowing Bucky’s warmth and breathing to comfort her, as it had when they were in Hydra’s grip. Since being rescued, she had soaked in every gentle physical interaction she had encountered as though she would never feel genuine human contact again. She didn’t know if Bucky felt the same, but after being deprived of it for decades, she suspected he understood. 

Moments later, she gently pulled herself from him and stood. She reached down to grab her bag.

“I’m going to put dry clothes on, you should too,” she said grazing his cheek with her hand.

“Wait,” he said reaching for his backpack. He pulled out another shirt and tossed it at her, “Since you soaked the one I gave you last night.”

She caught it and smiled, nodding a thanks, then grabbed her bag and walked into the bathroom to change. She closed the door behind her and turned to face herself in the mirror. She looked like a drowned rat. Water dripped off the ends of her hair into the sink, strands were plastered to her face. The crying had left her eyes red and her face puffy. 

She didn't recognize the person look back at her. This was a different person. Someone who knew pain and fear, someone who knew how to evoke pain and fear in other people. She dropped her head, her shoulders heaving with heaviness again. The mirror began to quiver as she cried. 

“No,” she said lifting her hand.

The mirror stopped shaking immediately. She lifted her head and looked back at her reflection, the only thing shaking now was her.

“No more of that,” she whispered determinedly to her reflection. 

She peeled the wet clothes off of her and put on the dry ones. It took her a few minutes to dry her hair enough to pull it up into a messy knot. The pain began to seep back into every inch of her body now that the adrenaline had worn off. She opened the bathroom door slowly and returned to the main room. 

Bucky was on the pull-out couch, his legs crossed, bent over a book. His hair was pulled up and he was wearing a sleeveless white shirt. Caroline had never seen his metal arm in full before, or maybe she had and the memory was locked away somewhere. Her breath hitched in her stomach as saw for the first time where his skin met vibranium. She hesitated at the edge of the room. He looked up and gave her a small smile. 

“Better?” he asked.

She nodded, moving slowly to sit in front of him. He watched her, confusion etched across his face. 

“Are you okay?” he asked.

Her eyes met his, then moved back to his shoulder. She reached out and gently grazed his scarred flesh. He tensed under her touch. 

“They weren't exactly going for aesthetically pleasing,” he said coarsely, trying and failing to make a joke. 

She moved her hand from his shoulder to his cheek. Her expression had changed from horrified and shocked to gentle, concerned. 

“Bucky I am so sorry,” she whispered, stoking his cheek with her thumb. 

He caught her hand in his and held it for a moment against his face, then brought it down to his lap. He smiled at her halfheartedly. 

“We all have our scars,” he shrugged, “I told you you weren’t alone.” 

Her eyes began to well up with tears again. She was angry and sad, and the pain that started in her abdomen began to branch out to all of her extremities. He brought her hand back up to his cheek and held it there.

“Please don’t cry anymore Caroline,” he sighed, looking exhausted. 

“I can’t help it, I’m so mad,” she replied.

“You’re allowed to be,” he nodded, his eyes closed. 

“Also, I’m in a lot of pain right now,” she grumbled, “And maybe I’m very hungry too.”

“Wait what?” Bucky asked, his eyes snapping open. 

“Oh calm down Barnes, I’m hungry, not a new person,” she said sarcastically. 

“No you don't understand, this is huge,” he said with a grin as he pushed himself out of the bed and turning to face her, “You’re basically asking me for help.”

“Okay, no, no I am not. I am perfectly capable of making my own food,” she said climbing out of the bed, “In fact I’m going to do just that right now,” she said trying to hide a wince. 

“No you aren’t,” he said giving her gentle push back onto the couch, “But first, get the pain meds Shuri gave you,” he handed her her backpack.

She stared at him with her mouth wide open, but dug through her bag to pull out the tiny glass bottle and needle. 

“Thank you,” Bucky said taking it from her.

“I can’t believe she told you,” Caroline said shaking her head.

“Well what do you expect Caroline, she wanted to make sure you actually used it and she knows how many walls you have up,” he said preparing a dose.

“You are just as walled up as I am Barnes,” she scoffed. 

“That’s different, I’ve processed my shit, I eat daily,” he said positioning himself next to her arm.

“Are you at least going to count?” she asked.

“Yeah, sure,” he nodded, before shoving the needle into her arm with a grin.

“Ow! You are such an asshole!” she said as he injected the blue liquid into her.

He pulled the needle out and gently pressed down on the tiny hole with his thumb, then he grazed it gently. She slapped his hand away and he looked up at her with his eyebrows raised. 

“You’re welcome,” he said standing and walking to the kitchen. 

“You’re welcome for saving your life earlier,” she mumbled to herself, leaning against the back of the bed.

“I already said thank you for that,” he said as he rummaged through the fridge for something to make.

She had forgotten about his stupid enhanced hearing. Caroline closed her eyes, as the medicine began coursing through her body. She was almost instantly relaxed and although the pain was still vaguely there, she hadn't had this much relief in what felt like years. She kept her eyes shut, listening to the sounds Bucky was making in the kitchen. They didn't reopen until she felt the bed shift at her feet. Bucky sat at the edge of the bed, two bowls in his hands.

“Pasta?” she smirked. 

“Macaroni and cheese,” he said handing her a bowl. 

“Healthy,” she said as she took it from him. 

“Just eat,” he said with a laugh. 

“Thank you,” she said before taking a bite. 

“How are you feeling?” he asked.

“Honestly, I had forgotten what it felt like to not have pain throughout my entire body all the time,” she replied. 

“Imagine if you weren't so stubborn, you could have felt this good for days,” Bucky smirked.

“I hate you Barnes,” she said narrowing her eyes at him.

“You don’t, you called me ‘Bucky’ earlier, which means you’re warming up to me,” he quipped.

“Unreal. Here I was trying to be kind to you, and you’re throwing that back in my face,” she teased shaking her head at him. 

“It was nice, I liked hearing you say my name,” he said. 

She considered him for a moment as he took another bite, avoiding any and all eye contact with her.

“Are we breaking down walls Barnes?” she asked.

“Now why would we do that?” he asked, the corner of his mouth raising into a half smile.

“I think I have put a notch or two in my wall today, plus I let you make me food,” she teased.

“That’s true and just barely,” he said reaching over the bed for his backpack, “But you did have a hard day, I think this will cheer you up,” he pulled out a brown photo book. 

“What is it?” she asked cocking her head to the side.

“I’ll show you, but you have to promise you won’t cry again,” he said holding his hand over the cover.

“Fine,” she said quickly.

“Ok, it’s something Steve put together for me, to help me remember my past,” he said sliding it over to her.

Bucky watched as she took the book from him and opened it gingerly. Her face lit up almost immediately.

“Is that Steve?” she asked excitedly.

“Yeah,” Bucky said with a short laugh.

“He was so little!” she squealed. 

She flipped through the pages slowly, asking questions as she went along. He pointed out his family, some friends Steve and Bucky had growing up, places they had gone to. Caroline was enthralled and couldn’t get over how small Steve was. She turned a page and stopped staring down at a picture of Steve and Bucky from the war. They were both laughing at something, Steve was wearing his old Cap suit. She instinctively grazed Steve’s face with her thumb.

“I’ve never seen him laugh like that,” she said softly. 

Bucky looked down at the picture also. He couldn't remember when it was taken, or what exactly they had been laughing at, but it was simultaneously his favorite and least favorite picture in the book. He didn't know what it felt like to be that happy anymore, he wasn't sure Steve did either. 

“Did you ever regret following him?” Caroline asked. 

“No,” he said immediately, “Not once. Sometimes I think it’s for the best that it happened the way that it did. I mean who else is going to keep him in check?”

“That’s funny,” Caroline smiled.

“Why?” Bucky asked.

“Well, he has this whole ‘responsible dad’ vibe going now, and you’re…well you,” she replied. 

“Yeah, I guess my reputation isn't exactly what it once was,” Bucky nodded.

“I’m sorry, I just meant it seems like there was a bit of a role reversal, that’s all,” Caroline said quickly.

“Maybe,” Bucky nodded, then he laughed, “No one knows him like I do though, ‘responsible’ is not exactly in his wheel house. I mean I had to rescue this idiot from almost every alleyway in Brooklyn.”  


“That certainly sounds like him,” Caroline grinned. 

“Caroline are you in love with him?” the words fell out of Bucky’s mouth before he could stop himself.

Her head shot up from the picture, her eyes wide, reminding Bucky of a deer caught in headlights. She looked shocked, confused, maybe a little embarrassed, but he didn't think she was mad at him for asking.

"Am I in love with Steve?" she repeated the question to herself.

“I’m sorry I asked, it just kind of happened,” he said scratching the back of his neck. 

“No, its ok,” she shook her head, “He was my closest friend for a long time. He was the first person I met in New York. We spent a lot of time at the compound with the others, but we spent more time just the two of us,” she explained. 

She glanced at Bucky, trying to read his expression, but his face gave nothing away. He just watched her, patiently listening to her process through his question.

"I think I might have been, maybe I was starting to," she said slowly. 

“I thought so,” Bucky said automatically. 

She watched him for another moment, then looked back at the picture, this time her eyes on Bucky. She looked back up at him, then down to the photograph again.

“What?” he asked.

“I just can’t believe how young you look,” she said glancing up at him with a small smile. 

“Technically I haven't aged,” he said returning her smirk.

“I would give anything to see you laugh like this,” she said, “To see either of you laugh like this.”

“I wouldn't rule it out as impossible,” Bucky mused. 

“Thank you for showing me this,” Caroline said closing the book and passing it back to him. 

“Are you feeling better?” he asked putting the book back in his backpack.

“Yes,” she nodded, blinking sleepily. 

“You’re tired,” he said, taking both of their bowls to the sink. 

“It’s too early for bed,” she grumbled, curling up under a blanket anyway.

Bucky went to the front door and opened it, showing Caroline that it was in fact dark outside.

“My time is off,” she said shocked. 

“Well you had a long day,” he said switching off the lights.

He laid down on the floor next to her, where he had slept the night before. They were both silent for a long time, he was sure she had fallen asleep. 

“Bucky,” she said softly, causing him to jump slightly.

“Yes?” he replied.

“Everything is different now, Hydra changed everything. I will always love Steve, but not like that, I could never love him in that way. Not now,” she said slowly.

He didn't know what had provoked her to tell him that, or why he felt relieved when she did. He put his arm up on the bed, waiting until her cheek found his palm. He woke up in the middle of the night and found Caroline on the floor curled up into him, her head resting on his chest. He pulled the blanket she had brought with her over both of them, then turning his head to rest on hers, fell back asleep. 


	5. Ask Me to Stay

It had been over a week since Steve had heard from Bucky. He knew that in the three days that Shuri had them out in the middle of nowhere they would be unreachable, but they had been back for at least two days now and still nothing. He was sitting at the kitchen table turning his phone over in his hand, debating on whether or not he should call…again. He was so lost in thought that he didn't even notice Tony come in. He didn’t notice Tony open the refrigerator and pull out a slice of cold pizza, he didn’t notice Tony’s presence until Tony had sat down directly in front of him. 

“Where are you at Cap?” Tony asked taking a bite out of his pizza.

“Hm?” Steve buzzed putting his phone down. 

“You’re somewhere else, Wakanda maybe?” Tony challenged. 

“Are you really going to eat that cold?” Steve asked, ignoring his quip. 

“Yes,” Tony said, “It’s delicious cold. Now what’s up Steven, seriously, I rummaged around the fridge for a solid minute and you didn't even look over. And I was loud.”

“I just haven't heard from Bucky in days,” Steve sighed.

“Ah,” Tony nodded, “So exactly what I thought.”

Steve raised his eyebrows at Tony. He responded with a smile and another bite of his pizza. 

“What if something is wrong?” Steve asked. 

“T’Challa would have informed us,” said Tony, “What if they're actually figuring things out and maybe he doesn't feel the need to rely on you as much?” Tony posed. 

Steve let out a bitter laugh, knowing that Tony was right. He had put into words exactly what Steve had been thinking. That’s what he wanted, he wanted Bucky and Caroline to figuring things out. He wanted her back as soon as possible, and if things worked they way he had hoped, Bucky would come back too. He hadn't however anticipated that Bucky would keep him out of the loop. Tony was right, of course he was, but he couldn't understand why. 

“Look Steve, I’m just going to say what everyone already knows, you like to be in control of situations. It makes you a good leader. But you can’t control this one and it’s driving you nuts,” said Tony. 

“It’s not driving me nuts,” Steve said shaking his head.

“It is Rogers,” Tony retorted, “I’m not the only one who’s noticed.”

“I don’t want to control it Tony,” Steve sighed, “I just, I want them back. I want to know they’re okay. And it’s not just about her, it’s about Bucky too. He was so adamant about staying in Wakanda before all of this. I had to beg him to come with us to find her. What if neither of them wants to come back, ever?”

“Then you split holidays Steve, they're adults,” Tony asserted, “Look, I’m not going to sit here and pretend I know what this must be like for you, but just consider this, you got them both back. Two people who love and thought were gone are back. And what’s more, there going to be okay.”

“You’re right, twice in one night, this must be a record for you,” Steve smirked. 

“I will take that,” Tony said pointing his crust at Steve, “By the way, you should know, they’re fine. They’re back at the house, Caroline hasn't had an incident since before they went on their little adventure, and she’s been eating, from what I understand daily.”

“What?” Steve asked. 

“I’ve been in contact with Caroline,” Tony said. 

“You could have lead with that,” said Steve sarcastically. 

“I could have, but I thought you needed to hear the other stuff first,” Tony smirked. 

Steve laughed and shook his head, Tony shoved the pizza crust in his mouth, beaming gleefully at his friend. Steve’s head snapped to his phone as it began to buzz, it was Bucky, finally.

“Play it cool Cap,” Tony warned.

Steve nodded and took a breath, then swiped, putting the phone on speaker.

“We’re okay,” Bucky said quickly before Steve even had the chance to say anything. 

“Hi to you too Buck,” Steve laughed.

“I’m sorry Steve, I should have called or sent a message,” he continued.

“It’s okay Bucky, I wasn’t worried,” Steve said, trying to sound as convincing as he possibly could.

“You really haven't gotten any better at lying have you?” Bucky said, Steve could hear his smile through the phone.

“You’re such a jerk,” Steve grinned.

“And you’re still a punk,” said Bucky.

“Alright, that’s fair,” Steve chuckled.

“So, are you going to ask about her?” Bucky asked.

“I’ve been told she’s doing well actually,” Steve replied glancing at Tony, “Apparently she’s been in contact with Tony. I’m more interested in how you’re doing.”

“I’m fine Steve, we’ve just been in and out of Shuri’s lab a lot, and I was preoccupied with everything,” said Bucky.

“It’s fine Buck, really it is. I just want both of you to be okay,” Steve said reassuringly. 

“She’s doing a lot better Steve,” Bucky said, “Shuri has almost completely eradicated her pain, she’s been training with Okoye, making me watch stupid movies and listen to awful music to catch me up to the times, she’s good. Really good.”

Steve and Tony exchanged a look, if she things were going as well as Bucky was saying, then maybe it was time to bring them back.

“Buck, do you think maybe it’s time to come home?” Steve asked carefully.

“No,” Bucky replied immediately, “I mean, I guess so, maybe.”  


“What does that mean?” Steve asked.

“I just, what if something does happen? She has had an incident in a while, but what if she does? You know?” Bucky rambled unconvincingly.

“You haven't gotten any better at lying either,” Steve said flatly, “You don't want to leave do you?” 

“I don’t know Steve, I can’t imagine I would do well living there, in New York, with everyone,” Bucky replied hesitantly. 

“Look, why don’t Tony and I make a trip out. Assess the situation, talk to her, talk to you,” Steve said looking at Tony. Tony nodded in agreement.

“Fine,” Bucky grumbled into the phone, “Okay yeah.” 

“Alright, I’ll talk to you later Buck,” Steve said.

“Bye Steve,” Bucky said.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Bucky hung up the phone and chucked it onto his bed by his feet. He knew Steve and Tony were anxious to have Caroline back and he knew that Caroline was probably anxious to get back as well. Bucky however had no desire to ever leave Wakanda. Before following Steve on his mission to find Caroline he had gotten used to Wakanda, now he was getting used to Wakanda with Caroline. He liked routine and his was about to be thrown upside down yet again.

He made his way into the living room and found Caroline curled up on the couch, under a blanket. She was watching a movie, something she did almost every evening since they got back, only she usually forced him to watch with her. She looked over at him and smiled as he entered. 

“What are you watching?” he asked.

“Singing in the Rain,” she replied, turning her attention back to the screen. 

“Sounds dumb,” he teased.

“Well then you would probably like it,” she replied sleepily, “Since, you know, you’re so dumb.”

“I got it Caroline, you didn't have to explain,” he said with a laugh.

She curled her legs up so that there was room for him to sit beside her on the couch. He sat down, resting his metal arm atop her legs. Since they had returned to the house, small physical gestures like this had become natural to them. 

“It’s my favorite movie,” she said.

“Oh so it’s definitely dumb,” Bucky said with a nod. 

“I hate you,” she grumbled from the other side of the couch. 

She wiggled in the sofa, trying to find a comfortable position. Bucky noticed her wince as she moved deeper into the couch.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“My abdomen hurts today,” she said lifting her shirt and gently grazing her hand over the dark spot on her stomach. 

Shuri had found a way to keep most of her pain at bay with a new formula that she had put into pill form. Caroline took them daily, but it didn’t always help with the starting point on her abdomen. 

“Do you need ice?” Bucky asked starting to stand.

“No, there’s no more ice,” she groaned.

She glanced over at him and began to laugh softly at his worried face. He looked completely panicked. She sat up slowly and put her hand on his shoulder reassuringly.

“Hey Barnes it’s okay, don't freak out,” she said grinning. 

“Well I just don’t know what to do,” he growled. 

“It’s fine, I’ll deal,” she said resting her hand on his metal one, “Wait,” she said turning and putting her head in his lap.

She lifted her shirt and placed his metal hand on her stomach. It was cool and the relief was almost instant.

“How did you not think of this?” she asked.

“I don’t know, it doesn't always cross my mind to use my hand as an ice pack,” he said tersely. 

She laughed and Bucky tensed feeling her stomach move up and down under his hand. He was used to her grazinghis arm or face, or sitting close to him during a movie. He had grown accustom to the small physical brushes that had become like second nature to them. This was different, more intimate, his hand was on her stomach.

He was distracted throughout the entire movie. She kept running her fingertips across his arm, in the grooves of the metal. She had not let on that she noticed how tense he was, which led him to believe that she had no idea that he could feel every glide up and down his arm. 

“Did you like it?” she asked as the movie credits rolled.

“Um, yes,” he grunted unconvincingly. 

Her fingers stopped running across the metal of his arm, and she tapped her forefinger against it softly.

“Hey Barnes?” she asked.

“Yes?”

“Can you feel…uhm your arm, can you feel,” she stuttered awkwardly.

“Yes,” he replied tersely. 

“Oh, well this is awkward,” she gently pulled his hand out from underneath her shirt, and sat up, then put his hand on his knee. 

“It’s fine,” he said shaking his head.

“You could have said something,” she said softly. 

“I didn't want to,” he said meeting her eyes, “You were in pain, I was helping.”

“Okay,” she nodded.

“And I didn’t hate it,” he admitted.

She smiled at him and stood up. He watched as she yawned and stretched her arms above her head. 

“I’m going to bed Barnes,” she said resting her hand on his cheek, “Thank you for letting me use you as a human ice pack tonight.”

“Anytime,” Bucky laughed. 

 Caroline woke up in the middle of the night, there was a faint bluelight seeping into her bedroom. She tossed and turned, angrily trying to fall back asleep, but the light was distracting, and it was hard enough for her to sleep without it. She threw the blankets off of her and rolled out of bed. Upon opening the door to her bedroom she realized the light was coming from the TV, which was still on. She sighed,thinking that Bucky must have left it on on accident. When she walked into the living room however, she saw him still on the sofa, staring blankly at the television screen.

“Barnes?” Caroline called out, he didn't move, “Barnes, some of us are trying to sleep, what are you even doing?”

She walked over to him slowly. He didn’t move from his spot on the couch, he continued looking past her. His forehead was covered in sweat. She sat down on the coffee table in front of him and pulled her legs up onto the table. As she moved closer she saw he was shaking.

"Barnes?" she asked again.

His eyes snapped up to meet hers. He looked disoriented, confused. 

“Bucky,” she whispered tentatively.

"Bucky?" he repeated to himself.

Caroline's heart sank, a wave of realization rushing over her. He was having a panic attack. She was so familiar with them that she knew exactly what Bucky was going though. He didn't know who he was or where he was, which meant he probably didn't know who she was either. And if he did remember who she was in this state, she would be worse off.

“Bucky," she said placing a hand on his cheek. 

He grabbed her wrist, holding it tight. His eyes searched hers desperate for answers.

“You’re having a panic attack, but you're going to be okay,” she started softly, “Your name is James Buchanan Barnes. You grew up in Brooklyn with Steve Rogers. Steve is your best friend who you used to save behind alleyways. He was little, then he got big," she was rattling off anything she thought would help bring Bucky back.

“We’ve done this before,” he said shakily.

“Yes. Kind of. You used to this for me whenever I had panic attacks,” she said, “I'm Caroline Page, you know me. You saved me and now we're in Wakanda.” 

“Caroline,” he nodded.

"Bucky, you're going to be okay," she repeated the affirmation gently. 

He nodded, his grip easing up on her wrist. She moved to place her palm against his cheek, he leaned into it and closed his eyes. 

"I'm having a heard time breathing," he huffed. 

She reached down and took his hand in hers, then brought it to her chest. She rested her other hand on his chest across from her and began to breath in and out steadily. 

“Follow my breathing,” she demanded softly. 

He nodded again and keeping his eyes on her, took deep breaths in and out slowly with her. She smiled reassuringly. 

“It’s going to be ok,” she said leaning forward, pressing her forehead against his.

He dropped his head onto her shoulder and nudged his face into her neck. Her arms wrapped around him, she rubbed his back. Slowly, she crawled off of the coffee table and into his lap, pausing every now and then to make sure he was okay with the movement. She rested her head on top of his, gently scratching his scalp. 

“I’m sorry,” he breathed into her.

“No Bucky,” she said gently, “You don't have to be sorry. You don't have to be the strong one always."

She spent the next half hour telling Bucky he was going to be okay, entwining her fingers in his hair, scratching the back of his neck. When he finally pulled his head up, her legs were numb and her back was aching, but no part of her felt the need to leave. She stretched her legs out in front of her.

“How are you feeling?” she asked, rubbing the blood back into her legs. 

“I’ve been better,” he replied. 

“I’m so sorry Bucky, we should have figured out something else, an alternative. You shouldn't have had to do this alone, it must have brought back so many painful memories and of course I would trigger a reaction like this,” she said rapidly. 

“No, stop,” Bucky said in a low voice, “That’s not…Steve and Tony, they’re coming here, they think it’s time for you to go back,” he stammered. 

“For both of us to go back,” Caroline said slowly.

“I remember you going to bed, and I then I started thinking about everything. Steve and Tony coming, you leaving, me leaving and I just started to panic," he said, his eyes staring at the ground anxiously. 

"Bucky, it's okay," Caroline said stroking his cheek with her thumb.

"I don't want to go back," he breathed.

“Oh,” Caroline said.

She climbed out of his lap and sat next to him, feeling like she might spiral into a panic herself. Caroline placed her hand on his leg and let out a long sigh. She needed to stay calm, she needed to keep Bucky calm. 

“We don’t have to deal with this tonight,” she said standing, “We both need sleep.”

She took his hand in hers and led him into his room. He stood awkwardly at the side of his bed, watching her carefully as she grabbed the blanket pulled it down. He lifted his hand to his metal shoulder and gently scratched at his scars. He didn't want her to leave. He didn’t want her to leave tonight or when Steve and Tony came. 

“Are you going to stay?” he asked suddenly. 

She turned to face him slowly. She placed her hand on his, making him stop picking at the ruined skin around his metal arm. She brought it down to his side, holding it lightly in hers.

“I’m not asking you to stay, I was just…asking,” his steel blue eyes avoiding any contact with hers.

She reached up and brushed back his hair. His eyes finally reached hers.

“Of course you’re not Buck,” she said with a gentle laugh. 

She crawled into his bed, pulling him in behind her. He lay on his back and she rested her head on his chest, just like she had the night they slept on the floor. He turned into her, wrapping his arms around her. His breath hitched as he thought about losing the gentle touches, the physical closeness, but he knew she that was fast approaching. He held her tighter.

“Thank you for staying,” Bucky said into her hair.

“Anytime,” she replied.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Caroline woke the next morning, the sun from the window hitting her face. She rolled over and hugged the pillow next to her, noticing that Bucky had already gotten up and left the bed. She was vaguely disappointed. She groaned as the smell of coffee seeped into the room. The last thing she wanted to was get out of bed. She she could have stayed in bed all day, but the coffee smell was something that she simply could not ignore. She silently cursed Bucky, knowing this was his doing. Bucky used this tactic on her almost daily to get her up and out of bed. 

She climbed out of bed and groggily dragged herself to her room. She changed out of her pajamas, pulling on a pair of jeans and a black shirt Shuri had given her. She trudged into the kitchen, coffee was a necessity. 

Bucky was leaning against the counter, he had not bothered to change out of his pajamas. His hair was pulled back and he was smiling, there was a glint in his eyes. Caroline’s heart skipped, she liked seeing him like this. 

“Morning,” he said lifting his mug to his lips, taking a long sip.

“What are you so smiley about?” she asked nudging him with her elbow.

“Oh you know,” he said gesturing his coffee mug to something behind her.

She turned to see what he was pointing at. She didn't know how she missed them, but there they stood, right by the front door, Steve and Tony. Tony was beaming like an idiot. Steve stood next to him, smiling tentatively at Caroline. The last time the had met face to face she had no been so happy to see him, this time though her heart felt as though it would burst through her chest. 

“Hi Caroline,” Steve said .

“Steve,” she said breathlessly.

Before she could stop herself she had run towards him and jumped up into him throwing her arms around his neck, her legs wrapped around his torso. He laughed grabbing her around the waist. 

“Steve I’m so sorry,” she said into his neck. 

“Sorry? What could you possibly be sorry for?” Steve asked incredulously.

“I’m sorry I said those things, I’m sorry I threw you up against a wall,” she mumbled.

“Hey that’s big Steve, she only threw you into one wall, I’ve never gotten an apology,” Bucky said with a laugh from the kitchen. 

Caroline threw up her middle finger at him, causing the other three to chuckle. Tony moved to Steve and Caroline clapping his hand on Steve’s shoulder.

“Do I get a hello?” he laughed.

Caroline unraveled herself from Steve and wrapped her arms around Tony burying her face in his chest. He scratched the back of her head, smiling.

“I missed you guys,” she said. 

“Alright good, pack your stuff, let’s go,” Tony said stepping back from her. 

Caroline turned to look at Bucky. His eyes found hers and he gave her a halfhearted smile as she walked back towards him. He looked down at her resting his hand on her cheek.

“I guess we’ll have to deal with it now,” he shrugged, brushing her cheek with his thumb.

 

* * *

 

Caroline stood in her room, her bag open on her bed. Shuri told her to take whatever clothing she wanted, but so far all she had packed was the one shirt she stole from Bucky and the two he had given her. He wasn't coming with them, he was staying in Wakanda and every time she thought about it her heart sunk deeper into her stomach. Tony had told Bucky that he had been granted amnesty. Steve had told him that there was a room at the compound for him. Caroline hadn't said anything, she couldn't find the words. He had decided to stay.

There was a soft knock on her door and she looked up to see Tony standing in the doorway. He tapped his fingers against the doorframe and smiled at her.

“How’s it going?” he asked sitting on her bed. 

“Um not great,” she replied truthfully, “I don't actually have any clothes that are my own and Shuri said I could keep whatever I wanted but I don't really know…what I want,” she finished, fidgeting with her fingernails.

“You can stay, no one is going to be upset with you,” Tony said in earnest.

Caroline rolled her eyes at him.

“Really? No one?” she challenged.

“Okay, my bad, Steve would be upset, but not with you,” said Tony raising his hands in surrender.

“Exactly,” she said, “Besides, I had a life in New York.”

“It’s not going to be the same Caroline,” Tony warned, “It’s going to be very different. You’re going to be living at the compound, you only saw Clint every now and then, you’re actually going to have to live with him now.”

“Jesus Stark, do you want me to stay here?” she asked sarcastically. 

“No, not really. I miss you, the guys miss you, and to be honest I think you’d make a great asset to the team with a bit more training,” he explained, “But I also don’t want to drag you away from a place where you feel safe,” he finished.

“It’s not the place Tony,” she said softly.

“Well obviously I know that, but I wasn't going to be the one to say it out loud,” he said with a grin.

“Jerk,” she smirked.

There was another knock at the door, Caroline’s heart sunk as she turned to see Bucky standing in the doorway. He smiled at her weakly.

“Steve is looking for you,” he said to Tony.

“Of course he is,” Tony said hopping up off of Caroline’s bed, “Have fun!” he said with a wink.

Bucky and Caroline stood at opposite ends of the room staring at each other, both unable to move. He finally moved to sit on her bed. She followed his lead, pushing her bag out of her way. They sat cross-legged facing each other, knees touching. 

“We’re at an impasse here aren’t we?” he asked.

“I can’t ask you to come with me and you won’t ask me to stay,” she nodded bitterly.

“If I asked you to stay would you?” he asked, his eyes meeting hers. 

“You know I would,” she said without hesitation. 

“Yeah,” he nodded, “Which is why I won’t.”

“Please don’t make me do this alone,” Caroline softly pleaded. 

He sighed heavily, running his hand through his long hair. He reached over and wiped a tear from her cheek as they began to fall.

“Caroline, it’s not that easy for me. I was out for seventy years, I wasn’t me for seventy years. I did things and saw things and missed an entire lifetime. I don’t know how to belong there. You saw what happened last night. I barely knew who I was for a minute there. I’m a mess Caroline, I’m still a mess,” he rambled anxiously.

She held his face in her hands, her fingers finding their way into his hair. It wasn't fair, none of this was fair. 

“Bucky, I don’t know if I can do this without you,” she sniffled, dropping her hands into her lap.

“Yes, you can,” he asserted, “You have Steve.” 

“But you’re my best friend Buck, I don’t know how it happened, but here we are,” she mumbled looking down at her hands.

“Well this is awkward because my best friend is Steve,” he teased.

She laughed as more tears fell down her cheeks. Then she dropped her head into her hands sobbing freely.

“C’mere Kid,” he said pulling her into him and resting his chin on her head, “Thank you for taking care of me,” he whispered into her hair. 

He kissed the top of her head as she cried into his chest. When she finally pulled away he pressed his forehead against hers.

“It’s going to be okay Caroline, I promise,” he said gently.

“I swear to God Barnes if you’re lying to me and this isn't okay there is a wall with your name on it that I am hurling you against,” she laughed wiping her face with the back of her hand. 

“Oh so I’m ‘Barnes’ again?” he said with a laugh.

“Bucky,” she said gently stroking his cheek, “I’m really going to miss you.”

Bucky’s stomach lurched. He wanted to go with her more than anything, but his fear was crippling, and he couldn't fathom leaving another place where he had learned to feel safe again. He grabbed her hand and pressed his lips gently against her palm, then rested it back in her lap. 

“I’m going to miss you too,” he replied softly.

“It’s a good thing we invented cell phones while you were out then,” Tony said stepping into the doorway. 

Caroline and Bucky both jumped at the sound of his voice. Steve was hanging back in the hallway with his hands in his pockets. 

“Alright, let’s wrap it up, I have a meeting in the morning,” Tony said clapping his hands together. 

Bucky stood first, offering her his hand. She took it instantly and he pulled her up, then reached for her bag.

“How many shirts did you take?” he asked with a grin.

“To be fair you gave me two,” she countered.

“I let you borrow two,” he corrected.

“Fine, I took three,” she laughed. 

Tony rolled his eyes and groaned turning to Steve. Steve just shrugged his shoulders and laughed, then nodded his head towards the door and started to walk out. The other three followed him to the quinjet. Caroline’s knuckles where white from holding onto Bucky’s hand so tightly. Tony turned and stopped, looking Bucky up and down. 

“Welp, bye Barnes,” he said clapping his shoulder.

Bucky smiled at Tony and nodded his head, Tony opened the quinjet and climbed aboard. Steve put both hands on Bucky’s shoulders.

“You’re going to be okay Buck?” he asked his friend.

“C’mon Steve, when am I ever not okay?” Bucky replied.

“Almost always,” Steve laughed.

“Such a punk,” Bucky said shaking his head, “I’ll be fine Steve.”

Steve pulled his friend into a hug, Bucky let go of Caroline’s hand long enough to reciprocate the embrace. 

“If you need anything,” Steve said holding onto Bucky, “Don’t hesitate to call.”

“I won’t,” Bucky promised.

Steve gave Buck one last squeeze on the shoulder, then followed Tony up the the ramp to the jet. Caroline took his hand back in hers and squeezed it lightly. When she turned to follow Steve, Bucky held her back, turning her to face him again. His eyes where wide, Caroline had only ever seen them look like that the previous night during his panic attack. 

“Ask me to stay,” she whispered. 

He opened his mouth to speak, to ask her to stay. He was a millisecond from telling her that he needed her there, with him, because he was a mess and he didn't know how, but she was helping. Then he glanced up and saw Steve standing at the ramp of the jet. Steve who had fought so hard for both of them, Steve who had waited so long to have Caroline back and even longer for Bucky. And if Bucky couldn't give himself back to Steve, he certainly wasn't going to keep Caroline from him. He brought his head to Caroline’s and nudged her nose with his.

“Time to go kid,” he breathed. 

She nodded, squeezed his hand, then turned and walked toward the entrance of the jet. Steve held out his hand for her and Bucky’s heart sank as she took it and followed him inside. 


	6. You Were My Tether

There was something heavy on Caroline’s legs. She tried to roll over in her new bed, but there was something hard and heavy resting on her thighs blocking her from doing so. She groaned, realizing that whatever it was had been there for sometime, and that everything below her thighs was asleep. She tried to wiggle her toes, but that just made them tingle painfully. She opened her eyes and looked down. Clint was fast asleep, his head and half his body splayed across her legs, the rest of his body dangling off her bed. 

“Idiot,” she whispered.

She jerked her legs forcefully, his head bobbed up and down. He groaned and slapped her with the back of his hand, then sleepily opened his eyes. He looked up at her with a dopey grin.

“Mernin,” he grunted.

“Clint what are you doing?” she asked exasperated. 

“We miss you,” he shrugged rolling onto his side.

“We?” she asked.

He nodded and jutted his chin upwards. She followed his gesture and looked to to her left. She gasped, finding Natasha curled up on top of the pillow next to her like a cat. Her eyes opened and she smirked in Caroline’s face.

“Good morning,” she greeted.

“Okay what the fuck,” Caroline aid breathlessly. 

“Like I said, we missed you,” Clint grumbled, “You’ve been here two weeks and we’ve seen you maybe once.”

“You’re always in your room, it’s like you’re avoiding everyone,” Natasha mumbled sleepily.

“Did you ever think that maybe I’m always in my room because I actually am avoiding everyone?” Caroline asked. 

“We considered it,” said Natasha.

“But then we thought, well surely she couldn't be avoiding us, she loves us," Clint said nuzzling his cheek deeper into her legs.

“Oh my god,” Caroline said under her breath. 

Her phone buzzed on the bedside table next to her and she lunged for it. Clint groaned in protest as he was lifted of her legs for a split second. She looked down at the screen, it was a text from Steve. “Are you awake?” flashed across the screen like it had every morning since she had arrived at the compound. What never flashed across her screen was message or phone call from Bucky, not that she was bitter about it. She slammed her phone back down on the table, causing the other two to jump.

“Still no word from Barnes?” asked Natasha with a yawn.

“Again, what the fuck?” Caroline asked with a harsh laugh.

“I’m a spy Caroline, it’s my actual job to know things,” Natasha smirked dryly.

“Get out,” Caroline said hitting her head against her pillow.

“C’mon Care Bear,” Clint said tickling her knee.

“Absolutely not, do not call me that ever again,” she snapped.

“Rememberwhen she was cute and fun and not all edgy and sad Nat?” Clint said looking up at Natasha.

“I’m sorry, I guess things change when your kidnapped and experimented on by a super evil organization,” huffed Caroline sarcastically.

“Okay literally every other person in the room has been brainwashed, experimented on, and forced to do things against their will,” said Natasha.

“Yeah and we’ve retained our winning personalities,” Clint grinned.

“Okay fine, I give, what do you want?” Caroline sighed dropping her hands over her face.

“For starters,” Natasha said gently removing one hand from Caroline’s face, “We want you to come downstairs and have breakfast with us.”

Caroline glared up at Natasha. They had all been trying to get her to come down and eat any meal with them for days. Even Wanda, Vision and Sam who she had just met were sometimes sent to try. She liked Sam, he made her almost laugh a few times. She liked Wanda too, but that was only because Wanda left her alone, mostly. She was still undecided on her feelings for Vision.

“Fine,” she said sitting up, “Go tell Steve and Tony that I’m coming down. I know one of them put you up to this.”

“It was my idea actually,” Clint said popping up.

Caroline threw a pillow at him, which he promptly knocked out of the way. Natasha got up and followed Clint to the door.

“I’m showering first,” Caroline said crawling out of bed.

“Probably for the best,” Clint nodded.

She threw another pillow at him and missed yet again. He dodged out of the room with a laugh. Natasha shrugged her shoulders apologetically.

“Nat, tell Tony that if he has something funny to say about anything,” Caroline started.

“I’ll tell him to keep his mouth shut,” Natasha laughed. 

Caroline nodded a thanks and watched Natasha leave. She slammed open the door to her bathroom, undressed, and hopped in the shower. She slammed her fist against the wall as the hot water rushed over her.

To say that she hated everything would have been an understatement, because she really did hate absolutely everything and more. She hated the compound and how everyone tiptoed around her like she could break at any second. She hated Tony trying to get her up and out of her room to train, she hated Steve giving her sorry glances every chance he got, she hated Nat and Clint pretending like everything was okay. She hated all of it. But mostly she hated that Bucky had not contacted her once since she had left. Shuri had, multiple times, to see how she was holding up. But Bucky’s dumb ass had not reached out even once. 

Caroline turned off the water and climbed out. The temptation to put pajamas back on and crawl back into bed was real. Worried about what Clint and Nat might attempt next if she skipped breakfast though, she begrudgingly threw on real clothes and grabbed her phone. She unlocked the screen. Her heart stopped. There was an unread message, from Bucky. She almost dropped it as she slid open the message. It read, “You need to eat and you need to leave your room.” She clenched her fist around her phone and stormed out of her room, slamming her door hard as she left.

She charged down the stairs and into the common area. Wanda was in a chair in the living room, reading a book and sipping coffee. Peter was laying on the couch playing a video game, Clint sitting casually on the arm of the sofa watching. Peter started to say something to her but she blew past him into the kitchen. Tony and Steve were sitting at the dining room table, Tony’s head was bent over some new gadget he was working on, Steve’s nose was in a newspaper. Natasha was sitting on the counter, her legs dangling, a bowl of cereal in her hands. Sam beside her, his back leaning against the same counter, eating cereal as well. They looked like a group of people trying very hard to look and act natural, when in fact they were the exact opposite. 

“Okay, whomst the FUCK, told Barnes I wasn’t eating?” Caroline demanded, holding her phone up in her hand.

“Oh that was me.” and “Yeah I did that.” came from Steve and Tony at the exact same time. Tony looked up Steve and grinned pointing between the two of them.

“I did that too,” Natasha said lifting her bowl to Caroline.

“So did I,” Clint said from behind her. 

She spun around to glare at him and saw Peter raising his hand tepidly. She let out a guttural growl.

“I might have mentioned it,” said Sam nodding his head from side to side.

“Wait, what? You just text Bucky now?” Steve asked putting his newspaper down.

“I mean yeah, sometimes. He’s got questions, I’ve got answers,” Sam grinned.

“What the actual fuck?!” Caroline shouted.

“Caroline, language, Jesus,” Tony said smirking over at Steve.

Steve rolled his eyes, but smiled despite himself.

“Would you like some coffee Caroline?” Wanda asked from her chair.

“Peter, you're off the hook because you are literal child,” Caroline snapped, ignoring the various quips from everyone around her.

“I mean I wouldn't say I’m a…” Peter began to protest. Clint put a hand over his mouth as Caroline turned to scowl at him and Peter nodded throwing up and “ok” sign with his hand.

“What are you going to do Caroline?” Tony asked exasperated, “Throw another tantrum?” 

She clenched her hand into a fist and the sound of metal crunched as the contraption in front of him crumpled. Then she flicked her hand toward Sam and Natasha, their bowls flipped in their hands, pouring milk and cereal down their fronts. 

“Caroline stop,” Steve said looking at her disapprovingly. 

“Oh fuck off Steve,” she hissed.

“You have to stop this,” said Steve.

“Why don’t you text your idiot best friend for more advice!” she hollered throwing her phone at the wall behind him. It smashed, falling to pieces on the floor.

“Okay but you still need to eat!” Tony called as she turned to storm out of the room.

One hand shot up and an apple flew into it, the other raised a middle finger at everyone behind her. She knocked Clint off his perch as she walked by. 

“So maybe we should have coordinated our Barnes info dump better,” Sam said after a tense moment. 

“She can’t act like this Tony, we have to figure something out,” Steve sighed. 

“Maybe you could, I don’t know, text your friend and tell him that if he’s not going to help then he needs to stay out of it,” Tony said with a wave of his hand.

“Well I think we all intended for him to help Tony, I can’t control how he decides to do it,” Steve said sharply.

“I mean the dude obviously cares,” Sam said, “He texts at least once a day to ask about her,” he said scrolling through his phone.

"I'm sorry he's been texting you first?" asked Steve.

“I don’t think Barnes has ever even responded to a single message I’ve sent him, let alone start a conversation about anything, including Caroline,” Natasha said dryly.

“He’s never asked me anything either,” said Tony.

“He doesn't respond to my messages!” Peter piped up from the couch, “And they are frequent,” he added, his concentration on his game.

“Well this is an interesting turn of events,” Steve sighed dropping his phone onto the table, “He hasn't sent me a single text, since we got back to the compound.”

“Wait? So he’s only been messaging Sam?” asked Clint.

“So it would seem,” said Natasha crossing her arms over her chest. 

“Don’t look at me,” Sam said throwing his hand up in defense, “I thought he was out here asking all of you about her too.”

“Well he’s your pal Steve, any insight?” asked Tony. 

“He probably thinks its less likely to get back to her,” Steve shrugged, “Clearly he’s avoiding her, and me apparently.”

“Well he isn’t the one dealing with the repercussions.” Tony drummed his fingers rapidly on the table. “Okay, someone’s got to talk to her.” He pushed himself away from the table.

“No, not you,” Steve said standing up himself.

“Ouch, Cap,” Tony said pretending to be hurt. 

“I really don't think it should be either of you,” Natasha said with a smirk.

“We were close,” said Steve.

“ _Were_ , being the operative word Rogers,” she tilted her head to one side, but gave him a softer smile. 

“Let me do it,” came Wanda’s voice from the corner of the room.

Everyone turned focused their attention on her. Peter paused his game, the room was silent as everyone considered her. She surveyed the room, and sighed.

“Uh no?” Tony said finally.

“Wanda, she might not listen well to you,” Steve said slowly, uneasy.

“Yes, I know, you all think she won’t listen to me because I volunteered and she was forced into it.” Wanda stood and waltzed into the kitchen, pouring herself more coffee. “I understand, but I know Hydra, I know what they did her and how. And, I know what it’s like to not have access to the one person who kept me sane through all of it.” She grabbed another mug and poured coffee into it, then picking up both cups, said, “Trust me, I’ve got this,” and left the room. 

They all glanced around the room at each other, no one quite knowing what to say. Tony looked at Steve who just laughed and raised his hands in defeat. Tony sat back down, he really hoped he wouldn't be paying for any structural damage the two of them might cause. 

 Caroline had wasted no time curling back up in her bed. She was glad that she had thrown her phone against the floor, it made the urge to text Bucky a string of curse words much easier to ignore. It was taking everything in her to keep her powers under control. She felt like she was going to break at any moment.

There was a tentative knock on her door. She groaned. It was probably Steve. Steve who she had just cursed out and thrown a phone at. She couldn't face him yet. If it wasn't Steve it was Tony, and seeing Tony might have been worse than seeing Steve. He had taken her in, given her a place to live, everything she needed, the damn phone itself, and she couldn't help but ruin it. She pulled herself out of bed, dread coursing through her with each step. 

She opened the door slowly. Wanda stood in the frame holding two cups of coffee and wearing a gentle smile. Caroline stepped back and watched in confusion as Wanda pushed past her into her room. She perched herself on Caroline’s bed pulling her legs up sitting criss cross in front of her.

“I brought you coffee,” she said offering her a mug, “You left so abruptly.”

“Thanks.” Caroline took the mug, sitting in her desk chair that had gone unused until that exact moment. “I’m surprised they sent you, of all people.”

“Well I offered,” Wanda smirked.

“Why?” 

“Because we have some shared experience.” She gesticulated with her right hand, red light flowing out of her fingertips.

“You chose that,” Caroline said harshly. 

“You’re right, I did,” she nodded, “after I had everything ripped from me. When my brother and I were at our lowest and most helpless, we did choose it.”

“I didn’t know you have a brother,” Caroline took a small sip of her coffee.

“He was killed, on our first mission with the Avengers,” she replied.

“I’m sorry,” Caroline said softly.

“Thank you,” Wanda nodded, “He was my best friend. Through losing our parents, through Hydra, through everything, he kept me tethered to the world around me. When I lost him I felt so alone. I felt like I had nothing.”

Caroline looked up at her from over the rim of her coffee mug. These were not easy things for Wanda to talk about, she realized. Yet here she was, talking about them with Caroline.

“I get what you’re trying to do Wanda and I appreciate it, believe me I do, but you shouldn't compare your relationship with your brother to mine with Bucky. I mean I was only with him for a few weeks and I didn't know anything about him before that, except that he’d tried to kill me a couple of times,” she laughed bitterly. 

“You’re right, it’s not the same,” Wanda considered, “Not even close. But you went through a very dark time, and whether either of you expected it or not, he helped pull you out. He brought you back and now you have to figure out how to keep yourself here without him.”

“So how did you do it?” Caroline said in barely a whisper. 

“I rely on the people around me, they've become family to me,” she said with an introspective smile.

“I don’t know how to be me again,” Caroline sighed.

“You can’t go back to the person you were before. Things are different, you’re different, the way you feel about…well everything is different, that’s okay,” Wanda said gently. 

“What if no one likes that person?” Caroline asked.

“Caroline,” Wanda said reaching out and taking Caroline’s hands in hers, “Those people down there love you. You threw your phone at Steve’s head and his only concern was making sure that you were okay.”

“I can’t believe I threw a phone at Steve’s head,” Caroline groaned, smacking her hand against her forehead. 

“Yeah, well you might want to make some apologies,” Wanda grinned. 

“Thank you Wanda.” Caroline said genuinely. 

“Of course,” Wanda said standing, “Now I’m going to go downstairs and tell Steve and Tony that you are feeling better. You’ll probably have a few minutes to yourself before they're up here,” she laughed.

There was another knock on Caroline’s door and the girls turned to see Steve and Tony standing in the doorway.

“Or they’ll just come on up without any prompting at all,” Caroline said sarcastically. 

Wanda laughed and gave Caroline’s shoulder a supportive squeeze on her way out. Tony moved in instantly and took Wanda’s spot on Caroline’s bed. Steve hung back finding a spot on the wall to lean against. 

“Do you two just like move in a pack and is it new? Because I don’t remember you two being attached at the hip,” Caroline said with a laugh. 

Steve raised his eyebrows at her, clearly not amused. She looked to Tony instead, but he didn't look too happy with her either. 

“Okay, I feel like maybe I owe you both an apology,” she said gingerly. 

“No shit,” Tony snarked. 

“I’m sorry for breaking your thingy,” Caroline said to Tony.

“It’s fine, I wasn't even sure what it was going to be yet,” he said waving his hand, “I do have to start all over, but it’s fine, really.” 

Caroline nodded, then turned to Steve. She sucked in a deep breath, then exhaled slowly.

“Steve, I’m sorry that I threw a phone at your head,”she said softly. 

“It’s fine,” he nodded. 

“And I’m sorry that I’ve been acting like a crazy person,” she added.

“Caroline, you’ve been through a lot, we just care about you and want you to be happy. That might take time, we get that,” Steve said.

“Yeah,” said Caroline.

“Alright, listen,” Tony said clapping his hands together, “We get that this is hard for you, we really do, but we think that it’s time for you to get out of this room and start living.”

“I agree,” said Caroline.

“Do not argue with me Caroline I…” Tony stopped and narrowed his eyes at her, “Wait what?”

“I agree with you,” she said again.

“Alrighty then, you start training tomorrow with Nat and Clint,” Tony said standing, “Oh and we’re throwing you a little party at the end of the week, to induct you.” He scratched the top of her head as he passed by and started to walk out. 

“Wait, what? What if I don’t want to be inducted?” she asked panicked.

“You have to pay rent somehow,” Steve grinned. 

“Okay fine, but what if I don’t want a party?” she said quickly. 

“Everyone gets a party,” said Steve shaking his head, “Tony made mine 1940’s themed,” Steve said raising an eyebrow at Tony.

“Yeah, looking back it may have been a little insensitive, I’ll admit that,” said Tony with a curt nod.

“How about my party theme is ‘Caroline doesn't have to socialize with anyone’?” Caroline asked eagerly.

“Thor will be there,” Tony winked.

Caroline’s mouth opened and closed a few times.

“Okay, I’ll make an appearance,” she said finally.

Tony laughed and waved his hand above his head as he left her room. Steve lingered in his place by the wall.

“Steve,” said Caroline slowly.

“Yeah?”

“You’re still here.”

“Yep,” he nodded.

She got up out of her chair and crawled onto her bed, then she gestured to the empty chair in front of her. Steve sighed and moved to take the chair. 

“What’s going on Steve?” she asked.

“I’m just having a hard time with this,” he said tenderly, “And I realize how that must sound to you. I know this isn't easy for you either.”

“No, I get it,” Caroline said after a moment, “I don’t know how to be the person I was before.”

“I don’t need you to be the person you were before, God knows Bucky isn't. I’m just relieved that you’re okay, and that you’re here,” he said smiling softly.

“Thank you Steve,” she nodded. She reached out and took his hand in hers, “We’re going to be okay, it’s not going to be the same, but it’s going to be okay.”

“I know,” he said giving her a gentle squeeze, “Come downstairs with us,” he said standing, still holding her hand in his.

“Fine,” she nodded, “I owe a couple of people an apology anyway,” she said with a small smile.

“Well if it makes you feel any better, Sam probably deserved that milk down his front for something,” Steve laughed.

“It does,” Caroline nodded. 

She followed Steve down to the kitchen, and for the first time, actually ate a meal with everyone in the compound.

* * *

 

It was the night before Tony’s party for Caroline. She was on the couch in the living room. Sam sat beside her and Natasha sat on the floor directly in front of her. Natasha had her head tilted back letting Caroline pull it into two french braids. When she was finished, she would take it out and start again, The compound was quiet, they were after all, the only ones there. Clint was at home with his family, Wanda and Vision had gone out to dinner, Tony was at Pepper’s, and Steve was in a meeting with Fury briefing him on Caroline’s situation. Bruce was technically at the compound, but he was deep in his lab working on something or other, and none of them had cared to ask. 

They were on their sixth or seventh episode of Friends, none of them could agree on a movie, and while none of them were really interested in the television show, it was the only thing they could come up with to keep them entertained. 

“This show is so bad,” Sam said slowly forcing a fistful of popcorn into his mouth. 

“It’s not bad, it’s just a little dated,” Caroline shrugged. 

“Okay well I’ll tell you what, it did not age well,” he argued.

“It’s not even that old,” Caroline laughed.

“Caroline, the 90s were almost thirty years ago,” Natasha said reaching her hand into Sam’s popcorn bowl.

He snatched it away holding it up to his chest, “I asked y'all if you wanted popcorn. And you said ‘no’. Remember that? Do either of you remember that?” 

“I don’t,” Caroline said digging her hand into the bowl.

“Me either,” Natasha smirked, taking some popcorn from Caroline. 

“I”m going to bed.” Sam placed the bowl and the couch and stood, wiping popcorn crumbs off his jeans.

“Sam, it’s 8 o’clock,” said Natasha dryly. 

“Then what the hell is the plan?” he asked crossing his arms.

“What do you guys usually do when Mom and Dad are away?” asked Caroline looking between the two of them.

“If that is what we’re calling Tony and Steve now, I am here for it,” Sam said pointing an approving finger at Caroline. 

“Me too,” Nat nodded, “Also we usually just get drunk.” 

“Hey, whoa, we don’t always usually do that. Just sometimes, when we’re bored, and everyone is gone,” Sam corrected.

“Okay well I could seriously use a drink, this whole party thing has me on edge,” Caroline sighed darkly. 

“It’s going to be fun,” Nat said striding over to the bar.

Sam and Caroline followed close behind. They took seats on the barstools in front of Natasha and she poured out two shots of tequila and grabbed the vodka bottle for herself.

“To Caroline finally coming out of her room,” Sam said holding up his shot glass.

“I’ll drink to that!” Nat said with a grin.

Caroline glowered at the two of them but raised her glass to clink theirs, then shot back the clear liquid. 

She wasn’t sure which one of them had suggested going outside, but she was pretty sure it was Sam. She vaguely remembered him shouting that he wanted to lay in the grass. Natasha was to her left, staring up at the stars, the vodka bottle tucked in her armpit. Sam was on her right, laughing at something one of them had just said.

“They’re like moving,” Caroline slurred. She had lost count of how many shots she had taken.

“What are you talking about?” Sam asked.

“The stars, they’re spinning, like whoosh,” she said raising a heavy arm. 

“Girl you are drunk,” Sam said with a laugh.

“So are you Birdman,” she shot back.

“You’re both idiots,” Natasha said taking a swig of vodka.

“Does Tony have like a ‘Natasha’ cupboard where he just stores all the vodka he’ll think you need?” Caroline asked.

“Yes,” she replied, “and it’s never enough.” She took another swig, the bottle now almost gone.

“Is she always this dark when she drinks?” Caroline whispered loudly to Sam.

“What the hell do you think?” he replied.

“I can hear you, I’m literally right next to you both,” Natasha said sitting up, “Idiots,” she added as Sam and Caroline burst into fits of giggles.

“Guys, Tony gave me a new phone,” Caroline said pulling out a shiny new cell phone.

“Yeah, we know,” Natasha said dryly.

Caroline swiped it open and opened up her messages, they were almost all from Steve, or Peter who was constantly sending her pictures of things he found on the internet that he thought she would find funny. Usually she did. Bucky had neglected to contact her again, after the disastrous message she had received a few days ago. She figured Steve or Tony had something to do with that, or both. Or maybe he was avoiding her. 

“Caroline…what are you doing?” Sam asked slowly.

“I’m sending a message, what the fuck does it look like I’m doing?” she asked. 

“You know it’s like 5am in Wakanda?” Natasha said.

“He’s up,” said Caroline shortly, “He’s always up.”

“Are we not gonna stop her?” Sam asked Natasha quickly.

“You can try, I don’t want to be sent hurtling into that pool right there,” Natasha said gesturing her vodka out towards the pool in front of them. 

“She knows what’s up,” Caroline said squinting at her keyboard.

“Fair enough, can we at least proof read it?” Sam asked.

“Too late,” Caroline said hitting send. 

Sam and Natasha both moved to sit behind her looking down at her phone, watching the conversation unfold.

 

C: I ahte you.

C: ahte

C: Fuck

C: HATE

C: I hate you.

 

She exclaimed “HA!” as three little dots popped up indicating he was sending a response. They exchanged a look, then glanced back down at her phone.

 

B: Are you drunk?

C: No.

C: Yes.

B: I’m calling you.

C: Donot

B: It’s 5 AM here, you better answer.

 

Caroline looked from Sam to Natasha slowly, he phone began buzzing in her hand. She widened her eyes at them. 

“What do I do?” she whined.

“You’re on your own with this one,” Natasha said shaking her head.

“You woke the man up at 5 in the morning, lay in that bed you made girl,” Sam said sliding the answer button on her phone. 

She lifted it tentatively to her ear.

“Who are you with?” came Bucky’s sharp voice.

She almost smiled hearing his voice, something she hadn't heard in weeks, but then she remembered how mad she was and the flutter in her chest evaporated. 

“What does that matter?” she asked angrily.

“She’s with Sam and Nat!” Sam shouted into the receiver. 

Caroline glared at him and stood up, stumbling as she did so. She walked over to the pool and sat down, dipping her legs in the water. 

“If you’re with those two then you’re probably very drunk,” Bucky sighed.

“Oh what do you know, you barely know either of them,” she spat.

“What is going on Caroline?” Bucky asked, sounding mildly annoyed.

“I thought my text was pretty clear.”

“No I definitely got it, it took a while for you to get it right, but I got it.”

“You just, you’re so selfish.”  


“Did you really wake me up at 5 in the morning to berate me?”

“Oh shut up, we both know you were already awake.”  


“Fine.”

“You should be here Bucky, you should be here with me…with Steve…with me and Steve,” she sputtered. “You just stayed, you stayed like that and it was so dumb. It was so stupid. And now you won’t even talk to me…or to either of us. And you were my tether Bucky. And I hate you, I hate you so much.” She wiped the tears from her cheek, not sure when exactly they had started.

“Tether? What are you talking about?” he asked.

“My tether, you helped bring me back. And you were my tether and now I have nothing. That’s not true, I have a lot, but I don’t have you. And I feel like I’m going to break and I don't understand why you stayed. I don’t understand why I wasn’t safe enough for you,” she rambled.

“Caroline,” he sighed, “You said you understood.”

“Well I was just saying that!” she wailed.

“Can we do this when you haven't been drinking?” he asked sounding tired.

“No!” she shouted, “Because if I hang up the phone now how do I know you won’t just shut me out again?”

“I promise I won’t,” he replied.

“Bucky please don’t hang up,” she said weakly. 

“Okay, okay,” he said gently.

“You should be here with me,” she sobbed, “and with Steve. You should be here with the people who love you.”

“Oh…so now you love me,” he said, she could hear the smile in his voice. 

“You’re the actual worst. I’m dropping you in the pool now,” she said angrily. 

“No Caroline…” she could hear him trail off as she tossed her phone gently into the pool.

She fell backwards, allowing the sobs to take over her entire body. Tony stood above her, his arms crossed.

“Um hi,” she said softly, wiping the snot from her nose with the back of her hand. “I think I need a new phone.” 

“You are cut off,” he said firmly, “From alcohol and from phones.”

Steve walked up and stood beside Tony. He crossed his arms too, but looked more exasperated than angry. He pulled out his phone and slid it open, putting it to his ear.

“She’s fine, I’ll call you back,” he said.

“Wait don’t hang up,” she said putting her hands up.

“Hold on,” Steve said handing her the phone. 

“I really fucking hate you,” she said into the receiver.

She heard him chuckle as she threw Steve’s phone into the pool. It sank to the bottom next to hers.

“I’m going to go bankrupt on cell phones alone because of you!” Tony shouted, but a smile was already spreading across his face. “You two,” he said turning towards Sam and Natasha, “What were you thinking?”

“C’mon Caroline,” Steve said lifting Caroline over his shoulder as Tony went to lecture Sam and Natasha. 

“See?” Caroline said to Sam and Nat as they passed by, “Mom and Dad.”

Sam and Natasha burst into laughter as Tony stared between all of them, his mouth agape. 

“No we are not starting that, that is not a thing that we are starting,” he said firmly.

“Okay Mom,” Sam mumbled.

“Wait why am I mom?!” Caroline heard him shriek as Steve carried her back into the compound. 

He brought her up to her room and laid her down on her bed, then he sat down in the desk chair, pulling it up beside her.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

“I just think that maybe Nat and Sam can drink more than me and maybe I shouldn't have tried to keep up,” she said looking up at him from her pillow.

“Well no one should try to keep up with Nat,” he laughed. 

“Steve,” she said sitting up.

“Yeah?”

“I’m going to go throw up. Please do not follow me. I can hold my own hair.” 

“Okay, I’ll wait here,” he nodded.

When she crawled back into her bed Steve was still there, but now he was holding water for her.

“You did not wait here,” she said taking the water from him. 

“Tony brought this up, along with a new phone for me,” he said, “You have to wait a few days for yours. Tony says that’s your punishment for destroying three phone in one week.”

“Okay that’s fine. That’s fair.” she nodded. 

Steve got up to leave, but Caroline caught his hand in hers.

“Steve I know this is like totally against everything you stand for as a human being, but can you please just stay with me for the night?” she asked. 

“It’s not against everything,” Steve started, then sighed, “Yes, I’ll stay with you.”

He kicked off his shoes and climbed onto the bed next to her. She smiled and put her head on his chest. It didn't take her long to fall asleep. He pulled out his phone and opened it, calling Bucky.

“Hi Steve,” he said answering the call.

“Hey Buck, she’s fine. She’s going to be sick tomorrow, but she’s fine,” he said looking down at the ball that was Caroline, curled up into him. 

“Okay,” he replied.

“What did she say to you?” Steve asked after a moment.

“She said that I was selfish for staying, among other things,” he said. 

“She just wants you here,” Steve said reassuringly, “I mean so do I.”

“I know Steve,” Bucky replied, “I have to go now, I don't want to talk about this.”

“Okay Bucky, wait,” Steve said quickly.

“What?” he asked.

“Tomorrow night Tony is throwing Caroline a party, she’s joining the team. It’s a thing he does for everyone,” Steve said.

“Steve I can't do this,” Bucky started.

“No, I know, I was just, letting you know,” Steve cut him off, not wanting to start an argument.

“Okay, well, bye,” Bucky said.

“Bye Buck, take care,” Steve sighed hanging up his phone. 


	7. I'm Not Going to Speculate With You

Caroline groaned as the sun streamed into her room, hitting her face. Her head pounded, her stomach was churning slowly. She was going to throw up. She raced to the bathroom and heaved up the previous night’s libations. She groaned again after finishing, lifting herself from the toilet and over to the sink. Splashing water across her face she looked up into the mirror. She looked like shit. Her hair was in a messy bun, but not the cute kind, but the kind that had been slept on all night with loose hairs sticking out every which way. Her face was pale and there were dark circles under her eyes. A mess, she was a mess, and she had made a mess of things last night. 

“F.R.I.D.A.Y.,” she called out, “Where is Tony?”

“He’s in his workshop Miss Page, should I call him for you?” came the detached voice of Tony’s latest AI.

“No, it’s fine, thanks,” Caroline replied.

She glanced over at her bed. Steve had been there at some point, she had fallen asleep on him, but he was no longer there. She also vaguely remembered Nat sneaking into her room at sometime in the night to help her change and hold back her hair as she threw up some more. Her stomach churned again and her entire body shivered. She grabbed an oversized sweater out of her closet and threw it on over her black tank top, then took a deep breath and walked out of her room.

The compound was huge and even though she had been given a thorough tour of every part of it, a few times, she still was subject to get lost. But she knew where Tony’s workshop was. In the past couple of days she had spent a lot of time down there with him, helping him with his creative endeavors. Tony was easy to talk to and he made her laugh, but more than that, she didn’t have to put up any appearances with him. 

Descending the stairs into his shop, she grabbed the railing doubling over for a quick second. She choked back another bought of vomit, then continued down the stairs. Tony was pounding on something, the sound was causing the pain in her head to throb even more. He glanced up from his work quickly, then did a double take. 

“Holy shit Page, you look very very horrendous,” he said with a look of disgust. 

“Gee thanks Tony,” she replied sarcastically.

She slowly took a seat on a stool and propped her elbows up on his work table, then dropped her head into her hands.

“I’m dying, call off the party,” she groaned.

“Oh, no, you are not getting out of this party,” he said sternly, “We’ve been planning it for…well…days now.”

“Okay, but you’ll have to bring me out in a casket,” she mumbled into her hands.

“Well that would be a funeral,” Tony said turning his attention back to his work.

He pounded again and again, Caroline’s head was about to explode. She groaned loudly and dropped her head onto the counter.

“I’m begging you to stop,” she cried.

“Caroline, you came down here, you knew what you were walking into,” he chuckled.

“Yeah well I had a reason,” she said,

He put down his hammer and turned to her, propping a hand on his hip, raising his eyebrows at her. Her head was still dropped onto the counter, she was using the cool surface to calm her headache. 

“Are you going to tell me your reasoning or am I going to have to guess?” he asked. 

She rolled her head to the side, looking up at him completely and utterly pathetic. He pressed his lips together, stifling a laugh.

“I’m sorry about the phones,” she grumbled, “And I’m sorry I got blackout drunk the night before my big party. Also I’m sorry I called Bucky and cried. That last apology is more for me than for you,” she finished. 

“Apologies accepted,” he chortled placing a hand gently on her head.

“My head hurts Tony,” she whined. 

“Why don’t you go take a shower and meet me in Bruce’s lab?” Tony asked scratching her head, “He’s dealt with many a hangover from the residents of this tower.”

“Tony?” 

They both looked up at Steve’s voice calling down the stairs. Caroline face contorted into an uncomfortable expression. She had not been ready to face Steve yet, she was sure he was livid with her. 

“Down here Rogers!” Tony called.

“Well hello Caroline,” Steve said with a smirk as he entered the room. 

“You aren’t mad at me?” she asked meekly.

“No, I’m not,” he said taking a seat on the stool next to her, “I actually think Bucky needed to be told off by someone and it might have meant more coming from you.”

“I can’t even remember what I said to him,” Caroline moaned dropping her head back on the table. 

“Well here’s your new phone. I wasn't going to give it to you until after the party, but it’s been buzzing all morning since i set it up, maybe he can fill in the blanks,” Tony said handing her her new phone. 

“Good lord,” she said looking down at the screen.

There were eighteen unread messages, six were from Sam, three were from Nat, and the rest were from Bucky. Steve was watching with a slight grin on his face.

“I guess the radio silence has stopped then?” he chortled.

“Well I haven't read them yet. Maybe he sent me nine whole messages telling me to never contact him again,” she said dryly. 

“That is one lover’s quarrel that I will not be getting involved in and trust me, I like getting involved,” Tony said absentmindedly, his attention on his project.

Steve’s head shot up towards Tony, his eyes wide. 

“What the fuck are you talking about Stark?” Caroline snapped.

Tony, realizing that the air around him had grown tense, looked up at both of them slowly. He smiled at Steve sheepishly.

“Nothing, I…what are _you_ talking about actually?” Tony sputtered.

Caroline narrowed her eyes at him, her face turning into a scowl. 

“Fine I’ll just say it; You are very attached,” Tony said throwing his hands up.

Steve groaned and dropped his forehead into his palm. 

“Oh I’m attached? Let’s see, let’s just do the math shall we? When I was kidnapped and tortured, trying desperately to hold on to any sanity I had, he was the only one who showed me any sort of kindness. Then, you two shoved us together for two months, alone, because he was apparently the only person who could help clear my head. Throw in the fact that we have this horrible shared experience that we’re both still trying overcome. So excuse me for becoming a little attached or very attached or however you put it,” she rattled off angrily. 

Steve grinned bemusedly at Tony, who stared agape at Caroline. 

“You know what, okay, that’s fair,” Tony nodded.

“Damn right it’s fair. Now excuse me, I have to go throw up again,” she said standing and striding to Tony’s workshop bathroom. 

“Well,” Steve said after a moment, “That was hilarious.”

“Yeah, hilarious, great,” Tony shot, “I’m right though aren't I? I mean you know him better than I do, but isn't it all just a little…I don’t know. I am right.”

“I’m not going to speculate with you on this. To be honest I’ve never even seen Bucky serious about any woman, so I wouldn’t even know what that looks like,” Steve said shaking his head. 

“See that right there is you speculating with me,” Tony pointed a finger at Steve.

“Stop Tony,” Steve huffed a laugh, “I think they’re two people who have been through the wringer and finally found comfort in something. I think romance is the last thing on either of their mind’s.”

“Fair point Rogers. Besides it would be a little strange for you if they were in love wouldn't it?” Tony asked, “And you're still speculating by the way.”

"What are you talking about?" Steve shot, his cheeks turning pink.

"Okay, I guess we aren't dealing with  _that_ right now either," Tony said turning from Steve.

"Tony," Steve sighed.

“Alright, alright, I’ll lay off. You know how much I love to be right,” Tony smirked.

“You don’t always get to be right,” came Caroline’s voice from the bathroom door. 

“Feeling better?” asked Steve.

“Uh, no,” she said leaning against the frame.

“Okay. C’mon, let’s get you to Bruce,” Tony said jerking his head towards the stairs.

“Oh Tony, when you’re finished I need to brief you on something, it’s why I came down here in the first place,” Steve said. 

“Alright, I’ll walk her over and then I’ll head back,” Tony said escorting Caroline out of his workshop. 

 

* * *

 

Caroline sat on a med table in Bruce’s office, a needle in her arm, fluids dripping into her system. Sam was sitting next to her, looking just as bad as she did, maybe a little less awake. Tony was standing, staring at both of them disapprovingly, his arms crossed.

“I wouldn't stand there all high and mighty if I were you Tony, you were the first person I did this with,” Bruce said with a small smile.

“Shut up Banner, I gotta maintain appearances in front of the kids,” Tony said rolling his eyes.

“So we do get to call you two Mom and Dad then?” Sam asked, a sloppy grin across his face.

“I’m ignoring you Wilson,” said Tony, “Caroline, now that we’re here, with Bruce, how has the pain been?”

“I mean my head is still a little achey, but I don’t feel like I’m going to throw up anymore,” she replied.

“I think he means the other pain,” Bruce smirked. 

“Oh, that pain,” she nodded.

The truth was that the pain hadn’t gotten much better since coming back from Wakanda and without Bucky, she felt like she was backsliding as far as dealing with it went. At least her powers were still in check, but no matter how many fronts she put on, she was still afraid that she would lose control over that as well. She wasn't about to say any of that out loud though, not after Tony’s stupid comment.

“I’m still in pain, usually quite a bit,” she replied, avoiding their eyes. 

“I knew it!” Tony shouted.

“Tony don’t you have somewhere to be?” Caroline asked annoyed.

“Yes, I do, Bruce what is the game plan?” he asked.

“Well, Shuri said she thinks you should start doing physical therapy, that maybe that will help,” said Bruce, “In the meantime you can keep taking whatever Shuri gave you.”

“Okay, fine,” she said.

“We will get that set up,” Tony said to Bruce, “I gotta go meet Cap. Caroline, feel better, we have round two tonight. Sam…uh, you look like shit. Bruce, good job, keep up the good work,” Tony said backing out of the lab. 

He received two middle fingers and a tepid wave as he turned to leave. Caroline’s phone buzzed again. She pulled it out remembering that she still hadn’t checked her unread messages. A few nights ago she would have given anything to have nine, now ten unread messages from Bucky, but after the previous night she just wanted them all to go away. Her stomach fluttered dangerously as she slid to open them. 

 

12:15 Are you okay?

12:17 Just called Steve, you’re okay.

12:30 For the record, you’re the one that left. 

12:32 I’m sorry. That was a stupid thing to say. I don’t know why I said it. This hasn’t been easy for me either. I wish you were still here. Or that I was with you. I don’t know Caroline. I hate that I hurt you. I hate that you think you weren’t enough. Please don’t hate me. 

12:40 I messed up.

12:45 I don’t know what I’m doing. 

12:47 Call me tomorrow. 

10:50 Are you awake?  


11:15 I just want to make sure you’re okay.

11:30 Let me know that you’re okay please.

 

 “Damnit,” she said clicking her screen off, “Bruce can I be done?”

“I mean yeah, are you feeling better?” he asked.

“Physically, yes,” she said rolling her eyes. 

“How the hell does Nat drink the way she does and never end up here?” Sam asked lying back on the table.

“She’s Russian,” Bruce said removing the needle from Caroline’s arm.

“Thanks, I’ll see you boys later,” she said hopping down. 

She walked quickly to her room, closing the door behind her. She did not want anyone waltzing in. She paced the floor back and forth, debating on if she should call or message him. His texts were vague and awkward, she didn’t know what any of it meant, mostly because she couldn't really remember everything she said to him. There wasn’t really another option, she needed the details and calling him was really the only way without making things more muddy. The phone hardly rang once before she heard the click of him answering. 

“Caroline,” he breathed.

“I’m fine, before you say anything, I don’t really remember what I said to you last night, other than the part about hating you,” she said quickly into the receiver.

“I figured that was going to happen,” he chuckled.

“I must’ve said some not nice things for you to throw the ‘leaving’ stuff in my face,” she said curtly. 

“I shouldn't have said that.”

“No, you shouldn't have.”

“You called me selfish,” he said after a moment.

“I’m sorry,” she replied.

“No. You aren’t sorry for that one,” he said, “You are so angry that I stayed.”

“Yes. Yeah. I am furious,” she said.

“Damnit Caroline, why didn’t you say anything before?” he asked angrily.

“I asked you not to make me do this alone, I said that to you, but it was just too damn complicated for you. You’re too fucking stubborn. You’re scared, I get that, so am I. I wasn’t scared with you though,” she shot, “I took this leap alone and now I’m here thinking everyday about how I wasn't enough for you to take it with me.” 

“That’s not true, Caroline, that wasn’t it,” Bucky sighed. 

“Well then what is it Barnes? What the fuck is it? Because it wasn’t just me, it was Steve too. You couldn’t put your trust in either of us. Or maybe you stayed to make a martyr if yourself, as if you were protecting us,” Caroline ranted.

“We talked about this. I thought we talked about this. I mean you don’t know Caroline, what if he’s not gone, what if the Winter Soldier is still in there and I hurt you…or someone?” Bucky shot.

“Then we would have dealt with it! Just like they’ll deal with it if I lose control again,” she shouted.

“Caroline,” he began. 

“No, I’m not done. We would have taken care of you, but you’re so goddamned determined to distance yourself from everyone who cares about you. You shut me out, you shut Steve out, and for what? To protect who Barnes?” she fumed, “And you talked about adjusting to life here, Steve did it. He’s adjusting,”

“Steve didn’t spend the last seventy years as an assassin Caroline, he was frozen, and then he was a hero,” Bucky growled.

“I know, I know that,” she sighed pinching the bridge of her nose.

“Caroline, I have to go,” Bucky said suddenly.

“No. Are you kidding me? We are in the middle of this and you’re just going to bail out?” she snapped.

“I’m sorry Caroline,” he said gently.

“No, unbelievable, you are so unbelievable,” she could feel the tears starting to fall from her eyes.

“Please don’t cry Caroline,” he begged.

“If you hang up on me I swear to God Barnes, I won’t want to hear from you again,” she shot.

“Caroline please, trust me, it’s better this way,” he said softly.

“No, damnit, it’s not,” she cried.

“Just trust me, I need you do trust me,” he begged.

“I did,” she said sucking in air. 

“Try again, one more time,” he said.

Before she could answer other line clicked and he was gone.

“Damnit!” she screamed at her phone, angry tears staining her cheek.

“Don’t throw the phone,” came a muffled voice from under her blankets.

Caroline jumped and looked over at her bed. It was the exact same as she had left it this morning. Maybe she had been too tired to notice the lump, or maybe it just didn't even register to her that there was a lump, but there it was. Natasha pushed the covers down, revealing herself.

“How long have you been there?” Caroline asked, wiping her tears.

“Well Steve left around 3 and asked me to take care of you,” Natasha said leaning back onto the pillow again, “And then I just didn’t leave.”

She should have known Natasha wouldn't have left. For the past week Caroline’s nightmares had gotten bad, really bad, and Natasha or Wanda had traded off sleeping with her each night. Once Clint even stayed, sleeping awkwardly in her desk chair. She appreciated them doing this, and it helped, but sleep still did not come easy. She crawled into bed beside Natasha.

“This is why I distance myself from everyone and do not have any friends,” Natasha said, her eyes still closed.

“That’s right, such a hard ass. No friends, except Sam and Clint, your best friend, and Steve, you're so close to Steve, oh and Tony, I know you have a soft spot for him. It’s almost like you like me too, making sure I’m okay every night, taking care of me when I’m drunk,” Caroline said slyly.

“You all only think that I like you,” she smirked.

“Of course,” Caroline nodded.

“Take a nap with me,” Natasha said swiping her hand over Caroline’s eyes.

“Take a nap? Nat you haven't even woken up yet,” Caroline laughed.

“Shhh, I’m sleeping, you should be too, big party tonight,” Nat mumbled. 

Caroline’s eyes were heavy from the crying, and from the being hungover. She wiped the tears from her face and closed her eyes, allowing sleep to take over. 

The next time she woke up, Tony was sitting in front of her gently poking her nose. He had turned every light on in the room, apparently that hadn’t been enough to get her up. She groaned and slapped his hand away.

“Morning sleepyhead,” Tony beamed.

“Morning? Does that mean I successfully slept through the party?” she asked, a hint of hope in her voice.

“Okay let me rephrase, evening sleepyhead, your party is in two hours, get up, you desperately need a shower,” he rephrased.

“I would rather die,” she said pulling the blanket over his head. 

“Why you so obsessed with death and dying?” he said ripping the blankets off of her and throwing them on the floor.

“I hate you,” she said rolling out of bed.

“I’m not too worried, you say that to a lot of people you don’t actually hate,” he winked.

Her hand shot out and Tony flew out of the room landing in the hallway. She flicked her wrist slamming the door shut in his face.

“Okay but you still have to shower,” Tony called bemusedly through the door, “And Nat and Wanda picked out a fancy little dress for you to wear, it’s in your closet.”


	8. Welcome to the Team

Steve had never been fond of parties. Before the serum he was awkward and unnatural at social gatherings, no matter how many times Bucky had forced him out. After the serum there wasn’t much time for parties, and when Tony did insist on throwing them, they either ended up uncomfortable for Steve or messy for Steve, and everyone else in Tony’s tower. He hadn't expected this party to be any exception.

He sat at the bar, with Bruce, both avoiding the crowds. Natasha stood behind the bar, whipping up drinks for Tony’s guest, her own personal brand of avoiding. Tony as usual was schmoozing about, but when when he saw Steve he casually glided over to the bar. He pulled up a stool next to Steve.

“Where is our guest of honor?” he asked.

“I don’t know, I haven't seen her once tonight,” Steve shrugged.

“She’s been avoiding me too,” Tony nodded. 

“Well do you blame her?” Natasha asked from behind the bar.

“Uh yeah, a little, this party is for her,” Tony snarked.

“She didn’t want it,” Natasha replied.

“No, she didn’t want it, but we’re all out here for her, and frankly I am getting a little tired of her attitude,” said Tony.

“It’s like we take one step forward and two steps back,” Steve nodded.

“Hmm, I wonder what the common factor in her backslides are?” Natasha hummed sarcastically. 

“I’ve already talked to him,” Steve said looking up at Natasha.

“Well if you told him to leave her alone, he might finally be listening. They had it out sometime this morning, it sounded pretty bad,” Natasha said.

Steve and Tony exchanged a look that did not go unnoticed by Natasha. She raised an inquiring eyebrow at Steve.

“What?” asked Steve.

“I saw that, whatever it was,” Natasha replied. 

“It was nothing," Tony started. Nat raised her eyebrows at him. "Fine, call it a hunch, but I doubt either of them will be leaving the other alone anytime soon,” Tony said taking a sip of the drink he held in his hand.

“Well she was pissed this morning,” Natasha tilted her head, “almost broke another phone,” she smirked.

Tony rolled his eyes, finishing off his drink. Wanda approached the bar, Vision beside her. She took a seat next to Tony and caught the drink that Natasha slid over to her. 

“And how is this going?” Tony asked Wanda and Vision with a grin.

“I am not sure to what you are referring Mr. Stark,” said Vision cocking his head.

Tony sighed, shaking his head. Wanda smirked into her drink, but did not further the conversation.

“If you’re looking for Caroline, she’s outside on the balcony,” Wanda said to Steve.

“Shall I go?” Natasha asked coming out from behind the bar.

“No. I think I should,” Steve said standing, “It’s about time I actually had a real conversation with her.”

Tony patted him on the shoulder and he moved through the crowd, making his way to the balcony.

He’d been avoiding this since she had arrived. They had shared a few brief moments, but for the life of him he still could not figure out how to reach her. It had crushed him when he realized that he would not be the one to help her after they rescued her from HYDRA. When he finally had her back at the tower, he thought maybe that was his chance to form a semblance of the bond they had shared before. She had instead attached herself to Wanda and Nat, whenever she was attaching herself to anyone. Tony was constantly reminding him how lucky Steve was that he had both Bucky and Caroline back, but he couldn't shake the feeling that they were both still so far from him. 

As he walked through the crowd, he knew he’d have to come back in at some point and say hello to the faces he had avoided, but that was not important right now. He found Caroline outside on the balcony, where Wanda had said she would be. She was at the edge, her legs dangling over, underneath the wall of safety glass that surrounded the perimeter. Steve smiled at the sight of her. She wore a light blue dress that fell just below her knees. Her black pumps were at her side next to her. Tony must have paid her to wear those. Even when she would attend parties at the tower before, he had never seen her in heels. Her dark hair fell in curls down her back, something he realized Wanda or Natasha must have helped with. He didn't know what to say, he wanted to say so many things, but he didn't know how to start. 

“Caroline,” he said finally.

She jumped slightly at the sound of his voice, but did not turn around. He stood silently for another moment, then moved to sit down next to her. Her cheeks were stained from tears, but he could see that she was no longer actively crying. 

“I shouldn't be here Steve,” she said softly.

“What?” he asked.

“I shouldn’t be here. There shouldn’t be this big party for me, I shouldn’t be an Avenger, I shouldn’t be one of you,” she replied.

“Of course you should be one of us,” he said quickly. 

“I killed people Steve. I don’t even remember who they were or how many. I’m not a hero,” she said, her voice breaking, “I’m the bad guy.”

“All of us have blood on our hands Caroline,” Steve started.

“Not you,” she interjected. 

“All of us,” he said firmly, “You get to make your own choices now Caroline.” 

She dropped her head onto his shoulder and nodded. He rested his cheek on top of her head. He breathed in the scent of her hair, so much about her had changed, but not that. 

“I’m sorry,” he said instinctively.

“Sorry?” she asked, “What on Earth do you have to be sorry for?”

“I don’t know,” Steve said with a harsh laugh, “Avoiding you, not realizing sooner that you had been taken, my idiot best friend. I feel like the list doesn't really end.”

Caroline turned towards Steve, bringing her legs up from over the edge of the balcony. She offered a small, sad smile, and her hand.

“To be fair,” she said, “I was avoiding you. You did everything you could as soon as you knew. And Barnes being an idiot has nothing to do with you.”

“I still feel responsible,” he sighed, “For all of it.”

“Of course you do Steve, that’s who you are,” Caroline said nudging her shoulder into Steve’s.

Steve laughed and looked down at their hands intertwined in his lap. Having her hand in his felt familiar. It felt right. 

“Caroline, were you ever in love with me?” 

He had not intended to ask her this question, ever. Something about the moment made him feel like he needed to ask it, like he needed to know. 

Her head snapped up, her face full of shock. Then, to Steve’s surprise, she scoffed and shook her head. 

“Would you believe it if I told you that this isn't the first time I’ve been asked the question recently?” she asked.

“Wait? What?” 

“Barnes asked if I was in love with you one night in Wakanda,” she replied. 

“Bucky asked you that?” Steve was shocked. He had no idea what had prompted Bucky to ask Caroline if she was in love with Steve, but it he knew it wasn’t for nothing.

“Yeah, he was showing me the book you made him, and he just…asked,” Caroline shrugged.

Steve hesitated for a moment. He was unsure of what to say next. If Bucky had asked Caroline a question as big as that, then maybe Tony was right about their attachment being more than just platonic. Steve wanted to know if the feelings he had always for Caroline were mutual, but Bucky was more important than any feelings he had. He had been through so much, Steve wouldn't take this away from him. 

 “Caroline, don’t answer my question,” Steve said quickly, “It doesn’t matter anymore. Whatever we had before all of this, it’s different now, and that’s okay.”

“Steve,” Caroline said leaning her head into him, “you mean everything to me.”

He smiled into her hair and kissed the top of her head. His phone buzzed and glanced down a it. He shrugged his shoulder, causing Caroline to lift her head.

“Are you ready to go back into the party?” he asked.

“Are you?” she quipped.

“No, I’m not,” Steve said standing, “but I promised Tony that I would bring you back. He gets very sensitive about his parties,” Steve grinned. 

“Well fine, I’ll go back in,” Caroline grunted, “but I was promised Thor, and he has not shown up.”

“He’s a busy man,” Steve said offering her his hand, “Something tells me you won’t be disappointed with who has shown up though.”

He pulled her up with ease and she slipped her heels back on. When she turned around her heart stopped. Sam was standing behind them, Bucky at his side. 

“I offered to help him find y’all,” Sam said, a huge smile on his face.

“It was very big of him,” Bucky grunted.

"You're growing up Sam," Steve laughed. 

He walked over to the two and wrapped Bucky in a hug. 

“It’s good to see you Buck,” he said smiling at his friend. 

“You too Steve,” Bucky nodded. 

“We’ll be inside,” Steve said giving Bucky’s shoulder a squeeze, “Caroline, you have to come back in at some point or Tony will lose it.”

Caroline nodded silently as Steve and Sam disappeared back into the party. She was frozen where she stood. She didn’t know if she wanted to run into his arms or throw him off the balcony. 

“What are you doing here?” she said finally. 

He was visibly surprised by this question, and if she wasn't mistaken, hurt. He ran his hand through his hair, taking a step back from her. If he had been expecting a big happy reunion, he was sorely mistaken. 

“Do you want me to leave?” he asked.

“No!” The ground they stood on began to vibrate slightly as the tight control Caroline had over her powers was completely compromised. 

“Caroline,” Bucky said in a low voice.

He moved towards her very slowly. She was crying now, her shoulders shaking along with the floor beneath them. He reached out to her and pulled her into him. She collapsed against his chest, the ground went still.

“Caroline, I’m so sorry,” he whispered into the top of her head.

"I can't do this again Barnes," she cried into his chest.

"Do what again? What are you talking about?" he asked. 

“I don't want to say goodbye again. It was too hard," she replied.

"Caroline," he began.

"When are you leaving?" she asked pushing herself away from him.

“I’m not,” he said.

“What?” she asked softly.

“I’m not leaving Caroline,” he replied taking a tentative step towards her, “I’ve already talked it over with Steve and Tony. I’m staying...with you.”

“You’re literally killing me Barnes,” she said falling back into him. 

“Foolish of me to think I would receive a warm welcome,” he laughed resting his chin on the top of her head. 

She wrapped her arms around his waist. Since she had come back to New York without Bucky, Caroline had felt like she could break at any moment. Most days it took every ounce of her concentration to keep her powers under control. Now that he was here and staying, she felt as thought a thousand weights had been lifted.

He held her against him for a few solitary moments. Then he pulled back and pressed both hands to either side of her cheeks, lifting her face to look up at his. The corner of his mouth formed into a small smile as he wiped the leftover tears from her face. 

“We should go inside,” he said softly. 

“I know,” Caroline nodded.

"I don't want to," he said pressing his forehead to hers.

"Me either," she whispered, "But we have to," she smiled up at him placing her hand in his metal one.

She turned and began to lead him back into the party. 

“Wait,” he stopped pulling her back towards him.

“Yes?” she asked.

"How long am I going to be 'Barnes' for instead of 'Bucky'?" he asked desperately.  


Her face broke out into a large grin. She dropped her head, chuckling to herself, then looked back up at him.

"I don't know Barnes, you really pissed me off," she smirked.

"Caroline," he pleaded.

She wrapped her fingers around his and nudged her head into his shoulder.

"Let's go back inside now Bucky," she grinned, "Besides this party is just as much yours now as it is mine."

“No thanks,” Bucky said, his eyes widening in horror.

“Hey, you better hop on the back of this one, or Tony just might throw you your own,” she replied.

“Okay good call,” he said.

He pulled her back into the tower quickly as she laughed behind him. Steve, Tony, and the others watched, mystified as the two approached them. Bucky stopped in front of the group, standing awkwardly, holding tightly onto Caroline’s hand. Steve moved to stand beside Bucky, grinning from ear to ear. Natasha smiled at them. Tony rolled his eyes and clapped a hand on Bucky's shoulder.

“Well, welcome home Barnes…I guess,” Tony said, winking at Bucky.

“So, y'all are just letting anyone be an Avenger now?” asked Sam.

Bucky tensed, but the others laughed. Caroline rested her hand on his forearm, and he relaxed. 

“I’m just messing,” Sam said as he draped an arm around Bucky’s shoulders, “Welcome to the team Barnes.”


	9. You Gave Me Something to Live For

Caroline and Bucky sat across from Steve and Tony in a small debriefing room as the party died down below them. The atmosphere in the room was terse, but not unbearably so. Bucky shifted in his chair, waiting for Tony or Steve to begin the conversation. He and Caroline knew they were up there to hear details of their stay at the tower. Caroline had already heard their spiel, but Steve had asked her to come up with them anyhow. She had not protested. 

“So,” Tony began clapping his hands together, “Welcome to the team Barnes, we’re glad to have you.”

“Really?” Bucky asked raising a skeptical eyebrow.

“Well, Steve and Caroline are at least,” Tony gibed. 

“Tony,” Steve sighed shaking his head.

“What? I’m joking, it was a joke,” said Tony, “We are all very glad to have you here,” he added emphasizing the _all._

“Better Tony, maybe a little less sarcasm, but better,” Steve said with a laugh. 

“Well I try,” Tony snarked, “Now, your room is on fifth floor, Steve can show that to you later. If you have any questions about anything Friday can assist you, she’s very helpful. Caroline and the others can show you around the building to get you acquainted with everything.”  


“Tony can I ask a question?” Caroline piped up.

“I don’t know, what is it?” Tony asked.

“Uh what?” said Caroline confused.

“Yes Caroline, ask your question,” Tony smirked.

“Why put all the females on one floor and all the males on another? We’re all adults,” said Caroline.

Steve crossed his arms and looked over at Tony, a small smile forming across his lips. Tony rolled his head towards Steve and raised his eyebrows up at him.

“Okay, that was my idea,” Steve said finally.

“Of course it was,” Bucky mused. 

“Look, your floors are separated by one flight of stairs or a short elevator ride. We don’t keep tabs on where you sleep or who you sleep with, so I’m sure you’ll be fine,” Tony rambled.

Caroline glared at Tony, her hands gripped the rests of her chair so hard that her knuckles turned white. Bucky shifted uncomfortably in his seat. 

“Tony,” Steve groaned.

“What? I didn't mean…I just meant…we don’t care, I don’t care. Vision is almost always in Wanda’s room and no one says a word!” Tony protested awkwardly.

“You’re such an idiot,” Caroline chuckled.

"Genius, actually, but I'll let it slide," said Tony.

"Ok, ok, focus up," Steve said.

"Ooh, he's got his Cap hat on!" Tony said giddily clapping his hands.

"Tony," Steve said, looking thoroughly annoyed.

"Okay, I'm sorry, focus up everyone," Tony nodded.

Steve sighed while Caroline and Bucky tried to hide the smiles, but he continued on.

"Something that we all deal with on almost a daily basis is the media. We're very prominently in the public eye, and since only one of us, Peter, has a secret identity, we get talked about quite a bit," Steve explained, "Bucky, you've already dealt with this a bit, but just know, it will be tenfold once people realize you're one of us now."

"And it won't always be nice either, Steve here was once on a headline that said..." Tony began.

"Tony don't!" Steve said sternly, trying to cut him off.

"Is Captain America REALLY a 100-Year Old Virgin??" Tony finished.

"Damnit Tony," Steve said dropping his forehead into his hand.

"Language Cap," Tony chimed.

"Well if he isn't it's news to me," Bucky mumbled, a grin spreading across his lips.

Steve's head shot up to glare at his best friend. 

"I will not hesitate to fight you Barnes," Steve growled as Tony and Caroline laughed.

"And here I thought you missed this," said Bucky.

“As fun as this is, can I please go? I'm very tired and between the shit the three of you have pulled on me tonight, I think I need to sleep for at least two days,” Caroline said with a small laugh.

“I have done nothing…tonight,” Tony said pointing to himself.

“The entire party was you,” Caroline shot back.

“Okay, regardless, we have to go over one more thing, with both of you,” Tony said with a wave of his hand. 

“We won’t be sending you two on missions together,” Steve said firmly.

“Oh, we’re just diving right into that, okay, good job Rogers,” Tony prattled. 

“Why the hell not?” Bucky asked angrily.

“Frankly Barnes, it’s too risky, you two are too attached,” Tony replied, “We rarely send Wanda and Vision out together.”

“For the love of God Stark, stop comparing us,” Caroline groaned, “Honestly you’re all a little attached to each other don’t you think? If this is the rule then how do any of you get anything done?” 

“Caroline, I’m sorry, it’s just different,” said Steve. 

“We’re going to train you, we’re going to give you the best training, but none of that can prepare you for what it’s actually like out there,” said Tony, “We just want to avoid , potential disasters. This isn't a punishment Caroline, it’s a precaution, that’s all.” 

Steve caught Bucky’s eye and held his gaze for a moment, silently pleading with his friend to understand. Bucky nodded, he knew they were right. He couldn't be sure that he wouldn't do something stupid to keep Caroline safe. He also couldn't be sure he wouldn't do something stupid to keep Steve safe, but they had fought together before. 

“Caroline, they’re right,” Bucky said finally. 

“Unbelievable,” she scoffed.

She stood, throwing back her chair. She stormed out of the conference room, with a loud slam of the door behind her. 

“And to think, I thought her tantrums would go away with you here,” Tony sighed shaking his head.

“Give her a break Stark, everything Hydra did to her, it doesn't just go away over night,” said Bucky.

“She’s also young Tony,” Steve added, “It’s a lot for anyone to handle, but she’s only twenty-two.”

“Do you two always do this?” Tony asked looking between them, “This like ‘We’re best friends so we have to agree with everything the other says’ thing?” 

“Jealous?” Bucky smirked.

“Alright, meeting adjourned,” Tony snapped, standing up and leaving the room. 

“He doesn’t like to share,” Steve said with a smile.

“I sensed that,” Bucky replied. 

“It really is good to have you here Buck,” Steve said after a moment, “I think it’s going to be really good for you.”

“I hope so,” Bucky sighed, “I’m afraid everyday that the Winter Solider is still in there, that everything Shuri did to help me wasn’t enough.” 

“I know,” Steve nodded, “But we’re here Bucky, all of us, even Tony, we can handle that. And we can handle whatever comes after.”

“Thanks Steve,” said Bucky. 

“C’mon Buck, I’ll show you to Caroline’s room,” Steve said standing.

“What about my room?” Bucky asked.

“I’ll show you that tomorrow,” Steve replied, “You need to talk to her, she’ll understand if it comes from you. And we both know you were probably going to sleep on her floor anyway.”

“I don’t know how you do it Steve,” Bucky laughed following his friend out of the room, “A hundred years and you are still such a punk.”

* * *

Caroline was sitting in her bed, reading, when she decided to ignore the tentative knock on her door. She knew it was Bucky, and if she was wrong, it was Steve or Tony. At this moment she wanted very little to do with all three of them. The knock came again, this time a little louder.

“Go away Barnes, I’m sleeping,” she called from her bed.

“Your light is on Caroline,” she heard him grunt from being the door.

“Observant,” she replied. 

“Caroline, please, I want to talk to you,” he said pleadingly.

“We can talk to tomorrow, when I’m less annoyed.”

“Fine, I’ll wait out here,” he said firmly.

She heard his back slide against the door and his the weight of his body hit the floor outside of her room. 

“Stop being dramatic Barnes, go to bed, it’s late,” she called out, trying very hard not to laugh. 

“It’s Bucky, you said you’d go back to calling me Bucky,” he barked back, “And you know I can’t sleep, I know you can’t either.”

She threw her book at the door, but he didn’t move. He was right of course, she hadn't slept alone since she’d gotten to the tower. It was too hard, the nightmares were unbearable, and without someone there to walk her through them, sleep was almost impossible. She crawled out of her bed and slowly walked towards the door. He looked up at her as she cracked it open.

“Can I come in now?” he asked.

She flung the door open and he had to catch himself from falling backwards. He stood and followed her, climbing onto the foot of the bed. 

“They were right Caroline,” Bucky said.

“If I’m not there, I can’t heal you if something happens,” Caroline said softly.

“Well, I think if they knew about that there were would be very few missions you wouldn't be included on,” Bucky replied. 

“I know,” she nodded. 

“Caroline if we’re on the field together, I’m not confident that I would be able to focus on anything other than making sure you were safe,” said Bucky.

“I can handle myself,” Caroline shot.

“Of course you can. Believe me, I am hyper aware of that,” Bucky said with a laugh, “That isn’t the point though.”

“I know, I wouldn't be able to focus either,” Caroline sighed falling back onto her pillow, “My life was a lot less difficult before I met you Barnes.”

“I feel like those two things are not mutually exclusive,” said Bucky, climbing off her bed and laying on the floor beside it, “As in, maybe there was another thing that happened right around the time of our meeting that could have maybe added some difficulty to your life.”

“I guess,” she said. 

She rolled over to the edge of the bed and looked down at him, then she tossed him a pillow. 

“Thank you for coming here Bucky,” she said, “What made you change your mind?”

“Well, you sounded really angry on the phone,” he replied, putting his hand up on the bed.

She laughed as her cheek found his palm. His fingers entertained in her hair and began scratching her scalp.

“No really,” she replied.

“I kept having really bad panic attacks. Shuri gave me pills to take when they got really bad and I couldn't bring myself down from them. They got more and more frequent. I was having one last night, when you drunk called me. Hearing your voice and then Steve’s, I came down from it so fast. I knew I had to be with you, and with Steve,” he explained. 

She placed her hand on his forearm, stroking it gently and nuzzled her cheek against his palm.

“I don’t know Caroline, I don’t know how we got so attached,” he said softly. 

“You were there for me when I was at my lowest, you took care of me when we were in Siberia,” said Caroline sleepily, “That’s why for me. I don’t know why you’re so attached.”

They were quiet for a long time. Bucky listened as the sound of her breathing became more and more steady. He reached up with his metal arm to turn the lamp on her beside table off. 

“You gave me something to live for in there Caroline,” Bucky said to the darkness, knowing Caroline was asleep, “You give me something to live for now.” 

Bucky closed his eyes, and vaguely dozed off. It wasn't long before Caroline woke screaming from another nightmare. Bucky climbed up into the bed next to her, pulling her shaking body against his. 

“It’s okay,” he said into her hair.

“Bucky?” she cried, disoriented.

“Yeah Kid it’s me, I’m here,” he said calm

Her sob hitched in her throat and her crying slowed as she remembered the events of the night, that Bucky was indeed back. He lay down, Caroline still in his arms. She fell asleep against him and in his arms, slept through the rest of the night. 

 


	10. I Can't Fight a Kid

Natasha sat on a stool at the kitchen counter, eating half of a bagel with cream cheese. She had a mug of coffee in front of her, that she had yet to touch. Clint was perched up on the counter, eating a bowl of cereal and staring off into space. Sam was on the other side of the kitchen, flipping an egg. 

All three turned their heads as Caroline waltzed into the kitchen, fully dressed in her training attire, though still looking sleepy in the eyes. They watched as she went to the refrigerator and examined it’s contents. She closed it without removing anything, but grabbed an apple out of the fruit bowl instead.

“Good morning,” she smiled at them, then took a seat at the counter next to Natasha. 

“Morning,” Natasha mumbled back, Clint just nodded. 

Bucky came into the kitchen next and followed in Caroline’s footsteps to the fridge. He closed it without removing anything as well, but instead of grabbing fruit, poured himself a cup of coffee. He did not offer up any morning pleasantries, but grabbed the newspaper that was on the kitchen table, Steve insisted on it being there every morning. He took it and his cup of coffee and leaned his backside against the counter, next to where Caroline sat. Sam looked at the two with his eyebrows raised. Clint shrugged at him and Natasha shook her head ever so slightly. But being Sam, he decided, as always, to open his mouth.

“Y’all think you’re being sneaky by walking in here one at time? Giving one a minute or two before the other walks in. Like we don’t know you were in the same room all night?” he said, waving his spatula at them. 

Bucky didn’t look up from his paper. Clint’s head snapped to Caroline, as did Natasha’s, though she was infinitely more subtle about it. 

“I wasn’t aware it was a secret,” Caroline said taking a bite of her apple, “Also, your eggs are on fire.”

Bucky grinned and took a sip of his coffee, as Sam scrambled to put out the small fire that had erupted on the stove. He turned off the heat and threw a lid on top, snuffing it out. Arms crossed, he turned back towards the others. 

“Did you two know about this?” Sam asked, “Am I the only one who didn’t? I thought we were friends.”

“We’re not,” Bucky said from being his newspaper.

“I was not even talking to you Metal Man!” Sam protested.

“Sam, we are friends,” Caroline smiled. 

“Okay so how did everyone know then?” Sam asked.

“I mean, I haven't had to sleep in her room for a little over a month now, which roughly coincides with Barnes showing up,” said Natasha.

“They’re always together during the day, I didn’t think it’d be any different at bedtime,” Clint said through a spoonful of cereal.

“We are not always together,” Caroline snorted.

“Caroline, there’s literally a kitchen table with six empty chairs, but Barnes here would rather stand right next to you than take a seat,” said Natasha.

“I like to stand,” Bucky grunted. 

“Sure you do,” Clint nodded, hopping off the counter, “I’m off to the training room, see you guys in twenty.”

Bucky sighed, grabbed his coffee and moved to the table. He threw his newspaper back up, as Natasha, Caroline, and Sam began to laugh. Steve walked into the kitchen and glanced around the room with a puzzled look on his face.

“This is new,” he said indicating to Bucky.

“What is new Steve? What is new?” Bucky said disgruntled throwing the newspaper down to see Steve.

“You and Caroline sitting so far apart,” he said pouring a cup of coffee and taking a seat beside Bucky. 

“Oh for the love of God,” Caroline groaned sliding off of her stool, “I’ll see you nerds at training.”

Sam snorted as Caroline stormed out of the room. Natasha hopped off of her own stool, and her plate in the sink, laughing quietly to herself. Steve picked up the newspaper Bucky had thrown down and beamed at his friend.

“Aren’t you…uh, going to follow her?” Steve asked nodding his head after Caroline. 

“No,” Bucky snapped. 

Steve nodded, turning his attention towards the paper. Bucky shifted in his chair for a second, then sighed slamming his mug down. 

“Damnit Rogers, you’re such a punk,” Bucky said angrily. 

He stood and stomped out of the kitchen. The others chuckling behind him.

“Damn Steve, that was messed up. Hilarious, but messed up,” Sam said cracking two new eggs into his pan, “How much of our conversation did you hear?”

“I heard the whole thing,” Steve grinned, “He deserves a little punking every now and then.”

“Too true. So…When do you think they’re finally going to admit that they’re in love?” Sam asked. 

“Sam, we don’t know that they're in love,” Natasha said quickly, glancing over at Steve. 

“What do you mean we don’t know that they’re in love? He follows her around like a puppy. And Caroline-”

“Watch your eggs Sam,” Natasha shot, cutting him off.

“Oh shit!” Sam said turning back to his eggs. 

“I think it’s best if we stay out of it in that capacity Sam,” Steve said after a moment.

“Okay but Steve consider this, we help them out, give them a little nudge in their little love journey,” Sam started.

“Sam, stay out of it,” Steve demanded, “If you want to speculate fine, talk to Tony. But if we push them, it could be very bad.” 

“They’re very fragile Sam,” Natasha mused.

“Okay, that’s true though. They really are,” Sam said taking a bite of his eggs, straight from the pan.

“Hurry up with that,” Natasha said, “We need to get to the training room.”

“Fine, fine, I’m on my way,” Sam said taking the frying pan in his hand and leaving the kitchen.

Natasha moved to sit at the table across from Steve. She propped her elbows up on the table and rested her chin atop her crossed hands. Steve, who had gone back to reading the paper, didn't bother to set it down.

“Steve,” Natasha said after a moment. 

“Hmm?” he asked from behind the paper.

“Put the newspaper down,” said Natasha.

He sighed and dropped the paper, folding it at it’s creases. He tossed it back to the middle of the table and looked up at Natasha with his arms crossed.

“Are you okay with all of this?” she asked, ignoring the annoyance behind his eyes.

“Of course I am okay with this,” he sighed.

“Your two best friends Steve, one of them you used to have feelings for, you’re really sure that you’re okay with it?” she said slowly.

“Look, this has nothing to do with me or what I used to feel. They’re my best friends, they've been through so much, and if they make each other happy, I’m happy,” Steve said firmly.

“Alright, you just seemed, I don’t know, touchy about it,” Natasha said leaning back in her chair. 

“I know Bucky better than Bucky knows Bucky,” Steve sighed, “He hasn’t realized that he has feelings for her. I’m afraid that if we push it, he’s going to panic or shut down or both. For them to have their best chance they need to come to this on their own. Bucky needs to figure this out alone otherwise it could be very bad,” he explained. 

“Okay, I hear you,” Natasha replied with a nod.

“When they're together, they’re happy. Bucky broods less and smiles more, Caroline is softer, like she was before Hydra. Believe me Nat, I want this for them,” Steve said. 

“I know Steve, you’re so goddamn noble,” Natasha said with a grin. 

“Language,” Steve teased, “You should head over to start training, Clint probably needs your help wrangling the kiddos.”

“Too true,” Natasha said with a laugh.

Steve picked up his newspaper again as Natasha stood and walked out of the kitchen to the training room. 

* * *

 When Natasha entered the room, Clint hadn't even started trying to wrangle everyone in, instead he was setting up, something that should have been done before everyone arrived. Sam was sitting on a bench still scarfing his breakfast down. Wanda and Vision were in the corner of the room, stretching each other. Natasha silently laughed, noticing Caroline was on one side of the room doing her own stretches while Bucky sat grumpily on the other side, next to Sam, vaguely watching her. They were obviously trying very hard to put some separation between them. Peter was sitting on the other side of Bucky, talking animatedly. Every now and then Bucky would nod at Peter to placate him, but Natasha could tell his heart wasn't in it.

“Were you planning on rounding them up anytime soon?” Natasha asked as she approached Clint.

“Uh yes,” said Clint. 

“You were waiting for me weren't you?” Natasha smirked. 

“They listen to you better,” Clint shrugged. 

Natasha rolled her eyes, but grinned in spite of herself. She turned to the group, none of them looked even remotely ready.

“Alright, kiddos, pair off, we’re doing hand to hand today,” Natasha shouted. 

Wanda and Vision stood together in the center of the room. Sam dropped his pan and stood beside them, waiting for someone to claim him as their partner. Peter turned to Bucky, a huge smile plastered across his face.

“No Peter, I am not pairing up with you,” Bucky said standing with a shake of his head. 

“Why not?” Peter protested.

“You’re a kid, I can’t fight a kid,” Bucky replied.

Peter ran at Bucky, ducking down and grabbing his legs, flipping him directly onto his back. Everyone in the room watched as Bucky lay unmoving. 

“C’mon old man!” Peter teased.

“I’m not doing it, I’m not fighting a kid,” Bucky mumbled to himself on the ground.

“I’ll fight a kid,” Natasha said jerking her head for Peter to join her. 

Peter laughed, but strolled off to stand by Natasha. Caroline walked over to Bucky and looked down at him beaming. He looked up at her, his face breaking into a smile. 

“That was very funny,” she said offering him a hand.

“Oh it was was it?” he said placing his hand in hers. 

He pulled her hard, causing her to fall on top of him. Then in one swift move, he flipped her and had her pinned to the ground, his hands holding her arms down above her head. 

“You I can fight,” he grinned. 

“Someone wants to get thrown into some walls today,” she laughed.

“It’s hand to hand Caroline, no powers,” Clint said standing above them with his arms crossed. 

Caroline gently pushed Bucky off of her and the two got to their feet. Everyone in the room was watching, various forms of amusement on their faces. 

“C’mon Caroline, you’re going to work with me today,” Clint said, trying to his his own smile.

“You mean I gotta fight Winter Soldier over there?” Sam asked, all amusement draining from his face.

“You’re lucky you’ll be fighting me and not him,” Bucky grumbled, storming over to Sam. 

“That’s fair,” Sam nodded. 

* * *

Caroline was sparring with Clint. They had been going at it for over an hour, her body was exhausted, but she kept pushing. She was hyper focused, completely unaware of what the other teams were doing. Clint was taking it easy on her, she could tell, and she appreciated it. The physical therapy sessions with Bruce had been helping, but the pain still came in waves all day every day.

From behind her she heard Sam playfully taunting Bucky. Her mind wandered and Clint knocked her down.

“You’re losing focus Caroline,” he said pulling her up. 

“Why wouldn’t you let me fight with Bucky?” she asked throwing a punch. 

“You’ve fought Bucky, many times,” Clint said, ducking her punch with ease. 

“Whenever we do hand to hand training, you guys always split us up,” Caroline said breathlessly. 

“Take a break,” Clint said pulling her to the bench.

He tossed her a towel and walked off to grab them both some water. Caroline watched the others now. She noticed that Wanda and Vision were cheating, both using their powers on the other. She wondered who had started that and figured it was probably Wanda. Nat and Peter were both so agile, they almost looked like they were dancing. Peter was talking the whole time, something Nat was trying to kick out of him by ignoring ever word he said, but it had almost no effect. Bucky and Sam were clunky and rough. She knew Bucky was holding back on Sam who was much more effective with his wings, but Sam was still holding his own. 

“Here,” Clint said handing her some water, he sat beside her.

“Thanks,” she said taking a sip.

“Tony and Steve were worried about you two, they didn't want to put you in a situation that would trigger anything for either of you,” Clint said, taking a sip of his own water.

“That sounds about right,” Caroline sighed, “I wish they had a little more faith in us.” 

“Well, you aren't exactly evenly matched either,” said Clint with a laugh.

“I’m not exactly evenly matched with anyone in this room,” Caroline said sarcastically.

“Without your powers that’s probably true, but you're still learning, you’ve never had to do anything like this before. I mean of your own accord,” Clint said. 

“Right,” she nodded, “You know I wish I could be mad at Steve and Tony for this, but they might be right.”

“It’s one of their more annoying traits, being right,” Clint chuckled. 

Caroline laughed too, she appreciated Clint being honest with her. He always was. And she appreciated him making her laugh when she really didn't feel like it. They sat for a few moments in silence, Caroline catching her breath, before t heir attention was pulled across the room, to Bucky and Sam. 

“Sam, stop, stop, I have to stop,” Bucky said rapidly throwing his metal arm between the two of them.

He retreated to the bench on their side of the room. Everyone else paused, watching carefully. 

“You okay Barnes?” Sam asked approaching him tentatively. 

“I’m fine, I just have to be done,” Bucky nodded. 

Caroline hopped up off of her seat and glided over to where Sam stood by Bucky. She put her hand in Bucky's hair and he leaned his forehead against her stomach. 

“Wrap it up everyone, that’s enough for today,” Natasha said to the others.

She ushered Wanda, Vision, and Peter out of the training room, as Clint picked things up around them. Sam lingered with Caroline and Bucky. 

“What happened?” Caroline asked.

“Well, I was kicking ass, and then Metal Man here needed to take a little break,” Sam said teasingly. 

Bucky laughed silently against Caroline. Caroline shook her head, smiling at Sam. He gave her a wink.

“I was talking to Bucky,” Caroline said, “but thank you very much for that.”

“He’ll tell you the same exact thing,” Sam shrugged.

“No, no he won’t,” said Bucky shaking his head, “Bird Brain has the same four moves and I just had a little flashback from when I fought him as the Winter Soldier.”

“Oh so now it’s my fault,” Sam said gesturing to himself, “and don’t think we won’t be coming back around to that ‘Bird Brain’ comment.”

Bucky turned his head to look up at Sam.

“I’m joking Sam, it wasn't your fault,” he said with a shaky laugh. 

“Oh I do know that,” Sam nodded, “How are you feeling now man?”

“Better,” Bucky said, “I think we’ve successfully avoided a panic attack,” he said to Caroline. 

“You’re welcome,” Sam said clapping a hand on Bucky’s shoulder.

“Right, I did nothing,” Caroline said sarcastically.

“All I’m saying is, while you were playing with his hair, I was talking him off a ledge,” Sam said throwing his hands up. 

Bucky laughed standing up and taking Caroline’s hand in is. He rested his chin on top of her head.

“Thank you Caroline,” he said, smiling into her hair.

“Oh I see how it is,” Sam said narrowing his eyes at Bucky.

“And thank you Sam, I appreciate you hanging back,” Bucky said to Sam. 

“That’s what I thought,” Sam teased, “Now let’s go, it’s Saturday, we have to get ready for movie night.”

“Sam it’s ten in the morning,” Caroline laughed.

“And my girl here needs a shower!” Sam joked. 

He took off running before Caroline could wrap her head around his joke. Once it registered she dropped Bucky’s hand and took off after Sam. 

“I’m going to kill you Wilson!” Bucky heard her call as she ran off. 

Bucky laughed, shaking his head. He followed them out of the training room and caught up with Caroline outside of Sam’s door.

“Open up!” Caroline shouted.

“Hell no!” Sam said from behind his door. 

“You have to come out sometime!” she taunted. 

“You know, he might have a point Caroline,” Bucky laughed behind her.

She spun on him, her eyes gazing glaringly. She was tiny, but Bucky knew what she was capable of. 

“Oh you’re in for it now Barnes,” she said charging him. 

He laughed and caught her, flinging her over his shoulder. He carried her to her room and dropped her in her bathroom. 

“I’ll be back,” he said grinning. 

She rolled her eyes at him, but gave a small smile. She pushed him out of the door frame, closing the door in his face. 

“I’ll see you in a bit,” she said through the door. 

With a laugh he left her room and walked to his own. 


	11. I Can't Do Any of This Without You

Bucky sat on Caroline’s bed while she finished getting ready in her bathroom. He watched patiently as she dried her hair. When she was finished, she turned to him and smiled. He moved over as she walked over to join him on her bed.

“How are you feeling?” she asked sitting with her back against her pillows.

Bucky crawled up beside her and sprawled his body out so that his head was level with her hip. He lay on his back, looking up at the ceiling. 

“Fine,” he replied. 

“That wasn’t very convincing Buck,” she said.

“I’m fine, I’m better now,” he said, “Sometimes, when we’re training and I’m fighting the others, I get flashbacks. Usually I can handle it. Today, with Sam, I just really couldn’t.”

“I understand,” Caroline said softly, “But you handled yourself very well, and that is something.” 

“I just wish it hadn't happened in a room full of people,” he mumbled. 

Caroline’s hand weaved it’s way into Bucky’s hair, and she began to stroke it gently. He closed his eyes, relaxing against her touch.

“Bucky, almost every person in that room has dealt with panic attacks and flashbacks,” said Caroline. “Maybe not Vision…but he’s not really a person…right? I don’t know he confuses me,” Caroline rambled.

Bucky laughed and nodded into her hand. 

“No one lost any respect for you because of what happened today,” she smiled. 

“Thank you Caroline,” he said quietly.

“Did you know that Steve and Tony won’t let us fight each other in training?” she said after a few quiet moments playing with his hair.

“I figured as much,” he replied, “I wish they would talk to us before assuming things and making rules for us, but I’m actually glad about that one.”

“Yeah?” asked Caroline.

Bucky opened his eyes and looked up at her.

“Yes. I don’t want to be the reason you get hurt, or worse hurt you myself, ever again. I’m done with that,” Bucky said firmly. 

Caroline nodded and leaned her head back against the wall behind them. She closed her eyes.

“I’m tired,” she sighed.

“Sleep then,” he said nudging his shoulder against her.

She slid herself down next to him, resting her head against his on her pillow. A surge of pain went through her and she shivered against it. Bucky’s eyes opened and turned to her, full of concern.

“Caroline are you alright?” he asked.

“Yeah,” she nodded, “I’m fine.”

“Caroline,” Bucky said warningly.

“Bucky I’m fine, I’m just waiting for it to pass,” she replied in a low, strained voice, “It always passes, it will pass.”

“Fine,” he said roughly, “What can I do to help?”

Caroline reached over and grabbed Bucky’s vibranium arm and placed his hand on her stomach. Her tense muscles relaxed under the cold pressure. 

“Does that really help?” he asked. 

“It really does,” she said softly.

Caroline was asleep within minutes, Bucky was not far behind. Since sleep was so off and on for them, they took the opportunity to sleep any chance they could. They woke up to knocking on Caroline’s door. Bucky groaned and threw one of Caroline’s many decorative pillows at the door. Caroline stretched and sat up sleepily.

“Come in,” she mumbled.

Steve opened the door tentatively and greeted his friends with a sheepish smile. Bucky rolled over with his back to the door.

“Hi Steve,” Caroline said with a sleepy grin.

“Oh it’s Steve,” Bucky grumbled, “Hi Steve.”

“Hey guys,” Steve laughed, “I’m taking Parker into the city to get lunch and I wanted to see if you were interested.”

“No,” Bucky grunted.

“You’re not hungry? You didn’t eat breakfast Buck,” Caroline said resting a hand on Bucky’s shoulder.

“I am sleeping,” he replied firmly.

Caroline looked up at Steve with a smirk across her face. He laughed and shook his head. 

“Well, I’m starving,” Caroline said throwing her legs over the edge of the bed.

Bucky sat up quickly, looking at them both, grumpy as ever. 

“Fine, I’ll make you something,” he said. 

“C’mon Bucky,” Steve sighed, “You’ve been here almost a month and you haven't left once.”

“I don’t like the city,” he shrugged. 

“You used to love dragging me across the bridge, consider this a little payback,” said Steve.

“I’m not going,” Bucky replied.

“Bucky,” Caroline said resting her hand gently on his forearm, “I’m going to go with Steve and Peter.”

He groaned and pulled his arm away from Caroline, running a shaky hand through his hair. His eyes met hers pleadingly. 

“Hey,” she said reassuringly, “It’s going to be fine. No one is going to pay you any mind, especially if we’re walking around with Captain America here.”

“It’s true,” Steve nodded, “I’m kind of hard to miss.” 

“Fine,” Bucky said with a short laugh, “I’ll go, but I’m wearing a hat.” 

“Great,” Steve beamed, “I’ll meet you two down in the garage.”

He turned and walked out of Caroline’s room, closing the door behind him. Bucky walked around the bed to where Caroline stood and looked down at her.

“Last chance Caroline, I can make you a really great lunch,” he said.

“Bucky, you need to leave this place at some point,” Caroline said brushing past him to her closet.

“I will,” he replied.

“You need to go out on more than just missions,” she laughed, skimming through the clothes in her closet.

“Why? There’s an indoor swimming pool here, what more could I possibly need?” he asked.

“C’mon Bucky, let’s go get your hat,” she said taking his hand, “Also, I need to borrow one of your jackets.”

“You have three, I can see them in your closet right now,” he said narrowing his eyes at her.

She flicked her wrist and her closet door closed.

“Yes, but I like your hoodies better,” she said pulling her out of her room. 

“Oh okay,” he nodded with a laugh.

* * *

They met Steve and Peter downstairs in Tony’s garage about ten minutes later. Bucky tried again in his room to get Caroline to bail on Steve and Peter, but Caroline ignored him, grabbing two of his hoodies and one of his hats, then dragged him into the elevator.

The garage was filled with fancy, nice cars, all Tony’s. There were a few cars that were significantly less fancy, but still nice, that he allowed others to take out. Steve’s motorbike also had it’s own place in the garage. When Caroline and Bucky walked in, Steve was hunched over Peter, looking intently at Peter’s phone. 

“I’m sorry Peter but I don’t get it,” he said with a shake of his head.

“It’s a meme,” said Peter.

“A what?” Steve asked quizzically.

“Don’t worry about it old timer,” Peter said squeezing Steve’s arm. He paused then squeezed again, “Wow, the internet doesn’t lie.”

“You’ve got to spend less time on that thing,” Caroline said to Peter with a laugh.

Steve and Peter looked up at them. Steve smiled at them, relieved to have Peter’s attention pulled from him. 

“Well that took forever,” Peter said smirking. 

“Sorry Peter, this one kept trying to convince me to stay in,” Bucky said nodding his head towards Caroline, “I don’t know what to tell you.”

“Unbelievable Barnes!” Caroline said hitting his shoulder.

“Yeah, no one here believes that,”Steve laughed shaking his head. 

“So how does this work Steve, are we all piling behind you on your motorcycle or what?” Bucky asked sarcastically. 

“Funny Buck,” Steve said pulling a set of keys out of his pocket, “I have a car,” he said nodded his head towards a sleek navy car.

“Blue,” Bucky said, “that’s different.”

“Shot gun!” Caroline said striding over to Steve’s car. 

“Uh, no,” Bucky said as the three boys followed her. 

He wrapped his arm around middle and lifted her, setting her down behind him. Her hands flew to her hips as she stared at him indignantly. 

“Excuse me?” she said.

“Tiny people can’t sit in the front seat,” he grinned. 

“I am not tiny!” she scoffed. 

Bucky laughed and opened the back door for her. She took the door and slammed it shut, then smirked at him playfully.

“Peter, front seat is yours,” Steve said opening his door and sliding into the driver’s seat.

“Score!” Peter pumped his fist.

He slipped past Bucky and Caroline and their shocked faces, and got into the front seat. Caroline looked up at Bucky and raised an eyebrow.

“Way to go big guy, now we’re both stuck in the back,” she said patting his chest and opening the door. 

“It’s better this way,” he shrugged, nudging her into the car. 

Peter talked the entire drive into the city. He tried for ten minutes to explain “memes” to Steve and Bucky, but had no success. Then he turned around and began to divulge in Caroline a bit of his love life.

“Well Peter, if i were to give you any advice, I would tell you to just bite the bullet and ask her out,” Caroline said.

“Are you insane?” Peter squeaked. “Haven’t you heard anything I’ve said? M.J. would laugh me into next Tuesday if I asked her out.”

“I’m with the kid, don’t ask her out,” Bucky said.

Steve glanced at him in his rear-view mirror. He remembered a very different Bucky, one who would ask girls out on a whim. 

“What would you have him do Bucky? Live in perpetual misery keeping all of his feelings bottled up until he dies?” Caroline asked him.

“Sure, why not,” Bucky shrugged.

“I remember when you used take a different girl out dancing each night,” Steve said smirking at Bucky. 

“I remember when you were small and sick at least once a week,” Bucky snapped back. 

Steve laughed, but Caroline was looking at Bucky with a wide-open mouth and big surprised eyes.

“You dance?” she asked shocked.

“No, I don’t dance. I did dance,” Bucky said correcting her.

“He was a very good dancer too,” said Steve, “I mean, that is what all the girls used to say when they would come home late, giggling. ‘Oh Bucky you’re such a good dancer!’” Steve said mimicking a young girl. 

“Bucky I’m shocked!” Caroline said laughing.

“I know, who knew how big of an ass Steve could be,” Bucky grinned, but there was a hint of pink in his cheeks.

“I didn’t know you lived together,” said Peter.

“Technically we didn’t,” said Steve, “Bucky was just always in my apartment after my mother died. Eating my food, bringing home girls at all hours of the night.”

“Taking care of you when you got sick once a week,” Bucky cut in. 

“Sure, that too,” Steve nodded.

“Wait, I’m most interested in the girls at all hours of the night,” Caroline said raising an eyebrow at him. 

“I’m sure you are,” he said with a slight grin. 

“So tell us Barnes, were you ever in love with any of them?” asked Caroline. 

Steve and Peter both glanced at Bucky. Steve through his mirror and Peter over his seat with wide eyes. Steve could hear the tension in Caroline’s voice, though he knew that she was trying her absolute best at seeming nonchalant. 

“No,” Bucky said firmly.

“Have you ever been in love Mr. Barnes?” asked Peter.

Steve choked in shock and tried to cover it with a cough. Peter looked up at him sheepishly, but Bucky and Caroline were not paying attention to either. Instead they were staring right at each other, almost daring one or the other to talk first.

“I thought we were discussing your love life, Parker” Bucky said breaking eye contact with Caroline.

“We were,” he said slowly.

“Like I said, ask her out,” Caroline said, “She sounds like a smart girl who doesn't mess around. She’s not going to play games with you, if you ask her out, she’ll respect you for it.” 

“You, uh, you really think so?” Peter asked, his eyes darting between Bucky and Caroline.

“Peter, you're a catch. Any girl would be lucky to have you. Besides, what’s the worst that could happen?” Caroline asked.

“She could reject him,” said Bucky.

“She won’t,” said Caroline.

“She could say yes out of pity.”

“She’s not going to say yes out of pity.”

“Okay, she could say yes and then it goes south and they lose each other forever,” Bucky said fervently. 

“Bucky!” Caroline snapped, “Stop, you are freaking Peter out,” she said softly.

“I’m fine,” Peter said. 

“Any of those things could happen Peter, Bucky’s right. You never know. But if you don’t try you never will,” said Steve.

He glanced at Bucky again in his mirror, this time Bucky was looking straight back. Bucky shook his head slightly and turned to look out of his window. 

“We’re here,” Steve said pulling into a parking garage. 

“Yes! Pizza time!” Peter said excitedly. 

They all crawled out of their seats. Steve and Peter began to walk off, leading the way, but Caroline moved to stand in front of Bucky. He sighed, frustrated, but stopped walking. He stared directly ahead, not looking at her, waiting for her to speak. She wanted to reach out and touch his arm, as she normally would standing this close, but she couldn't.

“I’m sorry, that went too far,” she said gently. 

His brow furrowed and he finally looked down at her. His eyes were sad, guilty, he had upset her. 

“Caroline, I’m sorry. Everything that Steve said was true, I was a kid, I was young and carefree, often stupid. I was never in love with any of those girls, none of them were special. In fact I don’t know what it means to be in love with someone, I don’t know how to do that. Just another thing Hydra took from me. That is what set me off, that is the only thing that set me off,” he said, his eyes locking with hers seriously. 

“I’m only twenty-two, they took me when I was twenty. They took that from me too,” she said softly.

“You’re so young, you were so young,” he sighed sadly.

Bucky placed his hand on the side of her face. He pulled her into him, wrapping his arms around her.

“You were young too Buck,” she replied.

He nodded.

“You know, you sure made it seem like you knew what you were talking about with Peter,” he said with a laugh.

“Well, I was a teenager in high school once, that wasn’t taken from me at least,” she replied, “I can at least navigate that part of a life a little.”

He smiled resting his cheek on top of her head. 

"Caroline," he said lifting her head, "I can't do any of this without you, do you understand that?"

"I do," she nodded.

He pressed his forehead to hers, then lifted his head and kissed her forehead softly. 

"C'mon lets go," he said wrapping an arm around her shoulder, "Peter is probably cursing us for keeping him from his pizza." 

She laughed, leaning her head against him as they walked out onto the streets of New York. 

 


	12. Saturday Night Movie

Saturday’s were movie nights at Avenger’s HQ. It was was something that Sam and Natasha had come up with to introduce their favorite movies to Bucky, and more importantly to get an unbiased opinion on who had better taste in movies. Movie Night was an event for the group, and they were very habitual about the entire thing. The regulars were; Natasha, Sam, Bucky, Caroline, Wanda, Vision, and on most Saturdays, Peter. Steve would occasionally join, but he was often busy. Tony flat out refused to join, complaining that he had a perfectly good movie theatre built for them that they refused to use. 

Instead they would pile into the living room, seating was very important and very specific. Wanda and Vision would curl up in the corner, on a giant bean bag that Wanda would bring out from her room. Caroline would sit in the very center of the sofa, on one side was Natasha and on the other was Bucky. She usually ended up with her head in Natasha’s lap, while Bucky held her legs in his. Peter never sat through an entire movie without changing seats at least three or four times. Sometimes he was on the love seat, with his legs sprawled out, sometimes he was on the floor laying on his stomach with his elbows propped up, and sometimes he was leaning against the couch where the others sat. Sam had his armchair and hell if anyone tried to sit in it. They left the large chaise lounge chair open for Steve whenever he decided to watch. If Bruce chose to sit in, he would grab a kitchen chair and prop it at the edge of the living room. 

Natasha and Sam were sitting in the kitchen, discussing movie night when Steve, Caroline, Bucky, and Peter walked in from their city jaunt. The two had been bantering animatedly, but stopped talking as soon as they saw the others enter. Steve furrowed his brow at them, but didn’t make any mention of it. 

“How was the city?” Sam asked.

“Eventful,” Steve grunted sitting down at the table with them.

“Well four off duty superheroes walk the streets of New York, I’m not surprised it was eventful,” Nat smirked, “What happened?”

“They made me play the Captain America card,” Steve said grumpily.

“I’m sorry, what?” asked Sam.

“Peter took us to an ice cream shop and there was a sign that said they were closed, but the owners were inside having some kind of meeting,” Steve explained.

“I really wanted ice cream and this place has bomb sorbet,” Peter said hopping up onto the counter, “I couldn't very well knock on the window and be like ‘hey it’s your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man!’ so I just casually suggest that Mr. Rogers here did it,” he finished.

“You didn’t,” Natasha said to Steve.

“I didn’t. Peter did,” Steve mumbled. 

“All I did was give the window a little tap and subtly gesture towards the one and only Captain America,” Peter shrugged innocently, “They were more than happy to open up and serve us some of the best ice cream New York has to offer free of charge.”

“Yeah it only cost a signed photograph of me eating one of their ice cream cones,” Steve groaned.

“Amazing, Peter you have to take me,” Sam said.

“No,” Steve shot.

Peter silently nodded his head to Sam. Sam gave him a wink.

“Why are you two so quiet?” Natasha asked nodding to Caroline and Bucky. 

“Oh these two thought they were equipped to give Peter romance advice,” Steve said.

“Shut the hell up Steve, you're not exactly experienced in the subject either,” Caroline spat.

“That is the funniest shit I have heard all day,” Sam laughed.

“I didn’t give anyone any advice,” Bucky grumbled.

“Now that I believe,” said Sam. 

Caroline crossed her arms and stormed out of the room. They heard her slamming doors all the way to the lift.

“I mean, she did give pretty good advice,” Peter shrugged. 

Steve nodded and turned to face Bucky with a tight smile. 

“She did, didn’t she Peter?” he said still looking at Bucky. 

“Yes, she did give Peter some really great advice on his very specific situation,” Bucky said curtly. He sighed and shook his head, “I’m going to go find her.”

Bucky turned and stalked out of the room after Caroline. Peter glanced around the room awkwardly. Natasha was staring Steve down intently.

“I thought we were staying out if it,” she said slowly.

“We are, we definitely are,” Steve sighed, “It’s just so easy for Bucky and I to read each other.”

“You people need to let me in on things,” Peter said hopping off the counter, “If I had known we were staying out it I never would have asked him if he had ever been in love.”

“Are you staying for the movie?” Natasha asked as Peter walked out.

“Do you think I have anything better to do on a Saturday night?” Peter asked as he walked out.

“We know you don’t!” Sam called out, “Now that he’s gone, I know we aren't supposed to get involved, but can we still mess with them?”

“What?” Steve asked.

“Sam and I just had an idea that we thought might be mildly entertaining,” Natasha replied.

Steve looked from Natasha to Sam, confusion across his face. 

“We were just going to see what happened if say I sat on the other side of Caroline tonight, before he got there,” Sam explained.

 

“Alright, but if Bucky loses it and beats up either or both of you, I am not responsible,” Steve said raising his hands.

* * *

 Bucky waltzed up to Caroline’s room and knocked on her door. It flew open, though Caroline was on her bed. Bucky hesitated in the doorway, she had been incredibly quiet since their conversation in the parking garage. She hardly touched her pizza and only had a few bites of ice cream. When she fell asleep on the car ride home she used the car window, instead of Bucky as a pillow.

“You can come in Buck,” she said, though she did not turn to face him. 

He walked into the room and slowly sat on the bed beside her. She still did not turn to face him. 

“Caroline, what is going on?” he asked gently, “I didn’t mean to upset you, I thought we were okay.”

“Bucky, we are okay,” she said softly, “It was just a lot today.”

“I told you we should have stayed here, I would have made you a fantastic lunch,” Bucky mumbled under his breath.

At this Caroline gave a small laugh and finally turned around to face him. He saw now that she had been crying and he immediately moved down beside her. His hand moved to her cheek, gently stroking it with her thumb.

“I’m okay,” she said, her breath hitching in her throat.

“I feel like this is somehow my fault,” Bucky said in a low concerned voice.

“No,” Caroline said shortly, “I’m just afraid of everything. I thought I was okay, I thought I was doing better, but being in the city I was tense and on edge. Hearing you say those things about being in love, I’m afraid of that too. Afraid that I’ll never feel it again, afraid that I will, and what happens then? I’m not a whole person anymore.”

“Hey, hey,” Bucky said touching the tip of his nose to hers, “It’s okay.”

“It’s not okay Bucky, it’s not,” she cried.

“I don’t know how to fix this one Caroline, I don’t know how to fix it,” he said pulling her into him. 

She cried hard into his chest, every sob cut into him as deep as any physical wound he had endured. He couldn't help her because every word that she had said was as true for him as it was for her. 

“I’m here,” he breathed in her ear, “I’m right here.”

She cried herself to sleep in his arms. This time Bucky couldn't fall asleep with her, he was on edge. He waited until he was sure she was out, then he slowly rolled her out of his arms and crawled out of her bed. He took the stairs to his floor and opened the door to his room. He sprawled out on his bed, staring at the ceiling for what felt like hours. He needed to see Steve, he needed to talk to Steve. He made his way to Steve’s room, but he wasn't there. He found Steve in his office, where he was bent over a mission report. Steve looked up as Bucky sat down in the chair in front of him. 

“Hey Buck,” Steve said looking mildly confused.

“Steve,” he said slowly, “Were you in love with Peggy?”

Steve leaned back in his chair, pushing the report to the side. He had a feeling he knew where this conversation was going.

“Yes,” he replied.

“How did you know?” Bucky asked.

“I just did,” said Steve.

“Not good enough,” Bucky shot.

“Fine,” Steve sighed, “I knew I was in love with her because without any incident or any warning, she became one of the most important people in my life. We were together for such a short time but I knew. I knew because when I saw her everything in and around me lit up. She saw me when I was little, she was with me when I became Cap, she was there when I was at my lowest after I thought I’d lost you. And through all of it she respected me and I respected the hell out of her. I just knew Bucky, I knew,” he finished. 

Bucky nodded. The two were silent for a long time. Steve didn’t want to push any further, knowing that whatever Bucky was working through, it was best he worked through it alone. However long it took. 

“Steve,” Bucky said breaking the silence, “I love her.”

“I know,” Steve nodded.

“She’s not ready to hear it, I’m not sure I’m ready for everything that comes along with it,” Bucky said quickly.

“Then don’t tell her, you don’t have to tell her yet. You both need time Bucky,” Steve said gently.

“I don’t even know if she could ever feel the same,” Bucky said with a bitter laugh.

“Oh Buck,” Steve laughed, “I don’t think you have to worry about that. This is the same girl who threw a phone at my head because she couldn't handle being apart from you. She just needs time.”

Bucky laughed and nodded. The com in Steve’s office buzzed and he hit the button to answer it.

“Steve?” came Caroline’s voice.

“Hi Caroline,” Steve said looking up at Bucky with a small smile.

“Is Bucky with you?” she asked.

“I’m here Caroline,” he said into the com.

“I’m going to head down to movie night,” she said sleepily.

“You sound tired, do you want to skip tonight?” he asked.

“No, it’s okay, I’ll meet you down there?” she said.

“Yeah, I’ll meet you down there,” he replied with a smile.

The com clicked and Bucky leaned back and looked at Steve. Steve was watching him carefully.

“I can’t do this Steve,” Bucky said shaking his head.

“You’ve been doing it Buck,” Steve smiled, “You left Wakanda to be with her, you’ve been doing it.”

“Yeah, I guess,” Bucky nodded, “Are you coming tonight?”

“I can’t I have a ton of things to get done,” Steve sighed. 

Bucky nodded again, then got up and turned to leave Steve’s office.

Bucky was not the last person to arrive. When he got to the living room, everyone was there, except Wanda and Vision. That is not what gave Bucky pause. Peter was sprawled out on the love seat, as usual. Caroline was in her spot on the couch her head was leaning on the couch, eyes closed. Natasha was in her seat on one side of Caroline, on the other sat Sam, smiling cheekily. Bucky stood awkwardly in the entrance, not sure of what to do next.

“Sup big guy?” Sam asked.

“What are you doing?” Bucky replied curtly.

“We just thought we’d switch it up a bit, look I’ll even let you sit in my armchair,” he grinned.

Caroline stirred and opened her eyes. She smiled sleepily at Bucky. He let out a sigh of relief that he had been unintentionally holding. She was not mad at him for leaving her after she fell asleep. 

“Hi Bucky,” she said cheerfully.

“Hi,” he said moving to sit against the couch directly in front of her.

Caroline pulled her legs up so that he had room to sit close. She dropped her hands into his hair and began absentmindedly fiddling with it. 

“Did you miss the part where I said you could have my chair?” Sam asked, glancing over at Natasha.

“Nope,” Bucky replied, “Just didn’t want to sit in a chair with your stink all over it,” he grinned.

“Oh that’s cold,” Sam said narrowing his eyes at Bucky.

“We’re here! Sorry we’re late!” Wanda said running into the living room with Vision behind her.

“What are we watching tonight?” Vision asked placing the beanbag in his and Wanda’s corner, “Also why are you not in your chair?”

“Don’t worry about it,” Natasha smirked.

“We are watching Star Wars, the original three, it was the kid’s pick,” Sam said nodding towards Peter.

“Wow I am not making it through three movies,” Caroline yawned.

Peter threw up a peace sign then pulled out the remote, waited until everyone was settled and then hit play. After the first movie most everyone got up to stretch or use the restroom. Caroline was asleep on Natasha’s shoulder, and Sam was pretending to sleep on the arm of the couch.

“Barnes, you should go get popcorn,” Natasha said as they waited to play the next movie. 

“Make Sam do it,” he grunted.

“Sam is asleep,” Natasha said glancing over.

“He’s faking it,” said Bucky.

“He fell asleep twenty minutes before the movie ended,” said Natasha.

“Sure,” Bucky said standing.

He began to walk out of the room, making a point to step on Sam’s foot as he did. Sam squeaked, but refused to open his eyes. Bucky shook his head as he made his way to the kitchen. 

“Okay, seriously you guys, Star Wars,” Tony said striding into the living room, “This is actually super insulting. Star Wars deserves a big screen...which is exactly why I built an in-home theatre in the first place.”

Sam shot up and looked over at Natasha. Natasha looked at Sam and nodded, realizing exactly what he was thinking. 

“Tony we’re sorry, we really are, come, have a seat in front of Caroline and watch the next one with us,” Natasha said quickly.

“Are you insane?” Tony scoffed.

“Listen Stark, we’re trying to mess with Barnes,” Sam spat, “If you sit in front of Caroline he’s going to be all kinds of confused, won’t know where to sit.” 

“Oh I do love to mess with Barnes,” Tony said prancing over to the sofa and dropping down in front of Caroline. 

She woke as his back pressed against her legs. She looked down at him, confused for a moment, and then smiled.

“Tony, you finally caved,” she said wrapping her arms around his neck. 

“Well, I can’t resist Star Wars,” he replied. 

Bucky came back in with a large bowl of popcorn and stood frozen. He glared at Tony and then up at Sam. Both stared at him, amusement across their faces. Caroline looked up at him, suddenly realizing what they had been doing. She crawled over Tony and went to Bucky, taking the popcorn from him and placing it in Tony's lap. Then she took Bucky by the hand and led him to the chaise lounge that was usually reserved for Steve. He sat down and she climbed into with him, wriggling into his side until she found a comfy position.

"Okay Peter, press play," she said.

"Well that didn't work," Tony said hopping up and handing the bowl to Sam.

"You're all a bunch of dicks," Caroline laughed.

"Rogers would be very disappointed in that language Caroline," Tony said shaking his head, "Very disappointed."

"Mr. Stark, I love you, I really do, but if we're going to finish these movies you have to be quiet now," said Peter from the love seat.

"Watch it kid," Tony warned.

Peter threw up his peace sign at Tony and pressed play. Almost everyone finished all three movies that night, everyone except Bucky and Caroline, who, both exhausted from a long day, fell asleep in each other's arms. 

 


	13. What if We Were on a Date

Caroline woke up one morning from a nightmare. She woke up most mornings from nightmares, but on this specific morning, she woke up from a particularly dark nightmare that had been recurring in the past couple of weeks. She glanced down at Bucky, who was asleep on her floor. He only ever ended up in her bed when the nightmares were bad enough to wake her screaming. Even when they slept in his room, he would lay in his bed with her until she fell asleep, then take the floor. She appreciated his integrity, but she always slept better when he was closer to her. 

She crawled out of bed and tiptoed over him. Headquarters was quiet, Steve and Tony had taken a team out on a mission to take out a Hydra base. Everyone except Bucky, Caroline, Bruce, and Vision had gone. 

She made her way into the kitchen. The clock on the microwave told her it was 7:30 in the morning. She wasn’t particularly hungry, so she took a mug from the cupboard and filled it with apple sauce, a favorite snack of hers. It was mild enough that if her anxiety flared up and she got an upset stomach, the apple sauce wouldn't do much damage. She curled up on the sofa, pulling a big fluffy blanket over her.

“Friday, play _Singing in the Rain,”_ she said.

“Good choice Miss Page,” Friday responded.

The television turned on and began to play the opening credits to Caroline’s favorite movie. 

Up in her room Bucky stirred and woke. He sat up, searching for Caroline, who he immediately realized was not in her bed. Her bathroom door was wide open, so he knew she wasn't in there either. He figured if she was anywhere, she would be in the kitchen or living room, and if she wasn’t, then he would resort to asking Friday. As he climbed down the stairs, he heard music coming from the television and realized his first hunch had been right. 

Caroline was curled up on the sofa, the movie had barely started but Caroline had already fallen asleep. He sat down beside her. She put this movie on every time she was stressed or anxious, and since that day when they had gone into the city, she had been watching it quite a bit. His mind wandered back to a few days before the team had left on their mission.

* * *

  _Bucky and Caroline were in his room after training one morning. She was laying on his bed, staring blankly at his wall, her eyes blinking sleepily. Bucky was sitting in a chair reading a book. There was a knock at his door and both of them turned to see Steve standing in the doorway._

_ “Hey Steve,” Bucky smiled. _

_ Caroline tried her best to smile at Steve too, but it came out strained and forced. She sighed and closed her eyes, nuzzling her head into Bucky’s pillow. _

_ “Hey Buck, Caroline,” Steve said gently, “Bucky, I need to talk to you for a minute, can you come with me?”  _

_ “Yeah,” he nodded standing and putting his book down. _

_ He moved to the bed and kneeled down in front of Caroline. He placed his hand in her hair, she opened her eyes and looked at him.  _

_ “Are you going to be okay Kid?” he asked softly.  _

_ She nodded in response.  _

_ “Okay, I’ll be right back,” he said rubbing her forehead with his thumb.  _

_ He got up and followed Steve out of his room, closing the door behind him. Tony was already in Steve’s office, waiting for the two of them, sitting a top Steve’s desk. _

_ “Get off Tony,” Steve said as they entered the room. _

_ “Right of course,” Tony said hopping off and moving to one of the chairs in front of Steve’s desk. _

_ Bucky took the other, looking between the two of them, confused. Steve sat in his seat and glanced at Bucky. _

_ “What’s going on Steve?” Bucky asked. _

_ “We’re working on our next mission,” Steve said tossing a folder to Bucky, “We found a Hydra base, we’re not entirely sure what they’re working on, but we plan on shutting it down,” he explained.  _

_ “We’ve been working on taking them out one by one, there are many more than we anticipated,” said Tony. _

_ “We were considering Caroline for the team,” Steve started. _

_ Bucky dropped the folder onto the desk, “No, bad idea,” he said firmly. _

_ “Well yeah, we’ve noticed she’s regressed quite a bit,” Steve nodded. _

_ “C’mon Steve, she’s still improving immensely with every training session,” said Bucky.  _

_ “Sure, but she spends the rest of her days in bed, she’s hardly eating, I don't know, does she sleep?” Steve asked. _

_ “Not through the night, but I don’t either most nights. I mean what did you expect Steve?” asked Bucky. _

_ “She just seemed to be getting better,” said Steve. _

_ “She was, I mean she is, she just had a setback,” Bucky said with a shake of his head. _

_ “I’m with Barnes,” Tony sighed. _

_ Bucky and Steve both turned to him, wide eyed. He shrugged. _

_ “What, I am,” he reiterated, “Look Rogers, healing isn't linear. It doesn't always happen on an upward slope. Speaking from personal experience,” said Tony.  _

_ “I just thought that with you here there wouldn't be anymore set backs,” Steve said to Bucky.  _

_ “Don’t put that on me Steve,” said Bucky in a low voice, “Don’t do that.” _

_ “So we’re not taking Caroline then?” Tony asked, breaking the tension. _

_ Steve narrowed his eyes at Tony, but Bucky found it amusing. He chuckled with Tony, which made Steve even more annoyed. _

_ “Alright you two,” Steve said sternly. _

_ “No, you’re not taking Caroline,” Bucky grinned. _

_ “How do you feel? Are you feeling up to a mission?” asked Steve. _

_ “Are you taking Natasha and Wanda?” Bucky asked. _

_ “Yeah,” Tony nodded, “I guess we’re going to have to.” _

_ “We’ll be taking Sam too,” Steve added. _

_ “Then I should stay,” Bucky said firmly.  _

_ “There is going to come a time when you will have to leave each other for missions,” Steve said. _

_ “Yes, I know Steve. I can’t leave her right now, you know that,” Bucky sighed looking up at his friend.  _

_ “Of course, I know,” Steve nodded. _

* * *

 Bucky sighed and rested his hand on her legs. Caroline stirred and lifted her head to see who was with her. She sat up quickly, crossing her legs and dropping her hands in her lap.

“Good morning,” she mumbled.

“You’re up early, seeing as we didn’t have anything to do today,” Bucky said with smile. 

“I had a bad dream,” she said picking at the hem of the blanket.

“Hey,” Bucky said taking her hands in his, “Do you want to talk about it?” 

“No,” she said shaking her head, “not really.”

“Okay,” he said, “Have you eaten?”

“I had some applesauce,” she nodded to the mug on the floor. 

“Well, that’s not really food,” Bucky laughed. 

“I’m not hungry,” Caroline said. 

“Of course you aren’t,” said Bucky. Bucky sat silently for a moment, then stood and put out his hand for her “Alright, let’s go Caroline.”

“Go?” she asked, “Go where?” 

“Back into the city,” he said.

She shook her head fervently, “No please, Bucky I don't want to go into the city, I don’t want to do anything.”

Bucky kneeled down so that they were face to face, he placed his arms on either side of her.

“Caroline I know what it’s like to be so crippled by fear that doing nothing, staying in bed, seems like the only option. I was exactly where you are now when you left Wakanda, but you pulled me out of that,” he said earnestly, “Now this all started when we went into the city, it made you anxious, I understand that. But you used to live in the city, you used to love it, I’m sure of that, because I used to love it too. So, let’s go see what the Big Apple has to offer. I will be with you the entire time.”

She stared at him for a long time, tears welling in her eyes. He knew how hard this was for her and if she fought back, even a little, he wasn't going to push her again. It was important to get her up and out, but not as important as her feeling safe. Finally, she nodded, very slowly, but she nodded.

“Okay,” she said, “Okay lets go.”

Bucky smiled at her and nodded back. She paused for a second, looking at him confused. 

“Can you….drive?” she asked.

“I can drive,” he said, “My license my be expired, but I can certainly drive,” he said with a wink.”

A few hours later Bucky was wandering around one of New York’s most famous art museums. It was Caroline’s idea, but Bucky had not protested at all. He had lost her when he paused to look in a room full of portraits. She had continued on without Bucky noticing. When he finally found her, she was in a room with what Bucky read were “Impressionist” paintings. She was standing in front of one, transfixed on it’s subjects. Ballerinas lined up at their barre, in different positions. He stood silently beside her, not wanting to bother her.

“Hi Bucky,” she said nudging him. 

“It’s a very beautiful painting,” he said nudging her back.

“I used to dance,” she said nodding.

“Like that?” he asked, surprised.

“Yes, like that,” she replied, “I did ballet until I moved out here. I wanted to be a professional dancer for a long time, until I decided I wanted to write. My father begged me not to come here, he told me he would pay for me to study ballet in France, but I wanted to be reporter and I knew this was the best place to do it. I should have kept dancing, I should have gone,” she said shaking her head. 

Bucky took her hand in his and gave it a gentle squeeze. She turned to him and smiled sadly. 

“I’m sorry,” she said softly.

“Hey, no, you don’t have to apologize,” he said quickly, “You definitely do not have to apologize for telling me about your life.” 

“I never even told Steve about my dancing,” Caroline laughed.

“Why not?” Bucky asked.

“I was so sick of dancing, it had been my life, my whole life from the time I was little,” she explained, “I wanted to be as far from it as possible.”

“Ah,” Bucky nodded, “and now you miss it?”

“I do,” she sighed. 

“You don’t have to lose everything Caroline,” Bucky reassured her.

“I know,” she said. She looked at him and smiled, “C’mon Buck, let’s go get something to eat, I’m starving.”

They argued over where to eat for over half an hour, but finally decided on pizza. Bucky caved after Caroline pointed out that she hadn't had anything substantial in days. They sat outside and Caroline did not fail to notice the waitress eyeing Bucky.

“Caroline, stop,” Bucky said with a laugh.

“What?! She is very obviously flirting with you,” Caroline said raising a suggestive eyebrow at him.

“She isn’t, she’s just being friendly,” he said shaking his head at her. 

He laughed again, taking a bite of his pizza crust, but Caroline did not stop wiggling her eyebrows at him. Their waitress came out and placed the check in the center of the table, looking directly at Bucky the entire time.

“If you need anything else,” she said tucking a piece of short blonde hair behind her ear, “just let me know yeah?”

“Thank you,” Bucky nodded politely. 

Bucky and Caroline watched as she bounced off. Once she was out of sight Caroline whipped her head around, grinning at Bucky.

“Bucky seriously?! It’s like I’m not even here!” she squealed.

“Again, she’s just being nice,” he said grabbing the check, “And nicely leaving me her number,” he sighed looking down at the receipt.

“I told you!” Caroline said triumphantly.

“You certainly seem to be feeling better,” Bucky chuckled.

He pulled some cash out of his wallet and put it down on the table, then took a sip of his water.

“C’mon let’s go,” he said.

“Bucky you’re forgetting something,” Caroline said waving the receipt with their waitress’ number. 

“No, I’m not,” he said standing.

“Fine,” she sighed rolling her eyes. 

She followed him out of the restaurant. They walked silently down the street as he lead them right into Central Park. 

“I can’t believe she actually left her number,” Caroline said with a laugh.

“Oh really? You can’t? After pestering me the whole lunch you can’t believe she did exactly what you expected her to do?” he teased.

“Okay I mean I can believe it, but she didn’t know anything about us, what if we were on a date?” Caroline asked.

Bucky stopped. Caroline kept walking for a moment, not realizing that Bucky had stopped walking beside her. When she did she turned, looking at him confused. Then she walked back to him. 

“What if we were?” he asked.

"What if we were what?" she asked.

"What if we were on a date," he replied.

“Well, that would have been very bold of her to give a man on a date her phone number,” Caroline laughed shaking her head.

“It would have been,” said Bucky intently.

“She must have thought that I wasn’t pretty enough for you,” said Caroline.

“Something tells me that wasn’t the case,” Bucky smirked.

Caroline furrowed her brow at him and cocked her head to one side. 

“Well then, I guess we’ll never know why she assumed giving you her number was appropriate,” she said softly.

“I guess we won’t,” Bucky shrugged.

“Unless you call her,” Caroline said procuring the receipt from her coat pocket.

Bucky dropped his head back and groaned. He snatched the receipt from Caroline and began walking again.

“Bucky she was cute!” Caroline said following after him.

“I didn’t notice,” he snapped.

“Oh c’mon, everyone noticed,” Caroline continued.

Bucky stopped abruptly and spun around.

“Not everyone Caroline, I didn’t,” he said. He began tearing the receipt, “And I do not need or want this,” he said throwing the pieces in a nearby trash can.

He moved to Caroline and stopped directly in front of her. 

“Are you finished?” he asked sternly.

“Yes,” she nodded, looking up at him with wide eyes, “I’m finished.”

“Okay, let’s go,” he said turning.

“Home?” she asked.

“No, of course not, there’s still a lot to see,” Bucky grinned.

“I’m sorry Buck,” she said walking beside him. 

“It’s fine,” he said with a shake of his head.

She took his hand in hers and stopped him from walking. He turned to her, exasperated, but did not let go of her hand.

“I really am sorry, I didn’t mean to push it,” she said gently.

“Caroline, it’s really okay,” he replied, “I’m just glad to see you feeling better. Laughing and joking, even if it is at my expense.”

“I am feeling better Bucky,” she smiled, “Thank you.”

She nudged him along, but she didn’t let go of his hand. They spent the entire rest of the day exploring the city. Bucky took her to places he and Steve had gone to when they were young, places that after seventy years were much different. She showed him her favorite spots as well, explaining to him their significance. She wanted to cross the bridge and go into Brooklyn to see where he and Steve had grown up, but Bucky wasn't ready for that. When she took him by her old apartment complex she understood.

When they returned to headquarters Caroline was asleep in the front seat of the car. Bucky carried her into the building and up to his room. He didn’t want to wake her to get into her room. He placed her gently in his bed and went to take his place on the floor.

“Bucky,” Caroline said sleepily.

“Yes?” he asked. 

“You shouldn't have to sleep on the floor in your own room,” she said tugging gently on his hand.

“Well, there is a girl in my bed,” he smirked.

“Tell her to get out!” Caroline replied. 

“Alright, Caroline get out of my bed,” Bucky laughed.

“Well this is going to be counter productive,” she sighed, “You’re just going to have to follow me to my room, and then sleep on the floor there.”

“Yes, that sounds about right,” Bucky said with a nod.

“Bucky, please lie down,” Caroline said, “I know you won’t unless I ask you to, which is very noble. But I am asking you to.”

“Are you sure?” Bucky asked tentatively.

“It wouldn’t be the first time,” she laughed.

“Only when you have nightmares…or I panic,” he replied.

“Bucky,” she sighed pulling on his arm.

He laughed and crawled into bed next to her. She rolled onto her side and rested her head on his chest. 

“Thank you for today, I really needed it,” she said softly.

“Of course,” he smiled, “But remember, you’re allowed to have good days and bad days, no one will fault you for that. One day doesn’t fix everything.”

“I know” she, nodded, “But it sure helped.”

“I'm glad it helped," he said.

He rested his cheek on top of her head. She was asleep in no time, but Bucky couldn't fall asleep as fast. He began matching his breathing to hers, focusing on her inhaling and exhaling. He was comfortable, safe. Finally, he too succumbed to his tiredness and fell asleep with Caroline unmoving in his arms.  


	14. Shit...You Broke It

Caroline sat in Tony’s lab on one of the counters. Her legs dangled over gently tapping the metal cabinet behind them. She was screwing something together, her brows furrowed in concentration. Tony glanced up from his work and looked down as her blue tennis shoes made contact with the metal again.

“You know that wasn’t annoying for the first ten minutes, but now…” he said sarcastically.

Caroline followed his eye line to her feet and sighed, tucking her feet up underneath her so that she was sitting criss crossed.

“You’ve been unusually quiet today,” Tony mumbled going back to his work.

In the past couple of months, Caroline had finally gone out on missions. It was a nice break from being at headquarters all the time and it made her feel useful, like she was actually part of the team. But now, Bucky was gone, and worse, Steve had taken Nat, Wanda, and Sam too. This was Steve’s preferred team, which Caroline tried not to take personally. She was happy to go with Tony, Peter, Rhodey, and Clint. She enjoyed Bruce when he came along, but Vision still freaked her out. When Steve and his team were gone, Caroline spent most of her time in Tony’s lab.

“I just miss them,” Caroline shrugged.

“Them? All of them? Even Sam?” Tony asked.

“Yes,” Caroline laughed, “Even Sam.”

“Well that is beyond me,” Tony said raising an eyebrow.

Caroline chuckled and went back to her work. She glanced at Tony a few times, then dropped the scrap pieces to her lap.

“Tony can I ask you something?” Caroline asked finally.

“You just did,” he grunted.

“Tony for real,” Caroline whined.

“Okay, okay, go ahead Caroline,” Tony chuckled.

“Please don’t take this personally,” she warned, “Why does Steve always take Bucky and why do I always go with you?”

“And here I thought you liked my team,” Tony sighed.

“Tony,” Caroline started. 

“I’m just joking Caroline,” Tony said waving her down, “There are a few reasons. I mean really what it comes down to is who works best with who. You work really well with Peter and Clint and Barnes works really well with Nat and Sam. We also considered the fact that Barnes might not take direction from me well, not that you take direction from anyone very well,” Tony finished narrowing his eyes at her.

“I take direction,” Caroline said in protest.

“No, you don’t. Actually, I’ll take that back, you listen to Rhodey,” he said with a shake of his head.

“What can I say, Rhodey has better ideas,” she said shrugging her shoulders.

“I’m the leader! You know what…no, I’m not going to argue with you today,” said Tony, “Your listening skills are just something we have to work on.” 

“I’m sorry what?” Caroline asked looking up from her work.

“I said we need to work…oh, funny, very funny, maybe I should call Rhodey down here,” Tony said with a laugh. 

“Is Rhodey even here?” Caroline asked.

“I dunno, he comes and goes,” Tony said waving his hand, “How have you been sleeping?” Tony asked suddenly.

“I haven’t been really,” Caroline said, “I mean I sleep, and then I wake up, and then I can’t go back to sleep.”

“Barnes doesn’t sleep when we’re gone either,” Tony nodded.

“I know, he told me,” said Caroline.

“Caroline, you know he’s in love with you?” Tony asked.

Caroline froze, staring at him wide eyed. She couldn't believe she was having this conversation with anyone let alone Tony. 

“I know that, how did _you_ know?” she asked.

“Everyone knows, even you apparently,” he said looking up at her.

“Well yeah, we had a weird day out in the city that one time you were all gone. There was a thing with a waitress,” Caroline rambled, “What do you mean everyone knows?”

“Did I say everyone?” Tony asked.

“Yes, you did,” Caroline nodded.

“Well he isn't very inconspicuous, I mean you know,” Tony shrugged, “I think the more important question, the one that’s on everyone’s mind, is are you in love with him?”

Caroline groaned and leaned back against the wall behind her. She closed her eyes and stayed silent for a long time. 

“I don’t know Tony,” she said finally, “I don’t know what that feels like. Neither did he,” Caroline mumbled, “I guess that changed. I mean, I don’t exactly have healthy relationships with people.”

“Hey now, you have a healthy relationship with me, and uh…Steve,” Tony replied quickly.

“I treat you like a stand in father, since I don’t know if I’ll ever talk to mine again. And Steve? How is that relationship healthy? My best friend who I was once falling in love with, until I was brainwashed to hate him, then I meet his best friend who falls in love with me and who I may or may not also have feelings for,” she said rapidly.

“Okay, I’m honored,” Tony said, Caroline rolled her eyes at him, “And yeah I guess that relationship is pretty fucked up.” 

“Thanks Tony,” Caroline said sarcastically.

“You are welcome my child,” Tony said with a nod.

“Boy if my actual dad didn't give me daddy issues, you sure will,” said Caroline.

“First of all yikes,” said Tony, “Second of all, maybe you should just talk to Barnes,” he suggested.

The lights in Tony’s workshop flickered rapidly as Caroline's heart rate spiked.

“I can’t do that,” she said panicked.

“Okay whoa, calm down,” Tony said gently, “It was just a suggestion.”

“I know,” Caroline said taking a deep breath, “I know, I just can’t. I can’t lose him, and I feel like if we acknowledge his feelings or mine, then I will. And it’s funny, because when we were giving advice to Peter, Bucky mentioned Peter losing M.J. , and I told him that wouldn't happen, but I can’t stop thinking about it happening to us,” she spewed out. 

“Aha! So that's who Peter's been pining over," Tony exclaimed, " And I’ve never lost Pepper and I've done some pretty stupid things,” Tony beamed.

Caroline narrowed her eyes at Tony.

“Okay, but I got her back and that is what’s important,” he said waving his wrench at her, “Now let me see what you’ve been working on,” Tony said grabbing the scrap metal from Caroline’s hands.

He turned it over, examining it carefully, then looked up at her.

“Caroline this is just a bunch of scrap that you’ve haphazardly thrown together,” he laughed.

“Yep, that’s exactly what it is,” she nodded.

“How did you…did you weld this? When did you? We’ve been sitting here the whole time,” he said examining it further.

“Tony,” she said showing him her hands.

“Now, see, that could come in handy,” Tony said shocked, “You have to tell me about these things Caroline.”

Caroline raised her eyebrows and nodded. She wanted to avoid the conversation of things she could do that she hadn't disclosed to Tony. Sometimes, when Bucky would come back from missions, she would heal his cuts and bruises. It was easy to pass off as his accelerated healing. He tried more than once to get her to tell Steve and Tony, but she refused. She wasn't ready. She didn’t trust herself fully. 

There were footsteps coming from the stairs. Tony and Caroline both looked up to see who was coming down into Tony’s lab. Steve descended into the lab, still in his uniform, looking tired and bruised, but otherwise unharmed. 

“Steve!” Caroline exclaimed jumping off of Tony’s counter. 

He winced as she threw herself into him, still, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her against him. 

“Hi Caroline,” he smiled resting his cheek on her head, “Bucky is up in the med wing,” he started. 

Caroline pushed back from him and began sprinting up the stairs.

“He’s okay!” Steve called.

“Well why didn’t you lead with that?” Caroline said from the top of the stairs.

“Just a cracked rib or two,” Steve shrugged.

“Steve Rogers,” Caroline exclaimed exasperated.

“What? He’s going to be fine!” Steve called as Caroline ran out of the lab. 

Steve turned to a beaming Tony and shook his head.

“How was it?” Tony asked.

“Fine, we still can’t find him,” Steve sighed.

“Shit. How many Hydra bases do we have to turn over before we do?” Tony asked banging his wrench down on the counter.

“I mean, all of them. We can’t risk him or his guys finding Caroline again and she’s becoming more high profile,” said Steve. 

“Does Barnes have anymore information on him?” Tony asked.

“No,” Steve said pushing back his hair. 

“And you trust him, implicitly?” Tony asked delicately.

“Tony, yes. Believe me, he wants this to be over more than anyone, he wants just wants Caroline to be safe,” said Steve.

“Well maybe we should bring her on, she might have information we can use,” Tony suggested. 

“Tony, we can’t. She’s doing so well, I don’t want to worry her,” Steve said firmly. 

“Okay, Steve, it’s your call,” Tony nodded, “For the record though, I think it’s a bad one,” he added.

* * *

Caroline pushed through the doors of the med wing, she stormed past Bruce who was patching up Nat, to find Bucky lying on a bed with his eyes closed. His shirt was off, exposing his bruised abdomen. He had a deep cut on his left cheek and there was bruising around his right eye, but Caroline was not focused on that.

He smiled as she approached him, but still didn’t open his eyes.

“What are you smiling at Barnes?” she asked grabbing a chair and pulling it up beside his bed.

“You, rushing over here to see me,” he smirked.

“They must have you on the good pain meds, I did not rush over here,” she lied rolling her eyes.

“Oh you rushed,” he said looking at her. 

“How did you even know it was me?” she asked.

“I heard you rushing,” said Bucky, “Also, you smell nice. None of the people I’ve been with for the past two and a half weeks smell as nice as you.”

“Oh Bucky, they really are giving you the good stuff,” Caroline laughed.

She ran her hand through his hair and he closed his eyes against her hand. His breathing was shallow. 

“How are you feeling?” she whispered.

“I’ve been better,” he replied, then turned his head to face her, “It’s nothing though, a few cracked ribs and a black eye. I’ll be healed in three days, tops.”

“Well, I can at least fix this,” she said placing her hand against his cheek.

She moved her hand away and the cut on his cheek was gone. A small white scar was left in it’s place. 

“Thank you,” he said taking her hand in his, “You want to try one of these ribs?” he asked.

“Bucky no, you know I don’t,” Caroline said shaking her head, “It’s internal, I can’t see what I’m doing, I could make it worse.”

“I know, I know,” Bucky nodded, “Although, you heal bruises all of the time and those are internal.” 

“Buck,” Caroline started.

“No I know, I’m sorry, it just really hurts,” Bucky groaned.

“Wow Bucky, I didn’t realize you were such a baby,” Caroline teased.

“Don’t make me laugh Caroline,” Bucky laughed wincing. 

“Oh my god, you’re so pitiful right now,” she said gently as she pulled the curtain around them.

She climbed up on top of him, placing a leg on either side of him. She put her hand gingerly on his chest.

“This is not what I imagined this moment looking like,” Bucky mumbled.

“What?” Caroline asked.

“What?” said Bucky.

“Um, okay,” Caroline said.

“Remember the lightning?” Bucky asked.

“Of course I remember the lighting,” she nodded.

“You just knew that it was coming, you sensed it, maybe you can use that,” Bucky muttered.

“Yeah, okay that makes very little sense, but yeah,” Caroline said apprehensively. 

She ran her fingers across his abdomen and closed her eyes. He was right, her fingertips tingled leading her to the crack in the first rib. She sighed heavily.

“Hey, what’s the worst that could happen?” Bucky smiled.

“I break it,” Caroline replied shortly.

“And then it heals in a few days and I’m fine,” Bucky said placing a hand a hand on her cheek, “It’s going to be okay.”

She nodded and closed her eyes again. Bucky’s skin grew hot underneath her hand, she felt the bone mend. She opened her eyes and let out a relieved laugh.

“See?” Bucky said grinning, “I knew you could do it.”

“That was terrifying,” she said crumpling a bit.

“Careful,” Bucky hissed, “There are still two more.”

“Right,” she nodded sitting up. 

“You want to try again?” he asked.

“Not really,” she sighed, “But I will.”

She placed her hands on his stomach again and found the second cracked rib. She healed it with a bit more ease than the first one. The third was harder to find, when she did she found that this fracture was bigger than the other two. She was starting to mend the bone, when Bucky hissed. She jumped and there was a distinct cracking noise. Caroline hopped off of him in horror. 

“Shit,” Bucky groaned clutching his side, “You broke it,” he croaked.

“Bucky, I’m so sorry,” Caroline said, tears welling up in her eyes. 

“No, it’s okay, it’s fine, it’s not that big of a deal, come back,” Bucky said reaching his hand out to her.

“Bruce!” Caroline called.

“Yeah what happened, what’s wrong?” Bruce said coming in through the curtain,

“It’s nothing, I’m fine, I just think one my ribs is maybe broken,” Bucky said waving his hand nonchalant. 

“I could have sworn they were just cracked,” Bruce said pulling a screen over Bucky’s abdomen, “Wow, yeah this one is very broken. The other two are fine though, that's odd.”

“Great,” Bucky sighed, “Where’s Caroline.”

“She left,” said Bruce, “Look I’m going to give you more pain killers, the fractures healed very quickly. Now this is a break, so it’s going to take longer, but I wouldn't be surprised if it healed within a day or two.” 

“Okay,” Bucky nodded groggily, “Will you get Steve for me?”

* * *

The knock on her door didn't surprise Caroline, it also didn’t cause her to get out of bed either. She sat up as Steve opened the door slowly.

“It was unlocked and you didn’t yell at me to go away, so I figured it was okay to come in,” he said with a small smile.

“Yeah, it’s fine,” Caroline said, wiping tears from her face.

“I was just with Bucky,” he said sitting on her bed.

“Is he okay?” she asked softly. 

“Yeah,” Steve smiled, “Yeah he’s great. He’s got all those pain meds coursing through him. He keeps asking for you though.”

“What did he tell you?” Caroline asked.

“Can I sit?” said Steve gesturing to the foot of her bed.

Caroline nodded and Steve took a seat. He smiled at her reassuringly. 

“Bucky called me all the way up there just to ask me to bring you back. He said that he was afraid that you might have thought that you hurt him and that he needed you to come back,” Steve explained.

“He doesn’t need me,” Caroline laughed bitterly, “He’ll probably get the best sleep he’s had in years tonight with all of those meds.”

“Caroline, what happened? Why are you up here crying?” Steve asked, “You know he’s going to be fine.”

“I broke his damn rib,” Caroline groaned. 

“I was there Caroline, it definitely wasn’t you,” Steve chuckled. 

“No, I know, I didn’t…Steve,” she sighed, "Give me this."

She grabbed his arm, there was a small fresh cut on his forearm. She placed a shaky hand on top of it, she was terrified to hurt him, but cuts like this were almost second nature to her at this point. When she pulled her hand away the cut was gone and Steve was staring at her wide-eyed. 

“Caroline,” he said breathlessly.

“Bucky knows, he’s the only one who knows,” Caroline mumbled.

“Why didn’t you tell us? And what does this have to do with Bucky’s broken rib?” he asked brushing his hair back. 

“Bucky asked me to heal him and I tried. I healed two of his ribs, but the third one was really bad and I don’t know what happened but it broke. I broke it. Which is exactly why I haven't told anyone. Healing small things is easy, but clearly I don’t know what I’m doing beyond that. You and Tony would have pushed it, you would have wanted me to do things that I’m afraid I can’t do. I could hurt someone, I did hurt someone,” she shaking her head.

“Caroline I’m so sorry,” Steve said reaching out and lifting her chin, “I’m sorry that you couldn't tell me, and I’m sorry that I let you believe that we would have used you.” 

“I’m right though, aren’t I?” she asked.

Steve sighed and dropped his hand from her chin. 

“You’re right,” he nodded solemnly, “We probably would have asked more of you than you were able to give.”

“I don’t want that Steve, I don’t,” she said tearfully, “If I could heal everyone who was on the brink of death I would, of course I would. But imagine if me trying to heal someone meant I didn’t save them at all, but the opposite. I couldn't live with myself.”

Steve wrapped her in his arms and pulled her into his lap. She cried into his chest as he gently stroked her hair.

“That’s not going to happen,” he said softly, “You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. You don’t even have to go on missions anymore if you don't want to.”

Caroline pulled back and shook her head. She wiped her eyes with the back of her hands and looked up at Steve.

“No, Tony needs me,” she said with a small smile, "Thank you Steve."

Steve laughed and nodded. Caroline’s phone buzzed on her bedside table and she crawled out of Steve’s lap to grab it. She sighed as a picture of a smiling Bucky popped up on her phone. She showed it to Steve, who chuckled.

“Where did you get that picture?” he asked as she slid to answer the call.

“Hi, Bucky, hold on I have to tell Steve a story,” she said hitting the speaker button, “All I had were pictures of Bucky pouting, he would never smile when I asked him to. So I caught him off guard. We were sitting in my room and I was pretending to read him stupid jokes from the internet, when actually I had my camera on him. Finally one made him kind of laugh, except I think it was a pity laugh because he wanted me to stop, and he looked up at me and smiled and I caught it,” she said proudly.

“Wrong,” Bucky said over the phone, “You told me possibly the worst joke I’d heard in my life and immediately burst into a fit of laughter, I was laughing at you, not the joke.”

“It’s a good picture Buck,” Steve laughed.

“It wasn’t supposed to be seen by anyone,” he grunted, “Caroline, will you please come back now?”

Steve raised his eyebrows at Caroline, trying to hide a grin. Caroline rolled her eyes at him and clicked Bucky off speaker, she put the phone up to her ear. Steve suddenly became very interested in a loose thread on Caroline’s comforter.

“Bucky, you need to sleep,” she said into the phone, “Yes you can, no you do not need me, I’m the reason you’re there, yes I am, Bucky yes I am. Bucky you’re not walking up here. No you cannot rip out your IV, that’s dangerous. Bucky…Bucky, oh my god fine,” she snapped hanging up the phone. 

“Stubborn isn’t he?” Steve asked.

“I have to go,” she sighed. 

“I figured, I’ll walk you,” Steve smiled. 

 

* * *

 

The med wing was dark by the time Caroline and Steve arrived. It was late and everyone else was either in bed or watching a movie in the sitting room. Steve stopped at the door in front of Caroline.

“How are you feeling?” he asked.

“Better, I’m glad you know,” she nodded, “Just…don’t tell Tony. Or anyone else.”

“I won’t,” he said giving her shoulders a squeeze.

“Thank you,” she said smiling.

“Goodnight Caroline,” said Steve.

“Are you not coming in?” she asked.

“I don’t think so, he’s probably sick of me at this point,” Steve laughed. 

“Alright, goodnight Steve,” Caroline said pushing the door open.

She walked down to where Bucky was lying, still shirtless, still bruised, his eyes still closed. She made her way to the chair by his bed, he smiled again hearing her re-enter the room. 

“Hi Caroline,” he said through his smile.

“Bucky, I’m so sorry,” Caroline said dropping her head on his bed. 

Bucky sighed heavily and slowly moved over, then patted the space beside him for her to join him.

“No, Bucky, I don’t want to hurt you anymore,” Caroline shook her head.

“Caroline, please,” he grunted.

She tried to argue, but he turned to look at her, raising his eyebrows at her. She climbed into the bed next to him and curled up using his arm as a pillow. 

“I don’t want to hear you apologize again,” he said softly.

“Bucky, I literally broke your rib,” she groaned.

“Stop,” he said, his eyes closed, “I pushed you. It’s my fault. I pushed you even after you explicitly told me no. I was wrong. I am the one that should be sorry,” he said brushing her hair back.

“Buck,” Caroline whispered.

“Caroline,” he said looking down at her, “I am so sorry. I will never ask you to do something that you aren't comfortable with again.”

"Thank you Bucky," she said digging her head gently into his arm, "How is it feeling?" she asked placing her hand softly on his chest.

"Uh, it hurts, but it's healing. I'm accelerated remember?" he grinned.

"Ah yes, just not as accelerated as Steve," Caroline giggled.

"Okay...that's enough of that," Bucky said putting his hand over her face, "I'm supposed to be asleep."

"Alright Bucky, go to sleep," she whispered. 

She stroked his hair lightly, until his breathing was even and she knew he was finally asleep.

 


	15. Everything is Better With You

There was a soft knock at Bucky’s door. He sat up and glanced over, Caroline was still sleeping peacefully next to him. She didn’t even stir until the third knock. 

“What time is it?” she mumbled into her pillow.

“4:30,” Bucky replied climbing out of bed. 

“In the morning?” she asked incredulously.

“Yes Caroline, 4:30 in the morning,” he laughed.

“Who in the hell is knocking at your door at 4:30 in the morning?” asked Caroline, angrily pulling the blankets around her tighter.

“Steve,” he said opening his door, “Good morning Steve.”

“Morning Buck,” Steve said cheerily, “Morning Caroline,” he said over Bucky’s shoulder.

He received a pillow hurling through the air at his head in response. Bucky knocked it to the ground before it made contact with Steve’s face.

“You ready?” Steve asked.

“Yeah, let me just get my shoes on,” Bucky nodded, “We’re going for a run Caroline, would you like to join us?” Bucky asked with a smirk.

“Suck my dick Barnes,” she grunted.

“That’s a new one,” Steve laughed.

Steve and Bucky had been taking morning runs for a few weeks. They left so early however, that on the mornings they did wake Caroline, she was usually too sleepy to remember why they were up that early. It had become part of their routine to ask her if she wanted to join them, just to see what snarky thing she would come up with. 

Steve enjoyed having a running partner who ran at his pace, Sam was great, but he had to slow way down in order for him to keep up. Bucky enjoyed the routine of waking up early and releasing some endorphins. He also enjoyed spending his mornings with Steve, talking like old times. 

Bucky grabbed a piece of paper off his desk and a pen. He scribbled something across the paper and placed it on the pillow beside Caroline. Steve watched, silently smirking. Bucky caught Steve watching him, and shook his head as he pushed past him out of the door. 

“A note?” Steve asked following Bucky out.

“She’s not going to remember this when she wakes up, and if she wakes up before we get back it will be nice for her to know where we are,” Bucky explained.

“Where we are?” Steve asked raising an eyebrow.

“Let’s just go,” Bucky grumbled. 

* * *

Steve had avoided the topic of Caroline on their morning runs. Since that evening where Bucky had come into his office and told Steve he was in love with her, the two hadn't even breeched the subject again. Steve was waiting for Bucky to bring it up again, but the months wore on and Caroline and Bucky got closer and closer without actually getting, well, that close.

“So you left her a note,” Steve said eyeing Bucky as they ran around Tony’s property.

“I thought I explained that to you already,” Bucky huffed.

“You did,” said Steve, “I just found it interesting, that’s all.”

“Spit it out Steve,” Bucky said glancing at him.

“Okay, it’s just, it was very…sweet,” said Steve. 

“I am a considerate person Steve,” grunted Bucky.

“Right, of course,” Steve nodded.

“What Steve, what?” Bucky shot.

“Nothing,” Steve said shaking his head, “So, are you ready for Tony’s big birthday celebration tonight?”

“Will there be lots of people?” Bucky asked.

“Of course, it’s Tony,” Steve replied.

“And dancing?” he asked.

“Probably a litte,” Steve nodded.

“Okay Steve, you know I’m not going to that,” Bucky laughed.

“You know Caroline will go,” said Steve, “She loves Tony.”

“We’re not attached at the hip Steve, she’s free to do whatever she pleases with or without me,” Bucky said gruffly.

“You’re right Buck, I’m sorry,” Steve said pressing his lips together, “I didn’t mean anything by it.”

“Yes you did,” Bucky smirked, rolling his eyes at Steve, “Of course you did. Otherwise you wouldn't have even said it.”

“You’re right,” Steve chuckled, “I just figured that if Caroline went then you would be there too. You have to admit that you two do seem a little bit attached at the hip Buck.”

“She’s not here now is she?” Bucky said wiping a layer of sweat from his brow.

“No,” Steve acknowledged, “That is true.”

“There you go,” Bucky said.

Steve turned his head and raised an eyebrow at Bucky, then turned back to face the road in front of him.

“Fine, we’re a little attached,” Bucky sighed, “I’m sure as shit attached,” he added under his breath.

“So is she,” said Steve.

“Yes, but it’s different for her, I’m like a safety blanket for her,” he said.

“Bucky I don’t think that’s it,” Steve said earnestly, “Maybe you should talk to her,” Steve said gently.

“Steve I can’t,” Bucky said with a shake of his head, “There’s too much risk involved. I can’t lose her and if I tell her how I feel I really might. Even if she does feel the same, she’s not ready, she’ll wall up.”

“Look, I hear you. I thought you would do the same, but you didn’t. In fact it seems like you’ve opened up so much more. Especially with her. Maybe let her decide if she’s ready,” Steve replied. 

“Steve, I can’t tell her. Not yet,” Bucky said firmly. 

“Okay,” Steve nodded, “I just want to see you both happy.”

“We are. Look at how much better she’s been doing. And you said yourself that you’ve seen a change in me,” Bucky insisted.

“Yes,” Steve nodded, “But surely there are things that you’d like to be doing but can’t because you aren’t, you know, in a relationship,” Steve pressed.

Bucky stopped in his tracks, Steve stopped too once he realized Bucky was no longer with him. Bucky had his hands on his knees and was, to Steve’s surprise, laughing.

“Bucky are you ok?” Steve asked, confused.

“You just, you’re Captain America, and you’re all famous and big and saving the world,” he said between laughs, “But the way you talk, you’re still just my awkward best friend Steve.”

Steve crossed his arms and glared down at Bucky. Bucky looked up at him, beaming from ear to ear.

“You know, I told myself I was going to stay out of this one,” Steve said rolling his eyes.

“Well, maybe you should have,” Bucky said standing and clapping a hand on Steve’s shoulder.

Steve laughed and turned to take off running. Bucky caught up to him with a little more effort than Steve had to put in.

“For the record,” Bucky said, “There are many, many things that I would love to be doing with Caroline.”

“Really should have stayed out of it Rogers,” Steve mumbled to himself.

 

* * *

When they returned from their run, headquarters was still pretty quiet. Bruce and Natasha were up, drinking their morning coffee. Pepper was there, getting ready to set up for Tony’s. Everyone else was still asleep. Steve walked Bucky back up to his room, where Caroline was still bundled up under his blankets. She rolled over when they walked in and opened her eyes.

“What is even happening right now?” she asked looking at them confused.

“Buck left you a note, you didn't get it?” Steve asked, ignoring the jab in his ribcage from Bucky’s elbow.

Caroline looked at the pillow next to her and grabbed the folded up piece of paper. She read it quickly.

“Oh that’s right, you guys are on that new running kick,” she said with a yawn, “Gross.”

Bucky laughed as he pulled his shirt off and made his way to his bathroom, turning the shower on. Caroline sat up, her eyes following Bucky.

“Caroline, are you ready for Tony’s tonight?” Steve asked.

“Um, what?” said Caroline vacantly. 

“I asked if you were ready for Tony’s,” Steve smirked.

“Oh,” she said shaking her head, “Yes, of course I’m excited. Sorry.”

“It’s okay, you were distracted,” Steve shrugged, smiling softly.

“By what?” Caroline scoffed, “By that? He does that all the time, he thinks he’s hot shit,” Caroline said, making the last part extra loud.

“I am,” Bucky called from the bathroom. 

“Unbelievable,” Steve laughed shaking his head, “Anyway, Bucky said he’s not going to Tony’s.”

“Steve, I thought we talked about you staying out of things,” Bucky yelled from the shower.

“Your super hearing is really annoying,” Steve called back.

“Well I only have it because you have it too,” said Bucky.

“Wait, Bucky, you’re not coming tonight?” Caroline said staring at the door.

The water in the shower stopped and a few moments later, Bucky opened the door, wearing sweats and a white tank, his wet hair was pulled up. He stood in the door frame, crossing his arms and glaring at Steve.

“I hadn’t planned on it,” Bucky said flatly.

“What are you going to do, stay in up here your room all night?” Caroline laughed. 

“Yes, actually,” Bucky nodded. 

Caroline looked over at Steve for help, but he just gave her a shrug and shook his head. She looked back at Bucky and scoffed.

“You can’t be serious,” she said to him.

“Caroline, you know that’s not my kind of thing,” Bucky said scratching the back of his head.

“Bucky, please come with me,” she pleaded.

“Caroline,” Bucky sighed.

“Bucky I don’t want to go without you,” Caroline said firmly. 

“Then don’t go,” Bucky shrugged. 

“Bucky, it will be fun,” Caroline said optimistically, “We’ll get all dressed up, we’ll eat food,we’ll dance.”

“One out of three of those things sounds fun,” he said curtly.

“Okay fine, I’ll get dressed up, together we’ll eat the food, and you can watch me and Steve and everyone else dance,” she sighed.

“See but I’m still going to have to get dressed up,” Bucky laughed shaking his head.

“I’ll help,” Steve said chiming in.

Bucky glared over at Steve. Steve shrugged and smiled sheepishly. Caroline threw the blankets off of her and climbed out of Bucky’s bed. She walked over to him and looked up at him with wide eyes and placed her hand on his forearm gently. 

“Buck, please,” she said softly, “Everything is better with you.”

Bucky groaned and hit his head against the door frame dramatically. Caroline glanced over at Steve and winked. He chuckled, shaking his head.

“Fine, I will go,” he mumbled into the door frame, “But I’m not dancing.”

“Yes!” Caroline exclaimed, “Thank you Bucky. I’m going to go ask Nat to help me pick a dress.”

She stood on her toes and kissed Bucky on the cheek, then bounced out of Bucky’s room.

“It’s only like 6 AM!” Bucky called after her, but she was already gone.

He turned to look at Steve, who was grinning at him like he knew everything, eyebrows raised. Bucky hated that look, especially now that he couldn't really put Steve in a headlock until it was gone. 

“What?” Bucky asked.

“I didn’t say a word,” Steve said shaking his head. 

“Good,” said Bucky, “Let’s keep it that way.” 

“I knew you couldn't say ‘no’ to her,” Steve laughed under her breath.

“I thought you weren’t saying any words!” Bucky shot.

“I’m gonna go shower, bye Buck,” Steve chuckled and dodged as Bucky threw a damp towel at him. 

Bucky growled and slammed the door behind Steve, then laughed to himself. Steve was right, he didn’t think he could deny Caroline anything, least of all when there was the promise of seeing her all dressed up. 


	16. They're Playing Our Song

It was eight o'clock in the evening and Tony’s party was underway. Caroline, fully dressed, made her way to Bucky’s room. She knew he wouldn't come down without her. She knocked on the door and waited patiently. When he didn't open the door, she knocked again, still there was no answer.

“I figured I'd find you here,” came a laugh from behind her.

She jumped and turned to see Steve standing behind her grinning. She wasn’t surprised in the least to see that he was wearing black slacks and navy blue shirt.

“Blue huh? Do you own any other color?” she teased.

“You know it’s my color,” Steve smirked, “He’s not in there by the way,” Steve said nodding towards Bucky’s door.

“He’s not?” she asked narrowing her eyes.

“Nope, he’s downstairs already,” Steve replied.

“Oh,” Caroline nodded, trying to hide her shock and disappointment.

“Well, to be honest, he did try to wait for you,” Steve said offering her his arm, “But you were taking so long and he was getting all antsy, so I made him go down.”

“I wasn’t taking that long,” Caroline protested, walking arm in arm with Steve into the elevator. 

“You were,” Steve said mater-of-factly, “You look very nice by the way,” he pressed the elevator button and the door closed.

“Thank you,” she grinned. 

Steve lead her out of the elevator once the doors opened, and they walked down the hall towards the party. She couldn't explain why, but she became increasingly nervous as the sounds of the party drew closer. She paused, falling behind Steve.

“Are you okay?” he asked turning towards her. 

“Steve, you can’t just leave me like that,” Bucky’s voice grumbled as he stormed towards them, “Have you seen Caroline?” he added as Steve spun around to face him.

“As a matter of fact,” Steve grinned stepping aside, revealing Caroline standing behind him.

“Hi,” Caroline said with a soft smile.

“Hi,” he responded breathlessly.

Caroline had never seen Bucky dressed up before. He wore his black button up shirt tucked into his black slacks, his sleeves were rolled up just below his elbows, and half his hair was pulled up into a bun. Her nerves dissipated instantly and excitement took over.

“All black huh?” Caroline asked, breaking the silence. 

“You’re one to talk about lack of color,” Bucky smirked.

She laughed and twirled, her white dress flaring out around her as she did. It was low in the back, and sparkled in the light. 

“Nat picked that out?” Steve asked raising an eyebrow.

“Actually I picked this one out,” Caroline said proudly, “She did approve it though.”

“Well you look amazing,” said Bucky. 

“Thank you,” Caroline said tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear.

“Are we all ready to go in?” Steve asked.

Caroline nodded and Bucky reached out to offer her his hand. She took it and bounced into the party pulling Bucky behind her, Steve following the two laughing. 

Steve and Bucky took seats at the bar as Caroline ran into Tony’s arms wishing him a happy birthday. Natasha made her way over to Steve and Bucky from behind the bar and poured them drinks. Sam took a seat next to them as well, holding a beer.

“She looks great Barnes,” Sam said, elbowing Bucky.

“Excuse me?” Bucky asked turning to Sam.

“I was just saying that Caroline looks great and I figured you would agree,” Sam said taking a sip of his beer.

“Jesus Steve, does everyone know?” Bucky growled.

“Do you want the truth or should I sugar coat it for you?” Steve smirked pressing his glass to his lips.

“I’m pretty sure we all knew before you did,” Natasha said pouring more whiskey into Bucky’s glass. 

“It’s a shame I can’t get drunk anymore,” he said slamming his drink back.

“Well, you’ve got that second-rate serum in you, so who knows, maybe with enough alcohol there’s hope for you,” Sam beamed raising his glass to Bucky.

“I hate you,” Bucky chuckled shaking his head. 

“It’s really good to see her this way,” Nat said softly, watching Caroline laugh at something Peter had just said.

“It really is,” Steve nodded.

“Thank you Barnes,” Natasha smirked. 

Caroline bounded over to the group, grinning from ear to ear. She nuzzled her way in between Sam and Bucky.

“What can I get you?” Natasha asked her, grinning.

“Are we sure this is a good idea? The last time we got her drunk she threw two phones into a pool and somehow we ended up with Barnes?” Sam asked with a laugh.

“Lucky you,” Bucky said to Sam.

“We’re not getting her drunk,” Natasha said mixing a drink, and pouring the liquid into a glass, “Here, it’s a margarita on the rocks,” she said adding a lime to the rim.

“She knows me,” Caroline said winking at Natasha, “Alright so who is ready to dance?” Caroline asked.

“You know I am,” Sam said standing, he bobbed his head out to the dance floor.

“I have to stay here and make drinks,” Natasha shrugged.

“Nat, Tony’s hired bartenders for that,” Caroline said nodding to the young man and young woman who were enthusiastically pouring drinks.

“Okay, but mine are better,” Natasha said crossing her arms.

“And people will live without them for a bit, while you go out and have fun,” Caroline said rounding the bar and lifting the opening for Nat.

Natasha rolled her eyes but danced her way out of the bar, meeting Clint and Sam, amongst others on the dance floor. Caroline turned to Bucky and Steve who were both avoiding eye contact at all costs. 

“Oh c’mon boys,” Caroline said standing in front of them.

“Caroline, you know I can’t dance,” Steve said with a laugh, “You’ve had injuries to prove it in fact,” he added.

“I can’t dance either,” Caroline argued.

“Oh you can dance,” Steve said.

“Steve, I don’t know why you fight it, you know you’re going to lose,” Caroline laughed, “I have the injuries to prove it.” 

Bucky glanced between the two of them. He was almost constantly pushing it out of his mind that Caroline once had feeling for his best friend. He was too afraid to ask Steve if he had returned the feelings, but in moments like this, where their banter turned flirtatious, he suspected that he had. 

“Did you really just say you can’t dance?” Bucky asked cocking an eyebrow at Caroline.

“Shut up Barnes,” Caroline said quickly, “C’mon Steve please.”

“I’ll only go if Bucky goes,” Steve said.

“Well then let’s go,” Caroline said intertwining her hand in Bucky’s.

She gave him a swift pull, but he remained unmoved, causing Caroline to stumble back into him. He removed his hand from hers and placed her back on her feet.

“I told you I wasn’t dancing,” he shrugged.

“Bucky,” Caroline began to protest.

“I don’t dance,” he said firmly.

“Oh but Buck, don’t you hear that? They’re playing our song,” Steve said casually taking a sip of his drink.

“Punk,” Bucky said under his breath.

“What was that?” Caroline asked looking between them.

“That was Bucky’s old pick up line,” Steve grinned, “He used it on all the girls.”

“Really?” Caroline said amused.

“Yes,” Bucky nodded, “In the 40’s.”

“All I’m saying is, Bucky dances,” Steve shrugged.

“Not this Bucky,” he sighed. He caught Caroline’s disappointed expression and lifted her chin with a small smile, “Caroline if this were the 40’s believe me, I’d take you dancing every night.”

“Would you take me back to Steve’s after?” she asked with a laugh.

Steve coughed into his drink and slammed it down. Caroline looked up at Bucky, cheeks red, eyes wide, with the realization of what her question meant. He looked back at her, shocked, trying and failing to find a way to answer that question.

“You know what, dancing does sound fun, I don’t need Bucky to go,” Steve said jumping up off of his seat. 

“Okay I am going to pretend that I didn’t just say something incredibly embarrassing and awkward and just go back to begging you to dance with me,” Caroline said in a stream of nervous words.

“Caroline,” Bucky laughed, “I’m serious, I wouldn't even remember how at this point. That guy that Steve remembers is gone, I’ve got this stupid arm and I’m awkward and bulky. It would just be uncomfortable for everyone involved.”

Caroline stood speechless. He didn’t often talk down on himself in this way, and when he did it was always in reference to things he was ashamed he had done as the Winter Soldier. He never discussed his arm, or the ways being a Hydra weapon for seventy plus years had changed him physically. She took a step towards him and placed a hand on his cheek. 

“I wish you could see yourself the way I see you Bucky,” Caroline smiled, “And he’s not gone. That person you were is not gone.”

Bucky smiled and nodded slowly. He pressed his forehead to hers and gave a little nudge.

“Go dance Caroline,” he said softly, “I will be okay here.” 

“Fine,” Caroline sighed, “I will go, but I’m coming back. And I’m not finished asking you to dance with me.”

“Okay Caroline,” Bucky laughed. He watched as she flitted across the room to the dance floor. It was full of people now, but she was easy to spot in her stark white dress. He smiled to himself as she lit up the dance floor with everyone. 

“Sergeant Barnes!”

Bucky looked up to see Shuri walking towards him. He had not expected her to come all this way, but he was glad to see her.

“Shuri, how many times do I have to tell you, it’s just Bucky,” he said with a laugh.

“It’s good to see you Bucky,” she said giving him a hug.

“It’s good to see you too,” he replied, “Is your brother here?”

“Oh yes, he’s already on the dance floor,” Shuri beamed nodding to T’Challa dancing amongst the crowd.

“I’ll have to catch him when he takes a break,” laughed Bucky.

“You might be waiting a long time,” Shuri giggled, “So Bucky, why are you sitting at this bar, alone, when all of your friends and Caroline are out there having fun?”

“Why would you separate Caroline like that?” Bucky asked with a short laugh.

“Oh I don’t know, you two just seemed more than friendly back home in Wakanda,” Shuri smiled knowingly. 

“Yes well, whatever it may have seemed back in Wakanda, we were always just friends, and that hasn’t changed,” Bucky said sipping his drink bitterly.

“But that isn’t what you want?” Shuri asked.

“Shuri,” Bucky chuckled, “Let’s just, talk about something else ok?” 

“Okay fine, but why aren’t you out there?” Shuri asked again.

“Caroline asked, but I don’t dance,” he replied.

“I didn’t think you denied Caroline anything,” Shuri said raising her eyebrows in surprise.

Bucky narrowed his eyes at her and shook his head as she giggled. 

“How are my goats?” he asked flatly.

“Oh they’re great,” she said happily, “I think they miss you though.”

“Good,” Bucky grinned, “It’s nice to be missed.”

From the dance floor Caroline spotted Shuri with Bucky and made her way excitedly back to the bar. 

“Shuri!” Caroline exclaimed throwing her arms around her friend.

“Hello Caroline,” Shuri said reciprocating the hug, “How have you been? How has the pain been?”

“I’ve been better. And Tony and Steve keep me so busy that I hardly have time to notice it,” Caroline laughed, “How about you, how have you been?”

“I’ve been really good, we miss you two back in Wakanda,” Shuri beamed. 

“We’ve missed you too, and Wakanda,” Caroline replied. 

“Oh yes, I know Bucky here has been missing his goats, it’s all he wants to talk about,” Shuri laughed.

Caroline joined in her laughter, Bucky shook his head throwing back the rest of his drink. He slid his glass to the bartender who refilled it and slid it back. 

“What?” he asked as Caroline stared at him disapprovingly.

“I’m not taking care of you tomorrow when you’re hungover,” she said throwing her hands on her hips.

“Caroline,” Bucky said trying to hide a smile, “First of all this is my third drink and I can’t even feel it a little. Second, we both know that if I was hungover, you would absolutely take care of me.”

“Do not smirk at me like that Barnes,” she said pointing a finger at him.

“I’m sorry, I can’t help it,” he shrugged, “You are just…”

“Adorable?” Shuri offered.

Caroline and Bucky both snapped their heads towards her. She grinned at them both, then hopped off her chair.

“Oh my goodness, is that Peter Parker? I’ve only met him once, can’t wait to meet him again,” she rambled running off towards the dance floor. 

“What was that all about?” Caroline asked Bucky.

“Okay fine,” Bucky sighed, “One dance.”

He thought if he could throw her off enough by agreeing to a dance, she wouldn't ask anymore questions about Shuri’s comment and odd behavior. He watched her as she internally processed his offer. His entire body relaxed as a smile broke out across her face.

“Really?” she asked.

“Yeah, really,” he nodded. 

He set his drink down and got to his feet. They both stood frozen, watching the other apprehensively. 

“Um, okay, let’s go,” Caroline said finally.

He nodded, his body tensing up again, realizing that his idea had backfired pretty hard. She took his hand gingerly and led him onto the dance floor. Steve made his way over to them grinning broadly.

“I knew you couldn't resist,” he said elbowing Bucky. 

“Go away Steve,” Bucky said with a laugh.

“Barnes!” Tony called, he made his way over to them too and clapped a hand on Bucky’s shoulder, “Never thought she’d actually get you out here,” he grinned.

“Wow, Caroline, I’m sorry, but I’m going back,” Bucky said turning back towards the bar. 

“Bucky wait,” Caroline said catching his vibranium hand, “They’re playing our song.”

He spun around and narrowed his eyes at her. She winked at him. He turned his attention to Steve who was watching them both, his mouth agape.

“They have a song?” Tony asked Steve confused. 

“No, Tony, no it’s a uh…Tony we gotta go,” Steve babbled pushing Tony slightly as Bucky moved towards him threateningly.

“Steve, get back here,” he barked.

“Bucky,” Caroline said pulling on his arm, “Come here.”

He breathed in and let out a long sigh, then turned back to her. The music turned slow and couples started pairing off. Caroline saw Sam offer his hand to Natasha who rolled her eyes, but took it anyway. Tony found Pepper and wrapped his arms around her. Even Steve grabbed Maria Hill and began dancing awkwardly with her.

Caroline smiled apprehensively at Bucky and moved in closer. She moved his vibranium hand from hers and placed in gently on her back. She shivered slightly as the cool metal made contact with her bare skin and he jerked his hand away, but she took hold of his hand and placed it back, holding it there firmly.

“It’s okay Buck,” she smiled, “It’s just one dance.”

“Yeah,” he said taking her other hand in his, “That was not funny by the way.”

“I don’t know, I thought it was pretty good,” she smirked. 

“Well of course it was good, it’s my line,” Bucky shrugged, “I was just surprised, that’s all.”

“Surprised by what? How hilarious I am?” she asked.

“Yeah, that’s it,” he said sarcastically, “No, I was surprised that you would hit on me like that.”

“Wh-what?” she choked out.

“Yeah, I mean we had just gotten through telling you that I used that line on ‘all the girls’ and then you turn around and use it on me to uh get a dance out of me,” he grinned nonchalantly. 

“I-uh, no, that’s not…it was a joke Barnes, because, you know, of the…thing” she spluttered nervously. 

“Relax, I’m just teasing you,” he laughed, “What you’re the only one who can tease?”

“Not funny Buck,” she sighed dropping her forehead to his chest. 

“I’m sorry,” he said resting his cheek on her head, “That wasn't very nice of me.”

“No it wasn’t,” she mumbled. 

He laughed softly against her. Dancing wasn’t as difficult as he remembered, not when he was dancing with her. The song ended, and she pulled back slowly.

“One dance,” she smiled, “You got through it.”

“Thank you Caroline,” he said softly. 

She nodded and lead him back to the bar where they took seats, and grabbed drinks. There was a loud clap of thunder and flash of lightning from outside. The room turned to face the windows overlooking the balcony. 

“STARK!” 

Thor stood on the balcony, grinning and waving his hammer wildly. Tony ran to the door and flung it open.

“Happy day of your birth my friend!” Thor said wrapping Tony in a large hug that lifted him off his feet. 

“Thor is here everyone! Now the party can really start!” Tony shouted excitedly as the room cheered.

Steve, Nat, and Bruce all made their way over to Thor, embracing the giant man with hugs and laughter. Then made they’re way to the bar. Caroline looked up at Bucky with wide eyes and placed her hand on his knee to brace herself, then slammed her drink back until it was gone.

“What was that about?” Bucky asked with a laugh.

“Our dear friend is nervous because she’s never met Thor, but she’s always had a little crush on him,” Sam said sliding onto a stool beside them. 

“Oh, she has a crush on the walking legend, great,” Bucky nodded, throwing his drink back also.

“Thor, have you met these guys yet?” Tony asked as they walked up to Sam, Bucky and Caroline.

“I have not!” he said enthusiastically grabbing Sam’s hand, “Hello, I am Thor.”

“Sam, I have heard a lot about you friend,” Sam said with a grin.

“All good probably,” Thor nodded, “And hello, who is this?” he asked, his attention turning to a bright red Caroline.

“This is Caroline Page,” Tony introduced. 

“Wow,” Caroline breathed, “I mean, hi, it’s so nice to meet you.” 

Thor laughed, shaking her hand. He glanced down at Caroline’s hand on Bucky’s knee and turned his attention towards him.

“Ah, you two must belong to each other,” Thor said matter-of-factly.

“What?” asked Bucky.

“Um, this is Bucky, my best friend,” Steve said jumping in.

“Interesting name, however you two make a very handsome match,” Thor said beaming brightly.

“Oh, no, that’s not,” Caroline said yanking her hand from Bucky’s knee. 

“No, no, she just uses me like that from time to time,” Bucky said dryly.

Everyone stared awkwardly at each other, avoiding eye contact with Bucky. Caroline looked up at him, hurt forming all over her face. Thor simply nodded, not realizing the air around him had become tense.

“Uh…Thor, you have to come and try the food, it’s really just delicious. I mean it’s no Asgardian food, but we try,” Tony said ushering Thor away from the bar. 

Caroline stood and walked away, disappearing into the crowd of people, Natasha turned to go after her. Steve crossed his arms, looking down at Bucky. Sam did the same on the other side of him.

“What the hell was that?” Steve asked sharply. 

“I don’t know Steve,” Bucky sighed, “One minute she’s treating me like I’m the only person in the room and the next she’s drooling over a literal god.”

“Thor’s hot my friend,” Sam said, “You would be hard pressed to find a woman in this room who doesn’t think that.” 

“She got caught up in meeting what equates to a celebrity crush Buck,” Steve said firmly.

“It’s not just that,” Bucky said dropping his head in his hand, “You saw how she reacted when he thought we were together.”

“She was embarrassed, she probably thought you would be too,” Steve replied. 

“I don’t want to do this with you right now Steve,” Bucky said standing. 

“Fine, you don’t have to,” Steve shrugged, “But you’re going to have to figure out how to make things right with her.”

Bucky nodded, then turned and walked toward the elevator. Steve sighed and took his seat next to Sam. 

“You know, I think I liked it better when we weren't allowed to get involved,” Sam said taking a sip of his beer.

Steve laughed and dropped his head. Caroline stormed over to them, Natasha once again trailing her.

“Where is he?” she demanded, a light bulb above the bar popped.

“Maybe you should calm down first,” Sam said raising his hands to her.

“Oh Sam,” Natasha groaned as another lightbulb popped.

“He went back to his room,” Steve said slowly.

Caroline nodded and began to walk off, but Steve caught her wrist and held it lightly in his hand.

“Caroline, it’s Tony’s birthday, I know you’re angry, but please remember how much you love Tony before you bring this building down,” he warned.

She took a deep breath and nodded slowly. Then she made her way towards the elevator, lights flickering as she stormed past.

* * *

 She didn’t knock when she reached Bucky’s room, instead she burst in and slammed the door behind her. Bucky didn’t flinch from his position laying down on his bed.

“Come in Caroline,” he said dully.

“You know, I want to be mad at you, really I do. Because that was awkward and uncomfortable for everyone, not just me. But I’m not mad at you, I’m just really, really hurt,” she said, not bothering to hold back the tears that welled up in her eyes.

Bucky sat up and looked at her, his eyes full of confusion.

“Do you really think that? That I use you? That this entire time I’ve been using you?” she asked.

“No,” he sighed, “Of course not, I shouldn't have said that.”

“Because I don’t need you Bucky. I don’t need you to sleep on my floor every night and comfort me when I wake up from a nightmare. I could ask any of the others, any of them, but I want you. You’re the one I choose,” she explained.

“Yes, you chose me to be a human security blanket,” Bucky shot.

“Okay you know what, let’s cut the bullshit Barnes, let’s talk about what this is really about?” Caroline snapped.

“What are you talking about Caroline?” Bucky laughed bitterly.

“You know exactly what I’m talking about, none of this started until Thor walked into the party,” she said crossing her arms.

“Walked into the party?” Bucky asked incredulously, “The guy lightninged himself into the building Caroline.”  


“Okay see this is what I’m talking about!” Caroline exclaimed.

“What?” Bucky asked.

“You’re like…jealous,” Caroline said, “Which is absolutely ridiculous for a multitude of reasons.”

“Oh okay c’mon Caroline that is not why I got upset,” Bucky said getting to his feet and making his way towards her.

“Well then please enlighten me,” Caroline hissed.

“You just, acted ridiculous when he insinuated that we were you know…together,” Bucky muttered.

“Bucky,” she said exasperated, “What exactly did you want me to say? I was caught completely off guard! On top of that I didn’t know what you were thinking because I never know what you’re thinking because you never say anything out right!”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about” he lied.

“Yes, you do, you know exactly what I’m talking about,” she insisted.

“What do you want Caroline? What do you want me to say?” he asked slowly, taking another step towards her.

“I want you to be honest with me,” she challenged.

“No,” he chuckled softly, “You really don’t.”

“Bucky say it,” she urged, “Tell me.”

“Fine,” he said moving closer. 

Her back was against the wall, Bucky was so close, looking down at her with his piercing blue eyes.

“Fine Caroline,” he said again, “I’ll say it, I’ll say what you already know, and when I do, everything will change.”

“Bucky don’t,” Caroline said, he breath hitching in her throat.

“That’s what I thought,” he nodded, letting out a harsh laugh, “Are we done?”

He turned his back to her and began walking back towards his bed. Without thinking Caroline grabbed Bucky’s hand and spun him around to face her. He looked down at her, confused.

“No,” she said shaking her head, “We are not done.”

She took a step towards him and reached up, placing her hands behind his neck. She stood on her toes and pressed her lips gently on his. He hesitated at first, then wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her into him. 

He lifted her up, their kiss growing deeper and more passionate. She threw her legs around him, giggling as he dropped her gently on his bed. He climbed on top of her, and ran his hand through his hair. She pulled him down into another kiss. 

“Wait, wait, wait,” he said pulling away.

“What?” she asked breathlessly.  
“I just…don’t want to do this…like this,” he said apprehensively. 

“You’re right,” she nodded, running her hand through his hair.

He crawled off her and moved to sit against his head board. She sat up, straightening her dress. 

“Buck,” Caroline whispered.

“Yeah,” he replied.

“I don’t know what this means,” she said, looking up at him tearfully.

“I know,” he nodded, “It’s…complicated.”

“I’m going to go sleep in my bed,” she said standing.

“I should stay here,” he said.

She stopped and ran her fingers through his hair and down to his cheek. He held her hand against his cheek and smiled up at her, then kissed her palm. She smiled back, and slowly made her way out of his room. She closed the door behind her and turned to head towards her room.

* * *

 It was late, or very early, the party was long over and everyone was asleep. Caroline’s screams radiated throughout the compound. Natasha and Wanda made it to her first, but Bucky was not far behind. He jumped onto her bed and grabbed her face, running his thumbs across her tear stained cheeks.

“Caroline, Caroline it’s me, you’re okay, you’re okay,” he repeated over and over.

She searched his face, her eyes meeting his. Her shoulders shook as she recovered slowly. Steve and Tony stood in the doorway, Sam not far behind them. They all watched apprehensively as she began to come to.

“Bucky,” she whimpered.

“Yeah, I’m here, what happened?” he asked,

“He’s in my head Bucky, he knows you guys are looking for him,” she said in a shaky voice, “the doctor who did this to me, the one who made us fight.”

Bucky looked up at Steve and Tony. He was at a complete loss for words. He knew that Hydra had a way of controlling the minds of their prisoners, but this was new territory. He had no idea how long Hydra had been in head. 

“Caroline, how do you know it’s him?” he asked.

“My nightmares,” she said slowly, “He was the one controlling them, he told me. Bucky, it’s bad,” she said crumpling into him. 

“Caroline,” Steve said gently from the doorway, “We’re not going to let anything happen to you. We’re going to stop him, and Shuri is going to get Hydra out of your head, just like she did for Buck. But first we need to know, do you know where he is?”

“Yes,” she said into Bucky’s chest.

“Then the first thing we need to do is talk, figure some things out,” Tony said moving to sit beside her on the bed.

“After that,” Steve said, “We suit up.”

 


	17. I Can't Lose You

What struck Bucky the most, was how small Caroline looked, balled up in one of the chairs in the briefing room. She was hugging her knees, listening to everyone talking around her, her eyes staring unfocused at the table in front of her. He sat across from her, Steve and Tony on either side of her. She had told him to go to the briefing room without her, that she’d meet him there, then she very specifically did not choose the empty seat next to Bucky, which was when Bucky realized that she was avoiding him. 

The atmosphere in the room was understandably tense. Natasha and Sam sat on either side of Bucky. When Sam entered and saw Caroline between Tony and Steve and an empty seat next to Bucky, he had given Bucky a confused look, but Bucky had slightly shaken his head and Sam responded with a nod. Clint stood in the corner of the room, his arms crossed and brows furrowed. Peter sat at one end of the table, his eyes were heavy with sleep, but he had been one of the first people in the room when Caroline woke screaming. He had crashed at the HQ for the night, too tired to head back to Queens. Rhodey was at the other end, his head propped up in his hand, watching Caroline, worry all over his face. Wanda was sitting at the corner of the table, next to Natasha, Vision stood behind her. 

She had given them a name, as soon as she said it Bucky remembered. Dr. Petrov was a Russian doctor that had been brought in to run experiments in Siberia. He had taken over Strucker's work after the Avengers had taken Strucker out. Caroline was his biggest and most important project. It was his idea to train her against the Winter Soldier. Of course, by the time Bucky, Steve, Tony, and Nat had gone back to Siberia to rescue Caroline, he had fled. 

“After Bucky went AWOL his experiments on me, the torture, it got worse, so much worse,” Caroline shuddered, things were coming back to her more freely now, “That must have been when he implanted this connection in my brain. But he must have realized you were coming for me, I was left there, with a few Hydra guards.”

“Yeah I remember those guys,” Natasha smirked, “They didn’t last very long.”

Caroline looked up at her and gave her a weak smile. 

“Caroline, do you have any ideas about how this connection works?” Tony asked, “Is he always in there? If he wanted to could he be listening right now?”

“No, it isn’t like that,” she said shaking her head, “He’s communicating with me in my dreams. He knows you guys are looking for him because you’ve been blowing up Hydra bases for the last couple of months, and he knows I’m with you.”

“How do you know these aren’t just bad dreams Caroline?” Steve asked gently.

“Steve they aren’t. You’re looking for him aren’t you? I mean that’s what you’ve really been doing?” said Caroline.

“Yeah, it’s what we’ve been doing,” Tony nodded.

“You should have told me. I’ve been having these nightmares for so long, maybe I would have realized sooner. I don’t know,” she rambled looking down at her hands.

“What made you realize tonight?” Bucky asked.

Caroline’s head shot up and she made eye contact with him for the first time since he had run into her room. Her eyes were wide and scared, but as quickly as she had caught his eye, she was looking back down at her hands.

“He’s been showing me things, plans I think, tonight they were more…vivd. He was there this time, talking to me,” Caroline explained, her voice cracking. 

She crumpled in on herself, dropping her head into her hands. Her shoulders shook as she sobbed quietly. Steve pushed back out of his chair and sat on the arm of her chair, bringing her into him. Tony placed his hand on her back and rubbed gently. Bucky shifted in his seat, trying to put a cap on his frustration. He was not used to not being the one comforting Caroline, even more he was not used to Caroline not wanting him comforting her. She wanted Steve and she wanted Tony,and Bucky was trying hard to not take it personally. 

“It’s going to be okay Caroline, we’re going to handle this,” Tony said gently.

“We need to discuss a team,” Steve said glancing around the room. 

“Sorry Cap, but I think we’re all in on this one,” said Rhodey.

“That’s a big team,” Tony noted.

“Someone needs to stay with Caroline,” Steve said glancing at Bucky.

“What are you talking about?” Caroline mumbled, lifting her head from her knees.

“Caroline, you can’t come, it’s too dangerous,” Steve said firmly.

“I’m going to stay with her obviously,” Bucky stated.

“No,” Caroline said quickly, making eye contact with him for the first time since they'd left her room.

Everyone in the room shifted uncomfortably, making vaguely confusing glances at each other. Bucky didn’t break Caroline’s gaze, anger flashing across his face.

“Caroline what?” Tony asked.

“I mean, no obviously I am going too,” she said trying to cover her snap reaction, “It’s absolutely ridiculous to assume otherwise.”

“Caroline it’s not a discussion,” Steve said with a soft laugh, “He’s trying to kidnap you again, I mean bringing you to him is just doing his work for him.”

“Steve, I don’t know what he wants, what if he is expecting me to stay behind on this one?” Caroline asked.

“And what if he’s expecting us to bring you?” Steve shot back.

“Then I’m with an entire team of people whose main goal is to make sure that I get out of there alive,” said Caroline.

“If you’re here with Bucky…” Steve started.

“Then two of his previous assets are unattended and one of them is still susceptible to his control,” Tony chimed in, “Steve I’m sorry but I think she’s right. Any one of us could stay with her, or a few of us, but if he attacks here while half of us are gone, we could lose her.”

Steve sighed and looked down at Caroline. She was glaring back up at him, her eyes determined. 

“Fine,” he said gruffly, “But you are with me, Tony, or Bucky at all times. Everyone break, we leave in ten minutes.” 

Everyone pushed out of their chairs and filed out of the room. Caroline placed her hand on Steve’s arm to keep him from leaving. Bucky hesitated in the doorway glancing at them, she gave Bucky a small, unconvincing smile, and nodded for him to head off without her. He turned without a word, letting the door slam behind him.

“Steve I need to talk to you,” Caroline said softly. 

Steve took his seat and turned to face her, face full of concern.

“I need you to keep Bucky and I away from each other,” she said looking at him seriously.

“What?” Steve was confused and he could not even begin to hide it. 

“The nightmares I’ve been having, or visions, I don't know, he wants Bucky dead Steve,” Caroline rambled nervously, “And if he can’t have me back, he wants me dead too.”

“That’s it, you’re both staying here,” Steve said firmly.

“No Steve! Don’t you get it?” Caroline pleaded, “He wants me to kill Bucky, he wants us to kill each other. I don't think he’s realized he doesn't have control over him anymore.”

“What if he some how does?” Steve asked, realizing the severity of the situation. 

Caroline’s entire body was shaking, Steve dropped down to her and wrapped her in his arms.

“It’s going to be okay,” he said gently, “I promise this is all going to be okay. We have to tell Buck. But first, Tony needs you in his lab.”

Caroline nodded against him. Together they walked down to Tony’s work space. He was getting ready solemnly, but tried to smile when he saw them.

“Caroline,” he said wrapping her in his arms, “I have something for you, we were going to surprise you with it later, but I guess now is as good a time as any.”

He stepped aside, showing her a suit. It was bright white, just like the dress she had been wearing earlier that night. There was light gray piping that accented the suit and a small Avengers emblem on the left side of the chest. She had been using one of Nat’s suits that they had adjusted to fit her properly, which she hadn't minded. Seeing her new suit though, drove home the fact that she was a part of this team.

“We’ve been keeping a close eye on your powers and how they work,” Tony explained, “It seems that you’re able to create and manipulate matter through the use of the electromagnetic waves around you. Which is why electricity goes bonkers when you get all pissed off,” he smirked, “Your suit can help you absorb the electromagnetic waves around you so that you have better control over them. Shuri helped design the entire thing.”

“I love it,” she said breathlessly.

“I’m glad you do,” Tony laughed.

Tony and Steve left her alone so that she could slip into it. It fit perfectly, of course it did, and it felt light and flexible. She climbed the stairs of Tony’s lab, but stopped dead seeing Bucky standing at the top. He was mission ready, his arms were crossed across his chest. Her heart almost leapt out of her chest.

“New suit,” Bucky said, the tiniest hint of a smile reached the corner of his mouth.

“Yes,” Caroline nodded.

“It looks good,” he told her.

“Bucky what are you doing here?” she asked, her words coming out harsher than she intended.

“Should I go? You obviously don’t need my help, what with Tony and Steve,” he said, voice full of vitriol, “And it’s very clear that you don’t want my help, so yeah, maybe I should go. Back to my room.”

“Bucky stop,” Caroline choked, trying to keep her tears from falling, “You don’t understand.”

“Explain it,” he said sharply. 

“He wants me back and if he can’t have me back he wants me dead,” she said softly.

“Caroline, that isn't going to happen, I’m not going to let that happen,” he said fervently. 

“That’s not all Bucky. He wants you dead too and he wants me to be the one to do it,” she snapped.

“How do you know?” he asked slowly.

“I have woken up almost every night since I’ve been here from nightmares of me killing you,” she cried, “It’s absolute torture, in those first few seconds when I don’t know if you’re dead or alive and if I’m to blame.”

Bucky’s eyes widened in horror and he tried to take a step towards her, but she moved back onto the stair below her. Caroline hugged her torso and doubled over, falling to her knees on the stair in front of her. He was sitting in front of her in an instant, pulling her into him. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked into her hair.

“How could I?” she replied through sobs. 

“He’s not going to get anywhere near you, we’ll make sure of it,” Bucky said holding her tightly.

“You have to stay away from me,” she said looking up at him, “I know you want to protect me, but you have to let the others do that.”

“Caroline, I’m not staying away from you, you’re not going to hurt me,” Bucky said cupping her face in his hands.

“Bucky, I don’t know what kind of control he has over me,” she shuddered, “If something happens to you, especially at my hand, I will not survive it.”

“Caroline,” Bucky started.

“Please,” she whispered, "I can't lose you."

“Okay,” he nodded, “You stay with Steve and Tony and I will keep my distance.”

She dropped her forehead against his and she let out a long sigh of relief. Her entire body had been shaking, she only realized after it stopped. Bucky stood, placing his arm around her waist he pulled her up with him. Together they walked to the jet, but he paused before they entered the room. 

“Caroline,” he said looking down at her, “When this is all over with and everyone comes out of this okay, can I take you on a date?”

“Buck,” she laughed in disbelief, “I just told you that our old boss is trying to brainwash me into killing you and you want to take me on a date?”

“Yeah, I said what I said,” he grinned. 

She smiled and stood on her tiptoes, kissing him softly on the cheek.

“Yes Bucky,” she nodded, “When this is all over you can take me on a date. I like dancing."

 


	18. I'm Alright if You're Alright

After Steve and the others had rescued Caroline from Siberia, Dr. Petrov had returned to that base, to resume his experiments, they had finally found him thanks to Caroline. She never thought she would be back in this place, and she certainly never thought she would have to face the doctor again. Bucky didn’t look so good either, he was pale as they landed. He had already faced this place again, for her, but she knew it couldn't be easy coming back. Still, he gave her as reassuring of a smile as he could muster when the jet touched ground. 

She suggested waiting in the quinjet until it became absolutely necessary for her to be a part of the fight, if it ever came to that. Bucky hadn't even tried to offer his services in staying behind, and Caroline was grateful for that. Steve suggested Wanda and Vision, and Caroline agreed, knowing that if something happened, they would be strong enough to stop her. Bucky had kissed her forehead and left with the others, leaving Caroline to sit and wait. 

She sat on the floor, Wanda right next to her. Vision was at the front of the jet, his eyes scanning the grounds outside the windshield. Caroline took deep, slow breaths, trying to stop her body from shaking. Wanda had her hand on Caroline’s forearm, stroking it gently with her thumb. 

“We shouldn't have let him go in there,” Caroline said staring at the ground.

“Caroline, he’s going to be alright, they all are,” Wanda said reassuringly. 

She rubbed Caroline’s back gently, but even she couldn't help jumping every time gunshots rang out, or Tony’s blasters went off. The longer they sat there the deeper the pit in Caroline’s stomach grew. Another thing she couldn't ignore was the pain in her abdomen, which had started acting up since they arrived. With every passing moment it became harder and harder to ignore. 

“Something isn’t right,” Caroline said clutching her abdomen.

They all glanced up as the door from the jet dropped open and Steve came storming in. He looked down at Caroline, breathing heavily.

“We need back up,” he told them.

“Steve, I shouldn't be in there,” Caroline started.

“They have him,” Steve panted, “They have Bucky and you know this place better than any of us.”

She was up in an instant and although she could hear the others behind her, she didn't even pause to think about them or about what she was running in to. She knew exactly where Bucky was. Hydra agents ran at her from all angles, but she didn’t stop, the rest of her team was there, handling the agents she couldn't send flying. 

She didn’t stop until she reached the fighting room. The room where she met Bucky, the room where they used to go up against each other, almost daily for months. She slammed the door open and entered the room.

“Bucky?!” she cried out.

“No, no Bucky here.”

Caroline shivered and turned around. Standing behind her was Dr. Petrov, just as terrifying as she had remembered.

“Our connection is a lot stronger than I realized Miss Page,” he smirked at her, “As it turns out, I can implant visions in your head while you’re awake, as long as I weaken you enough first.”

He held up a small contraption and hit a button on it. Currents of pain coursed through Caroline’s body and she doubled over dropping to the floor.

“You’ve been doing this?” she coughed.

“And so much more,” he said slyly.

“Steve…he wasn’t there?” Caroline asked breathlessly.

“Of course not,” he replied with a smug smile.

“How did I get past Wanda and Vision?” she asked, tears welling up in her eyes.

“Well, I imagine they put up a very good fight,” he replied.

Caroline screamed and threw him back back against the wall behind him. He grunted, then let out a cold laugh.

“Oh my dear, you’ve just told them exactly where you are,” he said.

* * *

“Steve,” Wanda’s voice rang out in Steve’s earpiece, panicked, “Steve she’s gone, we don’t know where she went.”

“Wanda what?” 

As soon as he said her name he regretted it. Bucky, who was right beside him looked over at him, his entire body on edge, more than it already had been.

“She’s gone, we couldn't stop her,” Wanda said, trying to keep her voice steady.

“It’s okay Wanda, we’ll take care of it,” Steve said, choosing his words carefully.

He knew it was no use however, that Bucky had heard the whole thing. Bucky locked eyes on Steve. Before Steve could say a thing, Bucky took off running. Steve launched his shield at his friend, but Bucky turned to catch it in his vibranium arm with ease.

“Did you really think that would work Steve?” Bucky asked hurling it back, but Steve was close enough now to grab his arm. 

“Bucky you can't go after her,” Steve said restraining him, “If he’s got her, if he’s already in her head, then her mission is to kill you.”

“She won’t kill me Steve,” Bucky said ripping his arm from Steve’s grip, “You were once my mission, did I kill you?”

“Buck, you really almost did,” Steve sighed with a shake of his head, “I can’t let you do this.”

“Then practice what we talked about earlier, and stay the hell out of it,” Bucky growled, taking off once again. 

“Damnit,” Steve hissed, “Alright guys listen up,” he said into his com, “Caroline went AWOL and Bucky’s gone after her.”

“Oh good, so the exact thing we were trying to avoid is happening now, great,” Tony replied sarcastically. 

“Tony,” Steve started.

“Don’t worry Mr. America, I’m following Sergeant Barnes!” came Peter’s voice. 

“Good job kid,” said Tony.

Bucky didn’t stop to listen to the voices in his ear, in fact he ripped the earpiece out and kept running. He didn’t need her screams to help him find where she was either. He knew exactly where she’d be, but the screams just sent him running faster.

* * *

“Stop! Please!” Caroline cried clutching her stomach.

Her entire body was throbbing, but he kept right on torturing her. He knew the more she screamed, the louder she cried out, the faster the Winter Soldier would get to her. 

“Stop resisting Caroline, you won’t win this one,” he hissed.

“I won’t kill him,” Caroling growled pushing herself, “It doesn’t matter how deep you are in my head, I won’t do it.”

He bent down, his red face directly in hers. His lips curled into a dark sneer and he let out a throaty chuckle.

“I only need one of you Caroline. If you can’t follow through, then I’ll have him kill you,” he said. 

“You can’t control him anymore, whatever you put inside of him is gone,” she shot triumphantly.

“Then I’ll kill you myself,” he spat, “And he’ll be easy to take. Reprogramming him won’t be difficult. Of course I would prefer you, I created you.”

“You’re so stupid,” Caroline laughed, “This base is full of people who are literally here to kill you and you think you’re going to get away with either one of us?” 

“I know I will,” he howled pressing the button again, shooting pain throughout Caroline’s body.

Caroline cried out and dropped to the floor once again, writhing in pain. Her body twitched involuntarily as the shocks subsided. They both looked up as Bucky threw himself through the door. 

“Bucky get out of here!” Caroline screamed.

“Caroline, kill him,” Dr. Petrov demanded. 

His voice came from inside her head. She could see Bucky kneeling in front of her, he was saying something to her, something she couldn't make out. All she knew was the she had to kill him, it was her mission. She threw her hands up, sending him flying. He hit the wall and landed with a thud, as Caroline got to her feet and stormed towards him.

“Caroline,” Bucky groaned, rolling over onto all fours. 

She grabbed a chunk of his hair and kneed him hard in the face. He caught her knee and threw her on her back, holding her wrists above her head.

“I’m not going to fight you Caroline,” he said, blood dripping from his nose.

He climbed off of her and stood in front of her, his hands raised. She jumped to her feet, glaring at him. She flicked a wrist and the gun at Bucky’s side was pulled from it’s holster and flew into her hand. 

“Go ahead,” Bucky breathed heavily, “Do it.” 

Caroline held the gun steady in her hands, pointed directly at Bucky. He stared her down right back, his eyes unmoving, despite his slight panting. 

“Fight back Winter Soldier,” Caroline growled, “You never held back before.”

“That’s not me anymore Caroline, you know that’s not me,” Bucky said evenly, “You know I can’t fight you.”

“Why not!?” she cried angrily.

“Because I am so in love with you Caroline,” he said with a gentle laugh, "I'm not going to fight you because I am in love with you. I would rather die then see you hurt."

Caroline shook her head, stumbling back. She still held the gun pointed at Bucky, but her eyes softened. 

“Bucky,” she said softly. 

She remembered where she was, she remembered who she was and who he was, above all she remembered what the doctor had told her. He only needed one of them. She knew that if she didn’t kill Bucky, Dr. Petrov would kill her, his failure of an experiment, or worse, he would kill Bucky.

“Bucky, I’m so sorry,” she cried, “There is no way we win.”

“Caroline don’t,” Bucky warned.

She flicked her wrist again and in an instant his knife was in her hand. She threw the gunand drew the knife up pointed directly at her stomach.

“Caroline stop!” Bucky yelled running towards her.

The knife was pulled out of her hand by white, sticky webbing, and her head shot up to see Peter in his Spider-Man suit catch it in his hand.

“Sorry Miss Caroline, I couldn’t let you do that,” he said.

She stared at him, her eyes wide with horror, she had failed. Three shots rang out from behind her and she waited for the pain of the bullets to register, but they never did. Instead Bucky dropped to his knees in front of her, clutching his abdomen. Peter hopped to the floor and ran to his side. Caroline spun around, Dr. Petrov stood behind her, holding Bucky’s gun. 

Caroline threw her arm out and he clutched at the invisible force that began to slowly crush his windpipe. He fell to his knees gasping for air. Caroline slid him across the floor and met him against the wall.

“What did you do?” she cried keeping her invisible grip tight on his neck.

“I told you I preferred you,” he choked out.

She heard others run into the room. She could feel Tony, Natasha, and Steve behind her, they’re nervous energy radiating off of them.

“Caroline, don’t do this,” Tony said slowly.

She threw him back away from her, her eyes still on the doctor.

“Caroline,” Steve said steadily, “This isn’t you, throw me against a wall, but this isn’t you.”

“It is me Steve, he made me this way, he made me kill people, people I didn't even know,” she said angrily, “And Bucky,” her voice broke at Bucky.

“He’s alive Caroline,” said Steve, “but he needs your help.”

“I can’t help,” Caroline cried, “I just make everything worse!”

“Not this time,” Steve said placing a tentative hand on her shoulder, “We’re going to lose him Caroline. He needs you.”

She dropped her hand releasing Dr. Petrov from her grip. He gasped, grabbing his neck. Caroline turned and released into Steve. He put his arms around her and led her away from the doctor. Another shot rang out and Caroline jumped and turned to see Natasha standing over Dr. Petrov, her gun pointed down at him.

“That wasn't the plan Nat,” Tony said stomping over to her.

“We almost lost her again Tony, I’m not in the business of risking it,” Caroline heard Natasha say.

Steve lead her back to Bucky. He was still clutching his abdomen, but Caroline could see now that a bullet had also gone through his shoulder. Sam was behind him, supporting his head. She ran to his side and dropped down beside him, tears streaming down her face.

“Bucky, I’m so sorry,” Caroline said brushing his hair back. 

“You’re alive, that’s all that matters,” he said with a weak smile.

“I’m going to fix this,” she said.

Her hands shook as she and Peter removed his shirt. There was blood everywhere, she was afraid it would never stop. 

“Hey,” Bucky said grabbing her wrist.

“Bucky what?" she asked impatiently, "I need to fix you, I need to stop the bleeding and fix you,” she said desperately.

He lifted his head up and kissed her, then with a groan dropped back down into Sam’s lap.

“If I’m gonna die, that is the last thing I want to do,” he said closing his eyes.

“You’re such an idiot,” Caroline laughed through her tears, “You’re not going to die, I’m not letting that happen.”

She went for the wound on his stomach first, it seemed more detrimental. He hissed as she yanked the bullet out. She closed her eyes and let the tingling in her hands guide her. When she pulled her hands back, the bleeding had stopped, there was a white scar on his stomach, but she knew he was healed. She went through the same process on his shoulder, every muscle in her body trembled as she used every last ounce of strength she had left to heal him. 

“Bucky,” she whispered placing a hand lightly on his chest.

His breathing slowly returned from shallow, to normal, and he opened his eyes. He smiled broadly at her, sitting up.

“Hey thanks,” he said pressing his forehead to hers.

Caroline collapsed into him, her sobs mixed with laughter. She buried her face in his neck, throwing her arms around him.

“Bucky I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” she cried into him.

“You saved my life,” he said scratching her head.

“I put your life in danger,” she said, “I almost killed you. I almost got you killed.”

“I knew what I was walking into,” he assured her.

“Running into more like it,” Steve muttered, “Trust me Caroline, we tried to stop him, but you know how stubborn he can be.”

“You’re so stupid,” Caroline sniffled.

“I knew you wouldn't hurt me,” Bucky shrugged, “Well I mean other than the broken nose.”

Caroline laughed and pulled her head from his neck. She placed a hand on either side of his nose and with a pop, healed that also.

“You’re getting pretty good at that,” Bucky grinned.

“Yeah speaking of ‘that’ when were you going to tell the rest of us that you have that special little gift?” asked Tony.

“It’s not as easy as it looks,” Caroline said, her head becoming fuzzy.

“We can talk about later,” Steve said laughed, “Let’s get back to the jet.”

Caroline wrapped her arms around Bucky’s neck again and he lifted her up off the ground, carrying her back to the jet. He sat down with her in his arms, as she refused to unravel herself from him. 

“How are you doing?” he asked her.

“I’m alright if you’re alright,” she said sleepily, her head resting on his shoulder.

“I’m alright,” he smiled.

“Then so am I,” she smiled back. 

 


	19. Don't Give Up on Me

Caroline sat on a table in Shuri’s lab in Wakanda. Tony, Steve, Nat, Sam, and Bucky had accompanied her on her visit, taking her there directly after Siberia. Tony had Friday sent a jet for the others, to take them, tired and battered, back home. Shuri had spent the last couple of hours running tests and brain scans on Caroline, while the others got patched up. Caroline had tried her best to heal as much as she could, but her body was weak and it didn’t take long before she had nothing left in her.

Bucky came into the room and pulled a chair up, just beneath her. She looked down, smiling at him weakly.

“You can lie down you know,” he said returning her smile.

“I know,” she nodded, “I tried, it just feels like there’s a million electrical currents running through my body. Everything hurts, but I don’t know how to relax it.”

Bucky rested his chin on her knees. She let out a whisper of a laugh and pulled her fingers through his hair. 

“Did Shuri get a look at you? Did I heal you properly?” she asked.

“You did a perfect job,” he replied.

She narrowed her eyes at him, he had answered too quickly and assuredly. She knew something was off.

“Bucky,” she said slowly, “Tell me the truth.”

“Fine,” he sighed, “You really did heal everything perfectly, but she says the scars aren’t going to go away on their own. She said she could remove them, but I told her that was okay.”

Caroline groaned and dropped her head in her hands. Bucky stood and hopped up on the table beside her. He tucked a finger under her chin and lifted her head towards him.

“Caroline,” he said with a half-hearted laugh, “You saved my life and you’re worried about two little scars?”

“Let me see them,” she demanded.

He sighed and lifted his shirt. They were not little by any means of the word. More than that, they looked messy, sprawled out across his perfect skin. She groaned again, but Bucky dropped his shirt and pulled her into him.

“Okay, so maybe they aren’t little,” he said gently, “But I don’t mind them, I don’t mind having a few scars.”

“Bucky, I messed you all up, please let Shui fix it,” she mumbled.

“No. I don’t want her to. You’re being a little extreme, they aren't that bad,” he laughed, “And again, you saved my life.”

“I feel like we’re just glossing over the fact that before I saved you I broke your nose and held you at gunpoint,” Caroline said sarcastically.

“And I feel like we’re glossing over the fact that Bucky kissed you square on the lips in front of all of us and said that cheesy ass line right before he almost died,” Sam said waltzing into the room looking all cleaned up.

“I was dying Birdman,” Bucky retorted.

“Whatever Lefty,” Sam said, “It was cheesy.”

Caroline laughed and scooted herself down on the bed. She pulled her legs up and rested her head in Bucky’s lap.

“Tell me again why you joined us out here instead of going home?” Bucky said with a laugh.

“Caroline happens to be one of my favorite people in that stupid building,” Sam said waving his hand, “And I don’t know…I guess you’ve kind of grown on me too.”

“Did I fall asleep?” Caroline asked, “Am I dreaming? This is a dream isn't it?”

“I just really didn't like watching you die,” Sam shrugged.

“Thanks Sam,” Bucky nodded.

Sam nodded back and they both shared a small grin.

“Naaaah,” Sam said, “I’m just messing, I really just wanted to see Wakanda,” he said throwing his head back with a laugh.

“There it is,” Bucky chuckled. 

Tony, Nat, and Steve walked in, with Shuri close behind them. None of them looked happy, as they took seats throughout the room. Steve however didn't sit, he went to stand in the corner of the room, his arms crossed across his chest, his lips tight. Caroline sat up as Shuri pulled up a seat in front of her. 

“Caroline,” she said with a bleak smile, “We have to talk about something and, um, this isn’t going to be easy.”

Bucky looked up at Steve. Steve looked back for a brief second, but quickly looked down at his feet.

“Look Kiddo,” Tony said scooting his chair up next to Shuri, “You know we have to get whatever Hydra put in your head out.”

“Yes of course,” Caroline nodded.

“The thing is,” Shuri started, “It’s much different than the brainwashing we had to remove from Bucky’s head. You weren't brainwashed per se, the doctor developed some way to link his mind to yours.”

“Well he’s dead now, so shouldn't that have taken care of that?” asked Bucky sharply.

“Thank you for that,” Caroline said softly, looking over to Nat.

“Of course,” Natasha smirked, despite Tony’s disapproving look.

“She still has the access point in her head,” Shuri said looking up at Bucky, “We don’t know who knows about the Petrov’s work.”

“If there are others who know, it could obviously be very problematic,” said Tony.

“Okay so can you fix it?” asked Sam.

“Of course I can fix it,” Shuri scoffed.

“Then what is the problem?” asked Bucky, “Why the hell aren't you saying anything Steve?”

“Because it’s not that simple Bucky,” Steve snapped.

“Caroline, I can fix this, I can remove the connection,” Shuri said hopefully, “But you’re going to lose some time.”

“Some time?” Caroline asked, “How much time?”

“Well, I have to go back to when he did this to you,” Shuri replied slowly.

“That was just before they rescued me,” Caroline said breathlessly.

“Yes,” Shuri nodded. 

Finally Steve met Bucky’s eye and Bucky understood why he was so upset. Caroline would forget that she had been saved by them, she would forget that she didn’t hate Steve, she would forget meeting Sam and Wanda, and she would forget every moment she had spent with Bucky as Bucky and not as the Winter Soldier.

“There has to be another way,” Bucky said shaking his head in disbelief.

“There isn’t,” Steve said firmly.

“Well maybe there is,” Bucky said jumping off the bed and moving to stand face to face with Steve.

“Bucky there isn’t,” Steve said pushing himself off the wall, straightening his broad shoulders, “I know you’re angry Buck, but there isn’t another option,” Steve said, softening. 

“Don’t do it,” Bucky said turning to Caroline, “You don’t have to do it. Petrov is dead, for all we know he is the only one who knew.”

Caroline smiled at him sadly and reached her hand out toward him. He took it, letting her pull him closer to him. 

“Can we just have a minute?” she said glancing around the room. 

The others gave various forms of agreement and filed out of the room. Bucky stared down at her, his eyebrows furrowed.

“Buck,” she said gently.

“I’m serious Caroline, you don’t have to do this,” Bucky said pleadingly.

Caroline took both of her hands and placed them on either side of his face, bringing his forehead to hers.

“I have to do this,” she said, “Bucky you almost died because of me.”

“We went over this already,“ Bucky sighed pulling his head back, “You snapped out of it, you were able to snap out of it.” 

“You snapped me out of it,” she said with a slight smile, “but that was lucky. What if you’re not there next time? What if you are there and it doesn’t work. Bucky, it’s too risky, there are too many variables and I can’t lose you.”

“You won’t remember that you can’t lose me,” Bucky snapped, “You won’t remember any of it. I’ll just be the Winter Soldier again.”

Caroline sighed, her lip trembled, but she knew she couldn't break in front of Bucky. She had to be strong. She pulled his face down so that his eyes met hers.

“You took care of me when we were prisoners together, I remembered that the minute you said my name. I trusted you immediately,” she assured him.

“We just have to start all over,” he said sadly.

“I know,” Caroline nodded, “It isn’t fair.”

Bucky sighed and pulled her into him. She rested her head against his chest, closing her eyes as he gently scratched the back of her head.

“I’m sorry Caroline,” he whispered into her hair, "I don't know what to do," he said helplessly.

"It's going to be okay Buck," she said gently, "We'll be okay."

"You don't believe that," he said pulling back, his eyes meeting hers.

She pulled him in slowly and gave him soft kiss on the lips. 

"Don't give up on me," she said.

He nodded, pressing his forehead to hers.

“I need to talk to Steve,” she said after a moment.

“I’ll get him for you,” Bucky said, giving her a kiss on her forehead.

As soon as the door had closed behind him, Caroline’s shoulders fell as she began cry freely. Everything she had said to Bucky was true, but she knew that once she woke up from Shuri’s work, she would not be the same, and neither would their relationship. 

Steve pressed the door open slowly and entered the room tentatively. He looked angry, Caroline didn’t blame him. When he saw her crying however, his face softened and he moved over to her, wrapping her in his arms. 

“I can’t do this Steve,” she sobbed into his chest.

“You can Caroline,” Steve said gently.

“I’m going to lose you Steve, I’m going to lose you and Bucky and so much more,” she cried.

“You’re not losing anyone,” he said firmly, “We’re going to be right here, you’ll come back to us. We’ve already done it once,” he smiled 

“Steve, I need you to promise me something,” she said pulling back and looking up at him.

“Anything,” he nodded.

“Don’t let Bucky give up,” she said locking eyes on his.

“You think Bucky is going to give up on you?” Steve laughed, “He’s never going to give up on you Caroline.”

“Steve I’m serious, this is going to be hard on him, he’s going to shut down on me, I know it,” she said earnestly. 

“He won’t,” Steve said shaking his head. He paused for a moment, “He might.”

Caroline let out a mix between a laugh and a sob, causing Steve to grab her into his arms again.

“Caroline, I’ve never seen Bucky in love until I saw him with you. It’s different, he’s different. He’s so damn unpredictable now,” Steve sighed heavily.

“He really is,” she nodded.

“I’ll do my best Caroline, I promise,” Steve assured her.

“Thank you Steve,” she said relieved. 

She pulled back and looked up at him, smiling sadly. She took his hands in hers and pressed them against her cheeks.

“I’m sorry Steve,” she whispered, “I know how hard this is going to be on you.”

“Oh no, I hadn't even thought about the fact that my best friend was going to absolutely hate me again,” Steve shrugged flatly.

“Steve,” Caroline sighed, “I’m so sorry.”

“Hey,” Steve said tucking a finger under her chin, “Don’t be sorry, this is going to be harder for you than it is for any of us.”

“Somehow I don’t believe that,” Caroline said narrowing her eyes at him.

“You’re right. It’s going to absolutely destroy Sam that you won’t remember him,” Steve grinned.

“That’s funny, but also really, really sad,” Caroline groaned.

“I’m sorry Caroline,” Steve chuckled, “Everything is going to be okay, I promise. We are all going to take care of you.”

Caroline nodded, leaning into him. There was a soft knock on the door and Shuri entered, followed by Tony and Bucky. 

“Well,” Tony said breaking the silence, “I guess I’m finally going to be your favorite,” he joked.

“Tony,” Steve smiled, shaking his head.

Caroline chuckled as Bucky and Steve switched places. She appreciated Tony’s silly antics in tough situations.

“That’s not funny Stark,” Bucky said rolling his eyes.

“It’s a little funny Barnes,” Tony smirked. 

“Are you ready?” Shuri asked tentatively. 

“I’m really not going to remember anything from the last six months?” Caroline asked, her voice breaking.

“I don’t know,” Shuri said, “It’s very likely that that is the case. I will preserve what I can. There is always a chance that your memories can be triggered by something and return with time.”

“Okay,” Caroline nodded, “I’m ready. 

Bucky took her hand in hers as Shuri led them to another part of her lab. Shuri smiled reassuringly at her as Caroline laid down on the table in front of her.

“You’re going to be okay Caroline, I promise,” Shuri smiled.

Caroline nodded and closed her eyes, her hand still engulfed in Bucky’s. The warmth of his skin against hers was the last thing she felt as the world around her went dark. 

 


	20. What the Hell is a Bucky

Caroline slowly opened her eyes, her head was throbbing, but she had grown used to pain. She couldn’t make out where she was, her surroundings were unfamiliar. The person sitting next to her bed however, was not unfamiliar. He was the reason her entire body was constantly in pain. She was terrified of him, just seeing him sent a wave of fear throughout her. She was taken aback though, he didn’t look like he was ready for a fight, and he certainly didn’t look like the Winter Soldier that she had come to know so well. 

He was wearing regular clothes, dark jeans and black shirt, and he was looking down at a cellphone, his brow furrowed. He had a leg resting up on the frame of her bed and he was leaning back. She was confused at how casual and relaxed he looked. That didn’t make her any less on edge. 

Caroline tried to move, but her arms were heavy. Her whole body was heavy. She could barely move at all. She used all her strength just to turn her head to face him.

“Are you going to kill me?” she asked in a low voice.

He almost dropped his phone at her voice. He took his foot off of her bed, and looked at her with wide eyes, trying to hold back a smile.

“Of course not,” he said gently, “Tony,” he called. 

Caroline was even more confused as Tony rushed into the room and pulled up a seat next to the Winter Soldier. 

“Tony?” Caroline asked glancing between the two of them. 

“Good morning sunshine,” he grinned. 

“What the fuck is going on?” Caroline breathed.

“Listen, this isn’t going to be easy,” Tony said helping her sit up, “We rescued you, six months ago.”

“What?” she said shaking her head.

“Bucky told us where you were, he helped us find you, we rescued you, and brought you home,” explained Tony, “But, we ran into some complications.”

“What complications?” she asked, tears in her eyes. 

“Well, Petrov experimented on you, implanted this mental connection that he could control, that other members of Hydra could also very likely control. We had to remove that from your brain, we’re in Wakanda now,” said Tony.

“So in addition to the two years Hydra took from me, I lost another six months of my life?” Caroline said confused. 

“Caroline, this is going to be difficult for you, we understand that,” Tony said placing his hand on her arm reassuringly, “But we’re here to answer an and all questions that you have.”

“Fine, where is Steve?” Caroline asked.

“Steve is here,” said Tony, “But the when we rescued you the first time you hated him, so we thought maybe we’d keep you separated until you were feeling better.”

“I don’t hate Steve,” Caroline said quickly.

“Well that is good to know,” Tony nodded, “Anything else?”

“Yeah, what the hell is a Bucky?” asked Caroline.

Tony snorted and glanced over at the Winter Soldier. He was staring at her intently, his arms crossed against his chest.

“This the hell is a Bucky, Steve’s best friend,” Tony laughed.

“Your name is Bucky?”Caroline asked incredulously. 

“It’s a nickname,” he said curtly, “James Buchanan Barnes. It’s funny, you seemed to have a problem with it the first time we actually met too.”

“We’ve met outside of Hydra?” Caroline asked. 

Bucky nodded silently, Caroline didn't miss the look Tony gave him, though she wasn't sure what it meant.

“Yeah Caroline, we did,” he said softly.

Something like a shockwave went off in her brain upon hearing him say her name. She grabbed his hand and placed it against her cheek.

“I remember this,” she said slowly, “You left Hydra. Where did you go?” 

“It doesn’t matter, I came back for you, we all came back for you,” he smiled.

“Wait,” Caroline said scrunching her forehead, “We were in Wakanda, you ripped my door off it’s hinges.”

“Well hey now, you did throw me into a wall,” Bucky said with a laugh.

“Oh yeah,” Caroline nodded. 

She winced and dropped her head into her hands. Bucky moved to sit next to her on the bed, and wrapped an arm around her. 

“Shit, it hurts,” she groaned. 

“Caroline don’t push it,” Tony said, “We want you to remember as much as you can, but your brain needs time to recover.” 

She glanced up at Bucky, confused, and he moved back to his seat. Caroline laid her head back down on her pillow and curled herself into a ball. 

“How bad is the pain Caroline?” Tony asked.

“Which pain, the throbbing in my head, or everything else?” Caroline asked sarcastically.

“Noted, we’ll fix that,” Tony said hopping up and leaving the room.

Caroline glanced up at Bucky. He was still watching her closely. For the life of her she could not grasp the look on his face.

“So…what’s your deal?” Caroline asked, “Why did they decide to have you here with Tony when I woke up?”

Bucky hesitated for a moment.

“Well, we uh, when we were part of Hydra you sort of trusted me, which I guess caused me to be one of the only people who didn’t make you anxious for a while,” he explained slowly. 

“And why were we in Wakanda together?” Caroline asked.

“Tony and Steve decided I was best equipped to help you learn to control your powers,” he replied.

“And were you?” she asked.

“I don’t know,” he sighed, “But you did get better.”

“Are we friends?” Caroline asked.

Bucky sighed looking down at her. His expression turned hard as he turned his focus towards his hands in his lap.

“Not really,” he said curtly. 

He pushed back out of his chair and stormed out of the room. Caroline stared at the door that he had slammed behind him. A few moments later the same door opened and Tony and Steve entered through it.

“Hi Caroline,” Steve said, lingering back a bit.

“I don’t hate you Steve,” Caroline said quickly.

“Well, that’s good,” Steve laughed.

He made his way towards Caroline and took the seat that Bucky had previously been in, smiling at Caroline the whole time.

“Shuri said that might happen, that some of things we experienced with you the first time might be different,” Tony said.

“Shuri…I remember Shuri,” Caroline said.

“Well if you remember being here with Barnes you would,” Tony nodded, “She’s the one who helped you.”

Caroline nodded, then groaned grabbing her head in her hands. Tony handed her a white pill.

“Take this,” he demanded, “It’s a sedative. Where’s Barnes?”

“He left,” Caroline said taking the pill in her hand, “He doesn't seem to like me very much, said we weren’t friends.” 

She threw the pill back, missing Steve and Tony glancing at each other worriedly. Caroline was asleep within minutes, and Tony turned to Steve, his eyebrows raised.

“Barnes told her they aren't friends?” Tony asked incredulously.

“Well, technically speaking, they aren’t, they’re more than that,” Steve said trying to justify his friends’ words.

“Steve,” Tony said flatly, “As true as that may be, you know that isn't what he meant.”

“Yeah, I know,” Steve nodded, “He can’t handle this. She knew he wouldn't be able to,” he sighed.

“So what do we do?” Tony asked.

“I really don’t know,” Steve said shaking his head, “I guess we wait.”

* * *

It had been a few weeks since they'd returned to the headquarters. Caroline was still adjusting to life as an Avenger. It had been noted throughout the compound however, that she was infinitely less moody than she had been the first go around, though no one could really figure out why. They had also noted throughout the compound that all of her moodiness had transferred to Bucky, this was easier to understand.

Bucky avoided Caroline at all cost, which was easy to do, since Caroline spent almost all of her free time in Tony’s lab, with Natasha, or in her room. Tony and Nat were the only ones Caroline truly felt comfortable with. The people she remembered, Steve, Rhodey, Clint, Peter, she avoided less. The others, the ones she couldn't remember at all, Sam, Wanda, Vision, and of course Bucky, made her nervous, so she avoided them outside of training and meetings. 

She was sitting in Tony’s lab, reading a book, while he worked on modifications to Peter’s Spider Suit. It was always loud in there, but she had become used to it. Tony paused and glanced up at her as she read. He and Steve had decided to take a backseat on her healing, let her figure things out on her own. While she was thriving in certain areas, like training, she was not even trying in others, like making friends. 

“Caroline, what are you doing down here exactly?” he asked after a moment.

“Well, Nat is out on a mission with Steve, Sam, and Vision, so I have no one to hangout with but you,” she replied.

“I think Wanda, Clint, and Peter are upstairs watching a movie, they ordered take-out.”

“Very cool,” Caroline nodded.

“That was me suggesting you leave and go hangout with them, not me updating you on the headquarter happenings,” Tony said flatly.

“I am super aware of that,” Caroline nodded. 

“You know, they were your friends at one point,” Tony said crossing his arms.

“Tony, it’s weird. They all know me, and I don’t remember them, or things feel different. It’s uncomfortable,” she said earnestly.

“I know kiddo, I know,” Tony nodded, “But they miss you. You had relationships with these people and they miss you. Plus you have to eat at some point.”

Caroline narrowed her eyes at him and glared for a long time. He smiled and shrugged, going back to his work. She sighed heavily and threw her book down.

“Fine,” she groaned hopping off his counter.

“That’s my girl,” Tony grinned.

“I’m only doing this because I’m hungry,” she said storming up the stairs.

“Yep!” Tony called after her.

She made her way up to the kitchen and living room area, her stomach grumbling as she did. The living room was empty, no one was watching a movie and there was no take out, they must have decided to go out for food. The kitchen however, was not empty. Bucky was sitting at the table, with a coffee mug, sketching in a sketch book. Caroline had seen him sketching in that book many times over the last few weeks.

She considered turning and sprinting to her room, but before she could make a move, Bucky had glanced up and spotted her. 

“Hi,” he grunted turning back to his drawings.

“I’m just grabbing a quick bite,” she said quickly, moving to the cupboard, “I’ll be out of your hair in a minute.”

“You’re fine,” he said closing his book.

She opened the cupboard above the counter and looked up trying to decide on a cereal to grab. Caroline reached up to take a box, but they were too high and she was too short. She heard Bucky snort behind her.

“Tony keeps a step stool around here somewhere,” he said. 

She turned to glare at him, then hopped up on the counter.

“It’s fine, I got it,” she snapped.

“This is bad idea,” Bucky grumbled.

She stood up and found the cereal she wanted and grabbed it. When she went to step down, she lost her footing and fell backwards. A small scream escaped her lips and she closed her eyes as she prepared for the impact she would make with the floor. She did not hit the floor though, and when she opened her eyes she was glancing up at Bucky, who had caught her in his arms.

“I told you that was a bad idea,” he said, “One brain injury is enough don't you think?” he added, putting her on her feet.

“Thanks,” she said, feeling her face turn red.

“Sure,” he nodded, “You know you can move things with your mind right?”

“Oh my god,” she said, her eyes widening, “How did I forget that?”

“I don’t know,” Bucky laughed, “It seems like a pretty impossible thing to forget.”

He picked up his things and began to walk out of the kitchen, but something occurred to Caroline and she had to ask.

“Wait!” she called. 

He turned around abruptly, with a confused look.

“You said we weren’t friends,” she said.

“I said we weren't exactly friends,” he corrected.

“Okay, whatever,” she said shaking her head, “If we weren’t exactly friends, then why do I have one of your shirts in my room.”

“You have more than one,” he replied instantly, “I mean, how do you know their mine?” he asked quickly.

“Um, they smell like you,” she said. She wasn't sure her face could be anymore red, “I just noticed right now, when you caught me. You smelled familiar and I realized it was that shirt. What do you mean I have more than one?” she asked quickly.

“You have more than one of my shirts, you stole them from me in Wakanda,” he replied, “What do you mean by ‘that' shirt? What shirt?” he asked.

“Well when I got back, there was a shirt…um…it was in my bed and I knew it wasn’t mine…now I know it’s yours. Why would I steal shirts from you in Wakanda?” she asked.

“Look, when we were in Wakanda, you stole one of my shirts because you said it was more comfortable than anything you had. I gave you a few more a little later, because you needed them, that’s it,” he explained, "I don't know why it was in your bed."

“Well I obviously don't either," she shot, "And that seems like a really nice thing to do for someone who isn’t your friend though,” she said placing her hands on her hips.

She couldn't help but notice that even though Bucky looked absolutely exhausted, there was also a small smile threatening to leave his lips.

“What I said was, we weren’t _exactly_ friends,” he replied.

“Okay, well what _exactly_ does that mean?” she asked. 

Bucky stared at her, his eyes searching hers. After a tense moment, he sighed heavily and dropped his head.

“It just means that things were complicated,” he said slowly.

“Well okay, that makes sense, Hydra complicates things,” she nodded.

“Yeah, that’s it,” he said with a half smile.

“Maybe we can try to be friends this time around?” she suggested hopefully.

He shook his head slowly and shrugged.

“I don’t know Caroline,” he said softly.

“Why not?” she asked hotly.

“You just, bring up a lot of things that I’m not ready to deal with,” he said carefully, “I’m sorry.”

She watched as he walked out of the room. She hadn't noticed that tears had began to from behind her eyes and when they began to fall she couldn't understand why. For so long she had been taught to hate him, but for some reason, the conversation hurt. 

Caroline made her way back to her room and crawled into her bed, still crying softly. She grabbed the dark red shirt that was next to her pillow and pulled it close to her. It was something she had done since she had found the shirt, the smell had comforted her although she couldn't figure out why. Now she knew whose shirt it was and she still couldn't figure out why and it only made things more confusing. She cried herself to sleep, holding Bucky’s shirt close to her, hoping that one day things would be less confusing, especially things with Bucky. 


	21. We Weren't Exactly Friends? We Were Best Friends

“Okay Caroline, the first thing you’re gonna want to do it start the car.”

“Wait…shouldn’t we put our seat belts on first?”

“Oh, right, seat belts first.”

Caroline sat in the drivers seat of Sam’s car, Sam sat next to her nervously in the passenger’s seat. It was Tony’s idea to teach Caroline to drive a manual car. He was constantly trying to find different activities to occupy her, usually with different members of the team to reacquaint her with everyone. Sam hadn't exactly offered his services when Tony started asking around, in fact he flat out told Tony that there was no way in hell he would do it. Then Tony told him that if anything happened he would replace Sam’s car, and Sam had a change of heart. 

It helped that Sam had slowly become one of Caroline’s more favorite people at headquarters. He was always wedging himself into her hangouts with Natasha, which had made her infinitely more comfortable around him. 

“Okay so when you start the car you have to push the clutch all the way down and turn the key at the same time,” Sam explained after clicking his seatbelt. 

“Um, alright,” Caroline said following his instructions.

She jumped slightly as the Sam’s car roared to life.

“See what we’re not going to do is jump like that every time the car does something new,” Sam said.

“I haven’t driven a car in like four years Sam,” Caroline said with a shaky smile.

“What?!” Sam exclaimed, “Tony left that little piece of information out."

“Maybe we should start smaller?” Caroline suggested.

“No, if you can drive manual, you can drive anything,” Sam said firmly.

“Somehow I don’t think that’s one-hundred percent accurate,” said Caroline, glancing over at Sam.

“Hey, eyes on the road, don't question your teacher,” Sam barked.

Caroline’s head snapped back to the front as she laughed. Sam made it easier for her to relax a little. 

“Alright let’s try putting it in first,” he said. 

Her left foot pressed against the clutch and she shifted into first. Very slowly she pressed the gas. Just as the car began to move forward, Bucky stepped out of the building and started to cross in front of them. Caroline had made it a habit to avoid Bucky at all cost, she didn’t even try to make polite conversation with him anymore. If he entered a room, she left it. Seeing him sent a wave of anxiety through every time, and this was no exception.

“Okay Caroline, hit the brake,” Sam said quickly.

“I don’t remember where it is,” she said, turning to him eyes wide.

Sam reached over and slammed his hand on the horn, causing Bucky to stop dead in his tracks. Sam’s car rolled forward still, and collided with Bucky. He went down as Sam pulled up on the emergency brake. 

“Oh my god, we just hit Bucky,” Caroline gasped.

“Okay first of all, you just hit Bucky,” Sam corrected, “Second of all, guy’s a super soldier and we were going maybe three miles an hour. He’s fine.”

Sam was right, Bucky was fine. He hopped up, glaring at the two of them.

“What do we do?” Caroline whispered.

“Baby girl we’re gonna back up,” Sam said slowly. 

“What?” Caroline asked sharply.

“Hit that clutch and put this bad boy in reverse!” Sam shot.

Caroline did as she told, but Bucky grabbed the front of Sam’s car with his metal hand and held it half up off the ground. Sam rolled his window down and stuck his head out.

“Hey, Winter Soldier, wanna put us down now?” he asked.

“You really just hit me with a car,” Bucky snapped at Caroline.

“Okay, but to be fair, you walked right in front of me!” Caroline shouted.

“Oh, right, I can definitely see how this is my fault,” he said sarcastically.

“You stopped in the middle of the driveway Barnes,” Caroline shot back, “After Sam honked the horn.”

“She has a point, who stops and stares like that at a moving car?” said Sam, “You were literally like a deer in the headlights,” Sam chuckled.

Bucky growled and dropped the car, then strode over to the passenger’s side door, flinging it open.

“Get in the back,” Bucky said to Sam.

“Listen man, if the Civil Rights movement taught me anything, it’s that I definitely do not have to do that,” Sam grinned.

“Sam,” Bucky sighed, “Caroline just hit me with your car.”

“Yeah, okay, fine,” Sam grumbled climbing out of his seat.

He hopped in the back, as Bucky took his seat in the front. Caroline eyed him nervously, her anxiety setting in.

“What are you doing?” she asked slowly.

“I’m going to teach you how to drive this thing,” he said.

That was the last thing Sam remembered before the bickering began. The bickering turned into full blown arguing, which included much yelling and lots of cursing. His neck was sore from all of the jerky movement as Caroline learned how to shift gears properly, but after an hour of non-stop shouting, Caroline was driving around the compound like a champ.

“Does anyone know if we have neck braces in there and if so, where might we store them?” Sam asked from the backseat.

“Caroline, you need to shift,” Bucky said, ignoring Sam.

“Shut up,” Caroline snapped, following his directions anyway.

“Look, I know y'all think I couldn't have taught her, but we were really doing just fine before you walked your sweet ass out in front of us,” Sam mumbled.

“Okay, well she hit a human being within a minute of your lesson, and she has yet to hit anything during mine,” Bucky said with a grin.

“That is only because no big lumbering idiots have walked out in front of her during your lesson,” Sam laughed.

“She’s sitting right here,” Caroline said pulling the car into the garage, “And she is perfectly capable without you two idiots.”  


“Caroline you hit me with a car,” said Bucky.

“You just stood there!” Caroline exclaimed. 

“You’re supposed to use your breaks!” Bucky shot back.

“Well you caught me off guard! And usually when someone honks a horn at you, you move!” Caroline yelled as she got out of the car, slamming the door behind her.

Bucky and Sam sat silently in the car for a few moments. Sam watched Bucky carefully, but Bucky was refusing to make eye contact.

“You know she thinks you hate her,” Sam said finally breaking the awkward silence between them.

“I don’t hate her,” Bucky grumbled.

“Yeah dummy, I know that,” Sam sighed, “She doesn’t.”

“Well, I don't know what to do Sam,” Bucky said tersely, “She woke up and all of a sudden I made her uncomfortable. She trusted me the first time, this time she thought I was there to kill her.”

“A fair assumption based on her knowledge of your shared history,” said Sam, “Besides, if I remember the story correctly, she didn't seem to trust anyone right away the first time. As I understand it, she’s a lot better this time around. ”

“Well, I haven't really been involved this time around,” Bucky sighed, dropping his head back onto the head rest behind him.

“You’re such an idiot,” Sam said shaking his head, “You know she asks about you all the time?”

“What?” Bucky asked.

“Yeah, she thinks she’s being subtle, but she isn’t. She mostly just tries to figure out why you dislike her, but we can’t tell her anything, so we kind of just say that you dislike everyone, except Steve,” he explained. 

Bucky opened the door of Sam’s car and climbed out of it, leaving Sam alone in the back seat. He made his way into the compound and stood on the lower level, contemplating his next move. 

“Friday,” he said after a few moments, “Where is Caroline?”

“Caroline is currently in the sitting room, watching a film,” the A.I. responded.

“Thanks,” he said under his breath.

He got into the lift and pressed the button that would take him to the level that she was on. He found her exactly where Friday said she would be, in the sitting room, sprawled across the sofa, watching a movie he did not recognize. She glanced up at him briefly, then went back to watching her film. He let out a long, heavy sigh and moved in front of the television.

“I don’t hate you,” he said firmly.

“Okay,” she replied, “Can you move? I’m kind of watching something.”

“What is it?” he asked.

She paused the movie, looking up at him suspiciously. 

“It’s called When Harry Met Sally,” she replied, “Do you want to watch?” she asked tentatively.

“With you?” Bucky asked.

“Well yes,” she said looking around the room.

“No,” he said quickly.

“You have something better to do?” she asked.

“Yes,” he replied.

“Okay what the fuck Barnes?” she snapped, “You’re the one who came in here talking about how you don’t hate me, but you’re still acting like a dick.”

“I know, I’m sorry. I don’t hate you. I wanted you to know that,” he said awkwardly.

“What the fuck do you want from me Barnes? Do you want me to thank you for coming in here and telling me that you don’t hate me? Because thanks, thank you for treating me like garbage but clearing up the fact that you don’t actually hate me,” she said furiously. 

“I’m trying my best here,” he sighed.

“Your best at what? I’ve been busting my ass trying to make sure I don’t set you off, but I’m exhausted, it’s exhausting. So what exactly are you trying your best at?” she fumed.

“Is that why you leave every room I walk into?” he asked.

“Well what the fuck did you think I was doing? I certainly wasn’t doing it for my sake. It’s not like I have any feelings towards you, good or bad,” she said bitingly. 

“Don’t bother anymore Caroline, I’ll stay out of your way from now on,” he growled storming out of the room.

Caroline was so mad she couldn't even focus on her movie. She turned off the television and climbed the stairs up to Steve’s office. He looked up as she burst through the door.

“Hi Caroline,” he said casually.

She took a seat across from him and crossed her leg, her foot shaking furiously. He watched her, waiting patiently for her to talk.

“Your friend, your idiot best friend,” she fumed, “Steve, what the fuck is his problem?” she asked finally. 

“That is a loaded question,” Steve said with a laugh.

“I’m just tired, I barely sleep, you all are kicking my ass in trainings, and I’m avoiding Barnes because he made it super clear that being around me brought back bad memories for him, but he’s so difficult to figure out, and he’s just so insufferable,” she rambled.

“He said what now?” Steve asked.

“He alluded that being around me brought up things from Hydra that he wasn’t ready to face yet and that it was difficult to be around me,” she said, “So I’ve been trying to stay away from him. Then today he comes in trying to be nice, but in an instant he flipped and it’s like whiplash. I don’t know what his problem is with me and I have no way of knowing because no one tells me anything. You’re all tiptoeing around me.”

“Okay,” Steve said opening up a drawer and pulling out a cellphone, “I wasn't supposed to give this to you, but I am mostly because I am sick of you only coming to me when you want to vent about Bucky. You and I used to be very close before all of this, and our friendship didn’t revolve around him, I would love to get that back.”

Caroline looked at him guiltily, and took the phone.

“It’s your old phone, go through the pictures,” he said curtly.

“Steve, I’m sorry,” she said gently. 

“Don’t be, I know how difficult this is on you,” he smiled, “Hopefully this sheds a little light for you.”

“Thank you Steve,” Caroline said standing. She looked down at the phone in her hand, then back up at him, “You said you weren't supposed to give me this, who didn't want you to give it to me?”

“Uh, Bucky did. He didn’t want to confuse you,” said Steve. 

“It’s a little late for that,” Caroline said bitingly. 

“I’ll talk to you later Caroline,” Steve laughed, shaking his head. 

Caroline closed the door behind her and made her way to her room. She sat on her bed with the phone in her hand, completely unaware of what to expect as she turned it on. Doing exactly what Steve said and went straight to the pictures.

* * *

 

Half an hour later she stood at Bucky’s bedroom door, pounding furiously, her heart racing. Bucky threw his door open and looked down at her, his face a mix of shock and anger. She blew past him, not letting the fact that he was very shirtless phase her. 

“Sure, come into my room,” he said crossing his arms across his chest. 

“We weren't exactly friends?” she asked accusingly.

“What?” he replied.

“You said we weren’t exactly friends,” she said breathlessly, “We were best friends.” 

“Did Sam say something?” Bucky asked.

“No,” she said throwing the phone at him.

He caught it with ease and clicked the screen on. She had a ton of candid photos of him, she had always been trying to catch him off guard. There was the one that she had made his contact photo amongst many others. More than that, there were pictures of the two of them together, pictures from their day in New York, even a couple from when they were in Wakanda. 

He sighed and brought the phone down and held it at his side, then looked up at Caroline. She was glaring at him, tears in her eyes. 

“Why would you keep this from me?” she asked. 

“Steve shouldn't have given this to you,” he said softly.

“You shouldn't have lied to me,” she snapped.

“I didn’t lie Caroline, I said it was complicated and it was. Now it’s even more complicated, and if you keep pushing this I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to fix it,” he said slowly. 

“What do you want me to do then Barnes, what am I supposed to do?” she asked, her voice breaking. 

“I don’t know,” he said. 

She glared at him for a long time and he didn't stop her. He genuinely didn’t know how to fix it, and he definitely didn’t know what she could do to help. 

Her face changed from anger to concern and she moved towards him slowly. She was looking at his bare chest, and it suddenly dawned on him that she was looking at his scars, the ones that she had left. She absentmindedly ran her fingers across the one up by his shoulder, then moved her hand down to the one on his stomach and brushed her thumb across it. If she noticed him shiver, she didn’t let on. Instead she looked up at him confused.

“I left these,” she said cocking her head.

“Yes,” he nodded.

“Did I save your life?” she asked. 

“Twice,” he replied shortly. 

He looked down at her. He wanted to kiss her more than he wanted anything else in the world. He wanted to wrap his arms around her and bring her close to him, but she hardly remembered him. She hardly remembered anything about what used to be ‘them’. So he caught her hand in his and removed it from his stomach. He looked down at her harshly. She would keep coming back and he couldn’t deal with it. No matter what Sam said, or how hard Steve tried, he wasn't ready, and he didn’t know if he ever would be.

“Yeah, you saved my life twice,” he said, “I almost died both times because of you, but I guess it kind of counts right? If you save someone from dying even though you were at fault.”

“What?” she asked taking a step back.

“These scars here? They’re from just before we had to fix your brain. You were supposed to kill me, but you couldn't do it, so our good friend Dr. Petrov shot me, twice. And the first time you saved me, I almost got struck by lightning because you were outside in a lightning storm and refused to come in,” he said sharply, “So yeah you ‘saved’ me, but I wouldn't have been in those positions if it weren't for you in the first place.”

She held her head in her hand, a pained expression on her face. They had pushed her too far today. First Steve, with the cell phone, and now Bucky with the memories.

“Caroline are you alright?” he asked taking a step towards her.

She held up her hand and he flew backwards.

“No, Barnes, you do not get to be horrible to me and then turn around and make sure I’m okay. You can’t have it both ways,” she hissed, “I’m sorry about your scars.

Bucky knew that he had gone too far and he regretted everything in that instant. He was speechless as he watched her storm out of his room, leaving him alone. 


	22. I Promise You I Am Trying

Caroline was curled up in a ball in her bed. She stared at Bucky’s shirt, that lay on the pillow next to hers, taunting her. She understood a little better why it comforted her, they had been friends, close friends even. Now she hated him though and she wanted to throw the shirt into the trash. She grabbed it and crumpled it into a ball. His scent crept out of it as she did so. She realized that he must have still been using the shirt for it to still smell so strongly of him. 

Her head pounded as she tried to remember anything about their friendship from before, but all she could see were the pictures that were in her old phone. Pictures she didn’t even remember taking. Looking through them had made her angry at first, angry that he had kept their friendship from her, angry that he couldn't figure out how to be her friend again. Then they made her sad. She looked so happy in them, and in a handful, so did he. She wanted those memories back.

There was a knock on her door and Steve opened it tentatively. When she didn’t say anything, he entered her room fully. He walked over and dropped himself on her bed beside her, propping his back against her headboard. 

“I know you don’t want to talk about this, but your friend is an asshole,” she grumbled, glancing up at him.

“Maybe,” Steve nodded, “Although he is the one who came to me begging me to make sure that you were alright.”

“I’m fine,” she said curtly.

“Sure you are,” Steve said reaching into his pocket, “Take these,” he handed her two white pills, “They’ll make that headache of yours go away fast.”

“Thanks,” she said taking the pills, “And he only sent you over here so that he could feel better about himself. Clear his conscience.”

“I know you’re angry. He told me what he said to you, and quite frankly, I don't blame you if you hate him right now. It was a low blow, he knows you don’t remember any of it. But you know why he said it right?” asked Steve.

“Steve,” Caroline sighed, “No. I don’t. None of this makes any sense to me. It made more sense when I thought he didn’t like me now because he didn’t like me then. Knowing that he might have been the person I was closest to complicates things.”

“I know,” Steve nodded solemnly, “I probably shouldn't have given you that phone. I thought it would give him a push, but it backfired.”

“Well thanks for that,” she said sarcastically.

“I’m sorry,” Steve said, “But he said those things to push you away.”

“Mission accomplished,” Caroline muttered. 

“It’s not really my place to tell you what actually happened in either of those situations, but you have to know that neither of those incidences were directly your fault,” Steve said gently. 

“Well I don't know that,” she said flatly. 

“He’s going to come around,” Steve assured.

“Okay but that’s the thing Steve,” Caroline said sitting up, “I don’t remember being friends with him, I don't remember any of those pictures, or him giving me this stupid shirt. I don't remember how I felt through any of it. And the thing is, I didn’t feel anything towards him. Now I’m just pissed that he lied to me, but before, I was okay thinking he didn’t like me. And now I have this whole ass person who used to be the most important person, but I don’t know him and he doesn’t want me to know him.”

Steve was quiet for a long time as he processed what Caroline was saying to him. She was right, but he also knew that Caroline and Bucky’s bond went all the way back to Hydra. Either she didn’t quite remember that either, or she was ignoring those memories. 

“Okay,” Steve nodded, “I understand. We all just wanted to see you both happy again, but no one is going to push it anymore.”

“Thank you Steve,” Caroline said with a sad smile.

He nodded and began to climb out of her bed, but she stopped him. 

“Can you stay?” she asked, “Just for a bit, I have a hard time sleeping.”

“Of course I can stay,” Steve said sliding down her head board to lay next to her, “You had a hard time sleeping before too.”

“Oh good, some things never change,” Caroline drawled. 

“Come here,” Steve chuckled pulling her into him, “This is going to get easier Caroline. It is I promise.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever you say,” she mumbled against him.

* * *

There was a knock on Bucky’s door, he didn't know who it was and he didn't care much to find out. The knocking continued however, so he climbed out of bed and threw his door open angrily. Sam stood behind the door, his fist still ready to knock.

“What are you doing?” Bucky asked.

“C’mon man, let’s go downstairs, get a beer,” Sam replied.

“No,” Bucky said closing the door.

Sam shoved his foot between the door and the frame. Bucky growled as Sam raised an eyebrow at him. 

“Sulking isn’t going to help anyone,” Sam said.

“I’m not sulking, and I don’t see how talking to you is going to help anyone either,” Bucky replied, but he pushed the door open and blew past Sam anyway. 

Minutes later they sat in the living room, beers in their hands. Sam watched Bucky cautiously, trying to figure out what to say. He knew Bucky needed to talk to someone, but he didn't want to set him off.

“So…” he said carefully, “You fucked up pretty bad then?”

Bucky looked up at him, and for a split second Sam was sure he blew it. That Bucky was going to get up and leave, or get up and punch the hell out of him. Then Bucky laughed, and Sam breathed a sigh of relief.

“Yeah, I really did,” Bucky nodded.

“I thought we were on the same page earlier, what happened man?” Sam asked, taking a sip of his beer.

“I just couldn't do it. I tried, I told her I didn’t hate her and then she asked if I wanted to watch a movie with her and all I wanted was to sit with her curled up against me watching that stupid movie like we used to. But I knew that wouldn't happen and I knew she wouldn't do that, and so I left,” Bucky rambled.

“What happened with the phone?” Sam asked.

“Steve really can’t keep anything to himself can he?” Bucky chuckled.

“Well, you told him to check on Caroline, he told me to check on you,” Sam shrugged.

“I don’t know Sam, it’s just too hard. She was looking up at me with those big brown eyes, asking me for something that I didn’t know how to give her. I don’t know how to start over, we were so close, and I don’t know how to go back. So I just…cut it, I shut it down,” he sighed, picking at the label on his beer.

“You shut her down,” Sam corrected.

“Yes Sam,” Bucky sighed heavily, “Yeah, I shut her down. I just thought it would be easier that way.”

“You know you’re still going to have to be around her?” Sam asked.

“Yeah, I know,” he said, “But if she hates me, then maybe our time together will be limited.”

“You’re such an idiot Barnes, I swear,” Sam said shaking his head, “She loves you, still, somewhere in there she does. I mean, here she is, thinking that you two only know each other from your time in Hydra, and she is still hyper focused on you.”

Bucky looked up at him, considering Sam’s words carefully.

“I know you’re right Sam, but I just don’t know how to make it work for us,” he said finally, “I really don’t.”

“Maybe it’s not all on you?” Sam offered. 

“Maybe,” Bucky nodded, “She’s with Steve now though, maybe that better for her.”

“Again, you’re an idiot,” Sam laughed, “First of all, Steve would never do that, second of all whatever feelies they had for each other before she met you, are good and gone, regardless of how much she remembers.”

“Okay you don’t know that,” said Bucky.

“Yeah, I really do, everyone does,” Sam replied. 

“Well it doesn’t much matter anymore does it?” Bucky asked, “I’ve messed it up so bad who knows if she’ll ever even talk to me again.”

“C’mon Buck, we both know you’ve pissed her off worse than this. Remember when you stayed in Wakanda? That was a doozy,” Sam laughed.

“Thanks Sam,” Bucky said sarcastically. 

“Anytime my friend,” Sam grinned.

“Is that what we are now? Friends?” Bucky asked with a slight smile.

“Depends on the day to be honest,” Sam shrugged.

“That’s fair,” Bucky laughed. 

* * *

It was easy for Bucky and Caroline to avoid each other. They had an unspoken system, if one of them entered a room that the other was in, the person who was already in the room was the one who stayed. It made everyone else in the compound uncomfortable, but neither of them noticed, or cared much.

During trainings Clint or Nat would sometimes pair them off, just to get them talking again. Whatever they did say to each other was limited however, and Bucky would go extra easy on Caroline, making the training useless and Nat and Clint’s plan pointless. 

It had been weeks since the incident, Steve and Tony had taken two teams out on two missions, leaving Bucky and Caroline at the compound alone. Steve and Tony had tried to get both of them on a team, but they both refused to go. 

Caroline was in her bed, where she had been trying to stay since the others left. She went to the kitchen for food occasionally, but she was always afraid to run into to Bucky. In addition, having a break from training was very nice. Her whole body ached from her trainings. Steve, Natasha, and Clint were kicking her ass every chance they got. In all fairness, she had told them not go easy on her, she wanted to get back to where she was, but she hadn't considered how painful it would actually be. 

She rolled out of her bed, her stomach grumbling. It was way past an appropriate time for dinner and she wasn't exactly craving real food, but she knew that Tony always kept the freezer stocked with ice cream. She wrapped her blanket around her and stumbled down into the kitchen.

Sure enough the freezer was loaded with Stark Raving Hazelnuts, not Caroline’s favorite, but she’d never tell Tony that. She moved the cartons around and found Star-Spangled Man with a Pecan Plan and pulled it out. She took the lid off and grabbed a spoon, then turned to make her way back to her room.

“You know Tony hates it when we eat out of the cartons like that.”

Caroline jumped at the sound of Bucky’s voice. She hadn't even noticed him sitting at the kitchen table. It was so late that she just figured he was already asleep. 

“Pot calling the kettle black don’t you think?” she said eyeing the carton of ice cream sitting in front of him. It was Black Cherry Widow, her favorite. 

“I won’t tell if you don’t,” he shrugged.

“Was that the last one?” she asked.

“Yeah, I’d trade you but I really hate pecans,” he said.

“It’s fine,” she smiled, “I’ll get out of your hair.” 

“Wait,” he said quickly, “I uh, I can share,” he offered. 

“You don’t have to do that Barnes, our little arrangement has been working just fine,” Caroline said shaking her head.

“Sit,” he said firmly, “Please.”

She sat down in the chair farthest from him and he slid the ice cream over to her. Her eyes narrowed at him, but she took it and dug her spoon in. 

“So why are you up so late?” Caroline asked, taking a bite of ice cream.

“I couldn't sleep,” he shrugged, “You?”

“I skipped dinner, got hungry,” she said sliding the carton back to him, “And I couldn't sleep.”

He caught the ice cream in his hand and nodded.

“Can I ask you something?” Caroline asked tentatively.

“Sure,” Bucky nodded.

“Do the nightmares ever stop?” she asked.

“As soon as they do, I’ll let you know,” he said with a half smile.

“Great,” Caroline said solemnly.

“Natasha or Wanda used to sleep with you when they got rough,” Bucky said through bites.

“Wanda has offered,” Caroline nodded, “And Nat must have really good hearing, because sometimes she’ll just sneak in when they’re really bad.”

“That sounds like her,” he said with a laugh.

“How do you cope with them?” Caroline asked, putting her hand out for more ice cream.

“Uhm, I don’t. Not anymore anyways,” he replied, “I usually just ride them out, or I come and eat ice cream until 4 in the morning.”

“Healthy,” Caroline smirked.

“Hey, whatever works am I right?” he laughed. 

“That’s fair,” she nodded, “So,” she said after a moment, “do you just not go on missions or am I missing something?”

“Well,” Bucky sighed, “the last mission I went on didn’t go so well. Tony and Steve asked if I was ready, but I’m not sure I am.”

“Oh, right,” Caroline said dully, “the mission where I tried to kill you.”

“Caroline, I was way out of line when I said those things,” Bucky said quickly, “It wasn't your fault, none of it was your fault.”

“Then why did you say them?” she asked angrily.

“Because I am such an idiot and I have been known to not think things through before saying them,” he said.

“You are an idiot Barnes, I can agree with that,” she said after a moment.

“Yes, I am,” he said with a relieved laugh. 

“Can I ask you another question?” she asked.

“Yeah, go ahead,” he said.

“Sometimes I have dreams and I can’t tell if they've actually happened or not,” she said.

“What is your question?” he asked.

“Did you slice your hand open while cutting an apple?” she asked.

“Yes,” he nodded.

“And I healed it?” she said.

“You did,” he replied, “That wasn’t dream, that was a memory.”

She nodded and was quiet for a long time. Bucky watched her carefully, his heart racing.

“I threw a bowl at your head?” she asked.

“Yes,” he laughed.

“My head hurts,” she said dropping her head into her hands.

“Don’t try and remember everything in one night,” he said gently.

“Bucky,” she said looking up at him.

Hearing her say his name sent a current through his entire body. He hadn't heard his name come from her lips in so long. It was always ‘Barnes’ if it was anything. He had missed it.

“Yes?” he asked.

“I miss you and I don’t even understand why,” she said finally. 

“We were close Caroline,” he said, “But I don’t know how to go back, I don’t know how to start over.”

“Can we at least stop this freeze out?” she asked tearfully.

“Yeah,” he nodded, “We can stop with that.”

He stood and moved towards her, kneeling down in front of her. He pressed his hand against her cheek and thumbed the tears away.

“I stayed here to be with you. To make sure that you were okay. I am trying Caroline, I promise you I am trying,” he said gently.

He touched his forehead to hers, then stood and walked off. 


	23. The Angriest Man in the World

There was no relief from her nightmares, they came every night without fail and they were relentlessly terrifying. Natasha provided some comfort when she was around, but most nights she woke up in cold sweat, scared and alone. After her chat with Bucky, Caroline had gone back to her room and tried to sleep, but just like every other night she woke from a nightmare. 

She crawled out of her bed and before she realized where she was going, she was standing in front of Bucky’s door. His door flung open before she even built up the courage to knock. He looked down at her shocked and confused.

“What is wrong?” he asked, worried.

She hadn't realized she was crying until he asked what was wrong. She was shaking everywhere as the nightmare still vivd in her mind.

“You’re okay,” she managed to choke out.

“Yeah,” he nodded, “I’m fine. Caroline what is going on?”

“I had a nightmare,” she sobbed. 

“Okay, come here,” he said gently lifting her in his arms.

He carried her to his bed and placed her on it. She crawled into his lap as soon as he took a seat in front of her. 

“Tell me about it,” Bucky said wrapping his arms around her. 

“There was blood everywhere and you were….it was your blood,” she cried. 

“Hey,” he said softly, “I’m okay.” 

“It was a memory wasn't it?” she asked.

“It sounds like it was,” he nodded.

“I can’t tell what’s real and what isn’t. I don't even know why I’m here, I woke up and was at your door before I even knew what I was doing,” she said wiping her face with the back of her hand.

“It’s okay, you were worried,” he replied gingerly.

“I’m so sorry, oh my god, I’m sorry,” she gasped crawling away from him, “I don’t know why I thought this was okay, any of it,” she said standing.

“Caroline, it’s really okay,” he said taking her hand and pulling her back on the bed, “Just lie down okay?” 

She nodded and did as she was told, curling herself into a ball. He threw his blanket over her and threw a pillow on the floor for himself.

“You can’t sleep on the floor in your own bedroom Barnes, she mumbled.

“Why not?” he asked letting out a short laugh.

“Because you’ll hate me in the morning for being the reason you had to sleep on the floor,” she replied.

“I won’t,” he chuckled.

“Bucky,” she said after a moment.

“Yes?” he asked.

“I had this dream…a while ago, but I can’t tell if it was real or not. Did you show me photographs of when you and Steve were young?” Caroline asked.

“Yes, I did,” he said.

“And did we eat pizza in the city together?” she asked.

“Yeah,” he smiled. 

“Did you and Sam teach me to play poker using gummy bears to bet with?” she asked again.

“That was definitely a dream,” he laughed, “Any other dreams I can clear up for you?”

“No,” she answered quickly, “Nope…that’s it.”

“Okay then, you can always ask though,” he said.

“I don’t have anymore so it’s fine,” she snapped.

“I heard you Caroline,” Bucky replied, “I’m just trying to help make things a little easier on you.”

“Thank you,” she whispered. 

She was quiet for a long time, so long that Bucky thought she had finally fallen asleep, but she let out a heavy sigh.

“I hate this,” she said.

“I know,” he replied.

He placed his hand up on the bed and waited. It took her a few moments, but eventually her cheek found his palm and he began to lightly scratch her head.

“Not a dream,” she said sleepily.

“Not a dream,” he assured her.

* * *

 Sam, Caroline, and Natasha were lying in the grass outside of the compound. Caroline’s head was on Sam’s stomach, Nat’s head was on Caroline’s stomach. Steve sat a few feet in front of them, watching the water of the lake. The others were scattered about around them. It was a gorgeous day, sunny and breezy, so instead of training Tony called an impromptu flag football game. They were taking a break while Tony took a phone call.

“So what happened while we were gone?” Sam asked, “Anything good?” he added suggestively.

“Sam nothing happened,” Caroline sighed twisting some of Natasha’s hair through her fingers. 

“Did you at least talk? We left you two alone for over a week and a half,” said Natasha.

“Oh my god fine, we avoided each other for days, then we had a fifteen minute conversation at two o'clock in the morning,” Caroline spat, “But wait, it gets better, because after he stormed off and left me in alone in the kitchen, I had a nightmare and stormed into his room sobbing, kicking him out of his bed. I woke up, alone, in his room, and we haven't spoken since,” she finished.

“Wow,” Natasha said.

Sam let out a low whistle, her head bounced as his stomach shook with laughter. She threw her hand up to hit him in the chest. 

“I’m sorry Caroline,” he said, but he continued to laugh. 

“Oh my god I hate you,” she groaned.

“Well, he may have stopped talking to you, but he’s almost always watching you,” Natasha smirked. 

Caroline lifted her head slightly. She found Bucky sitting on one of the benches, not looking at her at all, but looking down at the sketchbook he carried everywhere instead. His hand flew across the page and he had a slight smile on his face. She wondered if he could actually hear everything they were saying. 

“He’s not looking over here now,” Caroline said, lowering her head back onto Sam’s stomach.

“He was,” said Natasha.

“Alright team, phone calls over, who’s ready for some football!” Tony hollered waltzing onto the open field.

“We should be training,” Steve said standing.

“C’mon Cap, it’s team building, weren't you just saying the other night that we needed more team building?” Tony asked clapping his hand onto Steve’s shoulder.

“Alright Tony,” Steve laughed, “You’ve made your point.”

“Alright circle up kiddos, let’s pick teams,” Tony said excitedly.

Natasha hopped up and joined Rhodey, Peter, Clint, Wanda, and Vision. Caroline did not move, leaving Sam stuck beneath her.

“Caroline, Sam, let’s go,” Steve called.

“I can’t move until she does Cap!” Sam called back.

“C’mon Caroline,” Tony said walking over and offering his hand.

“What if instead, I watched?” she asked. 

“What if instead you got up and played and I let you live here and eat my food?” Tony snarked.

“Okay see that feels like extortion,” she said narrowing her eyes at him.

“Let’s go, I put on gym shorts and everything,” he said crossing his arms over his chest.

“We could have done without those by the way,” Rhodey smirked from behind him.

“Shut up Rhodes,” Tony said through his teeth.

“Barnes doesn’t have to play,” Caroline said pointing over at Bucky.

“Barnes, let’s go, you too!” Tony shouted.

Bucky raised his middle finger at Tony without looking up and Tony glanced back down at Caroline. 

“Well there you have it,” he shrugged, “Besides, if Barnes played the teams would be uneven.”

“So all I have to do is flip you off and you’ll leave me alone?” she asked.

“No luck,” Tony said with a shake of his head, “Barnes is infinitely more scary than you, it’s why I don’t force him to do things, like team building.”

Caroline looked over at Bucky, he laughed and shook his head, still looking down at his sketching. She groaned and threw her hand into Tony’s allowing him to pull her up.

“Fine,” she scowled, “But I can’t promise I won’t use my powers.”

“That’s called cheating,” Tony grinned. 

“Can I be a team captain?” she asked.

“What a ridiculous question,” Tony said going to stand by Steve, “I mean Captain is literally in this man’s name and I own the place…so…”

“So dumb,” she whispered shaking her head.

“Alright Cap, you pick first,” Tony said nodding to Steve.

Steve surveyed the group in front of him, then grinned making his choice.

“I’ll take the kid,” Steve nodded towards Peter.

“SorryMr. Stark!” Peter said running over to stand behind Steve.

“Wow,” Tony gaped, “Low blow, Nat get over here.”

Natasha grinned as she went to stand behind Tony. 

Steve picked Vision next, so Tony picked Wanda, citing that it would be good for them to have a little friendly competition. Wanda rolled her eyes, but smiled as she went to stand with Tony’s team. Next Steve chose, Clint, then Tony picked Rhodey.

“Okay what the fuck,” Caroline said raising her hand.

“Uh yes, Caroline, questions?” Tony said pointing at her. 

“So what I’m noticing is that I am literally about to get picked last for a game that I don’t even want to play,” she said crossing her arms over her chest. 

“Well Steve certainly isn’t going to pick you over me,” Sam laughed.

“He’s right, sorry Caroline, I’m gonna go ahead and pick Sam,” said Steve.

“That’s right baby!” Sam said striding over and giving Steve a high-five.

“This is bullshit, I’m going back to bed,” Caroline said starting to walk past everyone. 

“Come here Caroline,” Tony said wrapping her arm around his neck and pulling her into a headlock. 

“I hate this family,” Caroline grumbled.

“If it makes you feel better, I’ll play and then you won’t be the last one picked,” Bruce said joining the group. 

“I pick Bruce!” Tony said letting go of Caroline and pushing her gently back into the lineup. 

“Unbelievable!” Caroline shrieked.

“Okay, but you have to admit that was hilarious,” Tony smirked.

“Well, I guess I can’t play, since that would make the teams uneven,” Caroline said walking past them.

“Make Barnes play,” Vision suggest from behind Steve.

Everyone turned to look at him with various confused looks, none more confused than Caroline’s.

“I thought we established that Tony is afraid of him and therefore can’t make him do…well anything,” Caroline smirked.

“I wasn't insinuating that Mr. Stark make Barnes play, I was insinuating that you make him play,” said Vision. 

“Oh yeah, okay, let me just walk over there, to the angriest man in the world, and tell him he has to play football with us,” Caroline scoffed.

“I can hear you Caroline,” Bucky called from behind her. 

Caroline’s eyes widened in horror, the others watched her. Tony raised an eyebrow at her, grinning broadly. 

“He rarely says ‘no’ to you,” Steve said in a low voice.

“Maybe back in the day,” Caroline whispered furiously, “But he has no problem say ‘no’ to me now.”

No one replied, they all just stared at her, waiting patiently. She huffed and stormed off towards Bucky. He snapped his sketchbook shut as she approached him. He looked up at her as she stood in front of him with her arms crossed. 

“Can I help you with something?” he asked with a half smile.

“What are you even drawing in there all day?” she asked nodding to his book.

“That’s not your concern,” he said, “Anything else I can help you with?”

“Come play with us,” she grunted.

“You don’t even want to play,” he replied.

“That is such a good point,” she nodded, “But here’s the thing, Tony is relentless, he’s really going to force me to play.”

“And why do I have to again?” he asked.

“Because the teams are uneven and if you come play maybe I won’t be the last person picked,” she mumbled.

“You will still be picked last, Steve is picking next,” Bucky said, trying to hide his smile.

“Yes I know Bucky,” Caroline whined, throwing her head back. 

“So, it feels like it might be more beneficial to you if I don’t play,” Bucky said. 

“Again, Tony is going to force me to play either way,” said Caroline, “So please just come play,” Caroline said biting her lip. 

Bucky groaned and dropped his head back. Then he stood silently and made his way over to the others, Caroline followed closely behind. He went and stood behind Steve and no one questioned him. 

“Okay then,” Tony said clapping his hands together, “I guess I’ll take Caroline,” he said with a laugh.

“I hate you,” she said.

“No, you really don’t,” he winked. 

They had been playing for over half an hour and Caroline had not done a single thing but stand on the field waiting for someone to trust her enough with the ball. Tony called a huddle and brought the team together.

“Okay, I haven't been keeping score, but I’m sure they've been,” he whispered into the huddle. 

“It’s two to three, we’re losing,” Natasha smirked.

“Alright so some of you have been keeping score too,” Tony nodded, “Why are you two not using your mind powers?” Tony asked Wanda and Caroline.

“You specifically told us not to,” Wanda reminded him. 

“Right, that’s cheating,” said Tony, “Alright Caroline here’s the deal, we’re going to throw the ball to you and then you’re going to run like hell.”

“No, bad plan,” Caroline said.

“I mean it actually makes perfect sense,” said Rhodey, “No one will see it coming.”

“Did anyone else notice that Steve didn’t pick a single woman to be on his team?” Tony asked, “I’m not saying it’s sexist but…” he said raising his eyebrows.

“I was going to pick Caroline but Bucky didn’t give me that option,” Steve said coming up behind them.

“I knew I wasn't going to be picked last!” Caroline shouted.

“Whoa c’mon now Cap, you can’t just walk up here and listen in on our huddle,” said Tony grinning.

“I wasn't listening in, just heard that last part,” Steve said, “You’ve been huddling for ten minutes.”

“Alright team, break,” Tony said clapping.

They all took their places across the field. Caroline didn’t know what was happening, but the look Rhodey kept giving her made her nervous. She didn’t actually think he’d throw that ball to her, she figured that they had just been messing with her. 

He wasn’t, however, messing with her. He threw the ball hard right at her. She caught it with ease and everyone looked at her shocked. No one moved for a moment, Caroline included.

“Caroline, run!” Tony said waving for her to go.

She looked down at the ball and turned to run at full force. Then, at full force, she ran into something very solid, knocking the wind out of her completely. She fell to the ground still clutching the ball.

“Shit,” Bucky said bending down beside her, “Are you okay?”

“Fine,” Caroline wheezed, “I can’t breathe but I’m fine,” she choked out.

“Okay, now that was the funniest shit I have ever seen,” Sam laughed standing above her.

Caroline curled herself into a ball around the football. 

“I hate this family,” she gasped. 

“Here let me help you up,” Bucky said extending his hand.

“No,” she shook her head, “I literally cannot move.”

“You might be hurt,” Bucky said, his voice tinted with concern.

“Oh I’m definitely hurt,” Caroline groaned, “But if I move, you guys will take the ball from me, and then we lose.” 

“We’re calling the game Caroline, it’s over,” Tony called making his way towards her. 

Bruce followed closely behind Tony. He bent down beside her and smiled.

“You good Caroline?” he asked.

“No,” she said shaking her head.

“Okay, can you roll over so I can check you?” he asked. 

“I just ran full force into Barnes’ metal vibranium arm, I don’t need to be checked to know that something inside of me is definitely super broken,” she said. 

“I feel like maybe I should take some responsibility here,” came Rhodey’s voice.

“Oh my god, did everyone see?” Caroline cried.

“Yeah, of course well all saw, we were all literally staring right at at you,” said Sam.

“Honestly, kill me now,” Caroline grumbled.

“The world’s most Dramatic Avenger ladies and gentlemen,” Tony said gesturing towards Caroline.

“Pot calling the kettle black Stark,” Steve laughed.

“Alright, enough,” Bucky said firmly, “Caroline, c’mon, we’re going to Bruce’s lab so he can check you out.”

He said gently pulling her arm up to his neck. She winced as he rolled her over and lifted her into his arms.

“This is unnecessary Barnes,” she said breathlessly, “I can walk.”

“Oh okay,” he said sarcastically.

He let her down and she winced again, clutching her side and falling into him. He nodded and lifted her back up. 

“Can I just have one interaction with you that isn't completely embarrassing?” Caroline asked.

“It’s kind of looking like no,” he smirked.

He carried her up to Bruce’s lab and lay her down on one of the beds. Bruce came in and checked her over, pressing gently on her ribs. She gasped as he did so.

“Probably broken,” he said, “But let’s make sure.”

She turned and glared at Bucky as Bruce dropped a screen in front of her ribs that showed an x-ray of her ribs.

“What, you ran into me,” Bucky said raising his hands in defense. 

“You want to take her back to her room?” Bruce asked Bucky, “I’ll bring her something for the pain.”

Bucky nodded and carried Caroline to her room, setting her gently in her bed.

“How’s our girl?” Steve asked walking into Caroline’s room with Tony, Nat and Sam behind him.

“Well, you must have hit Barnes here pretty hard, you broke two of your ribs,” Bruce said with an apologetic smile.

“I’m sorry,” Bucky said quickly.

“I ran into you remember?” she said with a small smile.

Bruce walked into her room with a needle in his hand.

“Here Caroline, this will help with the pain,” he said pushing the needle into her arm.

Bucky glanced up at Steve and Steve understood that Bucky wanted them to leave. He gave his friend a short nod.

“We’ll let you sleep,” Steve smiled at Caroline.

“Feel better kiddo,” said Tony, “No more sports for you,” he grinned.

She laughed, then hissed and clutched her side.

“Take it easy,” Nat said brushing her hair back.

They all filed out, and Bucky sat down in the chair next to her. She looked over at him confused.

“You don’t have to stay,” she said sleepily.

“I know,” he nodded, “Have you considered healing yourself?” he asked.

“No,” she said, “I hadn't considered that. I was in so much pain that it didn’t really cross my mind, and now those pain meds are hitting, I would probably just make it worse.”

“One time I fractured some ribs and you healed them right up,” he told her.

“I’m surprised I didn’t break them,” she said with a hoarse laugh.

“Well…” he said grimacing.

“Oh my god why did you even hangout with me?” she groaned. 

“You had your charms,” he smiled, “I’m sorry my arm broke your ribs.”

“It feels like maybe I had it coming,” she said sleepily. 

He ran his fingers through her hair and gently stroked her forehead with his thumb. She closed her eyes and smiled.

“Why are you being so nice to me?” she asked. 

“Well,” he said, “I feel like maybe I should have moved when I saw you charging towards me and I also don’t really enjoy you thinking I’m the, how did you put it, ‘angriest man in the world’?” 

“I’m sorry,” she whined.

“No, don’t, it’s okay, it was funny,” he smiled, “Just promise me you’ll heal yourself in the morning.”

“Okay,” she nodded.

Bucky pushed his chair back and started to stand. Caroline grabbed his hand.

“I’m about to embarrass myself again, but stay with me, please,” she said softly.

“Of course,” he said. 

She tugged gently on his arm as he started to sit back down, so he climbed into her bed, laying down next to her. She grabbed his vibranium arm and placed it on her ribs. 

“Thank you,” she sighed.

It didn’t surprise her when she woke up in the morning alone. Her abdomen was throbbing again, the medicine Bruce had given her had worn off. She took her hand and ran it across her ribs, healing them with ease. 


	24. You're Going to Be My Friend Again

It was Saturday night, and Saturday nights still meant movie nights at headquarters. Caroline was already in her usual spot, Natasha at her side. Wanda and Vision were also already settled in their bean bag. Peter was flipping through Tony’s extensive film library, trying to decide what to watch, it was his turn to pick. Sam came in, a bowl of popcorn in his hands, and took a seat on the other side of Caroline. 

Early on Sam had moved his regular seat from his armchair to the couch with Caroline and Nat. This was to keep Caroline’s questions at bay. Sam and Natasha were both tired of having to make excuses for Bucky. It was easier for them to just cut pieces of her history out, rather then try to explain Bucky’s behavior. 

“Would you just pick a movie Peter?” Sam said, throwing a piece of popcorn at Peter’s head.

“I’m working on it!” he said with a wave of his hand, “Besides, Mr. Bucky isn't even here yet.”

“If he isn't here by now, he’s not coming,” Natasha said glancing at Caroline.

She tried to hide the disappointment in her face, but it was not difficult to miss. Bucky was still doing his best to avoid her, but he had become less active about it. If they ended up in the same place at the same time he stayed, often participating in the small talk she made. He didn’t come to every movie night, but she felt like he was coming to a lot more, and although he was still pretty cold towards her, she always felt better when he was in the room. 

“Got it!” Peter said excitedly, “Mr. Stark said this was a classic.”

“Did you really just put on The Shining?” Sam asked as the movie began to play.

“Yeah totally,” Peter grinned.

“Isn’t this a scary movie?” Wanda asked.

“Yeah,” Peter nodded excitedly, “I mean why not? It’s almost Halloween.”

“I’m game,” Wanda smiled.

“Well I’ve seen it,” Sam said handing off the popcorn to Caroline and standing up.

“Sam,” Caroline said, a smirk breaking across her face, “Are you scared?” she asked playfully.

“No,” he said sitting back down, “I’m not afraid of anything,” he said snatching a couch pillow and hugging it close to his chest.

“Well this is hilarious,” Natasha laughed, “Thank you Peter.”

Peter beamed proudly at them. They were deep into the movie when Steve came in. He entered the room so quietly and they were all so focused on the film, that no one noticed him enter. He paused at the edge of the room, watching the screen, then turned to glance at them. Natasha and Vision were the only two who looked bored, everyone else had their eyes glued to the screen. 

“Uh, I hate to interrupt,” Steve said clearing his throat.

Sam screamed and jumped at the sound of Steve’s voice, sending the bowl and it’s contents flying. Peter paused the movie as all eyes turned to Sam.

“You okay there bud?” Steve asked, trying hard to keep his laughter down. 

“I’m fine Steve,” Sam said holding his hand to his chest, “I’m going to excuse myself for a moment, please save any and all laughing until I’m gone.”

Sam stood and walked out of the room, everyone holding back until he was out of sight. As soon as he was out of sight they all burst into fits of laughter. 

“Okay that was the funniest thing I’ve ever seen,” Peter said clutching his stomach.

“He screamed like a little girl,” Caroline said wiping a tear from the corner of her eye. 

“I can still hear you guys!” Sam called from the other room. 

Steve laughed and shook his head.

“Caroline, can I see you for a minute?” Steve asked.

“Yeah, of course,” she said hopping up.

“Don’t hold the movie for her,” he told the others, “This might take a while.”

Caroline scrunched her eyebrows at him in confusion, but he just smiled and turned to walk out of the room. She followed behind him until they stopped in front of Bucky’s bedroom door. 

“Steve,” she said questioningly.

“So here’s the deal,” he smiled nervously, “Bucky is having a panic attack and I’m not entirely sure how to help him.”

“Okay, cool talk,” Caroline said turning to leave.

“Caroline, you can help him,” Steve said.

She paused, let out a long and low sigh, then turned back around.

“How?” she asked.

“Well that’s the thing,” he said scratching the back of his head, “I don’t really know. I just know that you used to help him through these all the time.”

“So you’re sending me in there on the chance that the key to helping him is stored in my memory bank and that, what, seeing him like that will somehow trigger it?” she asked skeptically.

“Um,” Steve hesitated, “Well yes, kind of.”

“Steve, that’s insane,” she scoffed, “Besides, at one point I may have been the best person for this, but at this point I really doubt that I’m the first, second, or even third person he’d like to see right now.”

“Caroline it’s bad okay?” Steve pleaded, “I wouldn't be asking if I thought that I could help.”

Caroline groaned, but nodded. She brushed past Steve and opened Bucky’s door cautiously.

“Thank you,” Steve said from behind her.

She entered Bucky’s room fully and closed the door behind her. Bucky was sitting on the floor his back leaning against his bed, his eyes were closed and his body was trembling slightly. Sweat glistened across his forehead, Caroline could tell he was breathing at a clip, she knew what this felt like. He opened and eye and groaned. 

“He sent you?” said Bucky.

“Yes,” she replied curtly, “I told him I was not the one, but here we are.”

“I’m having a hard enough time breathing without you being in here,” he said in a low, raspy voice. 

She walked over to him and dropped to the floor sitting cross legged in front of him.

“Caroline, I’m serious, I haven't had one this bad in a very long time,” he said watching her cautiously.

“I know what I’m doing,” she said taking his hand in hers.

She pressed it gently against her chest, holding it there with one hand, her other hand she placed on his chest, and she began inhaling and exhaling deeply and slowly.

“Breathe with me,” she said.

He nodded, keeping his eyes locked on hers.

“You are James Buchanan Barnes. You’re in New York with me, I’m Caroline. You’re going to be okay,” she said gently. 

He leaned forward, his forehead finding hers. She moved her hand from his and intertwined it in his hair.

“You’re going to be okay Bucky,” she whispered.

He dropped his head into the crook of her neck and she wrapped her arms around him, holding him tightly as he broke into her. 

She held him for a long time, gently repeating over and over that he was going to be okay. When he finally pulled back, she moved to lean herself against his bed, and pulled his head down into her lap. He lay on his back and grabbed her arm, holding it in both hands over his chest. Her other hand was free to continue playing with his hair. He closed his eyes, his breathing slowly returning to normal.

There was a soft knock at the door and Steve popped his head in. She turned to look at him, lifting a finger to her lips. He nodded and crept into Bucky’s room quietly. He took a seat against the wall across from them.

“How’s he doing?” Steve whispered.

“Better I think,” she replied.

“So I was right?” he smiled.

“Shut up,” she said rolling her eyes. 

“So did he tell you what triggered it?” he asked.

“Oh yeah, absolutely,” she nodded, “I think he’s exact words were ‘Oh look it’s Caroline, my favorite person in the whole entire world, let me spill all of my secrets to her because I love her so much’ or something,” she said sarcastically. 

“That’s not an entirely untrue statement,” Bucky mumbled. 

“You’re awake…and saying weird things,” Caroline said smiling down at him, “Are you feeling any better?” 

“I feel like I just got hit by a freight train,” he groaned. 

“I’m sorry,” Caroline said sympathetically, stroking his hair. 

“It’s fine,” he said sitting, “I think it’s over now.” 

“Good,” Caroline nodded. 

She stood, Bucky started to stand with her, but only made it to the edge of his bed. He caught her hand in his.

“Thank you,” he said looking up at her with a small smile. 

“Anytime,” she replied, “I mean I hope it’s not like, a regular thing…for your sake, but if you need…oh my god never mind,” Caroline rambled turning bright red. 

“I can walk you back,” Bucky laughed.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Caroline said shaking her head, “Steve, make sure he gets to sleep.”

“Yes boss,” Steve nodded with a grin.

“I’m fine,” said Bucky.

“Lie down,” Caroline demanded, pushing gently against his shoulder. 

He rolled his eyes, but did as she said. Caroline smiled at him, then nodded to Steve and left Bucky’s room. Steve hopped up and sat at the foot of Bucky’s bed. 

“What happened Buck?” Steve asked after a moment.

“Well,” Bucky sighed, “I don’t get much sleep because when I sleep the nightmares are overwhelming.”

“Ah, that makes sense,” Steve replied, “I know you don’t want to hear this, but you slept fine when she was with you.”

“You think I don’t know that Steve?” Bucky shot, “But what am I supposed to do? How do you think she’s going to take ‘oh by the way we used to sleep together every night’?”

“Fair point,” said Steve, “But who knows, it might come as a relief to her. She doesn’t sleep well either.”

“I don’t know,” Bucky sighed.

Steve placed his hand gently on Bucky’s shoulder and gave him a reassuring smile. He crawled off of Bucky’s bed.

“It’s going to work out Buck, just think about what I said,” Steve said, then turned and left Bucky alone.

* * *

 

It was two in the morning and Caroline could not sleep. She hadn't gone back to finish the movie with the others, they had probably already finished by the time she was free anyway. Instead she had gone straight to her room and got herself ready for bed, but that had been hours ago, and still sleep would not come. 

She was on her phone, scrolling the internet when it buzzed indicating that she had a text from Barnes. Her breath hitched in her chest as she slid open the message. 

 

Are you asleep?

 

She looked down at it and began to type out a response. There was the smallest of noises outside of her door and she put her phone down and crawled out of her bed. She couldn't even be sure that she had actually heard anything. She opened her door slowly to find Bucky sitting on the ground, his back had been leaning against it. He looked up at her and stood quickly.

“You’re not asleep,” he said breathlessly.

“What, were you just going to sleep out here if I was?” Caroline asked crossing her arms. 

“That was my original thought, yeah,” he nodded.

“I thought I told Steve to make sure you went to bed,” said Caroline.

“Between you and I, he’s not a very good listener,” Bucky said with an awkward smile.

“What’s going on Barnes? You seem nervous,” Caroline said gently.

“I can’t sleep,” he sighed, “Not just tonight, but almost every night. The nightmares are so bad, unbearably overwhelming. It’s why I had a panic attack tonight. If I’m being honest I’m afraid that there are more coming.”

Caroline looked up at him knowing that this was not an easy thing for him to do. To ask for help, of any kind, especially from her. She took his hand and led him into her room, stopping at her bed. Pulling the blankets back, she climbed in, then looked up at him. He took a pillow and dropped it on the floor. She sighed and waved her hand, brining the pillow back up to the bed.

“You’re not sleeping on the floor,” she said firmly.

“Caroline,” he started.

“You just had a very serious panic attack, I watched the entire thing. You said yourself that you felt like you had been hit by a freight train, I’m not letting you sleep on the floor,” she explained.

He nodded and crawled into the bed beside her. They both stared up at the ceiling, neither wanting to move first, but it was Caroline who did. She rolled onto her side towards him. 

“You and I, we were close, but we were bonded before we came here, before Wakanda even,” she said slowly.

He rolled onto his side too, turning to face her.

“Yes,” he replied.

“You can’t sleep without me,” she said questioningly.

“Yeah, that’s right,” he nodded.

“I feel safer when I’m in a room with you,” she said, “Why?”

“That I don’t know. You have never told me that before,” he said gently. 

“Well it’s true, even if you are a dick to me,” she grunted, “I just feel better when you walk into a room.”

“Caroline, I’m sorry,” Bucky said with a half smile, “I should go, this isn't fair to you.”

“You’re right,” she nodded, “It’s not fair to me. But I can’t sleep either and I slept great when you stayed the other night.”

“That’s because Bruce gave you pain meds,” Bucky said.

“Maybe,” she replied, “But somehow I think it was more than that, and I think you know that I’m right.”

Bucky let out a short laugh and moved his head closer to hers. She pressed her forehead against his and smiled. 

“You’re going to be my friend again Barnes,” she whispered, “You can be as stubborn as you want about it, but it’s going to happen. You need me.”

“Oh is that true?” he laughed.

“Yes, it’s true. You know it’s true,” she nodded, “And I need you. I don’t know why, but I do.” 

“You make everything difficult, you know that?” he said. 

“Like you’re the easiest person to get along with,” she said sarcastically, “Now go to bed, you look like crap.”

He laughed, rolling over onto his back. She watched him for a moment as he closed his eyes and began to drift to sleep. He looked content, happier than she had seen him since she had woken up in Wakanda. She rested her head on his chest. His arm moved around her, pulling her closer into him. They were both asleep in minutes and for the first time in months, both slept the whole night through. 


	25. The Dynamic is Different

The tension in the briefing room was thick. Steve and Tony stood at the front of the room looking like a couple of disappointed dads. Steve had his arms crossed over his chest, watching the others in the room cautiously. Tony was bent over the table, his palms flat on the tabletop, his head dropped down. Everyone else in the room looked tired and beaten. Wanda was holding ice against her wrist. Caroline’s leg was propped up on a chair in front of her, Natasha sat on the table in front of her, a fresh cut across her cheek, pressing ice to her ankle. Bucky sat in the corner, a bag of frozen peas against his eye. The others were scattered about, various cuts and bruises sprouting all over them. 

“If you’re going to tell us that you're disappointed in us…just don’t,” Rhodey said pinching the bridge of his nose. 

“Well I am,” Tony said looking up at them.

“We’re supposed to be a team,” Steve said, “We’re training you to be a team, and whatever that was in that training room today was not a team.”

“I’m sorry, what was that Cap? A team?” Sam snarked.

“Not the time Sam,” Steve said hotly.

“The dynamic is different,” Vision said resolutely from the back. 

Everyone in the room shifted silently. Caroline let out a heavy sigh and glared up at Tony and Steve.

“You can say it, it’s me, it’s my fault,” Caroline retorted.

“No, it’s not just you, that’s not fair,” Steve said firmly.

“Although you were supposed to watch my six,” Bucky grumbled from the corner.

“I thought the kid needed help!” Caroline snapped.

“Uhm, and I did,” Peter said tentatively. 

“You can’t be everywhere at once Caroline,” Bucky shot over Peter, “And you need to learn how to take direction.”

“Barnes enough,” Tony said, “It’s not just Caroline. It’s all of you. None of you were listening to each other in there. What’s more is that it’s been happening on missions too, and Caroline and Barnes are never on missions. So let’s grow up and take a little responsibility.”

“It’s not Caroline’s fault,” Wanda said slowly, “But did you ever stop to think that our last mission as an entire team shook us a little?”

“She’s right,” said Clint, “We almost lost Bucky, we lost a part of Caroline, no offense,” he said nodding to Caroline.

“No, none taken, how could I possibly take offense to that,” Caroline said sarcastically. 

“Like I said,” Vision said calmly, “The dynamic is different.”

Caroline shot Vision a poisonous glare. 

“Vis,” said Wanda, “That’s enough.”

“I’m still me,” Caroline grumbled.

“Every single relationship you built changed when you lost your memories,” said Vision, “It has affected us all.”

“I feel like I’ve already admitted to it being all my fault,” Caroline barked, “So maybe you could get off my back.”

“I am simply stating facts,” Vision said.

“She gets it,” Sam snapped. 

“Sam,” Clint said in a low warning voice.

“No, I’m not sorry about it,” Sam said cutting off Clint, “We all sit around whining about how hard this has been on all of us,” he looked directly at Bucky as he spoke, “but who has it been the hardest on really?” 

“Well it isn’t like she remembers what she’s missing,” Bucky glaring Sam down.

“No it’s worse,” Caroline shot from the corner of the room, “It’s so much worse. Knowing that you are missing something, you just can’t remember what it is. "

Bucky lowered the bag of peas from his bruised eye. He held her stare, as the rest of the room watched silently. Finally, he sighed heavily and nodded slowly.

“You’re right Caroline,” he said, “I’m sorry.”

“Alight,” Tony said clapping his hands together, “The situation is this, you all have ten minutes to gather a long weekend’s worth of things. In ten minutes Friday will drop a location in each of your phones. It’s 1:00 now, you guys have until 6:00 P.M. to get there. I know that seems like plenty of time, but it’s a drive, so you’ll all want to be on your way as soon as possible. You all know which cars are available to you. Peter, if you need me to call your aunt, let me know. Steve, let’s go.” 

Tony walked out of the room, Steve raised his eyebrows at his team, then followed Tony out.

“Wanda wait,” Caroline said as the occupants of the room filed out.

Wanda stopped and turned back to Caroline.

“Let me see you wrist,” Caroline said gently.

“It wasn’t your fault Caroline,” Wanda said, wincing as she placed her wrist in Caroline’s hand.

“I know, but I want to help,” Caroline nodded, “And I can. Bruce said it was broken?” she asked.

“Yes,” Wanda nodded.

Caroline smiled and unwrapped Wanda’s wrist, then pressed her other hand over Wanda’s. After a moment Wanda pulled her wrist back and moved it around, beaming at Caroline. 

“Thank you,” Wanda said, “We used to be very good friends you know.”

“Yeah,” Caroline smiled, “I know. I’m working on it,” she added sheepishly.

Wanda nodded shortly and placed her hand gently on Caroline’s shoulder giving it a light squeeze. Then she turned to follow the others out of the briefing room.

“Do you need help getting things together?” Natasha asked.

“I can help,” Bucky said walking up to them. 

“Great,” Natasha smirked hopping off the table.

“Nat wait!” Caroline said quickly.

Natasha did not stop or turn around. Instead she lifted her hand and waved it briefly at the two of them then continued on their way out. Caroline looked up at Bucky, he gave her an awkward smile.

“I’m okay, I can take care of myself,” Caroline said swinging her leg off the table.

She winced as she tried to stand on her swollen ankle. Bucky held out his arm and caught her as she stumbled.

“Just heal it,” he suggested.

“It’s a sprain, I don’t know how to heal that,” Caroline mumbled.

“You can heal a gunshot wound…but not a sprained ankle?” Bucky asked skeptically.

“Well, I don’t remember healing a gunshot wound,” Caroline snapped, “ And I tried, but it didn’t work.”

“Fair enough,” Bucky said with a curt nod.

He scooped her up and began walking towards her room. 

“You don’t have to do this,” she said rolling her eyes.

“It would take you at least ten minutes to get up to your room,” Bucky smirked.

When they reached her room, Bucky set her down carefully and opened her door. He picked her back up and carried her to her bed.

“Thank you, I can take it from here,” she said as he grabbed a backpack from her closet and threw it at her. 

“Are you sure?” he asked.

“I’m positive,” she laughed, “It’s just a sprain.”

“Fine,” he said curtly. 

Caroline watched as he left her room. Since the night of his panic attack they had gone back to avoiding each other mostly. The only exceptions were very late at night when one of them would show up at the other’s door, and without any questions they would end up sharing a bed. None of it made any sense to her, but she couldn't risk losing what little she time she did have with him, so she didn't press it. 

She got her things together as quickly as she could, but her limp did not make it easy on her. It had definitely been longer than ten minutes when she had finished shoving everything in her backpack and turned to see Bucky standing in her door frame.

“I know, I know,” she groaned, “I’m taking too long.”

“Everyone else left,” he said with a grin.

“Well it wasn’t easy hobbling around my room,” Caroline grumbled.

“I offered my help,” Bucky shrugged.

“Yeah, you did, which was weird,” Caroline shot.

“Okay are you ready or not?” Bucky sighed crossing his arms.

“Um yeah, just one second,” she said turning her back to him. 

She moved in front of her pillow, grabbed his shirt that she had stashed under it and shoved it in her bag, shielding her movement with her body. When she turned around, Bucky was smiling at her, an eyebrow raised. 

“What?” she asked slinging her backpack over her shoulder.

“Nothing,” he said with a shake of his head. 

He walked towards her, then kneeled down in front of her. She sighed, but wrapped her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist. He stood with her on his back and carried her down to the garage. He opened the car door and placed her in the passenger’s seat, then went around to the driver’s side.

“What year was it the last time you drove a car?” Caroline asked.

“First of all,” Bucky said with a laugh, “Who taught you to drive stick? And second of all, I have never hit anyone with car going five miles an hour.”

“You just stood there!” Caroline protested. 

“I’m not arguing this with you for the next five and half hours,” Bucky smirked as he began to follow the gps.

“Five and a half hours?” Caroline groaned slamming her head agains the head rest, “Does it say where we’re headed?”

“Just a dot on the map,” Bucky said glancing at his phone, “Tony is being very secretive about this one.”

“I’ve never seen him that angry,” Caroline said throwing her feet up onto the dashboard.

“Get your feet off the dash Caroline,” Bucky said tapping her leg.

“I’m supposed to keep this one elevated,” she said keeping her sprained ankle raised.

“Fine,” Bucky said rolling his eyes, “And you have seen him that angry, you just don’t remember it.”

“Really?” Caroline asked.

“I wasn’t here, but apparently you broke three cell phones in the span of like a week,” Bucky smirked.

“Why would I do that?” Caroline asked.

“Don’t know,” Bucky replied shaking his head.

“Liar,” said Caroline.

“Fine,” he sighed, “You were angry.”

“With you I assume,” Caroline grinned.

“Yes,” he nodded, “With me. Why would you assume me?”

“You’ve made me angry enough in our more recent past to want to break something,” she said simply.

Bucky didn’t say anything, but he laughed softly, glancing over at her. She smiled back at him, scrunching her nose.

“So Barnes,” Caroline said after a moment, “Since we have five entire hours and half of one before we reach our destination, and since you refuse to fill me in on my missing six months, why don’t you tell me about the rest of your life?”

“No,” Bucky said shortly.

“Oh c’mon,” Caroline pleaded, “How did you meet Steve?”

“School,” he said.

“Did you have siblings?” she asked.

“I had three sisters,” he replied.

“Interesting,” Caroline nodded.

“What?” he asked.

“Nothing,” she said, “It’s just, I imagine that someone who grew up with three sisters would be a little better with women.”  


“I was great with women in the 40s,” Bucky said bluntly.

He turned bright red as Caroline began to laugh.

“I believe you!” she said noticing his embarrassment, “I’m sorry, I really do believe you. It was just funny.”

“Uh huh,” he nodded.

“Okay, if you were so great with the ladies back in the day, who was your first kiss?” Caroline asked.

“How can you possibly expect me to remember that?” Bucky scoffed.

“Because it’s your first kiss! Everyone remembers their first kiss,” Caroline proclaimed.

“Look, what I remember before Hydra is foggy at best. Steve stands out the most, probably because he’s a part of my present. Things from the war stand out pretty well too, maybe because those were the last things to happen to me before Hydra,” Bucky explained.

“I’m sorry,” Caroline said softly.

“No,” Bucky said quickly, “Don’t be, you didn't know.”

“Did I know these things before?” Caroline asked after a moment.

“No, we never discussed any of this or my past unless it was in reference to our shared one,” he replied, “Except…it had been brought up once before, by Steve, that I had been ‘great with women in the 40’s’,” he said mocking himself.

“Huh,” Caroline sighed looking out the window.

“What?” Bucky asked.

“I’m just trying to remember why Steve would bring something like that up in casual conversation,” Caroline replied.

“Well don’t give yourself a headache over it,” Bucky grinned, “It was to annoy me. We were actually giving Parker romantic advice, and Steve was trying to prove a point.”

“We?” Caroline asked.

“Yes,” he replied.

“What gave us, either of us, the right to give Peter, anyone really, romantic advice?” Caroline scoffed.

“Okay, you were giving him the romantic advice, I was telling him to keep his feeling to himself and suffer in silence,” Bucky corrected.

Caroline looked over at him narrowing her eyes. Bucky glanced at her quickly, then directed his attention back to the road.

“What are you doing? What is that look?” he asked. 

“I’m just trying to understand you better. You obviously meant a lot to me before, and if you won’t tell me why, then I’d like to try and figure it out myself,” she replied.

“We have a shared trauma Caroline,” Bucky sighed, “That’s all it was.”

“I know there’s more,” Caroline retorted.

“Caroline,” Bucky said in a warning tone, “Do not push it. Please.”

“Fine,” she said crossing her arms, “Am I different?”

“What?” Bucky asked looking at her confused.

“Am I different? Have I changed since I lost my memories?” Caroline asked again. 

Bucky hesitated for a long time. Caroline waited patiently.

“Yes,” he said finally, “Before you were moody and temperamental, and you still are both of those things, but you’re much happier now. You’re like a ball of light.”

“Wow,” Caroline said slowly, “What a backhanded compliment.”

“I didn’t mean it like that!” Bucky said horrified.

“Bucky I know,” she laughed placing a reassuring hand on his arm. 

“Okay good,” he sighed, “You’ve always been a ball of light Caroline, even in Siberia.”

“Thank you for saying that,” she smiled, “So what is there difference do you think?”

“Well, you were going through a lot. You were brainwashed to hate Steve, you couldn't control your powers, you weren't allowed to go home, you were stuck with me,” he smirked.

“Yeah, that must have really sucked,” she grinned.

“You made it known that it sucked for you, for a while anyway,” he laughed, “Then when you finally got to go home you had to adjust to a completely new life. Which you remember none of, but maybe this time, having everyone surrounding you, supporting you, that’s what’s helped you adjust better.”

“You didn’t come back with me,” Caroline said softly, “You stayed in Wakanda."

“Yeah,” he nodded solemnly.

“Oh wow,” Caroline breathed, “I was afraid you were going to leave me again.”

“Technically you left,” Bucky said with a grin.

“And now I want to break something because of you,” Caroline said narrowing her eyes at him. 

“Hey,” he said glancing over at her. He placed his hand gently on her knee.

She was pale, recovering memories was always difficult for her, especially when they came on without warning.

“I’m okay,” she said unconvincingly, “It just wasn’t even a memory, it was a memory of a feeling and then that feeling rushed back in real time. I'm having feelings with no memory as to why they are there,” she rambled anxiously.

“Caroline,” he said seriously, “I’m not going anywhere.”

“Yeah,” she nodded, “Okay. This is weird.”

“I know,” he said smiling weakly, “Why don’t you try sleeping? We have a while before we get there.”

“Okay,” she said leaning her chair back. 

He started to move his hand off of her knee, but she stopped him, placing her hand on top of his.

“You said you weren't going anywhere,” she mumbled closing her eyes.

“You’re right,” he said giving her knee a gentle squeeze, “Now try and sleep. I’m not going anywhere, I promise.”


	26. Group Camping Trip...Or Team Building

Caroline stirred quietly in her seat as she felt the car slowing down. The sun was setting on a clearing in forest in upstate New York. Tony and Steve were already there alone with a few of the others. Bucky put the car in park and hopped out, he turned back to a sleepy Caroline.

“Hey, I’ll be right back,” he said to her.

She nodded and watched as he made his way over to Steve and Tony. Natasha, Rhodey, Bruce, Wanda, and Vision were there as well.

“Hey Buck,” Steve said as Bucky approached them.

“Where’s Caroline?” Tony asked.

“She’s in the car still,” Bucky said, “What’s going on?”

“Group camping trip,” Natasha said, glaring at Tony.

“Are you insane?” Bucky asked incredulously. 

“It has been suggested on occasion that I might be,” Tony shrugged, “Why what makes you think so this time?” 

“Caroline can hardly walk,” Bucky said crossing his arms, “I’m taking her back.”

“It’s a sprain Barnes she will be fine,” Tony said with a wave of his hand.

“Tony I’m with Barnes, this idea doesn't seem well thought out,” Rhodey said calmly. 

“This has been in the works for some time now,” Steve said, “Tony and I have been discussing it. Conditions on missions are unpredictable, people get hurt. How do we deal with that? How do we deal with surprises, getting caught off guard with little to no gear or resources? These are things we need to figure out as a team. It’s just another training exercise, someone just may have jumped the gun on it,” Steve explained glancing at Tony.

“We don’t get a warning in the real world,” Tony snapped, “We need to learn how to be a team in all circumstances.” 

“Go get Caroline from the car Buck,” Steve said, “Sam and Clint took Peter by his place to grab some things, but they should be here soon.”

“This is ridiculous Steve, she’s not okay, she shouldn't be out here,” Bucky said angrily.

“Buck, she’s going to be fine,” Steve said.

“You can be responsible for her for the weekend Barnes,” Tony smirked, “since you are so worried about her well being.” 

Bucky glared at Tony and stormed back to the car. Caroline was asleep again with her head against the window. He tapped slightly and she stirred and opened the door.

“What’s going on?” she asked shivering as the cold air hit her.

Bucky shrugged off his jacket and handed it to her. She took it and looked up at him confused.

“Put that on, you’re going to need it,” he sighed, “We’re camping.”

“What?” she asked, “But I can barely walk.”

“I mentioned that,” Bucky said giving her a weak smile, “Put that on,” he nodded to the jacket in her hands.

She put his jacket on and he held back a laugh at how small she looked inside of it. She blinked up at him sleepily, then slid out of the car, wincing as she landed. 

“I’m fine,” she told him as he grabbed her arm. 

“Well, you’re not,” he said.

“I want to go home,” Caroline pouted.

“I did my best, but Tony and Steve are stuck on this one,” he said, “So…you’re stuck with me for the weekend.”

“I’m confused,” she said cocking her head to one side.

“Tony designated me to help you out,” Bucky said scratching the back of his neck.

“Wow, that must really suck for you,” Caroline grinned.

“What are you talking about,” Bucky sighed.

“I mean you basically hate me and now you have to take care of me all weekend,” she laughed. 

“I don’t hate you,” he groaned. 

“Okay, you don’t hate me, but you really don’t like being around me, and now you have to be…all weekend,” she said giggling. 

He stared at her, unamused, his arms crossed over her chest. 

“I’m sorry,” she said clutching her side, “I can take care of myself, you don’t have to do this.” 

“Caroline, you absolutely cannot take care of yourself with your ankle the way that it is, don’t be ridiculous,” he said, “Let’s go.”

He turned his back to her and kneeled down. She threw her arms around his neck and he scooped up her legs, carrying her to the group. 

“Oh good, Caroline is here,” Tony said cheerfully as they joined the rest of the team.

She glared at him as Bucky placed her down on a large rock. Steve was taking supplies out of the truck that he and Tony had driven in together. They all turned as the headlights from Sam’s car came into view. 

“I’m just saying,” Peter said as he exited from the back seat, “Sam kind of lives up to his bird name better than you do Mr. Clint.”

“I have hawk _eyes,_ I’m not a hawk…man,” Clint said climbing out of the front seat. 

“Hold up, I am not a falcon man,” Sam retorted. 

“Yeah, but you fly,” Peter said pointing a finger at him. 

“Yeah,” Sam nodded.

“So you’re more of a bird man than Clint,” said Peter. 

“I’m just as much of a bird man as anyone!” Clint exclaimed.

“But you don't fly,” Sam said.

“What is going on?” Natasha smirked.

“We’re just having a friendly discussion over who was more of a bird man, Clint or Sam,” Peter said excitedly.

“I won,” Sam grinned.

“I have hawk eyes! Hawkeye!” said Clint angrily, “I’m not a bird man in the first place!” 

“Okay Clint,” Natasha said patting Clint’s shoulder gently.

“What the hell is going on here anyway?” Sam asked looking around. 

“We are camping,” Rhodey said, his arms crossed over his chest. 

“Oh cool!” Peter said enthusiastically. 

“No kid, it’s not supposed to be fun,” Tony sighed, “It’s supposed to be treacherous and tiring and a real bonding experience, so no powers, no suits, just us.”

“Sounds pretty fun to me,” Peter mumbled.

“Tony this is dumb, I can’t be of any use to anyone,” Caroline said, reaching down to rub her ankle. 

“You’re part of the team Caroline, if I have to say it one more time I really am going to lose my shit,” Tony said with a bitter laugh.

“Tony,” Steve said cautiously.

“I just want you all to understand the seriousness of what we do, if we mess up, if one thing is off, people get hurt, people die,” Tony said seriously. 

“Alright Tony,” Rhodey nodded, “We get it.” 

“Let’s set up,” Steve said grinning at the team. 

Caroline watched as they all began to work together to pitch tents. She glanced around at her surroundings. She was actively trying very hard to distract herself from how annoyed she was that she couldn't be more of a help. It was taking everything in her to keep the tears back. 

“Hey,” Rhodey said taking a seat on another rock across from her, “You okay?” he asked.

“Uh, yeah,” she nodded unconvincingly.

He raised an eyebrow at her and she sighed, taking in a deep breath and releasing it slowly. 

“I am not okay,” she laughed.

“Yeah, I know you’re not,” Rhodey nodded, smiling at her reassuringly.

“I just feel like I’m constantly bringing the team down. We wouldn't be here if I hadn't messed up in training earlier, and now I can’t even help,” she said.

“You weren’t the only one in that training room who was off their game,” Rhodey said, “You have to know that. Every one of us was all over the place, and no matter how hard Vision tries to pin this on you, it’s not all your fault.”

“He’s right though, I’m throwing the entire team,” Caroline said.

“Alright sure, things are off, we all built relationships with you and those are completely different now, he had a point there,” Rhodey nodded, “But there are other things at play here. We all have our own battles we’re fighting, we’re all distracted.”

“Yeah?” Caroline asked.

“Absolutely,” Rhodey smiled, “So stop feeling sorry for yourself,” he said winking at her.

“Gee thanks,” she said with a sarcastic laugh, “What was our relationship before all of this?” she asked.

“Well,” he sighed, “We were on Tony’s team together, with Peter and Clint. Sometimes Vision.”

“I listened to Tony?” Caroline asked skeptically.

“Rarely,” Rhodey laughed, “You listened to me though.”

“Well…” Caroline smirked, “You probably had better ideas.”

“That’s right,” Rhodey grinned, “You were my girl on the field.” 

“I bet the drove Tony nuts,” Caroline giggled.

“Yeah, it really did,” Tony said standing over them, “I mean really? This guy? Better ideas than me?”

Caroline and Rhodey raised their eyes at each other and started to laugh. Tony smiled down at them, but rolled his eyes. 

“Alright you two, let’s go, we have a big day tomorrow,” he said nodding towards the tents.

“Tony,” Caroline said, “Do you own this property?”

“Well, yeah, of course,” Tony nodded.

“So that giant log cabin across this lake…is that yours too?” she asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

“Yeah, it sure is,” he nodded. 

“Unbelievable, you’re making us all sleep out here in the freezing cold when there is a perfectly good cabin, right there?” Caroline asked incredulously. 

“Typical Tony,” Rhodey said with a laugh.

“Yep,” he nodded, “Barnes come get your girl,” Tony called. 

“I’m not anyone’s ‘girl’” she sighed pushing herself up off of the rock. 

“Fine, you’re not anyone’s girl, can I help you though so you don’t make you ankle worse?” Bucky asked striding over to her.

“I suppose,” she said shortly, "Also, I guess I was kind of Rhodey's girl," she said winking at Rhodes.

"Damn right," Rhodey laughed, as Tony glared at them both.

Bucky shook his head and put his arm around her waist, helping her make her way to one of the tents. Natasha and Wanda were already inside rolling out mats and sleeping bags. 

“Are you going to be okay?” Bucky asked.

“Yeah,” she nodded smiling at him reassuringly. 

He smiled back, placing his hand gently on her cheek. She looked up at him, confused, but didn’t move. He dropped his hand and took a step back. 

“Okay,” he said awkwardly, “Good night.”

She watched him walk away, unable to move. Natasha crawled out of the tent and stood next to Caroline, a small smile playing across her lips. 

“You good?” she asked.

“Um,” Caroline said slowly, “yeah?”

“What happened?” she asked.

“I don’t know,” she said, her eyes still on Bucky.

Natasha followed her eyes and nodded. 

“Well, if it makes you feel any better, he was always difficult to read, even before you lost your memories,” Natasha said.

“I just can’t ever tell if he hates me or not,” Caroline replied, “He’s so hot and cold.”

“Oh trust me, he does not hate you,” Natasha said with a laugh, “You might be the only person he actually truly likes, other than Steve.” 

“Oh my god,” Caroline laughed bitterly, “It’s almost like the more I learn, the less I understand. None of it makes any sense.”

“Try dating a walking computer,” Wanda smirked sarcastically coming up from behind them.

“You and Vision are perfect,” Caroline smiled at Wanda, “I may not understand a word he says, but you two get each other.”

“Thank you for saying so,” Wanda grinned.

“Wait,” Caroline said shaking her head, “Were Bucky and I dating?”

Wanda and Natasha glanced at each other quickly. 

“No, I didn’t mean it like that,” Wanda said casually. 

“You’re relationship was vague,”Natasha said at the same time.

“What?” Caroline asked.

“You were close, that’s all any of us ever knew,” said Natasha calmly, “You were just…attached. We all figured it was because of your shared experiences.”

“Yeah,” Caroline nodded, “Okay, that’s what I’ve heard.”

“C’mon,” Wanda said placing her hand on Caroline’s arm, “Let’s go to bed.”

 Caroline smiled and nodded, following Wanda into the tent. Natasha sighed heavily, then with a laugh and shake of her head, she turned and followed behind the other two.


	27. You Don't...'Miff' Me

Caroline woke with a start, her heart was racing and her whole body was shaking. Sweat ran down her forehead despite the cold air around her. She sat up, trying not to wake Wanda or Nat as she did so. As quiet as she tried to be, Wanda woke and sat up beside her. 

“Caroline?” Wanda asked placing a delicate hand on her arm.

“I’m okay,” Caroline said wiping the tears from her face.

“What’s going on?” Natasha mumbled sitting up. 

“Nothing, I just had a nightmare, it’s fine, I’m fine,” Caroline said quickly. 

“You’re not fine, you’re shaking. I’m going to get Barnes,” Natasha said climbing out of the tent. 

“Nat I’m fine,” Caroline said bleakly.

“Caroline,” Wanda said gently, “It’s okay. You can talk to me.”

“It was just a bad dream,” Caroline groaned.

She looked up at Wanda tearfully. Wanda smiled at her reassuringly, brushing back some of Caroline’s hair.

“I killed people,” Caroline whispered, “They made me kill people, and I can’t close my eyes without seeing their faces.”

“It’s okay,” Wanda said as Caroline collapsed into her arms, “You’re not alone Caroline, you are not alone.”

She rested her chin on top of Caroline’s head, rocking her gently as Caroline’s body shook from crying. Natasha came back into the tent, Bucky followed close behind her.

“What happened?” he asked Wanda.

“Just a bad dream,” Wanda said with an understanding smile. 

Bucky nodded, he leaned in and placed his hand on Caroline’s arm. She lifted her head and looked over at Bucky.

“Hi,” she choked miserably.

“Hi,” Bucky replied giving her a small smile.

He brought his hand to her cheek and wiped the tears with his thumb. Taking in a deep breath, she closed her eyes against his touch. 

“What do you need?” he asked her gently. 

“I don’t know,” Caroline sighed, “I can’t stop shaking.”

“We can see that,” Natasha teased.

“I feel like I might be sick,” Caroline groaned, hunching over.

“You need some air Caroline,” Wanda said rubbing her back soothingly. 

“Do you still have my jacket?” Bucky asked.

Caroline pulled it out from under her pillow and handed it to him. He took it from her laughing, then threw it around her shoulders. He picked up her sleeping bag and another blanket she had been using.

“C’mon,” he said extending his vibranium hand to her.

She took it and they crawled out of the tent together. Bucky led her to a clearing in the trees. He lay out her sleeping bag, then helped Caroline down onto it. She shivered, even after he had wrapped her blanket around her. He sat next to her, leaving space between them. Bucky was silent as Caroline sniffled next to him, not wanting to press her to talk. After a few moments she shifted and moved closer to him, so that they were arm to arm. He could feel her shaking against him. 

“Come here,” he said wrapping his arm around her.

She collapsed into him. He held her for a moment, then slowly leaned back so that they were laying down together. 

“Look,” he said nudging her head upwards towards the sky.

“That’s a lot of stars,” she whispered.

“Yeah,” he said with a low laugh, “Can’t see any of them in the city, you can see a few more at the compound, but not like this.”

“I’ve never even looked at the compound,” Caroline said softly.

“Sometimes when I can’t sleep I go to the roof,” he said. 

“Now I know where to find you,” she said with a small laugh. 

“Do you spend a lot of time trying to find me?” he asked playfully. 

“Almost none,” she smirked.

“Oh,” he nodded.

“You always seem slightly miffed when I pop up in a room that you are already occupying,” she said.

“Miffed,” Bucky repeated flatly.

“Yes, miffed, I don’t want to…miff you, so I don’t actively go looking for you,” Caroline said slowly.

“I don’t think you can ‘miff’ someone Caroline,” Bucky chuckled.

“Well I miff you,” she replied simply.

“You are infuriating to be around for a multitude of reasons, none of which you can help,” he sighed, “But you don’t…miff me.”

“And that is exactly why I don’t go looking for you,” she said. 

“I’m sorry,” he said in a low voice.

“For what?” she asked.

“For avoiding you, and then for not avoiding you, and then for avoiding you again. When you woke up, you didn’t even remember my name, you couldn’t remember what we meant to each other and that was difficult to accept. It was hard to even be in the same room as you,” he explained, his eyes focused on the stars.

He could feel her staring at him, but he couldn't bring himself to look at her. She brushed his hand tentatively with hers, and he took it in his, entwining his fingers with hers.

“Are you going to stop avoiding me now?” she asked.

“Yes,” he nodded, “It didn’t work, and I don’t even know what I was trying to accomplish by doing it.” 

“I still don’t remember what we meant to each other,” she said gently, “But I know that you meant something to me. The minute you said my name I knew it.” 

“You’re not shaking anymore,” Bucky said changing the subject. 

“No,” she nodded.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked gingerly.

“It’s just…I can see their faces,” she whispered, her voice breaking. 

“I wish I could tell you that it goes away,” he said softly.

She began crying again. Bucky rolled over onto his side so that he was facing her.

“Hey,” he said bringing her face towards his.

She rolled over as well, looking up at him with watery eyes.

“I shot JFK,” he said.

“What?!” she exclaimed wiping her eyes.

“I did, among others, Sam likes to remind me of that one though,” he nodded, “And Nat, she’s done her fair share of brainwashed killing, Wanda and Clint too. Look at all of the blood on Tony’s hands. We’re all trying to atone for the wrong that we’ve done.”

“Not Steve, Steve is perfect,” Caroline mumbled.

“Steve is a reckless idiot who broke at least six laws getting to where he is now,” Bucky laughed.

“Yeah,” Caroline said joining in his laughter. She paused and sighed, “But he’s still good.”

“Yes,” Bucky nodded, “He is.”

A long quiet fell between them both. Neither of them had to vocalize what they were thinking. They both knew that they would spend the rest of their lives trying to make up for their time in Hydra. 

“What were the 40s like?” Caroline asked, breaking the silence.

“Well,” Bucky said taking his time to form an answer, “I would like to tell you that things weren’t as complicated, but that isn't true. We were at war and a super secret evil organization was forming.”

“And small boys were being pumped full of super serum to make them bigger and faster,” Caroline grinned.

“That too,” laughed Bucky, “But it did feel more hopeful, almost like anything was possible.”

“More dancing?” Caroline asked.

“Yes, infinitely more dancing,” Bucky nodded.

“Bucky?” Caroline asked tentatively.

“Yes?” he replied.

“We already had a conversation about what I did during Hydra didn't we?” she asked. 

“We did,” he said.

“You told me I could have some goats,” she said, trying to piece things together.

“Well you were crying,” he laughed, “I wanted that to stop immediately.”

“Regardless,” she said, “You owe me goats.”

“The things you remember,” he sighed.

He looked at her, his eyebrows scrunched together in concern. She reached forward and pressed the worry lines between his eyebrows.

“What is this?” she asked, “What’s wrong?”

“You’re going to remember everything someday,” he breathed, “When you do, when it all comes back to you, just please don’t hate me.”

“Bucky what?” she said, looking up at him confused.

“I’ve done some really stupid things,” he said.

“Well yeah, you assassinated a president,” Caroline said with a smile.

“Caroline,” Bucky sighed, “I’m serious.”

“Me too, assassinating a president is a big deal, very, very stupid,” Caroline nodded. 

He sighed heavily. She placed her hand on his cheek and pulled his face towards hers. She moved in close, so that their noses were almost touching and smiled at him.

“I don’t know what you did to make you think that I’m going to hate you, but I promise I’m not going to hate you,” she said reassuringly.

“How do you know?” he asked.

“I don’t,” she said simply, “I do know that you haven't been the nicest person to me and despite the fact that we’ve barely spent any time together since I woke up in Wakanda, we are out here, holding hands under the stars, because no one else makes me feel as safe as you do.” 

“If you keep saying things like that, I might have to go back to avoiding you,” Bucky grinned, pulling her into him.

“You better not,” she mumbled into his chest.

“Well luckily for you,” he sighed, “I don’t think I could if I tried.”

A gust of wind blew past them and she shivered against him. He pulled the blanket over both of them and wrapped his arms tighter around her.

“Will you be able to sleep?” he asked.

“I really, really think I will,” she replied.

She was so warm and happy and incredibly tired that sleep came quickly for her. She matched her breathing to his, allowing it to calm her even further. As she drifted off to sleep, she thought that he might have kissed her forehead gently. She smiled at the thought, and decided to believe that it had actually happened.


	28. Why is it Raining

It was one in the morning when the rain started. Caroline only knew this, because when she was jolted awake by getting drenched from the downpour, her first instinct was to grab her phone next that was resting next to her head, glance at it, and then shove it in the pocket of Bucky’s jacket that she was wearing. 

Bucky bolted upright as the rain soaked him as well. He tried to throw the blanket over them, but that did absolutely nothing. Caroline began to laugh as he jumped up, then pulled her up with him.

“Are you alright?” he asked cupping her face in his hands.

“Yes,” she giggled.

“Oh hell no!” came Sam’s voice from the tents behind them.

They turned to see everyone crawling out of their newly flooded tents. They were all soaked, everyone except Vision who was phasing the water right through him. 

“Well this is…inconvenient,” Bruce said sarcastically, putting his hand out to catch some raindrops. 

“Steve,” Natasha growled, shivering, “Did you or Tony even bother to check the weather?”

“Rain didn’t seem likely,” Steve shrugged with a small smile.

Natasha screamed and ran at him, barreling him down with all her might. He laughed as she climbed off of him. 

“I’m quitting the Avengers,” Clint said groggily, “You are all assholes.”

“Why is it raining?” Peter said, dazed, blinking up at the water pouring down from the sky.

“Put your head down kid,” Rhodey said pushing the top of his head, “You’re gonna drown.”

“Girl why are you laughing?” Sam asked Caroline incredulously. 

“I don’t know,” she said through giggles, “Everyone just looks so wet and miserable, Bucky looks like a drenched cat, it’s just hilarious.”

Bucky angrily dropped the blanket that he had been holding up over them, causing Caroline to laugh even harder. 

“That blanket wasn’t even doing anything,” she said hunching over and clutching her stomach. 

“She’s got a point though,” Sam chuckled, “You look like one of those kitties who was forced to take a bath.”

“Are you crying?” Bucky grumbled to Caroline.

“It’s just…he’s right…it’s so funny,” she squeaked, wiping a tear from her eye.

It was not long before the rest of the group was laughing with her. Bucky glared at all of them, his arms crossed, water dripping off the ends of his hair.

“As fun as this is,” he said after a moment, “has anyone else noticed that we are missing a key member of our team?”

They all glanced around, individually counting each other, trying to figure out who was not present. 

“Where the fuck is Tony?” Natasha said looking around at everyone. 

“That son of a bitch,” Rhodey hissed.

“Steve?” Natasha asked raising an eyebrow at him.

Steve shrugged and shook his head. 

“He’s over there, in that warm, dry, giant log cabin,” Caroline said standing up and nodding to the house across the lake.

“You’re not laughing anymore are you?” Bucky asked with a smirk.

“Oh no, this just adds to the hilarity,” she grinned.

Natasha crossed her arms, looking up at Steve. 

“Okay, I might have known,” Steve said cocking his head, “I just didn’t want to get tackled again.”

“How about punched?” Natasha asked drawing her fist back.

“Whoa whoa whoa!” Peter said hopping in between them, “Let’s just crash it,” he suggested.

“Kid’s got a very good point,” Sam said pointing to Peter.

“We have to walk around the lake,” Bruce said flatly. 

“Then we better get started,” said Vision offering his hand to Wanda. 

“Everyone grab your bags, hopefully some of our clothes stayed dry,” Steve said.

Soaking wet, but a little less miserable, they all started to make their way around the lake. Caroline moved to follow the others, but winced as she stepped on her sprained ankle. Bucky caught her arm, steading her.

“Did you forget?” he asked.

“Well there was kind of a lot going on,” she said trying to hold back a laugh. 

“Right,” he nodded, “Let’s go,” he said dropping to one knee in he wet grass. 

She climbed onto his back. It was a little over a mile around the lake, but as the rain came down faster, it felt like farther. They finally reached the door and everyone stood around awkwardly.

“Well his security systems would have stopped us by now if he didn’t want us here,” Natasha said glancing around.

“So…do we just…knock?” Peter asked.

“And wake Tony up?” Rhodey scoffed, “Or worse, pull him away from whatever late night project he’s working on?”

“Alright, move,” Wanda said pushing to the front.

She held her hand out, shooting a thin line of red energy through the lock. The door popped open and they all stumbled through, dripping water in the entryway. 

“Oh my god,” came a horrified voice from the stairs.

“Hi Pepper,” they all mumbled.

“Did he make you all sleep outside?” she asked.

They all nodded and she sighed, rolling her eyes. 

“Wait here,” she said turning to run up the stairs.

When she came back her arms were full of towels, she passed them out amongst the team. 

“There are three bathrooms down here and two upstairs for you guys to change in,” she said with a smile, “I will make tea.”

“Tony doesn’t deserve you Pep,” Rhodey said kissing her on the side of her forehead.

“Don’t I know it,” she laughed. 

Caroline took her backpack from Bucky, but it was entirely soaked through. Natasha threw Caroline a pair of stretchy black pants. 

“I guess my shirt that you brought is also wet?” Bucky smirked.

She pulled out the soaking wet dark red shirt and threw it at him. He caught it, laughing, then pulled out one of his dry shirts.

“It’s a good thing I brought extras,” he said handing it to her. 

“Thank you,” she said hobbling off with Nat and Wanda to one of the bathrooms.

“You got any extra extras?” Sam asked holding up his soaking wet bag.

“Not for you,” said Bucky.

“Oh okay, is this about the kitty thing?” Sam chuckled.

“It’s exactly about that,” Bucky nodded.

“You can borrow one of mine?” Steve offered, “It might be kind of big,” he smirked.

“I doubt that,” Sam grinned, “You wear your shirts at least two sizes too small my friend,” he said.

“You’re really limiting you options here,” Steve smiled shoving the shirt he had pulled out for Sam back into his back.

“Wait I take it back,” Sam said quickly.

“Too late pal,” Steve shrugged.

“Here,” Clint said from the upstairs ledge. He tossed a shirt down to Sam, “For my fellow birdman.”

“A true friend,” Sam said to Steve and Bucky.

They both laughed as Sam trudged off to change. With all the bathrooms taken up, Bucky and Steve waited patiently in the entry way. 

“So,” Steve said after a moment.

Bucky turned to him with one eyebrow raised. Steve was looking back, a half grin across his face. Bucky knew exactly where this was going.

“Is there something you’d like to say Steve?” Bucky asked crossing his arms.

“I’m not saying anything,” Steve said innocently, “All I’m saying is…”

“So you are saying something,” Bucky interrupted.

“No,” Steve said with a shake of his head, “Except that yes, I am,” he said as Bucky sighed heavily. 

“Go ahead then,” Bucky grumbled.

“I just noticed that we were all in our tents, but you and Caroline were outside, very much alone,” he said shrugging. 

“Observant,” Bucky said shortly.

“So are we done with the avoiding Caroline at all costs thing?” Steve asked.

“Yes,” Bucky nodded.

“And are we going to tell her that you two were kind of seeing each other before she lost her memories?” Steve asked.

“No,” Bucky replied, “Because we weren’t. I told her I loved her and she didn’t kill me, but she also didn’t say it back.”

“Well give her a break Buck, there was kind of a lot going on,” said Steve.

“You’re right,” Bucky said.

“Buck I have to tell you something,” Steve sighed, “Before she went under, she asked me to make sure you didn't give up on her.”

Bucky paused, staring at Steve for a long time, registering what this meant. Caroline had known that Bucky wouldn't be able to handle this. She had known that he wouldn’t do as he do as he promised.

“She knew I wouldn’t fight for her,” he breathed, bracing himself against the wall.

“Yes,” Steve nodded.

“Steve, it was all so complicated before,” Bucky said desperately, “We kissed. The night of Tony’s party, and I asked her on a date, and I told her I loved her, and she still was unsure. I don’t know where her head was at and I don’t know where it’s at now.”

“Okay Buck, wait it out then. Take your time. She will forgive you that,” Steve said reassuringly. 

“Thank you Steve,” Bucky nodded. 

“Of course,” Steve said giving Bucky’s shoulder a squeeze.

“Bathroom’s are free boys,” Natasha smirked coming up from behind them, “And when you’re finished changing, Pepper has tea, blankets, and pillows in the sitting room for all of us. She said there were rooms that some of us could use, but we all voted and decided to sleep together downstairs.”

“To be clear,” Sam called from the other room, “I voted to sleep by myself, in a bed.” 

“Overruled my friend,” Caroline laughed. 

Bucky and Steve grinned at each other and headed off to change. When Bucky finally made his way to the living room he found everyone sipping from steaming hot mugs, laughing about the night. They had laid out all of the blankets and pillows on the fuzzy carpet, and some had claimed their sleeping spots. Vision and Wanda were cuddled together on the floor. Rhodey was sprawled out on the couch and Peter had made a web hammock above them. 

He found Caroline sitting in an arm chair, looking ridiculously adorable in his giant shirt and braided hair. She smiled at him once she noticed him lingering in the doorway. He made his way over to her, dropping down in front of her.

“Hey Buck,” she said absentmindedly pulling her fingers through his wet hair. 

“Hey,” he replied softly.

He let her comb out his hair with her fingers, he shivered against his will and silently prayed that she hadn’t noticed. She didn’t say anything, but he felt her hesitate for a moment, then she picked up her work again. 

“Are you…braiding my hair?” he asked after a moment.

“Yes,” she said. He could hear the smile form across her lips. “It’s just a small one, across the side of your head, very manly, you’ll be fine.”

“Alright Caroline,” he laughed.

“I don’t think he’s complaining,” Sam smirked.

“Go to bed Sam,” Bucky said.

“Alright alright,” Sam replied laying his head down on his pillow.

When Caroline finished, she crawled off the chair and dropped to a spot on the floor, near where Natasha had curled up back to back with Clint. She nodded her head indicating Bucky follow her, and he did so without hesitation. She waited until he was laying down and then rested her head gently on his chest. 

Everyone was asleep within minutes of Pepper turning the lights off. They were all exhausted and the warmth of the room and each other relaxed them. Pepper climbed the stairs and made her way into her and Tony’s room. He was still up, hunched under a light at his desk. She wrapped her arms around him and he let out a content sigh as he leaned back into her.

“How are they doing?” he asked.

“They’re fine, now that they aren't out in the pouring rain,” she replied, “Did you know it was going to rain Tony?” she asked.

“Oh yeah,” he nodded with a laugh.

“You’re evil,” she said shaking her head.

“It was good team bonding,” he replied, turning to kiss her on the cheek.

“They’re more than a team Tony,” she said, “They’re a family.”

“Thanks to me,” Tony smirked.

“You should be down there with them,” Pepper said pulling away. She crawled into her and Tony’s bed, watching him intently.

“I’ll be with them tomorrow,” he said climbing into bed beside her.

“Damn right you will be,” Pepper smiled, “I’m locking you out.”

“That’s cold Ms. Potts,” Tony laughed.

“Well, you deserve it,” she grinned leaning in for a kiss, “Goodnight Mr. Stark.”

“Goodnight Pep,” he replied, “Friday…Lights out.”


	29. I'm Going to Fling Myself Off of This Mountain

Bucky woke the next morning to the sun streaming in through a crack in the curtains. He quickly realized that Caroline was no longer pressed up against him, and that she was not even in the room at all. He sat up, glancing around him. Sam was still asleep, snoring softly. Rhodey was too, snoring less softly. Peter’s leg was dangling over his hammock, he was awake, staring at his phone sleepily. Clint had moved from the floor to the chair that Caroline had occupied the night before. He was also asleep, curled up and clutching a couch pillow.

Bucky stood and followed the faint sound of voices. He found himself in the kitchen, the smell of bacon and pancakes overwhelming him. Steve, Bruce, Wanda, and Vision were sitting at the the kitchen table, talking as they ate. Natasha was sitting on the counter next to the stove where Tony was frying up copious amounts of bacon. She was trying to give him pointers on how to make the perfect batch, but he was ignoring her. Caroline was helping Pepper make pancakes next to them. 

“Morning Buck,” Steve said beaming at his friend.

Caroline looked up from her mixing bowl and smiled at him. He thought his chest was going to explode as he tried to return her smile. She had taken her braids out and her long honey hair fell in lightly frizzy waves over her shoulders. 

“Do you want coffee Barnes?” Bruce asked, raising the coffee pot at him.

“Uh…I’m sorry, what?” Bucky said blankly, turning to Bruce. 

“Coffee,” Bruce smirked.

“Oh, yes,” Bucky nodded. 

He glanced at Steve who was trying very hard to hold back a grin. Bucky raised an eyebrow at him and he shook his head innocently.

“Caroline,” Tony said flipping his bacon tenderly, “Get Barnes a coffee mug yeah?” 

“Sure thing,” she said striding over to one of the cupboards near Bucky.

“I can get it,” Bucky said quickly. 

They collided as Bucky moved towards her without stopping to think about where he was going. He caught her from falling backwards and they paused, watching each other carefully. They both moved at the same time, accidentally blocking each other. 

“Sorry,” Caroline said with a small laugh.

“No it’s fine,” Bucky smiled.

They moved again, the opposite direction this time, once again blocking each other’s way. Caroline laughed nervously, as Bucky sighed and ran a hand through his hair. She tentatively reached out, placing her hands on his arms. She moved him gently to the side, away from the cabinets and moved in front of him. He watched as she reached up and grabbed a mug.

“Here,” she said handing it to him, a small smile across her lips.

“Thanks,” he smirked. 

“Well that was…precious,” Tony said from behind them. 

They both jumped, and Bucky turned to see everyone watching them. Bruce held up the coffee pot again, grinning broadly. 

“Maybe you should get your own pancakes Barnes,” Natasha said reaching down and grabbing a piece of Tony’s bacon.

“It’s not finished Natasha,” Tony said slapping the piece from her hand. 

Bucky was appreciative for the attention shift as Natasha and Tony started bickering. He walked over to the kitchen table and took a seat next to Steve. 

“Not a word Steve,” he said in a low warning voice.

“I wasn’t going to say anything,” Steve said sipping his coffee, “Wanda? Do you have anything to say?”

“I wouldn't dare,” Wanda smirked.

“Vision?” Steve asked.

“Oh no, definitely not,” said Vision with a shake of his head.

“Bruce? Anything?” said Steve to Bruce.

“Yeah,” Bruce nodded, “Do you want coffee or no?”

Bucky chuckled sliding his mug over to Bruce.

“After all that how could he possibly say no?” said Steve with a sly smile.

“Damnit Steve,” Bucky sighed shaking his head, “You’re such a little jerk.”

“Hey now,” said Steve, “I’ve been bigger than you now for longer than you were bigger than me.”

“Okay fine, you’re a big jerk,” Bucky grinned.

Just then, Sam shuffled into the kitchen rubbing his eyes sleepily. He sat down next to Bucky and dropped his head onto the table.

“Coffee?” Bruce asked.

“So much,” Sam mumbled, rolling his head to look at Bruce.

“Hey Caroline, want to grab Sam a mug?”Steve asked.

“Only if he stays there and doesn’t try and help me,” Caroline said winking at Bucky. 

“You ran into me,” Bucky said taking a sip of his coffee.

“Okay Buck,” she with a laugh, “Whatever helps you sleep at night.”

“I think the only thing that helps him sleep at night is…” Sam said taking his mug from Caroline.

“Stop talking,” Bucky said cutting Sam off. 

Caroline smiled at Bucky and again he felt like his chest was going burst. She knew that Sam was going to say her name. Everyone in the room knew. They were all eyeing Caroline, searching for her reaction. She ignored everyone in the room, sitting next to Bucky, and taking the coffee from Sam, pouring herself a cup. 

“Tony,” Caroline said mildly, “your bacon is burning.”

“Shit!” Tony said jumping back to his bacon. 

Bucky smiled at her gratefully. She nudged him gently with her shoulder, then sipped her coffee.

“How’s your ankle?” he asked her.

“It’s feeling a lot better actually,” Caroline said cheerfully.

“Well that’s great,” Tony beamed, placing a plate of bacon on the table, “since we’re going on a hike today.”

“I mean, what I meant to say, is that it hurts really super a lot,” Caroline spluttered quickly.

“Really super a lot huh?” Steve said said raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah…exactly,” Caroline said reaching down to rub her ankle. 

“We’re all going Caroline,” Tony said popping some bacon in his mouth, grinning at Caroline. 

Peter strode into the kitchen, Clint and Rhodey shuffling sleepily behind him. Tony grabbed more chairs placing them around the table. 

“More coffee mugs?” Tony asked winking at Caroline.

“Oh no,” Caroline said, “I’m not messing around with that anymore.”

She waved her hand, opening the cupboard and flying three mugs towards the table, landing them in front of Rhodey, Clint, and Peter. 

“Ooh coffee!” Peter said excitedly. 

“Coffee stunts your growth,” Tony said snatching up the cup from Peter’s hand. 

He poured orange juice into Peter’s mug and handed it back to him. Peter drank it, sulking. He grabbed a stack of pancakes and poured syrup all over them.

“Well, those were for everyone,” Pepper smirked.

“Can’t have coffee, can’t have fifteen pancakes, what can I have?” Peter exclaimed exasperatedly.

“You’re fine Peter,” Pepper laughed, “I am making more.”

“And it’s not like we wanted any anyway,” Sam said chuckling. 

“So what’s on the docket for today Cap?” Rhodey asked Steve.

“Oh Stark has something great planned for us,” Natasha said sarcastically as she jumped off the counter.

“That sounds ominous,” Peter said shoving pancake into his mouth. 

* * *

An hour later they were all standing at the base of a hefty looking mountain. Only Peter, Steve, and Tony looked excited. There were two trial heads forking off in two different directions.

“Well this looks miserable,” Natasha said shading her eyes as she looked up.

“Alright, two teams,” Tony said clapping his hands together, “Whichever team get’s to the top first gets a prize.”

“What’s the prize?” Peter asked.

“Don’t know yet,” Tony said beaming. 

“Okay no,” Natasha said turning to walk away. 

“Tasha c’mon,” Steve said blocking her, “it’ll be fun.”

“Fine, but I am not walking up that mountain with Tony,” Natasha said.

“What if I pick you to be on my team?” Tony asked.

Natasha crossed her arms, glaring at him.

“You know what, why don’t you be a team captain,” Tony said quickly.

“Great, I pick Caroline,” Natasha said cocking her head to the side.

“Yes! First picked! Suck it losers,” Caroline said bounding over to Natasha. 

“Alright,” Tony smirked, “I pick Barnes.”

“Wait, who made you second captain, I thought Steve was second captain,” Caroline pipped up.

“I made me second captain, because I pay for everything,” Tony smirked, “Barnes, let’s go.”

“Uh no,” Bucky grinned 

“Excuse me?” said Tony.

“Well, you told me that Caroline was my responsibility this weekend, so I’m going with Caroline,” Bucky said, standing behind Natasha.

“Yes, but that was when she had a sprained ankle and couldn't walk,” Tony said.

“I still have a sprained ankle Tony,” Caroline said loudly.

“You said it felt better Caroline,” Tony shouted back.

“Well…it does,” Caroline shrugged.

“I’m sure it does, and when you start over using it to climb up this mountain it’s going to stop feeling better real quick,” Bucky snapped.

Caroline looked up at him, trying to hold back laughter.

“What?” Bucky asked her incredulously.

“Nothing,” she said shaking her head.

“You’re laughing at me?” he asked.

“No, I mean…maybe a little. I’m going to be fine Bucky, plus Tony called you fair and square,” Caroline she said grinning from ear to ear.

“Okay fine, I didn’t want to have to carry you up this mountain anyway,” Bucky said throwing his hands up.

He stormed over to stand behind Tony, ignoring Caroline’s soft giggles. When he turned around, she was watching him, a small smile on her face. She shrugged at him slightly.

“Steve, get over here,” Natasha said nodding her head towards him.

“I’ll carry you when your ankle gives out Caroline,” Steve laughed wrapping his arm around her shoulders.

Bucky glared at Steve, who responded with a wink.

“It’s not going to give out Buck, don’t listen to him,” Caroline called.

“Not my problem if it does!” Bucky shrugged. 

“Okay you two,” said Tony throwing his hands up between them, “It’s my pick, let’s go kid,” Tony said to Peter.

“I want to go with Caroline too,” Peter said.

“No! You cannot! You are on my team! Mine!” Tony exclaimed.

“I’m just kidding Mr. Stark,” Peter said doubling over with laughter.

“Alright, alright, enough fooling around at my expense,” Tony said, “Clint, you’re with me.”

“Right on,” Clint said joining Tony, Peter, and Bucky.

“Wait a minute,” Natasha said pointing at Clint and Peter, “You just picked twice.”

“Well I do pay for everything so,” Tony grinned.

“Fine,” said Nat, “Sam and Rhodey, let’s go.”

“Wanda!” Tony called.

“Sorry Viz,” Natasha said smiling at Vision, “But I’m going to go with Bruce.”

“I don’t think I should go, I mean, if we get my heart rate up who knows…I could you know Hulk out,” Bruce said with a timid laugh.

“Yeah…none of us are buying that Banner,” Tony said shaking his head.

“It was worth a shot,” Bruce said lining up behind Natasha, as Vision took his place with Tony.

“Alright kiddos, teams are set, no cheating, no short cuts, let’s go,” Tony said heading up one path. 

“You know,” Natasha said turning to her team, “If I hadn't picked Steve, we could have just gone back inside and napped instead.”

“Yeah, I really don’t know what you were thinking,” Steve said with a laugh.

“Well…someone is going to have carry Caroline when her ankle stops working again,” Natasha said with a smirk.

“I’m fine,” Caroline sighed, “Let’s go!”

* * *

 

 Natasha’s team had been trudging uphill for over two hours. Sam, Bruce, Caroline, and Rhodey were all thoroughly out of breath, Natasha and Steve however were fine.

“This is some bullshit,” Sam grunted, stopping to take a swig of water.

“How many miles did Tony say?” Caroline asked between breaths.

“He didn’t” Rhodey said angrily.

“Well it can’t be that much farther right?” Caroline asked, her eyes scanning the trail ahead of them.

“I think it is…that much farther,” Bruce sighed.

“Steve…we’re going to lose,” Natasha said glancing at Steve.

“No we aren’t, we’ve got a great team,” Steve said cheerfully.

“Man what the hell?” Sam asked looking up at Steve, “Caroline can hardly walk and Bruce, Rhodes and I are regular ass dudes who do not hike, I can guarantee that. Sure there’s you two running up this damn mountain like it ain’t shit.”

“Meanwhile they have an enhanced child, a super soldier, Clint who is fit as hell, and two supers who can fly. The weakest member of that team is Tony actually, and I wouldn't be surprised if he makes Barnes carry him,” Rhodey said with a bitter laugh.

“Flying is cheating,” Steve grinned, “Besides, you’re both trained soldiers. I have confidence in that.”

“Here it is,” Natasha smirked, “here comes the Cap speech.”

“No speech,” Steve said shaking his head, “I just have faith in this team. We aren't any less capable than they are.”

Caroline picked up a small rock and threw it on the ground. She grabbed a larger rock and threw it a little farther. Sam glanced over at her, then up at Steve with an eyebrow raised. They all turned their attention towards her, as she began to pick up bigger rocks throwing them farther and farther. She reached next to her and grabbed a small plant, ripping it up from the ground and throwing it off the ledge. Natasha and Steve exchanged a glance.

“Great, she’s having a meltdown and Barnes is on the other side of the mountain,” Sam said in a low voice.

“I am not having a meltdown and I do not need Barnes to handle everything,” Caroline hotly, the rocks around her shook ominously around her.

“Okay, easy,” Rhodey said gently.

“Why don’t you guys go a head,” Steve said to the others, “We’ll catch up.”

“Catch up? I can barely walk, how exactly do you think I am going to be able to catch up Steve?” Caroline shot.

“Go,” Steve nodded, “We’ll be fine.”

“Great, excited to start moving again,” Bruce said sarcastically.

Steve watched as the others hiked off slowly. He waited until they were all out of sight to turn his attention back to Caroline. She was crying now, still throwing rocks off the side of the mountain.

“This is so fucking stupid,” she said tearfully, “I'm going to fling myself off of this mountain and then I won't have to climb it anymore.”

“Here’s the thing,” Steve said sitting next to her, “If you did in fact fling yourself off this mountain, you wouldn't die, you would just get really really hurt.”  


“Well I would die eventually,” Caroline said shaking her head.

“Okay but see, then my best friend would murder me…probably brutally, and then we’d both be dead,” Steve said with a laugh.

“I mean you certainly are old enough to be dead,” Caroline sniffled with a smirk.

“Low blow,” Steve said chuckling.

“I’m sorry, that was bad,” Caroline laughed.

“Yep,” Steve nodded, “ So your ankle hurts?” Steve asked.

“Well yes, obviously,” she snapped. 

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Steve asked nudging her.

“Didn’t want to bring the team down,” she shrugged.

“Caroline,” Steve sighed, “We’re a team, part of being a team means looking out for and taking care of each other.”

“I know,” she mumbled.

“Do you?” he pressed.

“I don’t know, did I?” she asked.

“You were starting to get it,” he sighed, smiling at her.

Caroline narrowed her eyes at him. She opened her mouth to ask a question, then closed it shaking her head.

“What?” Steve asked.

“We relied on each other didn’t we?” she asked, “Bucky and I.”

“You almost exclusively relied on each other. That’s why we kept you on separate teams, there was absolutely no focusing you two.”

“I feel that,” she sighed.

“No one faulted either of you for it, you both went through something incredibly traumatic together, it made sense that you trusted each other above everyone else,” Steve said gently.

“Except that now I’m barely relying on anyone,” she said flatly.

“I don’t know, you let Natasha and Tony take care of you,” Steve shrugged.

“Steve,” Caroline said looking over at him.

“Yes?” he replied.

“Will you help my get up this stupid ass mountain?” she asked.

“Of course,” he laughed. 

He squatted down in front of her and she climbed onto his back. He didn’t even break a sweat with Caroline on his back. 

“Steve,” Caroline said again.

“Yes Caroline?” Steve asked.

“Would Bucky really kill you if I flung myself off this mountain?” she asked.

“Um, yeah,” he nodded energetically, “He’s very fond of you.”

“That’s wild,” she sighed, “Why?” she asked.

“You should ask Buck,” Steve replied.

“Oh he won’t tell me anything,” said Caroline.

“I thought he was done avoiding you,” Steve said quizzically.

“Well yeah, he’s done avoiding me, but he’s still avoiding any and all conversations about our past,” she sighed.

“Ah…I see,” Steve nodded, “Well, if I had to guess, I think you were the first person to make him feel human again. I really never thought he would leave Wakanda, and then he did, directly for you.”

“I wish he would talk to me about these things,” Caroline mused.

“He will,” Steve assured her, “He’s just…”

“Closed off?” Caroline said finishing his sentence.

“Yeah,” Steve laughed, “He wasn’t always, when we were kids. He’s changed…obviously, and he’ll never be the same, but you brought out something in him that I think he hadn’t felt in a long time.”

“Thank you Steve,” Caroline said gently.

“Sure,” he said, “Can I ask you something?”

“Of course,” she replied.

“When we found you in Siberia you had been brainwashed against me, but when you woke up in Wakanda that wasn’t an issue, do you know why?” he asked.

She was silent for a few moments, contemplating his question. The truth was that she didn’t always understand all of the feelings she had towards her teammates. When she had returned to the compound she secluded herself, but it was easier for her to warm up to some of them than others.

“I don’t really know Steve,” she said truthfully, “I woke up and I just trusted you still. What’s weird is that the last thing I remembered of our relationship was that I had feelings for you, but I didn’t…feel them anymore.”

“Oh,” Steve said with a nod.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…I’m sorry,” Caroline muttered quickly.

“No, don’t be sorry,” he said, “I’m not upset at all. I knew you had feelings for me,” he said sheepishly, “I also knew that after Hydra that was not something that was going to happen for us.”

“Steve, you know I love you, like a lot. Like so much, right?” Caroline said hugging his neck.

“Of course,” Steve laughed, “And I love you Caroline. You are one of my very best friends.”

As they rounded the corner they came up on the rest of the team. Sam was lying in the middle of the trail allowing Natasha poured water on his face. Rhodey and Bruce had found rocks that they were leaning against. 

“I’m done,” Sam said to Steve, “I’m super fucking done.”

“C’mon Sam, we’re almost there,” Steve said kicking his foot softly. 

“You gonna carry me too?” Sam asked.

“Let’s go big guy,” Natasha said giving him her hand and pulling him up, “I can literally see the top. And Bucky’s arm shining in the sun.”

“Wait what the fuck? We lost and you’re still making us go to the top?” Sam asked jumping up.

“Yeah,” she nodded, “Tony is waiting.”

“And since when have you ever listened to Tony?” Sam asked.

“Team building Sam,” Natasha winked at him.

“Double agent,” Sam gasped.

“Let’s go,” she smirked.


	30. You Have to Take Off My Shirt

Tony beamed at Natasha and her team as they finally reached the top. The only other person on Tony’s team smiling, was Peter, who looked like he had hardly broken a sweat.

“You made it!” Tony said clapping his hands together, “Finally!”

Clint glanced up from the rock he was perched on and winked at Natasha, shaking his head.

“We just got here,” he smirked.

“Shut. Up. Clint,” Tony said out of the side of his mouth.

“And I carried Tony halfway up,” Vision said, “He asked Barnes, but that was a resounding ‘no’.”

“What does ‘we are not discussing this’ mean to you folks?” Tony snapped, turning to his team.

Caroline crawled off of Steve’s shoulders as Bucky walked over to them. He crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow at Caroline. 

“What did I tell you?” he asked with small smile.

“And wee managed just fine,” Steve grinned at his friend, “Just like I said we would.”

“I mean she may have had a meltdown on the mountain or whatever, but yeah, they were fine,” said Sam.

“Oh okay, who was the one laying on the floor in the middle of the trail crying as Natasha poured water all over him?” Caroline asked with an incredulous laugh.

“I was not crying,” Sam grumbled.

“Alright Mr. Stark,” Peter said excitedly, “What’s the prize?”

“S’mores,” Tony grinned, “But everyone gets one for participating.”

“Stupid as hell,” Sam said turning to start back down the hill, “Stupid as hell!” he said again loudly.

“Should we get started back down then?” Tony asked everyone.

“You’re such an idiot Tony,” Natasha said with a laugh.

“C’mon Caroline,” Bucky said turning his back to her and kneeling. 

She climbed onto his back, ignoring the swelling in her chest as she did so. They had only been apart for a few hours and yet she had missed him. 

“Tony…” Rhodey said slowly, “I really fucking hate you right now.”

He turned to follow Sam. The others gave Tony various glares and angry glances as they too turned to walk back down the trail. 

“I like s’mores Mr. Stark,” Peter said happily, giving Tony a pat on the back.

“The real prize is the friends we made along the way!” Tony shouted at everyone as he began the descent. 

* * *

It took everyone three and a half hours before they found themselves at the bottom of the hike again. By the time they had returned to Tony’s cabin, everyone was exhausted and starving. Thankfully Pepper had been preparing food for the team.

“It’s not quite ready yet,” Pepper said apologetically to the team as they all stumbled up to the house. 

“I’m going for a swim,” Sam said turning and striding to the dock. 

Everyone glanced around at each other, then slowly, they all turned and followed. Sam was the first to jump in, followed quickly by Natasha.

“Fuck it’s cold!” she said coming up from the water.

“Well it is October in New York,” Tony said sarcastically.

Bruce and Rhodey glanced at each other, then moved quickly behind Tony, throwing him into the the water. They laughed as Tony yelped and followed him in. 

“Cannonball!” Peter yelled as he ran down the dock.

Wanda and Caroline shrieked as he splashed them all with water. Clint followed him, doing a flip into the water. Vision glanced and Wanda grinning. He offered her his hand and together they jumped in. Caroline watched everyone swim in the lake, laughing and having fun. The air around her was breezy and after Natasha's exclamation on how cold it was, she knew that they last place she wanted to be was in the water.

“Okay well you all have fun,” Caroline said smiling cheerily, “I’m going to go help Pepper.”

“Oh no you don’t,” Bucky said catching her around her waist.

She froze against him, hyperaware of how close he was. His arm was firmly around her abdomen, his chest pressing against her back, she willed herself to suppress a shiver that threatened her entire body. 

“Barnes you better not,” she said warningly, turning her head to meet his eye. 

“Or what?” he asked playfully.

“Or I’ll kill you,” she shot back.

“You already tried that sweetheart,” he smirked, “It didn’t work.” 

“I don’t know why I said that,” she said, her eyes wide, “I’m such an idiot,” she rambled quickly.

“Caroline, stop, it’s okay,” he smiled, “But we’re still going in.”

Caroline wiggled against him as he lifted her and began walking towards the edge of the dock.

“Bucky no!” she giggled, kicking her legs. 

She gasped as she hit the frigid water. When she reached the surface, Bucky was next to her grinning broadly. 

“I hate you Barnes,” she said with a laugh.

“You have to admit, it feels nice,” Nat said swimming past her. 

“I don’t have to admit anything!” Caroline called after her.

Bucky laughed and swam closer to her. He brushed her wet hair out of her face, she shivered, unable to hold it back this time. 

“You alright?” he asked gently.

“I’m fine,” she laughed, “Just freezing. Come here I'm going to use you for your body heat."

She wrapped her arms around his neck and her legs around his torso, pulling herself into him. He laughed and wrapped his metal arm around her, causing her to shiver more. 

"Oh my god your arm is freezing!" Caroline gasped.

"You're the one who wanted to use me for body heat," Bucky grinned with a shrug.

"You're right," Caroline said pushing off of him, "Steve would probably be better for that, he is bigger," she smirked.

"Get back here," Bucky growled grabbing her and pulling her into him.

"So cold!" she shrieked, laughing along with Bucky.

“You are so dramatic Caroline, it is not even that cold,” Tony shivered next to them, “Wait…where is Steve?”

“Steve is standing happily on the dock because he’s not a fool,” Steve called from the dock.

“Oh no,” Caroline said shaking her head, “If I have to be in here so do you.”

“We’re a team right Steve?” Bucky shouted back.

Caroline glanced at Wanda, Wanda grinned back and winked. They raised their hands together and sent Steve flying into the lake. 

“Proud of my team!” Tony said excitedly.

“Great,” Sam said, “Does that mean we can go home now?” he asked.

“We leave after dinner,” said Tony with a nod. 

* * *

After dinner Caroline crawled into the backseat of the car she and Bucky had driven out. Bucky climbed in next to her, while Sam hopped in the front, and Steve took the driver’s seat. Tony was staying a few extra nights with Pepper and needed the car that he and Steve had driven together.

Caroline fell asleep almost immediately, she was exhausted and her ankle was throbbing. The cold water had helped with the pain, but she had used it too much and the pain had come back tenfold, just like Bucky had said.

When they finally reached the compound again, Caroline stirred, finding her head on Bucky’s legs. She looked up at him, confused.

“I did not fall asleep here,” she said slowly. 

“No,” he chuckled, “You did not, but you moved over here about thirty minutes into the drive and I was nice enough to let you stay.”

“Oh how kind,” Caroline said with a sarcastic laugh.

“Yeah, no, he was probably super okay with it actually,” Sam said groggily from the front seat. 

“Thank you for your input Sam,” Bucky said through his teeth.

“C’mon you guys,” Steve laughed, “Let’s get inside.”

Caroline opened her door and climbed out, leaning against the car for support. She hesitated, Bucky was beside her almost immediately.

“I’m not going to tell you that I told you this would happen,” Bucky said scooping her up in his arms.

“But you definitely told me this would happen,” she said wincing. 

Bucky nodded slightly, but he didn’t press it any further. He wasn't particularly happy about the fact that she was in pain. He carried her up to her room and set her down in her bathroom, knowing that she probably wanted a shower more than anything. 

“Thanks Buck,” Caroline said with a sleepy smile. 

“Of course Caroline,” he replied tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. 

He turned and left her alone in her room. She sighed and shook her head starting the shower. She wondered if she had always been this confused by him or if it had started only after she had lost her memories. 

The shower had never felt so good. Since being thrown into the lake she hadn't truly had a chance to warm up. She turned the faucet to the hottest setting and let the water rush over her. Her shower was forty-five minutes at least, but she needed it. 

She climbed out of the shower and wrapped her hair in a towel. She searched her drawers for something comfortable to wear. Finally, she found a pair of black stretch shorts and after absolutely no digging at all, yet another one of Bucky’s shirts. This one was a dark blue. She was on her bed, braiding her hair in two, when there was a knock at her door.

She flicked her wrist and the door opened, revealing Bucky standing behind it. His wet hair was pulled up into a knot and he was wearing a black sleeveless shirt and black sweatpants.

“Hi Buck,” she said with a smile.

“Hi,” he said walking through the door frame, “How many of my shirts do you actually have in here?” he asked sitting at the edge of her bed.

“I was going to ask you,” she laughed. 

Caroline stood and walked to her closet, opening it and pulling out one of Bucky’s jackets.

“I also have this,” she said turning to face him.

He was watching her wide eyed. She furrowed her eyebrows him in confusion, then took his jacket off the hanger and held it in her hands.

“You okay Barnes?” she asked, “You can have it back,” she said tossing it to him, “Your shirts too if you want.”

“No that’s not,” he said rapidly, wringing his hoodie, “You just look…you know what never mind. Thanks for this, you should keep the shirts.”

His face was pink as he stood, walking to the door. She watched him carefully, he was acting awkward and uncomfortable.

“I just came to make sure you were okay,” he said with a tight smile, “Goodnight Caroline.”

He accidentally slammed the door a little too hard, he hoped she hadn't noticed, though he knew she probably had. The truth was that she had caught him off guard wearing his oversized shirt with nothing but a pair tiny shorts underneath. He couldn’t recall a time when he had seen that much of her legs, and it had taken everything in him to not walk over to her and kiss her right there. He had to leave because he didn’t want to embarrass himself, but more importantly he didn’t want to embarrass her, she had done nothing wrong. 

Caroline stood where Bucky had left her. She was confused, but not surprised. He said he was done avoiding her, and yet he so often turned on a dime that she had become used to it. She crawled into her bed, allowing it to hug her tired and aching body. She wished that Bucky was there with her, knowing that she probably wasn’t going to get much sleep without him.

* * *

 

Bucky did not sleep. He tried, many times he tried, but twenty minutes here and there was all he got. When his phone buzzed at two o’clock in the morning he was relived to have a distraction. He was less relieved to see that it was from Caroline. More than anything he wanted to be with her, in her room, even if was on the floor next to her bed. But he couldn’t stop thinking about how good she had looked and about all of the other things besides sleeping that he wanted to do with her.

 

C: Are you awake?

 

He hesitated, staring at his phone. He knew that Caroline probably already knew the answer to this question and that if he didn't answer and pretended to be asleep she would know that too. He also knew that she would think he was mad at her or assume that there was something wrong, making sleep for her even less likely than it already obviously was. 

 

B: I am. Everything ok?

 

He waited as she typed, knowing that of course everything was not ‘ok’ or she wouldn't have texted him in the first place. 

 

C: Peachy. That’s why I’m up texting you at 2AM. Because everything is just peachy.

 

He chuckled as he read her text in her voice. 

 

B: Glad to hear it, have a good night.

 

The dots on the screen flashed, indicating that she was typing. Then they stopped. He watched amusedly as they started and stopped a few more times. Finally his phone buzzed again and he sighed as he read it.

 

C: You’re so annoying and also the worst, but I’m exhausted and can’t sleep. So…

 

He held his phone in his hands, rereading the text over and over, unsure of how to respond. Of course he wanted to jump out of his bed and race to her as quickly as he could, so that she could sleep, but so that he could sleep as well. If he slept on floor he thought he could manage being in the same room as her easier. On the other hand if she opened the door looking like she had at the beginning of the night he wasn't so sure.

 

B: You have to take off my shirt.

C: I’m sorry…what?

 

“Shit,” he said to himself as he reread his text.

 

B: No…that’s not what I meant…I’m sorry, I’m on my way…

C: I assume you’ll explain?

He held his phone in a fist as he walked towards her room. His heart was racing and he felt the panic rising up inside of him, but he tried to ignore it. Now was not the time for a panic attack. When he reached her door he raised a shaky hand and knocked gently. She opened it immediately with a sly smile, still wearing his shirt, but now wearing a pair of black stretchy pants. He released the breath he hadn’t realized he was holding.

“So…care to explain that super awkward text?” she asked, keeping herself in the doorframe.

“Yeah…I do,” he nodded, “But I’m not sure how to.”

“Well…I changed,” she said slowly, “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable before, I didn't realize how revealing those shorts were.”

“No,” Bucky sighed dropping his head, “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable, I was just surprised, that’s all. I guess I thought if I asked you to change out of my shirt you would change everything…oh boy…this is still not going the way I want it to go,” he rambled awkwardly.

“I get it Buck,” she said smiling gently, “Steve is weird about that kind of stuff too. I mean he still loses it every time Nat shows up to training wearing just her sports bra. You’re from a different time, it must be an adjustment.”

Bucky stared at her baffled. He wondered if she actually believed everything she had just said or if she was giving him an easy out. Either way, he appreciated it. 

“A different time,” he nodded, “Yep.”

“Okay so we’re good?” she asked.

“Yeah,” he sighed, “We’re good.”

“Good,” she nodded, “Because I like you…I mean I like having you, here…around me…I mean around, and stuff. Okay do you come in now before I keep talking?” she sputtered awkwardly.

Bucky smiled as her cheeks turned pink. He was glad to see he wasn't the only one completely flustered by their situation. 

“Yeah, I’ll come in now,” he said, and followed her into her room, “But I think that tonight I should sleep on the floor.”

“Good call,” she laughed as he lay down on the floor beside her bed.

She dropped him a pillow and he took it gratefully. He placed his hand up on the bed and her head found it’s way into it. When he woke up the next morning she was on the floor next to him in a pile of blankets, her head resting on his chest. He smiled to himself and wondered if she remembered that this was not the first time they had done this. 


	31. Iridescent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I know I just updated last night, but I have a plot line that's itching to get out, so updates might be more frequent. Thank you for continuing on with me! I hope you're enjoying reading this as much as I am writing it. :)

_She knew it was it a dream. Caroline hadn't seen her sister in over two years. Yet here she was, standing directly in front of her, looking as beautiful and charming as Caroline remembered. She was taller than Caroline, and she had kept her hair in a pixie cut since they were kids. Her hair was always changing color, now it was purple, the same color it was the last time Caroline had seen her._

_“Avery?” Caroline asked in a shaky voice._

_Her sister smiled at her. Caroline thought she had looked relieved._

_“Hi Cara,” she said, tears welling up in her eyes._

_Caroline’s head shook automatically, no one had called her that in years. She had almost forgotten how it sounded on her sister’s tongue._

_“Avery what is it?” she said reaching out to her._

_Her hand went right through her sister’s arm. A dream, she had to remind herself, it was nothing more than a dream._

_“Remember when we were kids and I promised I would always protect you?” she asked gently._

_“Of course I do,” Caroline nodded._

_“I need you to return the favor little sis,” she smiled, “I need you Cara.”_

_For the first time Caroline glanced around at their surroundings, but she couldn’t make out where they were. Everything was fuzzy and dull._

_“Where are we Avery?” Caroline asked, “Where are you?”_

_“We’re in your dream Caroline, I don’t know where I am,” she said, “I wish I could hug you.”_

_“Are you home? Should I go home?” Caroline asked._

_“No!” Avery exclaimed, “Do not go home. Don’t go to the house.”_

_“Avery I’m so confused,” Caroline said shaking her head._

_“I know, I’m sorry. I just…I need you to find me Cara,” she pleaded, “I just need you to find me…please.”_

_“Of course,” Caroline nodded, “Of course, I’ll find you Avery.”_

_She reached again towards her sister, knowing that she would still be unable to touch her. But Avery vanished before her eyes, and Caroline woke with a start._

* * *

Caroline shot up in bed, breathing heavily. Bucky was on her floor sleeping soundly until he heard her panting on the bed above him.

“Hey, are you okay?” he asked hopping up on the bed.

He cupped her face in his hands as she nodded. He pushed some of her hair off her forehead, smiling reassuringly.

“I’m fine,” she nodded, “I just had a really strange dream.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked.

“No,” she said slowly, “Not really.”

“Okay,” he nodded.

“Go back to sleep Buck,” she said softly, “Sleep in my bed, not the floor. I’m going to grab a glass of water.”

“I can get it,” he said moving to stand.

She caught his arm gently.

“No it’s okay, really,” she smiled, “I’m okay. Just go to back to sleep, I won’t be gone long.”

“Okay,” he his head on one of her pillows.

She gave his hand a gentle squeeze and then climbed out of bed, closing the door quietly behind her as she left the room. When she reached the hallway she turned in the opposite direction of the kitchen and made her way down to Tony’s lab. 

As she descended the stairs she saw that his light was still on, exactly what she had been hoping for. He was drilling something, as she entered. She walked behind him, placing a hand on his shoulder, causing him to jump.

“Shit Caroline!” he said clutching his chest, “If I had heart it would have exploded right now.”

“Why are you the most dramatic human being in the whole entire world?” she asked with a laugh. 

“I like attention,” he said placing down his drill, “Why are you awake at three in the morning, sneaking into my lab?”

“I need a favor,” she said.

“At three in the morning?” he asked.

“I had a weird dream,” she said with a small laugh.

“Okay nothing out of the norm,” Tony nodded, “I’m honored, you came to me instead of Barnes,” he grinned.

“Tony,” Caroline groaned, smiling in spite of herself.

“Alright, alright, I’m here, I’m focused, what’s up,” he said.

“I just need you to check in on my family,” she said glancing down at her hands, “I would do it, but the last time I tried contacting them my dad…well…it didn’t go so well, you remember.”

“I do, he has strong opinions about super people,” Tony nodded, “Sure Caroline, I’ll look into it.” 

“And my sister, she's a bit of a wild card, I have a feeling she's not with my parents, maybe you could locate her for me?” Caroline asked.

“If there’s anything I’m good at, it’s finding people,” Tony grinned. 

“Thank you Tony,” Caroline said, a wave of relief washing over her.

“Anything for my second favorite child,” said Tony with a wink.

“I’m prettier and funnier than Peter,” Caroline said crossing her arms.

“Funnier? Maybe. Prettier? Not a chance,” Tony said with a shake of his head, “Now go back to bed Caroline. Barnes is probably losing his shit waiting for you.”

“Jerk,” Caroline laughed, “He’s fine, he’s probably fallen asleep again at this point.”

“You want to put money on that?” Tony asked, an eyebrow raised.

“No,” she said curtly, “I really don’t.” 

He chuckled as she turned and left his lab. When she reached her room again Bucky was, of course, still awake. He was looking at his phone, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. 

“I’m sorry that took so long Buck, I thought you’d go back to sleep,” she said watching him from the doorway.

“C’mere,” he mumbled patting the bed next to him.

She walked over to her bed and climbed in. He moved in close to her and put his phone in her face.

“Bucky what the fuck?” she asked shielding her eyes from the bright light.

“Oops, sorry,” he said moving his phone, “I wanted to show you something, but I don’t know how to make it less bright.”

“Give me your phone old man,” Caroline said taking his phone from him.

He watched as she turned the brightness of his screen down, then handed it back to him. She moved closer, placing her head on his chest.

“Thank you,” he said opening up his text messages, “So Peter sent me this…but I don’t get it.”

“It’s an emoji Bucky, Peter speaks almost exclusively in memes and emojis,” she said with a laugh. 

“It’s really like you’re speaking another language,”Bucky sighed looking at the tiny cartoon pictures on his phone.

“Well look, it’s a pumpkin and a little guy in a party hat and a question mark,” Caroline explained, “He wants to know what you’re dressing up as for the Halloween party.”

“How do I tell him I’m not doing that in tiny little cartoon men speak?” Bucky asked,

“Oh man you are so old,” Caroline laughed, “Give me this.” 

She took his phone and pulled up the emoji keyboard and began scrolling through them.

“How did you do that?” Bucky asked.

“Shh,” she snapped, pressing buttons.

“I’m not wearing an old man costume…don’t put that,” Bucky said watching her, “Wait a minute…” he said snatching the phone from her hand.

“I already sent it,” Caroline giggled.

“You sent an old man, a red x, and a…what is that?” he asked pulling his phone closer to his face.

“It’s a fried shrimp,” she said.

“What does that even mean?” Bucky asked incredulously.

“It doesn't mean anything, it’s just funny,” Caroline laughed. 

Bucky grumbled and put his phone down on her nightstand. He tilted his head, pressing it to hers.

“You didn’t have to apologize,” he said softly, “I’m always here for you if you need it, but you’re allowed to not want to talk to me about things.”

“Thank you Buck,” she said nuzzling into him.

“Of course,” he replied, “Okay now Peter just sent back a bunch of question marks,” Bucky said looking at his phone.

“It’s three in the morning,” she said snatching Bucky’s phone from him, “He should not be texting you back about anything.” 

* * *

 

The next morning Caroline was on the sofa in the sitting room. Natasha was lying with her head in Caroline’s lap and her legs dangling over the arm rest of the couch, Sam was on the floor in front of them, his back against the sofa.

“We need to figure this out,” Natasha said dryly, “The party is tonight.”

“I know,” Caroline nodded, “It’s just so hard, any ideas Sam?”

“Oh I already know what I’m doing,” Sam said scrolling through his phone.

“Tell us,” said Natasha.

“No, it’s a surprise,” Sam said shaking his head. 

“He’s probably just saying that because he doesn't actually know what he’s going to do,” Caroline smirked.

“Oh I know!” Sam exclaimed.

“Sure,” Caroline nodded skeptically.

“Just slap some cat ears on and call it a day,” Sam shrugged, ignoring Caroline.

“Halloween is hard,” Caroline said dropping her head back onto the couch.

Bucky walked past them into the kitchen. A small smile crossed Sam’s face, but no one noticed.

“What are you dressing up as Barnes?” Natasha asked as he rummaged through the refrigerator.

“Nothing,” Bucky called back, “I’m not going. I don’t like parties remember?”

“He’s going,” Caroline said.

“No…I’m not,” Bucky said pulling his head from the refrigerator, “And don’t even try, you’ve done this before. You might not remember it, but I sure do, and I am now immune to your tricks.”

Natasha sat up, allowing Caroline to kneel up on the sofa turning to face Bucky. Her wide eyes met his and he shook his head firmly.

“No,” he said, “Nope. Whatever you have to say isn’t going to work with me. You can’t tell me you don’t want to go alone because you have Nat and Sam. Don’t even try the whole ‘everything is more fun with you’ because I’ve already heard it. And I don’t want to hear, ‘I’m not going without you’, because you will and you’ll have a great time.”

“Bucky,” she said softly, “Please?”

Bucky groaned rolling his head back.

“Fine,” he snapped, “But I’m not dressing up.”

“That’s okay!” Caroline said cheerfully.

“Stupid brown eyes,” Bucky mumbled as he went back to looking for food.

Caroline turned back around and dropped down next to Natasha. Natasha retook her place with her head on Caroline’s lap, looking up at Caroline with a smirk.

“You know you used to have to try a little harder,” Sam said with a laugh. 

“Hey,” Bucky called from behind them, “There’s nothing to eat.”

“Okay and?” Sam asked turning to face him.

“Well if you guys were hungry, there isn’t anything here,” he replied.

Sam raised an eyebrow at him.

“Buck,” Caroline said slowly, “Do you want to go get something?” she asked.

“Only if you guys want to,” he shrugged, “I was just saying that there isn’t anything here…to eat.”

“Man you are so weird,” Sam said standing and striding over to him, “So where are we going?” he asked.

“I want pizza,” Caroline said. 

 

The four of them sat outside at the pizza place where Bucky had once brought Caroline. She glanced around her, taking in her surroundings. 

“I’ve been here before,” Caroline said slowly.

“Yep,” he nodded, “Remember when you asked if we had eaten pizza in the city? This was the place.”

Sam looked between the two of them, a giant bite of pizza in his mouth. Natasha kicked back, sipping her water.

“Are you trying to jog her memory Barnes?” Natasha asked.

“No,” Bucky said shaking his head, “She really liked the pizza here.”

“That waitress…the one who keeps staring at us…she looks familiar,” Caroline said glancing over at a cute waitress with short blonde hair.

“Yes,” Bucky nodded, “She was our waitress last time. You uh…you tried to set me up with her.”

Sam snorted, spitting out a chunk of his pizza. Natasha raised her eyebrows at him, a smirk growing on her face.

“This is interesting,” Natasha said watching Caroline carefully.

“Um…wh-why did I do that?” Caroline asked, trying to keep her voice sounding casual.

“I don’t know Caroline, I don’t pretend to understand why you do the things you do,” he said, “But she wrote her number on our receipt.”

“Do you still have it? She’s cute,” Caroline said with small smile.

“Girl what?” Sam asked incredulously.

“No,” Bucky said ignoring Sam, “I ripped it up and threw it away.”

“Well I’m sure she’d be happy to give it to you again,” Caroline shrugged, “She can’t stop looking at you.” 

“I hadn't noticed,” he sighed.

Caroline watched as the waitress dipped back inside the restaurant. She stood, placing her napkin on the table.

“What are you doing?” Buck asked.

“I have to use the restroom Buck…calm down,” she said with a smile.

“Man what the hell were you thinking bringing her back here?” Sam asked turning to Bucky.

“I don’t know,” Bucky said shaking his head.

“She’s deflecting Buck, you know that right?” Natasha said leaning forward, “She’s scared and confused, so she’s trying to set you up with the pretty waitress so that she won’t have to deal with any of that. It’s probably what happened last time too.”

“You guys, it’s not that big of deal. I just wanted to get a feel for where her head was at,” he said quickly.

“Next time Barnes, talk to me before making a stupid, unthought out plan,” Sam said patting Bucky on the shoulder.

“Thanks Sam, I will be sure to definitely do that,” Bucky smiled sarcastically.

 

Caroline scanned the restaurant for the waitress, but could not find any trace of her. She sighed and made her way to the restroom. She opened the door, finding the waitress at the sink, wiping her eyes with a paper towel.

“Oh my gosh I’m so sorry,” the waitress said quickly.

“No, no I’m sorry!” Caroline replied, “I didn’t mean, are you okay?”

“I’m fine, this is so embarrassing,” she said with a small laugh.

“I’m Caroline,” Caroline said gently.

“I know who you are,” the girl replied, “The papers don’t call you Caroline though, they call you Iridescent.”

“Oh…I didn’t even know I had a special name,” Caroline said.

“You didn’t?” the girl asked, “Mr. Stark called you that in an interview and they’ve been using it ever since. I’m sorry, this is so embarrassing, I’m not obsessed with you all or anything, but I do keep up on whatever Avengers updates are out there,” she rambled quickly.

“You’re fine, it’s okay. Tony sometimes neglects to tell us things,” Caroline said with a reassuring smile, “What is your name?” she asked.

“Kate,” the girl said, “I’m Kate. Look I didn't know who he was or who you were when I gave him my number. I just thought you were on a date that wasn’t going well or something.”

“Wait…what?” Caroline asked, “What made you think that?”

“Well, he was just looking at you, like you were the only person around, but you didn’t seem to feel the same, so I just thought,” she sputtered, “I mean I shouldn't have done it, but it was before Stark had announced you two as part of the team and I didn’t recognize him as Captain America’s best friend, although I probably should have.”

Caroline froze trying to process all of the information she had been given, it was a lot to take in. 

“Can I ask you something?” Caroline asked.

“Of course,” Kate nodded vigorously. 

“Why are you so worried about me being upset that you gave him you number?” Caroline asked.

“Well because you’re dating…or you were? I don’t know, the news sites are often pretty contradictory,” Kate said looking at her confused. 

“Oh boy,” Caroline sighed, “No, we’re just friends, he’s my best friend, but no,” she said with a laugh. 

“Well…you might want to tell him that,” Kate smiled, “The way he looks at you hasn't changed one bit.”

“Thank you Kate, this has all been very enlightening,” Caroline said, “I’m very sorry that I embarrassed you.”

“Oh my gosh no! I’m sorry if I embarrassed you!” Kate said quickly. 

“Don’t be silly,” Caroline laughed, “You were very helpful.”

“Well, breaks over!” Kate said walking past Caroline.

Caroline sighed and followed her out of the restroom. She returned to the table and sat down taking a bite of pizza, ignoring the stares she was receiving from Bucky, Nat, and Sam. 

“Did you know that I have a superhero name?” Caroline asked them.

“Yes,” Sam nodded, “But I read whatever is out there on all of us.”

“What is it?” Natasha asked.

“Iridescent, does Tony just name us all without any of our input?” she asked.

“Sometimes he asks,” Sam shrugged.

“Man I hate not being told things,” she said pointedly, turning her attention towards Bucky. 

“Did you talk to that waitress?” Bucky asked gruffly.

“Yes,” she nodded curtly, “It was very enlightening.”

“Was it?” Bucky asked searching her face. 

“Yes,” she said, “It was. Sorry Buck, I tried but she’s got a boyfriend now,” Caroline said watching him closely. 

“I don’t care,” he said, “I told you I didn’t care.”

“I’ll just bet you don’t,” Caroline said slowly. 

“Can we go now?” Sam asked, “I’m full and this is getting weird.”

“Yeah,” Caroline said standing, “Besides, we have a Halloween party to get ready for.”


	32. Memory or Dream?

When they returned back from the city Caroline stormed upstairs, ignoring Bucky as he tried to follow. He got the hint when she slammed the door in his face. 

“Caroline,” he said pressing his forehead against her door, “I don’t know what that waitress said to you, but if you just talk to me maybe I can clear things up.”

She opened the door a crack, revealing just her face. She sighed heavily, glaring up at him.

“Look Barnes, she said a lot of things and I’m just trying to work them out in my head without anyone else’s influence,” she snapped. 

“Okay,” he nodded, “Fine…I understand.”

“I will see you tonight,” she said closing the door. 

She turned and walked over to her bed, crashing backwards onto it. She knew she needed to talk to him. The things that the waitress had said were swimming around in her head, mixing with memories, or dreams, she couldn't tell what was real and what wasn’t

There was a knock on her door and before she could tell Barnes to go away, Natasha strode in wearing a tight red dress and devil horns. 

“Get up,” she said, throwing a package next to Caroline.

Caroline picked up the plastic wrapped mass and looked at it confused. It was a pair of angel wings and a halo headband.

“No, I’m not wearing this,” Caroline said flatly.

Natasha was in her closet, rummaging through her clothes. She gasped an “aha!” and came stumbling out, holding up a white shimmery dress. Caroline tilted her head, she hadn't even realized that she owned something like that, except that it looked familiar.

“I’ve worn that before,” she said slowly.

“Yes, you did, and you looked fabulous in it,” Natasha grinned, “And you’ll look fabulous in it tonight. Now get dressed.”

Caroline looked at her skeptically, the wings still in her hands. Natasha threw the dress at her and placed her hands on her hips.

“I’m not afraid to put it in on for you Caroline, I’m sure you’re aware of that by now,” Natasha said raising an eyebrow. 

“Fine,” Caroline sighed angrily.

She got dressed, trying and failing to put all of the Bucky stuff out of her mind. Wanda came in, to curl Caroline’s hair, while Natasha stood at the mirror touching up her make up. She offered to do Caroline’s but Caroline politely declined, wanting something more understated. The whole time she laughed and joked with Nat and Wanda, pretending like her heart wasn’t about to explode. 

By the time they finally made it downstairs the party was already in full swing. Wanda, who was dressed as a cat, made her way over to Vision, who had phased into his human form for the evening. Caroline and Natasha followed behind her.

“What are you supposed to be Vis?” Caroline asked.

“I’m a human,” he said triumphantly, “I thought it would be…amusing,” he added.

“Oh it is,” Natasha nodded with a smirk. 

“Hello my favorite people,” Tony said striding over to them dressed in an elaborate Batman costume, “Tonight…I am Batman.”

“So you’re you,” Caroline grinned. 

“No…I’m Batman,” Tony said with an irritated chuckle.

“You’re a rich guy with fancy gadgets in a super suit,” Caroline said, “You literally dressed up as yourself.”

“Okay well I don’t have a butler…and Batman does,” Tony snapped, “So it’s different. I’m Batman.”

“You sure are,” Caroline laughed.

Caroline scanned the room as Tony scowled at her. It was packed with people in cheesy costumes, clever costumes, and some of the most elaborate costumes she had ever seen. She spotted Pepper in a Wonder Woman costume talking to Maria who was dressed as Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz. Clint was dressed as Robin Hood, which surprised absolutely no one. 

“He’s not down here yet,” came a voice from behind her.

Caroline jumped and spun around to see Steve wearing his old Captain America costume from the forties.

“First of all, did you really just dress up as WWII Captain America and expect to not get shit for it?” Caroline asked, “And second, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Oh I expect I’ll get shit for this,” Steve grinning, “And second of all, yes, you do,” he winked.

“Steven Grant Rogers!” Tony exclaimed, “This is a costume party, what exactly do you think you’re doing?”

“Look,” Steve said holding up a bag of ice, “I’m me…but on ice…Get it? Capsicle? You made that one up.”

“Oh Steve,” Natasha groaned, “That’s bad.”

“It’s so bad Rogers,” Tony smirked, “But we can’t all have a great sense of humor.” 

“What are we laughing at?” Bucky asked coming up behind them, “Steve why are you holding a bag of ice?”

Caroline turned to face him. He was wearing a dark blue button up shirt and a black tie, tucked into a pair of black slats. His hair was pulled back in a knot and he was wearing a pair of thick rimmed glasses. Tony sighed throwing his head back.

“I said Superman, Barnes,” he said exasperatedly. 

“I am!” Bucky replied looking at Tony shocked.

“No…you are not…you’re Clark Kent,” Tony said shaking his head.

“Well where did you expect me to find a Superman at the last minute?” Bucky asked crossing his arms.

“Gee I don't know,” Tony shrugged, “On the mannequin I left in your room?” 

“Oh yeah,” Bucky nodded, “I was not about to put that on,” he grinned.

“You people are the worst,” Tony muttered wandering off, “Ungrateful, all of you!” he said with a wave of his hand.

Bucky look down at Caroline, she smiled, but he did not return the gesture. His eyes widened as he took in her costume, then he turned to Natasha.

“Really?” he asked her.

“What? We needed a last minute costume and she looked killer in this dress the last time she wore it,” Natasha shrugged with a small smirk.

“What’s wrong?” Caroline asked.

“Nothing…you look great,” Bucky said curtly.

Caroline looked over at Natasha for a better answer, but Natasha shook her head, telling her not to press it. 

“We’re missing someone,” Bucky said looking around the room.

“Oh he’s here,” came Sam’s voice.

They all turned to look at him. Everyone stared at him, wide eyed. Steve dropped his bag of ice. Vision, who was almost never surprised by anything spit out his drink. Wanda’s hand raised to her mouth, a small laugh escaped her lips. 

“What. The. Fuck,” Bucky said in a deadly calm voice.

Sam was standing in front of them dressed exactly like Bucky’s Winter Solider, wig and all. His left arm was wrapped in foil and someone had drawn a red star in sharpie. It was very clear very quickly that that someone was Peter Parker, who stood behind Sam snickering. Peter was dressed as a very unconvincing Thor.

“Isn’t it great?” he asked, “Peter found me the wig,” Sam said tossing his head back and forth.

Bucky lunged towards him and Sam yelped running around the group to stand behind Caroline.

“I’m going to kill you for real this time,” Bucky seethed.

“Okay but you know what they say,” Sam said timidly, “Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. I honestly thought you would enjoy this!”

“You’re dead Bird Brain,” Bucky said lunging again. 

Sam darted off into the party. Caroline put her hand out, placing it on Bucky’s stomach. He glanced down at her, fuming.

“Calm down Buck,” she said trying to hold back a smile.

“I’m sorry Barnes but that was the funniest thing I have ever seen,” Natasha said with a laugh.

Bucky turned as Steve snickered, glaring at both of them. Caroline shot them both a warning glance.

“What?” Steve asked incredulously, “It was good.”

“I hate all of you,” Bucky said with a tight smile, striding off to the bar. 

“Are you going to follow him or?” Steve asked Caroline raising an eyebrow at her. 

Caroline glanced up at him, then around at the others. They were all watching her closely, waiting for her reaction. 

“I guess,” Caroline sighed turning to follow him. 

Bucky glanced at Caroline as she took the seat next to him. He sighed softly, but he didn’t get up an leave her. She asked the bartender for a drink, then turned to smile at Bucky. 

“What do you want Caroline?” he asked.

“Hoo boy was that waitress way off base,” Caroline laughed, “Did you know that there are reports that we’re dating, or that we were dating?”

Bucky choked into his drink, spiting out what was in his mouth. He looked over at her as she giggled. Caroline stopped laughing and set her drink down in front of her.

“Isn’t that insane?” she asked staring him down. 

They watched each other for a moment, neither saying a word. Finally Bucky sighed an picked up his drink again, taking another sip.

“Insane,” he said with a short nod.

“Right,” she nodded, “So…do you…want to dance?” she asked.

“No, I don’t. You know I don’t,” he said. 

“I didn’t know that actually, which is why I asked,” she said sarcastically. 

“Right,” Bucky said with a nod, “Well I don’t want to dance.”

“Fine,” Caroline said standing and picking up her drink, “I will go find someone who does want to dance.”

“Caroline wait,” Bucky said catching her by the wrist. 

“What, Bucky?” she said in a low voice.

He looked up at her pleadingly, unable to find the words to make her stay. He sighed, loosening his grip on her wrist.

“Never mind,” he sighed. 

She pulled her wrist from his hand and nodded slowly, then turned and walked off. He watched her go, his heart sinking into his stomach. 

Caroline stormed over to the other end of the bar and took a seat, still nursing her drink. She saw Bucky get up out of the corner of her eye, but didn’t she follow to see where he went. It barely registered that someone had sat down beside her. 

“Hi,” came a voice from next to her. 

She glanced over at the young man sitting next to her. He had light curls and light brown eyes. He was attractive in all of the ways that a young man could be attractive, and Caroline returned his kind smile.

“Hello,” Caroline replied. 

“Caroline right?” he asked.

“Uh, yes,” she nodded, “Have we met before?”

“Oh, no, we haven’t,” he said with a laugh, “I used to work for Shield, now I work with Fury and Hill. It’s sort of our job to know who you all are. I realize now that that might have been a little weird.”

“You’re fine,” Caroline said grinning.

“I’m Nick,” he said offering him her hand.

She took it and shook it happily.

“So,” he said, “It looks like you’ve finished your drink, can I get you another?” he asked.

“Um, yeah, sure,” Caroline nodded, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. 

Caroline didn’t know how long she had been talking to Nick, she had lost track of time after her second drink. Eventually they ended up on the dance floor and even though she was having a great time, she couldn't help but continue to scan the room for Bucky every few minutes. 

The song changed from fast and upbeat to a slow song. She shook her head softly, the song felt familiar and important. She pushed that out of her mind, looking up at Nick. They gave each other an awkward laugh and he offered her his hand. 

“Caroline.”

Caroline jumped and spun around to find Bucky standing behind her. He gave her a half-hearted smile and a small shrug.

“Are you here to dance?” Caroline asked placing her hands on her hips.

“Uh no…I just,” he started.

“Well, what do you want then? Because I was about to dance with Nick here?” she said throwing her thumb over her shoulder.

“Caroline he left,” Bucky said, “I think I intimidate people.”

“God damnit Bucky!” Caroline snapped storming off the dance floor.

He followed her to the bar and helped her onto a stool. She glared at him as he held her arm in his hand.

“Let go of me,” she said.

“Caroline you’re drunk,” he said.

“No, I’m not, I’m tipsy at most,” she sighed, “Can I get a shot of literally anything,” she said to the bartender.

“Caroline this is a bad idea,” Bucky said slowly.

“Bucky, I need you to leave me alone now,” Caroline said angrily. 

He growled and stood, leaving her alone at the bar. She watched him leave the party completely and dropped her head in her hands. Her head felt like it was going to split in half. Since Natasha had pulled out her white dress, flashes of what she thought might be memories had been playing in her mind all night. 

She slammed the shot back. Something flashed in her head, a memory maybe.

 

_She was wearing her white shimmery dress._

_“They’re playing our song,” she said to Barnes._

_He stared at her wide eyed, but danced with her anyway, holding her close to him._

 

She took another shot and she received another flash.

 

_“We are not done,” she said grabbing Bucky by the arm kissing him hard on the lips._

 

Another shot, another flash.

 

_She stood in front of Bucky, a cold gun in her hand, with every intention of killing him. He was her mission. Until he said;_

_“Caroline I am so in love with you.”_

 

“What the fuck,” she said holding her head in her hands.

She slid off her barstool and strode over to where Steve was talking with Sam. They looked down at her as she approached. 

“Where did Barnes go?” she asked Steve angrily.

“Maybe you two should just…take a break,” Steve said cautiously

“From what exactly?” Caroline snapped.

“Each other?” Sam asked, “You seemed to having a good time with Nick, he’s a good kid, I’ve met him a few times. I’m sure he still wants that dance.”

“I know everything,” Caroline said.

“What everything?” Sam said glancing at Steve.

“I know that Barnes and I were more than friends, I know that he loved me,” she snapped.

“Last time I saw him he was headed outside to get some air,” Sam said quickly.

“Check out front on the lawn,” Steve added.

“Thank you,” Caroline said. 

She walked past them and made her way outside. She found him exactly where Steve had said. He was sitting in the grass, looking up at the night sky. Caroline hesitated for a moment, anger subsiding. Then she remembered her flashbacks, and it returned in an instant. 

“Barnes!” she yelled sharply.

“Oh Caroline, you found me, great,” he sighed not bothering to turn and face her.

“I need you to clear some things up for me,” she shot.

“You’re drunk,” he said curtly.

“I’m not drunk,” she said.

“We can do this another time,” he said.

“No, I’m done wondering, I’m done trying decode every word you say to me or every look you give me. I’m sick of these flashes in my head that could be memories, but that could just as easily be dreams. I’m over it Barnes,” she said fiercely, “I’ve been through too much, we’ve been through too much. You owe me this.”

He sighed and dropped his head down, then slowly stood and turned to face her. He watched her for a brief second, then nodded.

“Okay, let’s do this,” he said.

“We danced together, memory or dream?” she asked.

“Memory,” he replied.

She took a small step towards him, taking in a deep breath.

“I kissed you,” she said softly, “Memory or dream?”

“Memory,” he replied with a small smile.

“You told me you loved me,” she whispered, “Memory or dream?”

“While you held a gun to me, yes, I did,” he nodded, “That was a memory.”

“We were in love,” she asked in a shaky voice. 

“Well, you were undecided, but yes I was in love with you,” he drawled.

“What do you mean I was undecided, I kissed you,” Caroline said shaking her head.

“You did, right after you begged me not tell you that I loved you. Then you told me that you didn't know what it meant,” he said.

“I told you I’d go on a date with you, was that a memory or dream?” Caroline snapped, “Because I feel like if I agreed to that then maybe we can surmise that I did actually have feelings for you.

“I get it Caroline, I messed up,” Bucky sighed pushing his hair back.

“You said you would make it right for us, you promised to fix it,” she said, tears welling up in her eyes, “I remember that too.”

“Well I couldn’t. I didn’t know how,” he said sharply

“Why the fuck didn’t you tell me Barnes?” she shot, shoving him. 

“What exactly did you want me to say Caroline? You thought that I was going to kill you the first time you saw me after waking up, what exactly could I say?” he asked.

“You should have told me instead of ignoring me, instead of being awful to me, you should have told me,” she cried.

“Well here it is now Caroline, you figured it out, I was in love with you,” he said bitterly.

“You keep saying ‘was’. What does that mean? Are you still in love with me?” Caroline asked.

“Caroline,” Bucky sighed, “How do you want me to answer this? Do I say ‘yes’ and risk losing you? Losing us, whatever it is that we have? Or do I say ‘no’ and give you a shot at normalcy? I mean you seemed like you were having a pretty good time with that guy in there.”

“You’re such an idiot Barnes,” Caroline said furiously, “I haven't had a shot at normalcy since Hydra. And that guy in there was a distraction from you!”

“I don’t know what to say,” he said.

“Just…tell me the truth,” she pleaded, “Are you still in love with me or is that over? Is it done?”

“And what if I say yes, how do you feel?” Bucky asked nodding his head towards her.

“I don’t know how I feel!” she cried, “But I get the luxury of trying to figure it out with all of the information that was ripped from me.”

“I don’t know Caroline,” Bucky said in a low voice.

“You don't _know_?” Caroline seethed.

Bucky stared at her wide eyed. He opened his mouth to speak, then closed it quickly. His eyes darted up to something behind her.

“Caroline,” came Tony’s voice. 

“What?!” she barked spinning around to face him.

He was standing with Steve next to him, they had both changed out of their costumes. Tony was eyeing her cautiously. She followed Steve’s gaze to Bucky. They both looked concerned.

“What is going on?” she asked, “Where is everyone?” she said nodding towards the quiet compound.

“I sent everyone home, the party is over,” Tony said, “Caroline we need to talk.”

He reached out his hand for hers and she slowly walked forward taking it. He gave her hand a gentle squeeze.

“What is going on Tony?” Caroline breathed.

“Caroline, I’m so sorry, your parents, they’re gone,” he said.

“What?” she said in a small voice, “How? I don’t understand.”

“It was Hydra,” Steve said gruffly.

Caroline felt her knees buckle and she fell into Tony. He wrapped his arms around her, holding her tightly, as she sobbed.

“I’m so so sorry,” he whispered into her hair. 

“Caroline there’s more,” Steve said gently placing his hand on her back, “They have your sister.”

She pulled back from Tony, looking up at Steve with bloodshot eyes. 

“What do you mean they have my sister?” she said in a low, angry voice.

“They took her, but we believe that she is still alive,” he replied, “We just found out tonight when Tony was digging for information.” 

“Hydra took my sister,” Caroline said in disbelief. 

She stood, glaring at Steve. The ground shook beneath them as he hand clenched into fists.

“You should have known,” she growled, “Your job, for months now, has literally been to take out Hydra bases.”

“Caroline,” Steve said warningly.

She lunged towards him but Bucky caught her around the waist. 

“Get off of me,” she said sending Bucky flying backwards.

She threw her hands out towards Steve sending him flying backwards as well. Tony darted in between them raising his hands.

“Caroline I know you’re upset,” he said slowly, “It’s not Steve’s fault.”

“No Tony,” Steve groaned, getting to his feet, “She’s right. I should have seen this coming, I should have taken more precautions, I should have done more.”

Caroline watched him as he slowly made his way closer to her. 

“I’m so sorry Caroline,” he said gently, “I’m going to find her and I’m going to bring her back to you. I promise.”

He caught her as she dropped into him. He brought her down slowly, holding her as she cried. She lifted her head, remembering that she had also thrown Bucky. She turned to find him, but he was right there, kneeling down behind her. He pressed his handagainst her cheek and she turned crawling into his arms. 

“Let’s get her upstairs,” said Tony.

Caroline felt as Bucky lifted her in his arms and began carrying her into the compound. Her head was pounding, she felt like everything was crumbling around her. Her body shook from the sobs, even as Bucky placed her down in her bed. 

“You can’t leave,” she said weakly, “Please don’t leave.”

“Caroline,” he said climbing into her bed beside her, “I was never going to leave you,” he said reassuringly.

She tucked herself into him. He held her tightly, brushing back her hair. He kissed her gently on the top of her head.

“Try and get some sleep,” he whispered, “I know it feels impossible, but I’ll be right here all night.”

Her body was exhausted from everything, and she knew sleep was not going to come easily, if at all, but she closed her eyes anyway. She was in and out of sleep all night, every time she woke, Bucky was there to hold her as she cried until she drifted back off again. 


	33. In Any Capacity

Bucky glanced down at Caroline, asleep in his arms. It had been about forty-five minutes since the last time she had woken up crying and it was the longest stretch of sleep she had had all night. The very last thing he wanted to do was wake her, but this time she needed to be awake. Steve had sent him a text informing him that they needed Caroline in the briefing room immediately. 

He bushed her hair back and stroked her cheek gently with his thumb. She stirred against him, opening her eyes sleepily.

“Hey,” he said softly, “I’m sorry to wake you, but Steve and Tony need you in the briefing room.”

Caroline nodded slowly. She shivered involuntarily as another sob threatened to escape her lips. She moved off of him, sitting up cross-legged. He took the opportunity to stretch, his muscles had gone rigid from not moving for so long. His bones cracked in places that he hadn't even realized were sore. Caroline watched him with her chin in her hands, her elbows propped up on her thighs. 

“Have you slept at all?” Caroline asked. 

“Caroline,” Bucky said with a gentle laugh, “You should not be worrying about me right now.”

“And yet I am,” she sighed doubling over.

“Well don’t,” he said trailing his hand along her back, “I’m taking care of you now, just let it happen.” 

She looked up at him, tears streaming down her face. He moved towards her, wrapping her in his arms. 

“C’mon Caroline,” he whispered in her ear, “I’ve got you.”

He stood and offered Caroline a hand. She took it and allowed him to pull her up off of the bed. He took her chin in his hand, gently lifting her head.

“I’m terrified Buck,” she said, tears welling up in her eyes.

He leaned down and kissed her forehead gently.

“I know,” he nodded, “Whatever happens, you’ve got us.”

Caroline nodded her head and followed Bucky out of her room. She took his hand as they made their way down the hallway. He looked down at her, but did not remove his hand from hers.

“I’m sorry,” she sighed, “I just really need this right now.”

He gave her hand a gentle squeeze.

“Whatever you need sweetheart,” he said with a soft smile. 

When they reached the briefing room, Bucky opened the door, holding it ajar for her. She breathed a sigh as she entered, seeing only Steve and Tony. Tony jumped up and wrapped her in a hug.

“How are you doing kiddo?” he asked.

“I’ve been better,” she said, willing herself from crying.

He nodded and led her to a seat. Bucky took the chair next to her, scooting it closer to her. She moved so that her knee was touching his leg. It comforted her, feeling him so close to her. Despite the fact that their last conversation had been a complete disaster, his presence was the only thing keeping her from a complete breakdown. 

Steve cleared his throat and Caroline looked up at him. He was giving her an apologetic look. She immediately regretted blaming him in her anger, but all she could do was give him the weakest of smiles. 

“We found your sister,” he said to her, “Tony found her. She’s being held at a base in Germany.”

“I’m going to be very honest with you,” Tony said cautiously, “We are not sure if she’s alive or in what condition she is in.”

“She’s alive,” Caroline said cutting him off, “And probably in a similar state to the one you found me in.”

“Well,” Steve started, “We have no reason to believe that they’ve been experimenting on her in the same way they were on you and the others. If anything we think they took her to get you back.”

“Oh I’m sure they did,” Caroline nodded, “And then we killed Petrov and erased his connection to me, they needed another way in, so they used her.”

“What?” Tony said looking thoroughly confused.

“She can go into people’s dreams,” Caroline replied, “She told me that she needed me to find her.”

“Caroline,” Bucky said slowly, “Are you sure that it was her and not just another Hydra mind trick?” 

“I am one hundred percent positive it was her,” Caroline said firmly.

“Alright, I believe you,” Tony said, “but we have to leave you here Caroline. Even if this isn't some plot to get you back in their grips, it’s still far too dangerous for you to be anywhere near such an active base.”

“I know,” Caroline nodded, “but this is my sister Tony. I can’t just sit here and do nothing while she’s suffering.”

“You pick the team,” Tony said, “Whoever you want, goes, no questions asked. We’ll keep you posted every step of the way, or we won’t, whatever feels best to you. As soon as we find her, you make the calls. In the meantime though, you have to let us handle this. We’ve already almost lost you too many times and your sister is going to need you here to get through all of this.”

Caroline knew he was right. She wouldn't have heard it from anyone else. If Steve or Bucky had said it she would have fought them, and she couldn't be certain that they wouldn't have ended up going through the wall. 

“Okay,” she nodded, “You two, obviously. I want Bruce, Natasha, and Sam there too,” she said.

“It would probably be a good idea to take Wanda,” Steve suggested gently.

“Yes,” said Caroline, “Take Wanda.”

“And Barnes,” Tony said.

“No,” Caroline snapped looking up at Bucky wide eyed.

“Okay,” Bucky said quickly, “I’ll stay here,” he added placing his hand on her knee reassuringly. 

“I’m sorry,” Caroline said, “I just need….take Rhodey, what about Rhodey?” she sputtered.

“Yes of course, we’ll take Rhodes, he’s perfect,” Tony nodded fervently, “Anyone else? The kid?”

“No,” Caroline said shaking her head, “It might be good to have him around here, he’s excellent at making me laugh.”

“Good call,” Tony said. 

“If you need anyone else, take them,” Caroline said looking up at them, “Just please bring my sister back.”

“We will,” Steve nodded, “I promise.” 

“Thank you Steve,” Caroline said with a small smile.

“We’ll let everyone know and leave immediately,” said Steve.

“It shouldn't take too long since everyone is up in the kitchen ready and itching to go,” Tony smirked.

“They all got ready before they even knew who was going?” Caroline asked.

“You have a lot of people in your corner kid,” Tony shrugged. 

Caroline nodded slowly. Bucky, Steve, and Tony all stood up. She glanced around at the three of them, this time no amount of willpower could keep her from crying. It was Steve who knelt in front of her. He placed his hands on her shoulders and squeezed gently.

“I’m sorry Caroline,” he said softly, “We’re going to make this right. You know I won’t stop until we do, and neither will anyone in this compound.”

Caroline nodded and threw her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly. He wrapped his arms around her hugging her back.

“You need to rest now,” he said, “Do you think you can?”

“I don’t know,” she said honestly.

“I’ll have Bruce get something for you,” Tony said from behind Steve, “Rogers is right, you need some real sleep.

Caroline wiped her cheek with the back of her hand, nodding slowly. She let Bucky lift her from her chair and carry her back to her room. He placed her in her bed and pulled the blankets over her. She was vaguely aware of Tony coming in and talking to Bucky before he left. Then Bucky sat down beside her and handed her a pill.

“It’s a sedative,” Bucky said, “It’s not heavy, but it will help you sleep.”

“You’re staying right?” Caroline asked as she knocked back the pill.

“You couldn't pay me to leave,” Bucky said laying down next to her.

“What if it was a million dollars?” she asked, “You wouldn’t turn down a million dollars, that’s crazy.”

“Okay, you’re right,” he nodded, “I’d leave for a million dollars.”

“Please don’t leave,” Caroline whispered.

“Caroline,” Bucky said taking her hand, “I’m not going anywhere. Not even for a million dollars.” 

* * *

Caroline woke the next morning groggy, her head spinning. For a split second everything felt alright, then it all came crashing back. She snatched her phone up and looked at for any updates. She had one fromBucky. She realized Bucky was no longer in the bed beside her, her stomach dropped. No updates from Steve and no Bucky beside her. She slid open Bucky’s text.

 

B: Come downstairs when you wake up. I know, I know, you’re “not hungry”, but you need to try and eat. 

 

Caroline smiled at his text, grateful that he was just downstairs in the kitchen. She knew somewhere in the back of her head that Bucky was not going to leave her, but she was still consistently trying to fully convince herself of it. Tossing her hair up in a messy bun, she grabbed one of his oversized hoodies from her closet and threw it on over her pajamas, then made her way downstairs.

As she approached the kitchen, the smell of breakfast wafted through the air, and she could make out voices. She lingered just out of sight, listening intently.

“Parker what the hell are those?” came Clint’s sharp voice.

“Well, they were supposed to be pancakes,” she heard Peter say. 

“Okay well, they’re black,” Clint replied.

“Clint can you take over the pancakes,” came Pepper’s voice, “And Barnes, what exactly are you doing?”

“I’m making the coffee, it’s the most important part,” she heard Bucky grumble, “And do I have to remind you that this whole thing was my idea?”

“It was a great idea, you just needed a little guidance,” Pepper said in a honey sweet voice.

“I think I’m doing fine with the pancakes,” Peter said indignantly.

“Peter, you burned five out of six of them, you’re done, scoot,” Clint said.

“Well do you really think she’s going to eat more than one?” Peter asked. 

“I guarantee you she won’t eat any,” said Bucky, “Which is why I suggested coffee and something light…like cereal, or an apple.”

“That isn't breakfast Barnes,” Pepper sighed. 

“We don’t even know if she’ll be up for breakfast,” said Peter, “Maybe we should be making lunch.”

“Shit, he’s right,” Bucky said suddenly.

“Clean up! We need to start fresh,” Clint hollered. 

“Let’s not panic yet, if she does sleep until lunch that gives us extra time,” Pepper said calmly.

“I’m here,” Caroline said hustling into the kitchen before they all had a collective meltdown, “I’m right here.”

They all stopped what they were doing and watched her carefully as she stood in the entrance. Pepper moved first, striding over to Caroline. She smiled down at her softly and tucked a finger under Caroline’s chin.

“You’re okay,” she said firmly, reassuring Caroline .

Caroline nodded tearfully as Pepper pulled her into a warm embrace. When Pepper finally let go, she wiped the tears from Caroline’s cheek and gave her a wink.

“The boys made you breakfast,” she smiled.

“It’s mostly burned though,” Peter said looking down at a pile of black pancakes. 

“That's okay Peter,” Caroline said with a small laugh, “I’m not hungry anyway.”

“See?” Bucky said triumphantly, “What did I tell you?”

Caroline laughed a little harder as Bucky came over and took her hand. He lead her to the table and pulled out a chair for her, then set a mug of coffee in front of her.

“As much as I enjoy being right,” Bucky said, “You still have to eat something.” 

“Okay, I’ll eat that pancake that Peter didn’t burn,” she said.

Peter grabbed the pancake and put it on a plate smirking at Clint as he passed him. He placed the plate down in front of Caroline, then darted off to grabber syrup. 

“Enjoy,” Peter grinned folding up a burnt one and popping into his mouth. 

“Thank you Peter…but,” Caroline started.

“What? What happened?” Peter asked quickly, cutting her off.

“She needs a fork genius,” Clint said handing her a fork.

“Oh,” Peter laughed sheepishly.

She ate her breakfast as the others sat around her, chatting and cracking jokes. Even Bucky, who usually kept mostly to himself was talking more than usual. No one asked her to speak, no one tried to make her laugh. They focused on each other, allowing her to be a part of the group without actually participating. She appreciated them for it.

* * *

 

After breakfast Bucky followed her to her room as the others cleaned the kitchen. She sat on her bed, looking down at her phone. She had checked it at least ten times at breakfast. Bucky knelt down in front of her, placing his hand gently on hers.

“They haven’t texted,” Caroline said in a shaky voice.

“There probably isn't anything to update you on Caroline,” Bucky said gently.

“Or they’re hurt, something happened and they’re hurt,” Caroline breathed heavily.

“Caroline,” Bucky said, “I’m sure that isn't it.”

She nodded, meeting his eyes. He smiled reassuringly at her.

“What do you want to do today? We can do anything you want or we can do absolutely nothing,” he said.

“Is it bad if I want to do absolutely nothing?” she asked.

“Not at all,” he said shaking his head, “Do you want to do absolutely nothing up here, alone? Or would you prefer to be downstairs with the others?” he asked. 

“I don’t want to be alone,” she said quickly.

“Alright,” Bucky nodded, “We’ll go downstairs. Movies?”

“Okay,” Caroline agreed. 

“I’ll tell the others,” Bucky said pulling out his phone, “Peter can pick out some movies and Pepper can get snacks, even though I know you won’t eat them.”

“Bucky,” Caroline said softly.

“Yeah,” he replied glancing up at her.

“Why are you being so nice to me?” she asked, “Our last real conversation ended with us screaming at each other.”

“Yes,” he nodded, “None of that really matters anymore though does it?”

“It definitely does, that conversation definitely still matters,” Caroline said slowly. 

“Caroline,” Bucky sighed, “Are you sure you want to do this right now?”

“Yes,” she nodded, “We do this now and it’s one less thing that I can stop obsessing over.”

“Okay,” Bucky said.

He took a seat on the floor in front of her, and looked up. She looked down at him, her eyes meeting his. 

“I am still in love with you,” he said slowly, “I am still so in love with you and I do not foresee that ever changing. I know how complicated this whole thing is. I wasn't sure how you felt before you lost your memories and I really don’t know where you’re at now. That’s okay, I don’t need to know. You don’t need to decide anything and if you do decide, you don’t need to tell me. We’ll handle this however you need to handle it.” 

Very carefully, Caroline climbed off of her bed so that she was sitting directly in front of Bucky. She picked up his hand and absentmindedly began stroking his palm.

“Thank you,” she said softly, “Thank you for telling me. You didn’t have to do it, but you did…to make things easier for me.”

“Please don’t cry over this Caroline,” Bucky said with a smile, wiping a tear from the corner of her eye, “I can give you space if you need.”

“No!” Caroline said snapping her head up, “No, that’s not what I need. I don’t know what I need to be honest. You’re right, this is all so complicated, and I’m so scared,” she said.

“We don’t have to do anything, you don’t have to do anything. Everything can stay the same,” he said gently.

“Can it?” she asked.

“Caroline,” Bucky chuckled, “The only difference between right now and a few moments ago is confirmation. You knew I still loved you at the Halloween party.”

“You are very bad at hiding your feelings,” Caroline smirked.

“See?” Bucky laughed, “I only confirmed it for you to put you at ease.”

“Bucky,” Caroline said softly, “I want you to know that I do have feelings for you, very strong ones, but I don’t understand them. I don’t understand them, more than that I am terrified of them.”

“Well,” Bucky said carefully, “I’m not going anywhere, unless you want me to.” 

“I don’t want you to go anywhere,” Caroline whispered.

“Then I won’t,” Bucky shrugged. 

“Even if I can’t give you what you want?” Caroline asked nervously.

“All I want,” Bucky said with a smile, “is to be with you in any capacity.”

“Thank you Bucky,” Caroline said pressing her lips gently to the palm of his hand. 

Bucky stood and reached down for Caroline’s hand. She took it and he pulled her up with ease. Caroline looked up at him, she tucked her head under his chin as he wrapped his arms around her. 

“C’mon Caroline,” he said, “They’re waiting for us downstairs.”

She nodded against his chest and pulled back, placing her hand in his. He smiled and led her downstairs to the sitting room. Clint had covered the floor in blankets and pillows. He was perched on a stool that he had brought in. Pepper had set up snack stations around the room and had posted herself on the sofa. Peter was beaming at them from Sam’s usual chair.

“Better watch it kid,” Bucky grinned, “He’s going to know someone was sitting there.”

“I’ll just tell him it was you,” Peter shrugged.

“I think Bucky’s ass print is significantly larger than yours,” said Caroline. 

“Well you would know all about Bucky’s ass wouldn’t you?” Clint said with a wink.

Caroline laughed, but flicked her wrist, flinging the stool out from underneath Clint, causing him to crash onto the floor. 

“Okay,” he said clutching his side, “I may have deserved that, but it was very worth it.” 

He stood as the others laughed and threw himself of the chaise lounge. Bucky took a seat on the floor. Caroline followed him, crawling under some blankets.

“What are we watching Peter?” Pepper asked.

“Well, I compiled all of Caroline’s favorites,” he said happily. 

“Thank you Peter,” Caroline said smiling over at him, “And thank you guys for taking care of me.”

“Of course Caroline,” Pepper said gently.

“We love you Caroline,” Clint said, “Even when you are throwing us off our seats,” he chuckled.

“Let’s get this movie party started,” Peter said excitedly.

Caroline gently pushed Bucky down onto his back. He laughed as she pulled his arm out and scooted into him, resting her head on his chest. 

“Okay,” she said, “I’m ready.”


	34. He's Always in Her Dreams

They stood in the Med Wing, Steve, Tony, Sam, Caroline, and Bucky. In total it had taken them two days to bring back Caroline’s sister Avery. They definitely had not updated Caroline along the way, as they had promised, but seeing her sister, alive, was almost enough to forgive them. Seeing her team bloodied, bruised, and battered, to bring her sister back for her, was enough to forgive them instantly. 

Caroline had healed them all, it almost drained her completely, but she couldn't stop. When Tony tried to physically pry her off of Steve because she looked as though she was about to pass out, she pinned him against a wall with one shaky hand and used the rest of her strength to fix the gunshot wound in Steve’s shoulder. 

“I’m fine,” Steve had said, trying to get her to stop, “I’ve had worse.”

She had glared up at him, beads of sweat forming across her forehead and pressed on, ignoring his comments. The world went dark after that and when she came to again, a very angry Steve, Tony, and Bucky were standing over her. She had smiled sheepishly up at them and told them it was the only way she knew how to thank Tony, Steve, and the others for doing what they had down for her. Tony told her that not killing herself over it would be thanks enough. 

They had made her rest, drink water, and even eat, even though she told them she wasn't hungry. All she wanted was to see her sister, but they assured her that she was still out and that Bruce was taking very good care of her. Still, they would give each other silent glances, and they were avoiding almost all of her questions. 

Sam was already in the Med Wing when they had finally brought Caroline up. Her sister was indeed still asleep, looking much thinner than Caroline remembered. Her hair was longer too. Her blonde hair had grown out and her ends were a faded turquoise. 

“Is she going to be okay?” Caroline asked Bruce.

“She’s going to be okay Caroline,” he smiled, “They haven't had her long, I’d say a month or two at most.”

“Did they…hurt her?” Caroline asked, her hand absentmindedly resting on her abdomen, where the scars from her torture were still very prominent.

“Not to the extent they did you and Barnes,” Tony said firmly, “No brainwashing either, Wanda cleared that. They did experiment on her though, she acquired powers, just like you and the twins, though they seem less extreme…and she can control them.”

“She got lucky,” Steve said, glancing between Caroline and Bucky, “She was alert when we found her and was actually incredibly helpful.”

“Why is she out now?” Caroline asked.

“Bruce gave her a sedative,” Tony replied, “She was exhausted and overwhelmed.”

“Still funny as hell though,” Sam smirked, “You may not look alike, but you two are definitely related.”

Tears began to form behind Caroline’s eyes as a small laugh escaped her lips. Avery had made it out alive and well, with her sense of humor still intact. 

“Thank you,” she said wrapping her arms around Steve’s torso. 

“Oh yeah, we did nothing,” Tony said sarcastically.

Caroline laughed and hugged him as well. Sam crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow at Tony.

“Right,” Tony nodded, “Sam was the one who found her, so maybe he deserves a little love.”

“You found her?” Caroline asked turning to Sam.

“Well Red Wing found her, but yeah, I got to her first,” Sam mumbled, shrugging his shoulders.

Caroline launched herself at him, flinging her arms around his neck. He laughed and lifted her up of the ground.

“Thank you Sam,” she said into his ear.

“Well, well, well, look who’s the favorite now,” Sam grinned, “Jealous Barnes?”

“Of you?” Bucky laughed, “Never.”

Caroline crawled off of Sam and made her way to her sister’s bedside. Avery was older than Caroline, by five years, and Caroline had always looked up to her. Despite the age gap, they had been best friends. She took Avery’s hand in hers and pressed it gently to her cheek.

“Cara, why are you always crying?” her sister muttered. 

Caroline’s eyes snapped open and looked up at Avery. She was awake, smiling down at Caroline. 

“Okay, see getting kidnapped was kind of my thing, so I’m going to need you to get a new thing,” Caroline said with a smirk.

“Well you were always copying me growing up, I thought I’d flip the tables on you,” Avery laughed.

Caroline laughed too, then crawled onto the bed beside her and wrapped her arms around her neck, hugging her tightly.

“Thank you for staying alive,” Caroline said.

“Thank you for sending all of these beautiful men to come rescue me,” Avery said with a wink.

“I sent Sam too,” Caroline said with a laugh.

“Hey, whoa, hey now, I’m your favorite still remember?” Sam said quickly.

“Avery, I assume you’ve met everyone,” Caroline said sitting up.

“Not that one,” Avery said pointing to Bucky.

“Right, obviously,” Caroline said hopping up. 

She took Bucky by the hand and brought him over to Avery.

“Avery this is Bucky,” she smiled.

“Oh, I know who he is, I just haven't met him yet,” Avery said smirking up at them. 

“Um…what?” Caroline asked.

“Look, we all used to know and…not really love him, as the Winter Soldier, but he’s not that anymore,” said Sam.

“Oh no, that’s not how I know him,” she said beaming up at Caroline.

“You’re being weird, stop being weird,” Caroline said squinting at her sister.

“I can visit people in their dreams Caroline, it’s how I contacted you remember?” Avery said tilting her head to the side.

“Ah,” Bucky said, trying to hide a grin.

“Oh shit!” Sam said putting a closed fist up to his mouth.

“Okay, hang on,” Caroline said, her face turning bright right, “If you’re hopping into my dreams every night then you’ve seen everyone, because I’m with them all the time so of course they’re in my dreams.”

“Aw, you dream about us?” Tony asked.

“Not you,” Caroline snapped.

“Yeah no, not really you,” Avery nodded, “But this one, Bucky, or Barnes, it changes from night to night, he’s always in her dreams.” 

“Bruce I think she needs another sedative,” Caroline seethed. 

“Alright, maybe it’s time we give these two a minute alone,” Steve said from behind them, a large grin sprawled across his face.

“It has been a pleasure Avery,” Tony said smiling, “Caroline, no killing her. We worked hard to bring this one back for you.”

“I can’t make any promises,” Caroline growled.

“Bye Avery!” Sam said as he followed Steve and Tony out of the room, “It was nice knowing you!”

“Oh I’m sure I’ll be seeing you around,” Avery winked. 

“Looking forward to it,” Sam smirked back.

“Okay I’m going to ignore whatever that was,” Caroline said as Sam left the room.

“Is this one going to stay,” Avery asked nodding towards Bucky.

“Uh, no, of course not,” Bucky said quickly, “It was very nice meeting you,” he said flashing her a smile. 

“Nice to finally meet you too,” Avery laughed.

“Alright, c’mon Barnes,” Caroline said pushing Bucky towards the door.

“Oh it’s Barnes today, okay got it,” he said grinning down at her.

“Get. Out,” she said firmly.

“Wait…am I going to…” Bucky said awkwardly.

“Yes, I will see you later,” she sighed, “I’ll come to you.”

“Okay,” he nodded, “Do you want ice cream? I’m kind of feeling like ice cream.”

“Barnes!” Caroline snapped.

“Alright, alright,” he laughed, “I’m going.”

He lingered for a moment, then kissed her softly on her forehead. He glanced at her making sure he hadn’t crossed any lines. She was shaking her head at him ever so slightly, a small smile across her lips, so that he knew that not only did she not mind it, but that liked it. He smiled back then turned to leave.

“Wait,” she said.

He spun around, looking down at her.

“Yeah, I want ice cream,” she nodded.

“You got it,” he beamed.

He left the room and Caroline finally turned back to her sister. Avery was watching, her eyebrows raised, a huge smile spanning the length of her face.

“He’s cute,” she said.

“Avery,” Caroline sighed taking a seat in the chair next to her bed, “Are you okay? We have to talk about this.”

“Caroline, I’m okay,” Avery nodded. 

“But Mom and Dad,” Caroline said tearfully.

“I know,” Avery said reaching up and pulling her sister into her, “I know Cara, it’s okay. It’sgoing to be okay.”

Caroline crawled into the bed beside her sister, resting her head on Avery’s shoulder. She took a piece of Avery’s hair and began twirling it around her finger. This was a habit she had picked up as a child, something she had done since she was very little, to help calm her.

“Listen Caroline, what Mom and Dad did wasn’t right, they shut you out for something you had no control over. They were always baffled by you, running off to New York, joining a team of superheroes. You never played by their rules, but they still loved you very much, through all of it. It wasn’t right what they did, but they always loved you, I want you to know that,” Avery said gently.

“I do know that,” Caroline nodded, “Were you there? Do you know what happened?” Caroline asked.

“No,” Avery said softly, “We got into it over you and I left. I had been living on my own for months. They must have gone looking for me there first.”

“Did they hurt you?” Caroline asked tentatively.

“Of course they did,” she said, “But I’ve been in your head, I know how much worse it could have been.”

“I thought you could only go into people’s dreams,” Caroline said questioningly.

“I can do a lot more than that,” Avery laughed, “I can hear everyone’s thoughts. It’s mostly white noise unless I really focus. I can hop into people’s dreams, they usually have to be in the vicinity, but with you it’s different, we’re too close. They were also training me to control people with my mind.”

“Whoa,” Caroline said softly, “If you were in my dreams so much, why did you only talk to me the one time?”

“It was the only time I could. Usually I’m a bystander in dreams, I can’t effect them in anyway. I had been hopping into your dreams for a few nights, and I don’t know, you must have been more susceptible or something, because that night you looked right at me and I knew I would be able to talk to you. I couldn’t recreate it though, it didn’t happen again,” Avery explained.

“Avery, you saw my dreams, you saw my nightmares, you know everything,” Caroline said in a shaky voice.

“I know what they forced you to do, but that wasn't you Cara, it wasn’t you doing those things,” said Avery, stroking her sister’s hair, “And I didn’t stay to watch those dreams, it felt like an invasion of privacy.”

“Oh so you just stayed to watch everything else,” Caroline said sarcastically.

“Well, not when things between you and that Barnes guy got too intimate,” Avery smirked.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Caroline said.

“There was a very vivid kissing dream where you ended up on a bed, on top of him,” said Avery with an eyebrow raised.

“Okay first of all, I can’t believe you saw that, second…” Caroline sighed, “That one wasn’t a dream. It was a memory…apparently.”

“So you are seeing him,” Avery said excitedly.

“No…I mean…I don’t know. It’s complicated,” Caroline mumbled.

“That man is clearly in love with you, what is complicated about that?” Avery asked.

“Me, everything I’m feeling. Six months of my life was erased, I lost every interaction with him after Hydra. I don’t remember what I wanted then, I can’t tell what I want now, I’m just so afraid to lose him,” Caroline sighed.

“He is not going anywhere,” Avery said assuredly.

“How do you know that?” Caroline asked rolling her eyes.

“I can read minds remember?” she said with a wink. 

“Do me a favor Avery and stay out of my head,” Caroline sighed with a laugh. 

“I’ll do my best,” Avery said nudging her head against Caroline’s. 

There was a knock at the door and they looked up to see Sam popping his head in. He flashed them a bright smile.

“What do you want?” Caroline asked, raising a skeptical eyebrow.

“How quickly she forgets who brought her beloved sister back,” Sam said crossing his arms.

“I didn’t forget, you’re just acting funny,” Caroline said.

“Alright, alright,” Sam said raising his hands, “I was just seeing if either of you needed anything, Peter and Clint are making a food run.”

“No thank you,” Caroline said shaking her head.

“I’m good,” said Avery, “But, I could use some company. Caroline is about to leave me for Barnes.”

“Oh don’t feel too special, she does that to all of us,” Sam winked.

“I don’t have to go anywhere, I can stay right here,” Caroline said firmly, “He’s fine without me.” 

“Okay we all know he’s not fine without you,” Sam scoffed shaking his head.

“And I don’t need to be a mind reader to know that you want to be up there with him just as much as he wants you up there,” Avery smirked. 

“But Avery,” Caroline started.

“Hey, it’s okay, I’m not going anywhere,” Avery said gently, “Mr. Stark said I can stay here as long as I’d like.”

“Great, but I should still stay with you,” Caroline sighed.

“For what? I’m exhausted, I’m just going to sleep,” Avery said smiling at her sister.

“Fine,” Caroline said climbing off of Avery’s bed.

She bent down and kissed her sister on the forehead.

“If you need me, tell me,” Caroline commanded.

“Yes ma’am,” Avery nodded.

“I’ll make sure she’s taken care of,” Sam grinned.

“I don’t know what you’re doing,” Caroline said narrowing her eyes at him, “But I’ll tell you now that I don’t like it.”

 

* * *

 

When Caroline reached Bucky’s room, she found Steve sitting in the chair at Bucky’s desk and Bucky leaning against the wall behind his bed, his legs outstretched in front of him. They both smiled at her as she entered.

“How is she?” Steve asked.

“She’s good, better than I ever could have been, that’s for sure,” she said sitting at the edge of Bucky’s bed. 

“Different circumstances Caroline,” Bucky said tossing her a pillow.

“Sure, but she’s stronger than I am, always has been,” Caroline said hugging the pillow against her chest.

“How are you doing?” Steve asked.

“I’m so happy to have her here,” Caroline sighed with relief, “Steve thank you, I don’t know how to repay you.”

“Well, it was a team effort,” Steve smiled, “And we did it because we care about you, you don’t have to repay anyone.”

“I should,” said Caroline, “You all do so much for me.”

“We’re team, a family, we do things for each other,” said Steve, “And I’m starting to feel like a broken record.”

“Don’t blame her Steve,” Bucky said, “We were operating under a very different kind of team for so long, it doesn’t feel natural to us.”

“And maybe you should take some of your own advice Steve,” Caroline smirked, “It’s one of your biggest character flaws, asking for help from others.”

“I remember a time when you two didn’t know each other and couldn’t gang up on me,” Steve said with a laugh.

“I think I like having someone on my side,” Bucky grinned. 

“Oh don’t I know it, Buck,” Steve nodded, “But I hear you both, I should learn to take my own advice.”

“Are you sick?” Caroline said jumping up and pressing the back of her hand to Steve’s forehead, “Bucky I think he’s sick.”

“Okay, okay,” Steve laughed, knocking her hand away, and standing, “I’m done with you two for tonight.”

“Steve thank you again,” Caroline said wrapping her arms around his waist. 

“Anytime Caroline,” Steve smiled, pressing his cheek to the top of her head, “Now, I have to go sift through a pile of Hydra files that we picked up. Buck, maybe at some point you can actually work for your keep and help me out,” Steve winked.

“I don’t know Steve,” Bucky said shaking his head, “Sounds messy.”

“I’ll help,” Caroline said grinning, “Just not tonight.”

“You two are useless,” Steve said shaking his head, “We’re going to have to start separating you.” 

“Pass,” Caroline said shaking her head.

“Sorry Steve,” Bucky shrugged.

Steve beamed at them brightly, then with a laugh, he turned and walked out of Bucky’s room, closing the door behind him. Caroline lay on her back at the end of Bucky’s bed, looking up at the ceiling. She intertwined her fingers over her abdomen. Bucky turned, so that his head was next to hers, the rest of his body the opposite direction from hers, his legs hung off the edge of the bed.

“How are you doing actually?” Bucky asked her.

“I am overwhelmed,” Caroline said, her lip quivering slightly, “I’m ecstatic to have Avery here, to see her safe and mostly unharmed. But it’s all so overwhelming.”

“Do you want to talk about them?” Bucky asked slowly, “About your parents?”

“No,” Caroline said shaking her head, “I don’t know.”

She turned to face him.

“I had a tumultuous relationship with both of them, to say the least,” she sighed, “But they were still my parents, and I still loved them.”

Bucky nodded, but he stayed silent, listening to her intently. Caroline sat up and wiped a tear from her cheek. Bucky sat up too, he stood and walked around the bed kneeling down in from of her.

“I don’t want to talk about this,” she said shaking her head.

“You don’t have to,” he said, “Get comfortable, I’ll go get the ice cream.”

By the time he got back, Caroline was tucked under his covers and changed into a shirt of his. He laughed and shook his head at her.”

“When I said get comfortable, that’s not entirely what I mean,” he smirked getting into bed next to her.

“Okay well I don’t know what to tell you, your shirts are the comfiest,” she said taking a carton of ice cream from him.

“Yes, but I do need some for myself,” he said passing her a spoon, “I’m running low on shirts.”

“Well do some laundry,” Caroline suggested.

“Ah, yeah, that will help,” Bucky said with a laugh.

He clicked on the television that was hanging on the wall across from them and began scrolling through movies.

“Why do we always hangout in my room?” Caroline asked, “You’re the one with the t.v.,”

“It smells better in your room,” Bucky shrugged.

“I think that’s a matter of opinion,” Caroline said, shoving a spoonful of ice cream into her mouth.

"So...are you going to dream about me tonight?" Bucky said taking a bite of his own ice cream.

"Careful Barnes, she's my sister, I can ask her to pay your dreams a little visit too and relay the information," Caroline smirked.

"That's not funny Caroline," Bucky said quickly, his cheeks turning pink.

"I'm just teasing Barnes," Caroline said placing her hand on his leg, "I know what those nightmares are like."

"It's not the nightmares I'm worried about," Bucky mumbled.

"What?" Caroline asked looking over at him.

"Nothing," Bucky said, his entire face turning red.

"Relax Barnes," Caroline said squeezing his leg, "She's seen enough in my dreams."

"Okay...but, just, keep her out of my dreams, please," he said shifting awkwardly. 

"I promise, I will," Caroline said gently.

Bucky sighed beside her. Caroline looked up at him, then moved closer so they were shoulder to shoulder. She dropped her head into the crook of his neck.

“Thank you Bucky,” she said softly.

“For the shirts of the ice cream?” he asked with a smile.

“For the everything,” she replied.

“Anytime Caroline,” he said kissing the top of her head, “Anytime.”


	35. You Are an Adult, You Can Make Your Own Choices

“Can I please be done now?” Caroline groaned, collapsing onto the heavily matted floor beneath her. 

Steve looked down at her, still holding onto the punching bag in front of him. She tried to steady her heaving breathing as he moved from behind the back to cross his arms in front of her. Sweat was pouring from every pore on her body as she glared up at him, but Steve looked completely unfazed. 

“You’re the one who told me to push you,” Steve said with a shrug.

“I said ‘push me’ not ‘kill me slowly’,” she growled, lying back throwing her arm over her forehead. 

“I swear, you pick up more and more of Tony’s dramatics everyday,” Steve laughed. 

“This isn’t funny Steven, I’m dying and you want me to do more,” she whimpered meekly. 

“We’ve only been going for ten minutes Caroline,” Steve said raising an eyebrow.

“Ten minutes after the two miles you forced me to run,” Caroline snapped.

“You needed to warm up,” Steve replied.

“Steve,” Caroline whined, drawing out his name.

“Get up, ten more minutes and then you’re free to do whatever you want,” he said giving her his hand.

“Die? Is dying on the table?” Caroline asked.

“Caroline,” Steve said disapprovingly. 

“Okay, fine,” Caroline sighed taking Steve’s hand. 

Steve moved back behind the punching bag, holding it for her as she began to punch and kick. 

“You are getting better you know,” Steve smirked, watching her throw punches.

“It doesn't feel like it,” she panted.

“Think of it this way, you used to be able to only run one mile, and you’d have your first breakdown five minutes in to training,” said Steve, “You’ve doubled in almost all areas.”

“You are so goddamn positive,” Caroline breathed through punches.

“Some would say that’s a very good quality to have,” Steve laughed.

“Literally no one in this compound would,” Caroline shot back.

“You’re mean when you’re uncomfortable,” said Steve, “C’mon Caroline, let’s go, pick it up.”

“I’m going to stop pretending this bag is you and actually just punch you for real,” Caroline growled, “I’m not uncomfortable you jackass, my body is literally on fire.”

“Stop,” Steve demanded.

She dropped her arms and looked up at him breathing heavily. Steve moved in closer, watching her body carefully. He could see her body shake with tiny spasms, as she tried to breathe slowly. He touched his hand to her arm, her skin was indeed on fire. He narrowed his eyes at her, and she rolled her eyes back. 

“I’m fine,” she sighed, “Just being dramatic remember?”

“You’re not, and you need to tell me sooner when you’re not,” Steve said as her body spasmed.

“It’s fine Steve,” she said doubling over, clutching her abdomen.

“How long have been skipping the physical therapy?” Steve asked.

“I don’t know Steve, was I doing it before I lost all of my memories, because I think I’ve done it twice since,” Caroline sighed.

“And the pain meds?” Steve asked firmly.

“Tony told me to take them, but I never took them, I wanted to see how I fared without them,” she said in a small voice.

“And how has that been working for you?” Steve asked sarcastically.

“Well to be fair,” Caroline snapped, “The pain wasn’t that bad for like the first couple of weeks.”

“Caroline it’s been months!” Steve shot.

“It’s not that bad,” Caroline said waving him off.

“It is that bad,” Steve said, “I can see your body physically trembling from the pain, and that’s not normal pain from training.”

“Training just exasperates it, on a daily basis its at like a six,” Caroline said, sitting back on the floor.

“A six!” Steve exclaimed, “Caroline it could be a zero!”

“Oh whatever, I’m used to it,” she said.

“I’m telling Tony,” Steve said breezing past her.

“Okay, tell Tony, I’m not afraid of him,” Caroline scoffed, sprawling her whole body across the floor.

Steve turned around to glare at her. He raised an eyebrow at her and smirked. She wasn't afraid of Tony, sure, but there was one person she would definitely hate knowing about her giant misstep. 

“Fine,” he said with a small shrug, “I’m telling Bucky.”

“Wait!” Caroline said jumping up.

She stumbled from standing too up fast and Steve caught her. He grinned down at her, knowing he'd won. 

“Don’t tell him,” she sighed, “He’ll panic.”

“Okay, then let’s go see Bruce,” he said scooping her up in his arms.

“I can walk you know,” Caroline said flatly.

“You’re entire body is shaking, all of it, I'm carrying you,” said Steve, ignoring her. 

* * *

An hour later she was still up in Bruce’s lab, laying on a cot, with an IV in her arm. She hated needles in her arm, so she kept her eyes closed pretending it didn’t exist. The meds he had given her were making her feel dizzy and a little off, but the pain was completely gone. Steve was still with her, sitting in a chair next to her bed, reading a book. His phone buzzed beside him and Caroline opened her eyes, watching him answer it.

“Hey Buck,” he said, Caroline’s eyes widened, “We’re up in Bruce’s lab…no she’s fine…Bucky she’s fine…okay here.”

Steve handed her the phone with a shrug and a smirk.

“I tried my best,” he said.

“It really sounded like you did,” she snapped snatching the phone from him, “Hello,” she said into the phone.

“What happened?” he asked.

“Nothing, I’m fine,” she replied.

“I’m coming up,” he said.

“I mean fine, but I’m fine,” she slurred, her tongue felt heavy and her head felt fuzzy.

“You don’t sound fine,” he said.

“Steve just kicked my ass a little too hard in training today okay?” she mumbled.

“He does that everyday, what makes today any different?” Bucky teased.

“Oh my god, I hate you, don’t come up,” said Caroline.

“I’m already here,” his voice echoed in real time.

She handed the phone back to Steve, glaring at him, then she turned to glare up at Bucky as he grabbed a chair and pulled it up next to Steve.

“Well you certainly don’t look fine,” he said, kicking his boots up on the bed.

“Don’t you have things to be doing? Important like…Avengers business or whatever?” Caroline asked narrowing her eyes at him.

“I’m like a third tier Avenger Caroline,” Bucky smirked.

“We don’t have tiers Buck,” Steve said not looking up from his book.

“Sure, but if we did I’d be third tier,” Bucky said with a shrug.

“I’m first tier huh Bucky?” Caroline asked, her eyes growing heavy.

“Sure are, darlin,” Bucky laughed.

“I’m going to have to disagree with that,” Steve said putting his book down, “If there were tiers, and there aren’t, but if there were, Tony would make sure he was first tier.”

“Well it’s a good thing there aren’t really tiers then, I would hate to make Tony mad,” Caroline said.

“You wouldn't hate to make Tony mad at all, you would opposite of hate that,” Bucky grinned.

“Fair,” Caroline nodded.

“So are either of you going to tell me why we’re up here?” asked Bucky.

“Well, someone hasn't been following through with physical therapy,” said Steve, “And she also decided that she didn’t need pain meds to help with the constant pain coursing through her body all day.”

“You’ve been what now?” Bucky asked taking his feet off the bed and leaning forward towards her.

“Steve what the fuck, I thought we had a deal,” Caroline groaned.

“Well I can’t lie to Bucky,” said Steve. 

“Caroline,” Bucky sighed, “You have to take care of yourself.”

“I’m fine,” Caroline said firmly.

“Actually,” Tony’s voice rang out as he entered the room, “You aren’t ‘fine’, your pain comes from some pretty serious nerve damage that you acquired during your time in Siberia. If you don’t keep up with physical therapy and your meds, the damage will just worsen over time.”

“You told Tony too?” Caroline said angrily up at Steve. 

“No, Bruce told me,” Tony said crossing his arms, “Caroline this isn’t something to mess around with, this is serious.”

“Fine,” Caroline sighed, “Just don’t tell Avery okay? I don’t want to add any stress to her life right now.”

“Okay, but if you slip up again, I will,” Tony said warningly, “Steve, I need to talk with you. Caroline, Bruce say’s you’re free to go.”

He moved forward and removed the needle from her arm, then walked out. Steve dropped his book and smiled at Caroline. 

“See you later,” he chirped. 

Caroline watched as he left, then finally turned her attention to Bucky. He was glaring at her, which she expected. 

“I’m sorry,” she said immediately. 

He sighed and ran his hand through his hair, pulling it out of his face. 

“Bucky, I really am sorry,” she said again.

“Look,” Bucky said firmly, “You are are an adult, you can make your own choices, even they are detrimental to your health. I just really wish you wouldn’t.”

“I thought I could handle it,” she said softly.

“I know,” he nodded, “You don’t always have to be the strongest person in the room Caroline.”

“I also don’t want to be the weakest,” Caroline mumbled. 

“Well, then we’ll just have to follow Sam or Clint around,” Bucky smirked. 

“Shut up,” Caroline laughed. 

“Come on Caroline,” Bucky said offering her his hand, “I’ll make you lunch.”

“And if I’m not hungry?” she asked raising an eyebrow.

“You’ll eat anyway,” he shrugged, pulling her off the bed.

"I thought I was an adult who could make my own decisions," Caroline countered.

Bucky shook his head and laughed, she was always so quick to turn his words on him. He liked it, it kept him on his toes. She stumbled into him and held her head as she tried to regain her balance. He held her arm, keeping her steady.

“See, if you’d kept up on things you wouldn't have had to be dosed up like this,” he said with a grin.

“Don’t patronize me Barnes, I got it, I already told all three of you that this wouldn't happen again,” she snapped.

“You’re right,” Bucky said quickly, “I apologize.”

“Thank you,” she said firmly, “Now carry me down to the kitchen because I’m really going to fall over.” 

“Alright, climb on,” he laughed, turning his back towards her. 

She threw her arms around Bucky’s neck and wrapped her legs around he waist. She rested her head in his hair as he carried her down to the kitchen.

* * *

“What’s wrong with Caroline?” Sam said as Bucky entered the room.

Caroline lifted her head, then slid slowly off Bucky’s back. Her sister, Avery, was sitting on one of the barstools in the middle of the kitchen, a towel thrown over her shoulder. Sam was standing behind her wearing an apron and rubber gloves, tainted with a dark blue. 

“What is going on?” Caroline asked.

“Sam is dying my hair,” Avery said simply. 

“Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool,” Caroline nodded, “Fun. Love it. You two are just having so much fun.”

Bucky smirked as he rummaged through the cupboards collecting things to make Caroline lunch. In the short time that Avery had been staying with the team, she had grown incredibly close to Sam. They enjoyed teasing Caroline together, but it went beyond that. They clicked and everyone could see it. Bucky had been gently trying to introduce the idea into Caroline's head, but so far she had been incredibly adverse to the idea, shutting him down every time it came up. 

“Caroline,” Avery said with a laugh, “I needed someone to dye my hair and you weren’t around.”

“Right right, sure,” Caroline said watching them as she took a seat at the counter, “It’s just, you have to admit, you two have been spending a significant amount of time together,” Caroline said with an uncomfortable laugh.

“Sure have been,” Sam said squirting a glob of blue dye into his hand and working it into her hair.

“Caroline,” said Bucky turning to her and leaning his back against the counter, “Food, remember? Do you have a preference?” 

“Not hungry,” Caroline said narrowing her eyes at Sam and Avery.

“No of course you aren’t,” Bucky said shaking his head, “Have you eaten anything at all today?”

“Apple,” Caroline said shortly. 

“Caroline you need to eat,” Avery said. 

“Okay,” Caroline whined, “Fine. Grilled cheese.”

“Good choice,” Bucky said. 

Caroline stopped watching Sam and Avery and turned to watch Bucky as he rolled up his sleeves and pulled his hair back. When he was finished he slid her sandwich onto plate and set it down in front of her, smiling broadly.

“Thank you,” she said biting into it. 

“Of course,” he replied.

“Barnes,” Tony said walking into the kitchen, “Can I borrow you for a sec?”

“Uh,” Bucky hesitated glancing at Caroline.

“Calm down, it’ll only be a few minutes, she’ll be fine,” Tony said rolling his eyes.

“I wasn’t…yes, you can borrow me,” Bucky sighed. 

“Oh and if this turns messy, you can both consider yourselves homeless,” Tony said pointing to Avery and Sam.

“You’d kick us out over a little hair dye?” Sam chuckled.

“Well maybe not newbie there, but you? Yeah definitely,” Tony grinned, “Barnes, let’s go,” Tony said tilting his head and walking out of the room.

“I’ll wait here,” Caroline told Bucky with a small smile. 

He nodded and followed Tony out of the room. Caroline took another bite of her sandwich as she watched him leave. She didn’t even notice Sam and Avery staring at her. 

“So…” Sam said slowly, “Have you…uh…figured out what you’re going to do about that whole situation?” Sam asked gesturing towards where Bucky had just walked out.

“No,” Caroline groaned dropping her head into her hands, “Everything is confusing and I don’t know what I want.”

“You want that ass,” said Sam smiling at Caroline. 

She glared at him as he nodded salaciously. 

“I don’t even need to read your mind to know that that is the truth,” Avery said with a grin.

“I hate you both,” Caroline said through gritted teeth, “So…so much.”

“Avery, you are done,” Sam said, ignoring Caroline, “Go rinse.”

“Thanks Sam,” Avery said cheerfully, hopping off the stool, “Caroline, we’re going into the city when I’m finished.”

“Okay…have fun,” Caroline said raising an eyebrow.

“No, that was an invite,” Avery laughed.

“Oh…um, pass, Bucky hates the city,” Caroline said shaking her head.

“You hate the city, Bucky doesn’t care what he’s doing, as long as you’re there,” Sam smirked.

“I’ll ask him alright?” Caroline snapped, “But I’m not making any promises.”

Caroline took a bite of her sandwich as she watched Sam clean up the mess they had made. When he was finished he turned to smile at Caroline.

“Your sister is nice,” he said.

“And?” Caroline replied.

“Just commenting on her pleasantness,” he shrugged, “Did you used to be that nice, before all of the brainwashing and extended time with Soldier Boy?” 

Caroline ripped off a piece of her sandwich and threw it at Sam. He caught it in his hand and popped it in his mouth.

“Hey Caroline, I made that for you, not for Wilson,” Bucky said with a laugh as he re-entered the room.

“Man, this shit is delicious,” Sam said through a full mouth, “Caroline you turn this man’s food down regularly?” 

“She does,” Bucky said crossing his arms.

“What the hell? Tell him you’re hungry and send it my way if you aren’t!” Sam exclaimed, throwing his hand on Bucky’s shoulder.

“No,” Caroline said rolling her eyes at Sam, “That was really quick Buck, what did Tony want?”

“Nothing,” Bucky said shaking his head, “Well, no it was something, but he’ll talk to you later.”

“Okay,” she said taking the last bite of her sandwich.

“A miracle,” Bucky said taking her plate, “She ate the whole thing.”

“Most of it,” Sam corrected, “You want to go into the city today?” Sam asked.

“Caroline?” Bucky said turning to her.

“Whatever you want,” Caroline shrugged.

“I think we should go,” Bucky said simply.

“I’m sorry you what?” Caroline scoffed, as Sam chuckled behind them.

“I think we should go,” he repeated, “Don’t you want to spend time with your sister?” he asked.

“Well, yes, but,” Caroline started.

“Great, it’s decided then, I’ll go tell Avery,” Sam said grinning.

“She’s in the shower,” Caroline said slowly.

Sam winked at her, then started to leave. Caroline let out a guttural scream and lunged after him. Bucky caught her around the waist, lifting her off the ground. She pushed against his metal arm, but it was useless.

“I’m going to kill you Sam!” she hollered still struggling against Bucky, “I swear I’ll do it! I don’t care!”

“Calm down Caroline, shit,” Sam laughed, “I was just messing with you, I’m just going to go get ready myself. Although, she is super cute,” he said winking again.

Caroline screeched again, pushing harder against Bucky. 

“Sam, go!” Bucky said waving his other arm at him, “She’s stronger than she looks.”

“Alright I’m gone!” Sam said bolting out of the room.

Caroline still struggled to follow him. Bucky lifted her onto the counter behind her and placed his hand on her knees, holding her there.

“Well, you’re certainly feeling better,” he sighed, out of breath.

“I am,” Caroline said pushing her hair out of her face, “I’m going to kill him, he’s going to be dead and they’re going to lock me up, but that’s okay because it will be worth it.”

“Caroline,” Bucky said, keeping his voice low and calm, “You like Sam, Sam is your friend.”

“Yeah? And?” Caroline snapped.

“Well first of all they’re just messing with you,” Bucky said slowly, “But if they weren’t, which they are,” he reiterated as Caroline sucked in an angry breath, “Is Sam really the worst that your sister could do?” 

Caroline pouted atop the counter. She swung her legs gently against Bucky’s. He watched as she released her angrily furrowed brow and groaned throwing her head back. He patted her knee reassuringly.

“No,” she grumbled, “I guess he wouldn't be the worst.”

“There you go,” Bucky grinned.

“They aren’t messing with me are they?” Caroline asked.

“Maybe a little, but no, I don’t think they are,” he said shaking his head. 

They both looked up as Steve walked in. He stood at the entrance of the kitchen awkwardly for a moment, then sighed running his hands through his hair. Bucky turned to Caroline, giving her a small smile.

“Well maybe we don’t have time for the city after all,” Bucky said. 

“What’s going on?” Caroline asked looking between Bucky and Steve.

“C’mon, we’ll explain everything,” Steve said tilting his head.

Bucky helped Caroline off of the counter and began following Steve. She caught up to Bucky quickly and placed her hand in his. Steve was acting weird and it made Caroline anxious. Bucky looked down and smiled, giving her hand a small squeeze. 

When they entered the briefing room, Tony was already seated, waiting for them patiently. Something he normally did not do. Caroline glanced around at them and slowly took a seat.

“Caroline,” Tony said smiling, “Steve do you want to explain what’s going on?” Tony asked turning to Steve.

“Uh, sure,” Steve said glancing at Bucky, “Caroline, we have a mission for you,” he said slowly.

“For me?” she asked.

“Yes,” Steve nodded, “We asked Buck if he thought you were ready and he thinks you are, and so do we.”

“Why me?” Caroline asked.

“Well, this is why,” Steve said throwing up a picture on the screen behind them. 

Caroline recognized the face immediately. She never thought she’d have to see that face again. Bucky went rigid beside her. They must not have given him all the details of the mission, Caroline could see Steve watching him cautiously, she could feel the anger radiating off his body. He had every right to be angry, the face staring back at them was one they both knew well, one neither ever wanted to see again. The face belonged to Hydra’s special agent, Rumlow. 


	36. I Just Need a Little More Faith

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I know it's a short chapter update, but I wanted to really flesh out the next one!

“You didn’t say anything about Rumlow,” he said furiously.

Bucky was glaring at Steve and Tony, but neither of them looked surprised. They had clearly seen this coming. 

“Well we’re not stupid Barnes,” Tony said rolling his eyes, “We knew you’d have something to say about it.”

“Of course I would have something to say about,” Bucky growled, “This is a bad idea, you should have given me all of the information.”

“How about,” Caroline interrupted calmly, “You give me all of the information and I decide what I can and can’t handle.”

Bucky exhaled, narrowing his eyes at Steve and Tony, now he was in trouble. He turned to Caroline. She turned also meeting his gaze. His eyes were apologetic and pleading. She knew exactly what he was thinking, she knew exactly why he had completely lost his shit. 

“You know that’s not what I meant,” he said softly.

“I know,” she nodded, “Let’s just hear them out, okay Buck?” 

Bucky nodded back in agreement. They turned their attention back towards Steve and Tony who were watching them carefully. Tony’s eyebrow was raised at them, but Caroline shook her head, indicating she didn’t want any of his questions. 

“Alright then,” Tony said, “First and foremost this is a recon only mission, that’s it, you go in, get the information from Rumlow, get out. Hydra is up to something and we haven't been able to figure it out yet.”

“We can’t send Bucky or Nat, they’re too high profile within Hydra. You aren’t as high profile, they know you were one of them, but you weren't there as long as Bucky and you haven't been in the spy industry as long as Nat. We’re creating a cover story for you, something that makes it looks like you’re a double agent,” Steve explained.

“Do you really think Rumlow is stupid enough to believe that Steve?” Bucky asked angrily. 

“Bucky, he’ll believe it if it’s coming from me, you know he will,” Caroline said looking over at him.

“Wait, what,” Tony said holding up a hand, “What does that mean?” 

“You’ve had interactions with Rumlow?” Steve asked.

“Outside of the basic, you know, Hydra interactions?” Tony added.

“Rumlow helped train me,” Caroline said glancing at Bucky, “When Bucky was there, after Bucky left. He was assigned to train me…he had a lot of information on you Steve, that helped with the brainwashing.”

“Oh please Caroline,” Bucky snapped, “Tell them the truth.”

“That is the truth Barnes, you were there for most of it,” Caroline shot back.

“He had a weird obsession with you Caroline,” Bucky said firmly, “He forced himself into that training position, and he helped train you against me. After Rumlow got involved I couldn’t get near you, he made sure of it. You remember that, I know you do.”

“Sorry Cap, she’s out, executive decision,” Tony said quickly.

“No, I agree,” Steve said nodding his head, “We can’t risk you going into something like that Caroline. It’s too dangerous.”

“Hold on!” Caroline exclaimed, “First of all, Bucky, you left. You have no idea what went down after you left. Yes, he did have a strange obsession with me, you’re right about that. He wanted to be the one to train me, he wanted to go on missions with me, he brainwashed me against Steve, and yeah, he terrified me in a ways that you never did,” she said staring Bucky down, “But he also confided in me, a lot. Personal secrets, Hydra secrets. I’m not only the best person for this mission, I’m the only person.”

Steve and Tony exchanged a glance as Bucky popped the knuckles in his right hand. Caroline did not break eye contact with him, she knew they all knew that she was right, even if none of them would admit it.

“I’m still going with no,” Tony said finally, “I’m sorry Caroline, we can’t put you in that kind of danger.”

“You three sit here and try and dictate my life,” Caroline said turning back to Steve and Tony, “You have since you plucked me out of Siberia. You all sit around and talk about how you think I’m doing, if my coping strategies are healthy, if you all think that I’m ready to go back out on the field. Well I’m telling you I’m ready, I’m telling you I can do this. It’s what you’ve trained me to do, frankly it’s insulting that you won’t even consider my opinions on the matter.”

“There’s not a single person in this compound that could handle losing you,” Tony said in a low voice.

“There’s not a single person in this compound that any of us could handle losing. You said it yourself Tony, we’re a team, a family. if I let anyone else go on this mission, knowing that I am the most qualified, I won’t handle it if they got hurt, and I won’t survive it if they didn’t come back,” Caroline said staring Tony down, “And what does that tell them that their trusted leaders would risk any of their lives over mine, even when I’m the most qualified, just because you both think I’m fragile.”

“No one thinks you’re fragile Caroline,” Steve sighed.

“And they wouldn’t be risking anyone else’s life, just mine, it should be me, I should do it,” Bucky said firmly.

“You’re an idiot Barnes,” Caroline sneered, “You’re so stupid. Rumlow would see through you in an instant, he already hates you for ‘abandoning’Hydra. You’d be dead or caught immediately. I'm sorry but it's the truth.”

“Caroline, this isn’t happening,” Bucky said shaking his head.

“It is, that’s why Tony has been so quiet for the past minute,” said Caroline, “It’s happening because I am the only one that stands a chance and Tony and Steve know it.”

“Fine,” Tony said through tight lips, “But know that you’re going without Steve or I, we want this to be as low profile as possible and we are not low profile.”

“Okay,” Caroline nodded.

“Bucky goes,” Steve said.

“No,” Caroline said shaking her head, “Absolutely not.”

“Absolutely yes,” Bucky chimed in, “There’s no way I’m letting you go into this alone.”

“Sam, anyone else,” Caroline said quickly.

“Caroline,” Steve said gently, “There is no one in the world that I trust with your life more than Bucky. He goes. Sam goes too.”

“You stay out of the way Barnes,” Caroline said turning to face him, “You stay as far away as possible. If he gets even the faintest idea that you are with me, he’ll kill you.”

“Okay fine,” Bucky said shortly, “You do the recon, Sam and I will stay out of your way.”

“We’ll send Bruce and Nat too,” Tony added, “They’ll drop you off at a secure location and then wait on the jet close enough to come get you if need be.”

“We’ll flesh out the details some more tomorrow, you’ll leave in tomorrow night,” Steve said shutting the screen down.

“Caroline, I want you to work with Natasha on the espionage stuff since she is our resident spy,” Tony said.

“Okay,” Caroline nodded.

“Now get out of here, before I change my mind and take you off the roster completely,” Tony said with a wave of his hand. 

“Tony, if you took everyone that you care about off the roster, you’d have no team,” Caroline smirked.

“Good bye Caroline,” Tony said with a laugh, shaking his head.

“Thank you Tony,” Caroline said standing.

Bucky stood too and followed her out. They stood awkwardly in the hallway together for a moment, then Caroline placed her hand on Bucky’s arm.

“I’m sorry,” Bucky said quickly, “I know you can do this, I know you can handle Rumlow and anything that gets thrown your way. I’m just terrified.”

“Bucky it’s okay,” she said giving his arm a gentle squeeze, “I get it, it’s the same feeling I have about you coming with me.”

“We shouldn't have been making decisions for you, we should have been including you,” Bucky sighed running his hand through his hair.

“Hey, come here, it’s okay,” Caroline said pulling him into her. He dropped his head onto her shoulder and she ran her fingers through his hair as she spoke, “It’s nice feeling protected. And I haven't been the easiest person to work with, I understand where they were coming from, where you were all coming from. I just need a little more faith from the three of you.”

“Well you have mine,” Bucky mumbled into her. 

“Thank you,” she smiled.

Bucky pulled back. He was looking down at her, his face full of concern. She reached up and rubbed the scrunched spot between his eyebrows.

“What’s this about?” she asked.

“I’m sorry I left you there with them,” he said finally.

“Bucky,” Caroline breathed, “Stop, you weren’t you, you didn't know. You had no idea. You hardly remembered who you were let alone who I was.”

“But I still did it,” he gulped.

“You came back Buck, you came back and that is all that matters now,” Caroline said brushing his cheek with her thumb. 

* * *

Sam sat on the edge of the hotel bed, watching Bucky pace back and forth. They had been in Germany for three days. Natasha and Bruce had dropped them at a hotel just outside of Berlin. They had learned that Rumlow was working out of a Hydra base near there, laying low after the D.C. disaster. The first two days they spent gaining intel on Rumlow, how he spent his days, but more importantly how he spent his nights. That was mostly on Bucky, he had years of experience keeping out of sight while on missions, he was good at staying invisible and disappearing when he needed to, and he hadn’t lost it.

Caroline created the plan, Sam thought it was a good one, Bucky didn’t. The plan was simple, Caroline would find him at one of his frequented pubs, make herself known, and then wait until he came to her, and she was confident he would. Bucky and Sam were to wait at the hotel room, listening in, in case something happened. Bucky begged her to let them hide out somewhere closer, the hotel was far and if something did go south he wasn’t confident that they’d make it to her in time. Caroline was confident that nothing would go south and she was confident that if it did, she could handle herself until they did make it. 

A cover story had been created for Caroline. As far as the rest of the world and Hydra knew, Caroline was no longer an Avenger. Using some very elaborate pyrotechnics and dramatics, Tony had made it seem that Caroline had turned on them in a very real and very harsh way. The story was built in, it was public knowledge that her parents had died and that her sister was missing. It was not public knowledge that her sister had been found. It was all too easy to make it look like Caroline blamed the Avengers for her lost family and that she’d have revenge on them for it. 

Bucky and Sam looked up as Caroline came out of the restroom. They had been waiting for her to change. Tonight was the night that the plan was to be set in motion. Sam whistled involuntarily, Bucky whacked him in the back of his head, voluntarily. She was wearing a tight red dress and gold pumps, an ensemble she had borrowed from Natasha. Her long hair was curled over her shoulders and down her back and she was wearing entirely too much makeup. She glared at Sam, his whistling didn’t help anyone, least of all her. 

“Sam, can we have a moment?” Bucky asked, his eyes locked in on Caroline. 

“Oh, yeah, I’ll just…wait outside, in the hallway,” Sam said hopping up. He did not want to be anywhere near this conversation. 

As Sam closed the door, Bucky took a step towards Caroline, he was stopped by one of the twin beds. The three of them had been sharing a room, much to Sam’s annoyance. Bucky had been sleeping on the floor to help him compartmentalize his feelings for Caroline and his reason for being there. It was a difficult task already, but the difficulty increased tenfold seeing her dressed up, knowing where she was headed.

“You can’t do this,” Bucky said finally, “I mean you can, you are capable, but please don’t do this,” he corrected quickly.

“Bucky,” Caroline said gently, “I’m doing this.”

“This isn’t you,” he said gesturing to her getup.

“Well that’s kind of the point Buck,” she sighed.

“It’s asking for trouble,” he said.

“I know,” she nodded, “But a little bit of trouble is what we need right now. I need him to think…”

“I know what you need him to think,” Bucky said cutting her off, “That’s what I’m worried about. That he thinks it and then, I don’t know,” he sighed running an anxious hand through his hair.

Caroline moved around the bed and stood in front of him. She reached up, taking his hand from his hair, then took his metal hand in her other, holding them in hers. 

“Bucky, I can’t say the thing you need me to say to make this all okay with you,” Caroline said slowly.

“Yeah,” he nodded, “I know. I’m not asking you to say it, I don’t even know what I’m asking.”

Caroline stared up at him, her eyes full of concern. She dropped his metal hand and pressed her palm to his cheek stroking it gently with her thumb.

“You’re not going to lose me,” Caroline said firmly, “To anyone.”

Bucky nodded and gave her the very best smile he could muster up, under the circumstances. She did love him, that much she knew, but every time she tried to tell him, her blood ran cold and her stomach twisted in knots. Once or twice she had come close to a panic attack, something none of them could afford at this juncture. She needed to keep her wits about her, she needed to keep Sam and Bucky safe.

If she kept looking up at him, she was afraid she might do something stupid, like kiss him. So, she tucked her arms under his and wrapped them around his waist, resting her head on his chest. He sighed and wrapped his arms around her, placing his head on top of hers. 

“Okay Buck,” she said after a moment, “I have to go, it’s time.”

Bucky pulled back and nodded. He opened the door to let Sam back in. Sam looked between the two of them, but didn’t say a word, a first for him. He strode over to Caroline and pulled her into a hug.

“Please for the love of God be safe,” he said, “You got a whole lotta people who will be severely pissed off if you aren’t.”

Caroline laughed, shook her head up and down. She turned and gave one last smile to Bucky, then walked out of the hotel room and out onto the street where she hailed a cab.


	37. I'll Consider a Non-Pity Date

Walking into the small, overcrowded pub, was like walking into a lion’s den. Most of it’s inhabitants were Hydra agents or “friends” of Hydra. It was a safe spot for the German division to take a break and unwind after full days of doing dirty work. 

Caroline made eye contact with no one as she entered. Some might recognize her, most wouldn’t. Regardless, she had worked long and hard with Natasha, and Tony had worked long and hard to create a perfect cover story. 

_Remember, be confident. You are Hydra, not an Avenger._

She repeated Natasha’s words to herself over and over again as she sat down at a corner table against a wall. Bucky and Sam had the other end of a tracking device that was stored in her necklace and her earring were actually tiny microphones so that they could listen in.

Caroline glanced around the room, trying to keep nonchalant, no one had seemed to notice her yet, which was good. She needed to notice Rumlow first. When she finally did spot him, he was sitting at the bar, his head bent over his drink. She ignored the feeling of dread that had crept it’s way into her stomach and got up, taking off her leather jacket. 

Placing herself in his line of sight, she pushed between two other young men waiting at the bar. The bartender ignored them and walked up to her instead.

“What are you drinking sweetheart?” he asked. 

“I’ll have a vodka soda,” she replied, “two limes.”

He nodded and walked off to make her drink. She saw Rumlow move from the corner of her eye and within seconds, felt his presence at her back.

“What do you think you’re doing here little girl?” he breathed into her ear. 

“Can’t a girl get a drink?” she asked, smirking. 

“You must really be batshit if you think you’re going to make it out of here alive,” he said with a gruff laugh.

She turned pressing her body against his, smiling up at him with an eyebrow raised. He looked shocked, but did not make any moves to hurt her. She didn’t expect that anyone would stop him if he dragged her out kicking and screaming, so she had to make herself convincing. 

“See that table over there?” she nodded to her corner table, “Wait for me there, I’ll explain everything,” she whispered the last part into his ear.

“Oh you better,” he said with a grin.

Caroline winked, then watched as he took a seat at the table she had suggested. He watched as she turned back towards the bartender and picked up her drink.

“Put it on his tab,” she said tilting her head towards Rumlow. 

He sat with her arms crossed, one leg resting on top of the other as she pulled out the chair across from him and sat down. He shook his head laughing.

“I’m confused Page,” he always called her by her surname, “Either you’re incredibly bold or incredibly stupid.”

“Why stupid? Because I walked in here after hanging out with Stark and Rogers for a bit? Wouldn't that make me…oh I don’t know, valuable?”she asked, sipping her drink.

“You’re an Avenger sweetheart, we know all about your little turn to the light,” he said leaning back.

“Well Rumlow, it doesn’t surprise me that you don’t read the news, but I would have expected you to see it somewhere, or at least be briefed on it,” she laughed, pulling out her phone and sliding it over to him.

She watched as his eyes scanned the article she had pulled up. A few days ago Tony had staged a very real bombing at Avengers HQ. He had reported to news outlets that Caroline had been the cause and that she had now gone rogue. As far as the entire world was concerned, Caroline had tried to blow up the Avengers, then ran back to Hydra. 

“You expect me to believe this bullshit?” he asked glancing up at her. 

“You can believe whatever you want,” she said taking another sip of her drink, “The reality is, I’m not an Avenger and I never was.”

“So why are you here Page?” he asked sliding her phone back to her. 

“I need a job,” she shrugged, “I need to get back in, and I thought you would be the man to help me.”

“Oh I tired that love,” he laughed, “but you left, ran off with Captain America.”

“I didn’t run off Rumlow, they took me from that base,” Caroline said rolling her eyes, “I can see communication within divisions is still messy at best.” 

“You really tried to blow up the Avengers?” he asked narrowing his eyes at her.

“I sure did,” she said leaning forward, “Stark is a smart man, but I managed to blow up half of his base anyhow.”

“Yet somehow they all made it out alive,” Rumlow said raising an eyebrow.

“I hit Stark’s lab and Roger’s office, everything they had on Hydra were in those rooms, all of Stark’s tech, destroyed. Sure he can rebuild, but it’s buys time. And Barton is still in the hospital from his burns,” she bragged, “It isn’t my fault that they’re quick.”

All of these things were true. Tony needed it to be as realistic as possible, so he blew up his tech along with half of the base. He had, however, removed the Hydra files and stored them in a safe location. To the outside world, Clint was indeed recovering in the hospital from gnarly burn wounds, in reality he was at home,with his wife and kids.

“Alright,” Rumlow nodded, “One more question then.”

“Go ahead,” she replied.

“What is your precious Barnes up to? Is he still one of them, or did he follow you back?” Rumlow asked.

She shifted in her seat as more of Natasha’s words rang out in her ears. Words that weren’t as helpful as some of the others.

_You better pray he doesn’t ask you about Barnes. Your face betrays you at the very sound of his name._

“He’s still one of them, he always was,” Caroline replied nonchalantly, “He never knew I planned on coming back. Why would he?”

“I remember how attached you were to him,” Rumlow said, eyeing her carefully, “It took you forever to trust me after he’d abandoned you.” 

“He isn’t who I thought he was,” Caroline said swirling her straw in her drink, “He’s weak,I thought he’d come back to us, but he’s too far up Roger’s ass.”

She held her face together thinking about Sam and Bucky listening in on that one. She would hear it later from Bucky about it, she was sure. Rumlow snickered, which was a good sign, he was beginning to let his guard down.

“Let me get you another,” he said nodding to her empty glass. 

“Why not,” she shrugged. 

He smiled at her and stood walking off to the bar. She was thankful that the microphone in her ear was one way, no doubt Bucky was losing his mind, and his telling would only be a distraction to her. 

Rumlow came back and slid her drink over to her, then took his seat again. He watched as she fiddled with the ice, shoving the lime down into the liquid. 

“Try it,” he said, “I want to make sure I got it right.”

He watched expectantly as she took a sip. She swallowed and nodded.

“It’s perfect,” she said.

“Great, let’s go out back,” he said, “It’s a little more private and I need a real smoke break.”

“Alright,” she said grabbing her jacket, following him through the back door. 

It was chilly outside, as November in Germany often was. There was a light dusting of snow around them, even more in the woods behind them. Caroline shivered and pulled her jacket tighter around her. They leaned up against the wall, blocking themselves from the wind. Rumlow lit a cigarette and offered her one. She took it, nodding a thanks, and held it in her mouth as he lit it for her. 

“It’s freezing,” she said shivering.

“Sure is,” he nodded watching her closely.

She cocked her head to the side, questioningly. Then, her head started to spin and her vision began to blur. She pressed her hand against the wall, steadying herself.

“There it is,” Rumlow said, taking a drag of his cigarette.

“What did you do?” Caroline panted.

“You know Caroline, I almost believed you,” he said as her knees buckled beneath her, “But I saw your eyes flicker the second I mentioned Barnes. You’re a bad liar, and now, you’ll die for it.”

She clutched her head as the world around her went dark. The last thing she saw was Rumlow hovering above her, flicking his cigarette into the damp ground.

* * *

Caroline blinked, her head was pounding. She resisted the urge to throw up. Slowly, her surroundings became more distinguishable, although that didn't help her figure out where she was. It was dark outside and cold. They were in the woods behind the bar, Rumlow must have dragged her that far. Her hands were zip tied behind her back. He was perched on a rock, watching her, a broad grin forming across his lips.

“Goodmorning sunshine,” he said sarcastically, “Did we have a good sleep?”

“I’m on your side you idiot,” Caroline spat, still trying to maintain her cover.

“You know it’s funny,” Rumlow said gruffly, “You and Roger’s had almost the same reaction when I brought up your precious Barnes. There must be something really special about that guy. I always thought he was kind of a dickwad,” he shrugged.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Caroline breathed.

He walked towards her, chuckling lowly. She glared at him, intended to send him flying backwards, but he just kept right on moving towards her.

“Can’t use your powers?” he asked kneeling down in front of her.

“What did you do to me?” she asked, tears streaming down her face.

He pulled out a tiny glass vial and shook it in front of her.

“Hydra’s been working on this,” he said with a grin, “A little drop will render your powers useless. With all the new mutated freaks they’re creating, they had to figure out a way to keep all these new super powers in check.”

“Mutated freaks?” Caroline asked shaking her head.

“Oh yeah, you think you’re the only one?” Rumlow laughed, “There’s a gene, dormant in most, they’ve found a way to wake that gene up. Freaks like you.”

“So they didn’t give me anything,” Caroline said breathlessly.

“You’ve always had it, they just showed you how to use it,” he said, “But they’re gone now. They’ll come back, eventually, but for now, you ain’t special,” he said grinning darkly as he clutched her chin.

“Maybe not, but I can still do this,” she said ramming her head into his nose, hard.

Natasha had taught her how to fight with her hands behind her back, they accounted for everything in her training. Rumlow clutched the bridge of his nose, panting heavily.

“You’re going to pay for that,” he said grabbing a handful of her hair.

She screamed as he hurled her into the rock he had previously occupied, Her shin came in direct contact with a sharp edge. She heard the crack and felt blood. 

“I’m going to kill you,” he said into her ear, “I should take you back to them, but I’m going to kill you.” 

He threw her down in front of him, pulling out what looked like a gun. It was glowing at the end, threatening something more powerful than a bullet.

“Like our shiny new toys?” he asked.

Red Wing flew down, hitting him directly in the face. He flew backwards as Caroline’s heart did a flip.

“Like ours?” Sam’s voice rang out through Red Wing.

Bucky ran over to Caroline, and cut her zip ties.

“Buck,” she said, her voice catching in her throat, “You have to go, please go, he’ll kill you.”

“Are you okay?” he asked holding her face in his, ignoring her panic, “C’mon, we have to go, let’s go,” he said lifting her into his arms.

“Well look who it is,” Rumlow wheezed, getting to his feet, “The Winter Soldier,” he seethed.

“Caroline go,” Bucky said putting her on her feet.

“How fucking precious,” Rumlow snapped, “You think you’re actually a hero. You ain’t shit Barnes. Nothing but a cold blooded killer, I’ve seen the carnage you’ve left behind.”

“Kill me then,” Bucky said shrugging, “You’ve always wanted to, here’s your chance.”

Bucky drew his gun as Rumlow drew his. They fired at the same, a shot ringing out from Bucky’s end, and a loud blast coming from Rumlow’s. Sam flew through the air kicking Rumlow to the side, throwing his aim off. Rumlow got up and took off running, as Caroline crawled over to Bucky. 

She sucked in a breath as she took in the damage. The left side of his abdomen had been hit, his uniform had been completely singed off, and his skin was dark and burned. Sam flew down and landed beside her, looking completely terrified.

“Sam,” she said in a calm voice, ripping the rest of Bucky’s uniform from him, “I need you to not panic, but, I can’t heal him right now.”

“Right…right…that shit Rumlow slipped in your drink, which by the way why the HELL were you taking a drink from that man?” Sam asked, clearly panicking.

“Call Nat and Bruce, right now,” Caroline said scooping up some snow from the ground around her.

She gingerly pressed it against his wound. 

“Ow what the fuck?” he winced, his eyes snapping open. 

“Hi Buck,” Caroline said softly.

“Am I going to die?” he asked, his entire body trembling from the pain.

“Maybe, you’ve got a damn hole in you,” Sam said. 

“Great,” Bucky nodded.

He looked up at Caroline for more reassurance. She smiled down at him, trying to hold back her tears.

“Oh shit, it really is bad,” he breathed.

“No, it’s not bad, it’s fine, you’re fine,” Caroline said quickly. 

She brushed the hair back from his face. He shook everywhere and Caroline didn't know how to fix it or make it stop. 

“It feels bad,” he said, struggling to keep his eyes open.

Sam pulled out a syringe from his utility belt and shoved the needle into Bucky’s arm. Bucky winced, then slowly, his body began to relax.

“Morphine,” Sam said, putting the empty syringe back in his belt.

“Thank you,” Caroline nodded.

“Caroline, you look great,” Bucky slurred, “I mean really great. Different, but great.”

“Okay Buck,” Caroline said with a laugh, “Sam how far out are they?”

“They should be here any minute,” Sam said, “You know Barnes, you’re in a position of power here. Almost dying and all, you could ask for whatever you want and get it,” Sam said kneeling on the other side of Bucky.

“I want my arm back,” Bucky mumbled.

“Alright maybe not whatever you want,” Sam chuckled, “What about a date?” Sam said winking at Caroline.

She glared over at Sam as he smiled broadly.

“I’m flattered Sam, really I am, and I always kind knew you had a crush on me, but you’re just not my type,” Bucky said with a laugh. 

His laugh made him wince, and Caroline stroked his forehead. She looked over at Sam tearfully, and he placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder. 

“Not with him you idiot,” Caroline said, turning her attention back to Bucky.

“If I’m going to get a date with you, it’s not going to be a pity date because you think I’m about to die,” Bucky said shaking his head.

“Fair enough,” Caroline running a shaky hand through his hair, “I promise I’ll consider a non-pity date if you just stay alive.”

“Caroline, you’re bleeding,” Sam said softly.

“She’s what?” Bucky asked, moving to sit up.

He winced again and Caroline pressed her hand to his chest, holding him down with very little force.

“I’m fine,” she said through gritted teeth to Sam, “It’s just a scratch,” she said glancing down at the gash in her leg.

“Okay sure, just a scratch,” Sam said unzipping the top of his uniform.

He pulled of the shirt he had underneath, then zipped his top back up. He moved to wrap it tightly over her leg. She held in her gasp of pain as he worked silently on her. Both kept as quiet as possible, not wanting to draw any of Bucky’s attention to it.

“Caroline,” Bucky wheezed, “Why aren’t you healing me?” 

“I can’t,” Caroline said, crying fully now, “Bucky I can’t.”

“Don’t cry,” he said lifting his hand to her cheek, “I forgot, I’m sorry. I just forgot.”

She dropped down, sobbing into his chest. A whirring sound came in behind her and her heart leapt as the wind picked up at her back. Natasha and Bruce were finally there. They ran out of the jet. 

“Hey, we’re here,” Natasha said resting her hand on Caroline’s shoulder, “It’s going to be okay.”

“I’ve called Dr. Cho, she’ll be at the base before we are,” Bruce said reassuringly, “Don’t worry Barnes, Barton has been through this, he can tell you all about it. You’ll be fixed in no time.”

“Great,” Bucky gulped, “Am I going to die though?”

“No, you’re gonna be fine,” Bruce laughed.

“Caroline can you walk?” Sam asked.

“I don’t think so,” Caroline said trying to stand.

“I’ll carry you,” Bucky slurred.

“Oh my god Barnes, you’re such an idiot,” Caroline chuckled through her tears.

“Sure, but Banner said I’m going to live, so try and not let that idiot thing sway you when you’re considering a date,” he said with a weak smile.

“Let’s get this giant hole fixed first please,” said Caroline.

“Always an excuse, am I right Sam?” Bucky said turning his head towards Sam.

“Okay Barnes, I think that morphine is kicking in extra hard now, let’s get you onto the jet,” he laughed.

Bucky winced as Sam and Bruce each placed an arm over their shoulders and lifted him onto the jet. Natasha did the same with Caroline, taking an arm over her shoulder and holding Caroline by the waist with her other arm.

“He asked about Barnes didn’t he?” Natasha asked gently as she helped Caroline limp up the ramp.

“He asked about Barnes,” Caroline whimpered.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Natasha said sitting her down, “Did you get the info?”

“Yeah, I know what they’re working on,” Caroline nodded.

“Then you did your job, and you got out alive, all of you,” Natasha smirked, “It’s not the biggest fail in the history of the Avengers. We did drop an entire city out of the sky.”

“Is he really going to be okay?” Caroline asked softly.

“He’s going to be okay,” Natasha nodded, “Same thing happened to Clint and look at that guy?”

“Okay,” Caroline said shaking her head.

She felt the jet jolt as Sam started to fly it back to New York. Bruce had Bucky on the table in the back, he seemed to be unconscious. 

“Why didn’t you just heal him?” Natasha asked.

“Rumlow,” Caroline sobbed, “He gave me something, put it in my drink, my powers aren’t working. He said they’ll come back, but I couldn’t help Bucky. The one thing I’m good at I couldn't even do.”

“It’s okay,” Natasha said bringing Caroline into her, “It’s going to be okay. He’s going to be okay. You both are.” 

Caroline cried into Natasha until Bruce came over and pumped her full of morphine too. The pain in her leg was gone in an instant and her body finally began to relax. Natasha scooped her up and put laid her down in the corner with a blanket. She sat beside her, placing Caroline’s head in her lap, stroking her hair gently. Bruce walked over to her and slid down beside her, leaning his back against the wall.

“Barnes is in pretty bad shape,” Bruce sighed.

“Yeah, I could tell,” Natasha nodded, “I didn’t want to freak this one out though. Will he be okay?”

“I’m sure he will be, his wound is deeper than Barton’s was, but Cho is genius. She should be able to fix him up, his recovery might be longer, but yeah, I think he’ll be okay,” Bruce nodded, “Did she do it?”

“Yeah, she did,” Natasha said with a nod, “Mission accomplished. I’m going to murder Stark when I get back for almost losing her, but she did it.”

Bruce chuckled and placed his hand gently over Natasha’s. She gave him a small smirk, resting her head on his should for a moment. When she lifted her head back up, he gave her hand a small squeeze.

“I should go back to Barnes,” he said standing.

“Do you love him?” Caroline mumbled.

“Shit, I thought you were out,” Natasha said with a jump, “Don’t scare me like that.”

“Do you love him though?” Caroline asked again.

“You’re high, you don’t know what you’re talking about,” Natasha said shaking her head.

“Okay, but do you love him?” said Caroline.

“Jesus, you’re relentless,” Natasha laughed, “One might say I have a crush. But you won’t remember this and if you do…no one will believe you.”

“Fine,” Caroline grunted, “I knew it though. I knew you loved him.”

“Go to sleep Caroline,” Natasha chuckled.

Natasha leaned her head back against the wall, listening to Caroline steadily breath in and out. When she knew that Caroline was finally asleep, she closed her eyes too, still stroking Caroline’s hair. 


	38. A Very Concerned Semi-Girlfriend

Steve leaned against the wall of the small med room, his arms crossed over his chest. Caroline was sitting on the med table, her leg stretched on a stool in front of her. Tony sat on his own stool, carefully stitching up Caroline’s leg. She winced and her leg trembled every time he shoved the needle into her skin.

Tony was angry, he was furious. Mostly because they had almost lost Caroline, but also because he felt like it was his fault. Steve felt responsibility too. They both knew they should have gone with her, instead of sending Sam and Bucky. It had been a risky plan to begin with, everyone knew that, but none of them could have predicted how hard it would backfire. Except they both felt like they should have known. 

“Ouch, Tony, it hurts,” she hissed, propping herself up on her elbows.

“Well yes, Caroline, it’s going to hurt,” Tony snapped, “Probably a lot and probably for a long time.”

“Okay can you stop blaming me for this, how was I supposed to know he would strip me of my powers?” she asked angrily, tears pooling in the corners of her eyes.

“You were supposed to figure that part out without him actually using it on you,” Tony shot back.

“Alright, enough,” Steve said sharply, “Tony now is not the time to berate her. She’s been through enough.”

“She’s been through enough,” Tony laughed bitterly, “Steve she almost got herself killed, she almost got Bucky killed. I told you this was a bad idea, I told all of you this was a bad idea,” he barked.

“I accomplished my mission didn’t I?” Caroline seethed, “I did my job, I got the information.”

“You did,” Steve nodded, “You did a good job Caroline.”

“Why would you take a drink from him?” Tony sighed shaking his head, “I can’t fault you for giving yourself away over your feelings for Barnes, but you should have known better than to take a drink from him, from anyone.”

“My feelings for Barnes?” Caroline laughed incredulously, “I know you’re joking. Your story wasn’t as airtight as you thought it was.”

“Oh my story was airtight,” Tony said looking up at her, “The entire world believed that you had ran back to Hydra. Hydra believed you had ran back to Hydra! I did my job Caroline! You need to learn how to keep your feelings in check!” he shouted.

“Tony, stop,” Steve sighed.

“What feelings Tony?” Caroline cried, “What are you talking about?”

“We listened to the playback Caroline,” Steve said gently, “Rumlow asked you about Bucky, then he offered you the drink. He must have caught on that you were lying.”

“You’re in love with Barnes, that’s fine,” Tony snapped, “But Jesus Christ you need to learn how to keep it out of your missions.”

“I’m not in love with anyone,” Caroline said furiously, “I don’t know what happened, but it doesn’t even matter. I accomplished my fucking mission!” 

“You almost died!” Tony hollered.

“But I didn’t,” Caroline sighed heavily, “Instead I handled it.”

“Barnes almost died Caroline!” Tony shouted.

“He didn't have to be there! I told you not to send him with me!” she screamed.

Tony and his stool went flying backwards into the wall behind him, the room began to shake around them. Steve darted in front of Caroline, grabbing her face in his hands. She looked up at him, tears streaming down her face. Her powers were back in full force and he needed her to check them before they got out of control. If Bucky had been there, calming her would have been a walk in the park, but he was indisposed and Steve needed to think fast.

“Caroline,” he said gently, placing a hand on her shoulder, “You’re right. We shouldn’t have sent Bucky, you were right. We made it a rule a long time ago not to send you two on missions together to protect you both and we should have stuck to it. I failed you, I’m so sorry.”

She sucked in a breath and let it out shakily as she nodded. The room settled. Tony picked himself up off the ground, then he picked up the stool, bringing it back to her. He rested a hand on her knee.

“I’m sorry kid,” he sighed, “This isn't your fault. We should have prepared you better, we should have equipped you better, and we really should not have sent you off with just Wilson and Barnes, the Wonder Boys.”

Caroline laughed, dropping her head in her hands. She shook with sobs for a few moments, then looked up at them, wiping her tears.

“They did great,” she smiled, “I got cocky.”

“Of course they did great,” Steve laughed, “But maybe only sending you three wasn’t our best idea. And you’re absolutely right, Buck definitely shouldn't have been there.”

“Now,” Tony said slowly, “We need to go over everything one more time. Whatever Rumlow gave you obviously isn't permanent.”

“No, he implied it wasn’t,” Caroline nodded, “I don’t feel right though. They feel shaky and uncontrollable again.”

“I’m sure that will wear off too,” Steve said, gently.

“Do you think you could heal yourself?” Tony asked.

Caroline examined her leg for a moment. She ran her hand over the stitched wound, it was red and swollen. Slowly, she shook her head.

“No, I don’t think I can,” Caroline replied, “Not yet.”

“Well at least we know it’s not permanent,” Tony sighed

“I don’t think they’re intention is to remove super powers. I think they’re intention is to control them,” Caroline said.

“Right,” said Tony, “As of now there’s not really any way of knowing how many people have this gene, and of those people we aren’t sure how many Hydra has a hold of.”

“There’s something else,” Caroline said looking up at Tony and Steve, “Hydra had to activate the gene in me, my sister, Wanda…who knows how many others. But what if the gene is already active in some of the others?”

“Well that certainly is something to consider,” Tony nodded. 

The door flew open and Avery waltzed into the room and over to her sister. Steve and Tony moved aside, knowing full well that if they didn't Avery wouldn't hesitate to move them herself. 

“Caroline are you alright?” Avery asked holding her sister’s face in her hands.

“I’m fine,” Caroline nodded.

“Is she actually fine?” Avery asked looking between Steve and Tony.

“I think she will be,” Steve smiled.

“Where have you been?” Caroline asked, raising a suspicious eyebrow.

“Oh, well,” Avery said stepping back, “I was with Sam…and Bucky. Sam is refusing to leave until Bucky wakes up. I think he likes Bucky a lot more than he lets on,” she added with a smirk.

“He’s still out?” Caroline asked softly.

“Yes,” Avery nodded, “He’s going to be okay though,” she said quickly.

“Good,” Caroline said, forcing a tight lipped smile.

The others glanced around at each other, exchanging concerned looks. Tony scooted his stool in closer to Caroline, looking up at her, his eyebrows furrowed.

“Caroline,” he said tentatively, “I can’t help but notice that you haven't asked to see him, I mean you haven’t really asked anything about him.”

“Well why should I?” Caroline asked tearfully, “It’s my fault he’s in this position. And it’s not like this is the first time he’s almost died because of me.”

“He makes his own choices Caroline,” Steve interjected.

“Alright fine, he makes his own choices,” Caroline snapped, “Even so, the one thing that I should be able to do, heal him, I couldn't do because I was stupid enough to take a drink from Rumlow. Now he’s suffering because of me and my dumb ass. I shouldn't be there when he wakes up, I shouldn't be anywhere near him.”

“You’re being crazy,” Tony said, “You know that right?”

“Tony,” Steve groaned.

“What?” he asked shrugging, “She’s being insane.”  


“Look,” Steve said turning back to Caroline, “As Bucky’s best friend and at this point the only person in the world who has known him the longest, I would be shocked if you weren't the first person he wanted to see upon waking up.”

“I’d be surprised if you weren't the only person he’d want to see,” Tony said with a laugh. 

“Sure, right up until he remembers that it’s all my fault and that I let him down when he needed me most,” Caroline said angrily.

“Okay get up,” said Avery.

“My leg hurts,” Caroline replied simply. 

Tony rummaged in the cabinet behind him, then turned and shoved a syringe needle into her leg.

“Ow shit!” Caroline cried, “Tony what the fuck?”

“That will numb the area, take away the pain,” Tony replied simply, “Steve, you want to get her?”

“Oh, yeah, on it,” Steve said scooping Caroline up.

“You can’t just carry me out of here against my will,” Caroline protested.

“It looks like that's exactly what he’s doing it,” Tony smirked. 

She crossed her arms as he carried her to Bruce’s lab. Dr. Cho had set up in there, she was used to coming in and fixing up the Avengers. Bucky was laying on a table, while Cho’s machine slowly fixed his wound. She stood back, examining the process. Sam stood on the other side of the table, his arms crossed.

“About time,” he said as the others entered the room.

“Caroline’s gone crazy,” Tony said.

Steve placed her down next to him and but kept his arm around her waist for support. Avery went over to stand by Sam, keeping her eyes fixed on her sister. Caroline was staring at Bucky, tears already forming in her eyes. Sam looked at the others, confusion across his face.

“Caroline what’s wrong?” he asked.

“She actually thinks that Barnes here, is going to be so angry with her for all of this, that he’d rather wake up to your stupid face than hers,” Tony smirked hopping up onto a counter, “Thank you so much for coming Helen, it’s always a pleasure to have you here,” he added, turning to Dr. Cho.

“It’s usually a pleasure to be here,” Dr. Cho smiled.

“I will take that as a compliment,” Tony replied, “Now, what is the status on our boy? We have one very concerned semi-girlfriend over here.”

“I swear to god Tony I am going to murder you,” Caroline said, her entire body tensing.

Steve laughed uneasily and held her a little tighter. He could tell she was ready to lunge, he noticed however that she was keeping her powers under control. That or they still were hardly working.

“Caroline, if you lunge after Tony you’re going to hurt your leg even more,” Steve said, “And really, is Tony worth that?”

“If he keeps saying stupid shit,” Caroline growled.

Tony stared at her for a moment, then he blinked and turned back to Dr. Cho, a bright smile on his face.

“Anyway,” he said, “What’s the status on Barnes?”

“He’ll live, but I’m sure you figured as much when you called me,” Dr. Cho said with a hint of pride, “His wound was a lot deeper than Barton’s, but I’m managing. It also helps that he has accelerated healing. The Cradle can only do so much though, everything that was damaged underneath the skin, nerves, muscle, those will have to heal themselves. It might be a while before he’s one-hundred percent.”

“Thank you Helen,” Tony said with a nod.

“Of course,” she nodded.

Steve helped Caroline over to a chair. She pushed it into the corner, sprawling her leg out in front of her.

“Okay real quick, I want to go back to something,” Sam said raising his hand, “My face is not stupid and Barnes would be damn lucky if it was the first thing he saw when he woke up.”

“Fair enough,” Tony nodded, “You’re a handsome man Wilson, but you know what I meant.”

“Right, exactly,” Sam agreed, “And I did. Caroline, get your butt over here.”

“I’m going to stay here, thanks,” she said firmly. 

Steve sighed moving behind her, pushing the chair, with her in it, beside Bucky. The table was low enough that she was able to place her arms on it next to him. She dropped her head onto her arms and began crying. Her whole body heaved as the sobs escaped her. Seeing him sleeping peacefully made everything worse. As soon as he woke up he was going to be in pain, hurting because of her.

“Caroline,” Bucky said weakly, placing a hand on her head, “Why are you crying?” 

She jumped, lifting her head to look at him. Seeing him awake did not make the tears stop. He lifted his hand to her cheek, wiping them away, his eyes full of concern. 

“She’s crying because she’s crazy,” Tony said, “Good morning Barnes.”

“How was your beauty sleep playboy?” Sam asked grinning broadly.

“Fine,” Bucky said, blinking in confusion, “What’s going on here?” he asked looking down at the machine fixing his skin.

“This is Dr. Helen Cho,” Tony said gesturing to Helen, “Her machine is healing you so that you don’t die and stuff.”

“Okay,” Bucky said with a small nod, “Um thank you,” he added, smiling at her.

She nodded and smiled back, then went back to her paperwork. 

“How are you feeling Buck?” Steve asked, moving to place a hand on his friend’s shoulder.

“I’ve been better,” he said with a tight smile, “But I’m fine Caroline, I’m good. You can stop crying now,” he said gently to her.

“That’s not why she’s crying,” Sam said as Caroline sniffled.

“Oh, and here I was thinking that she was worried about me,” Bucky chuckled, “How foolish of me.”

“I was worried you asshole,” she said, angrily wiping the back of her hand across her face.

“Okay,” Bucky laughed, “You were worried, that doesn't explain why you’re still crying,” he said pressing his forehead against hers. 

“It’s my fault,” Caroline said softly, “It’s my fault that you almost died…again.”

Bucky pulled his head back from hers and glanced around at the others in the room. He was surprised by her response and a little angry that any of them had lead her to believe that.

“Did anyone remind her that I willingly ran into both situations?” he asked.

“I mentioned that you make your own choices,” Steve shrugged.

“She wasn’t really willing to listen to any of us,” Tony added.

“Also, I wasn’t able to tell her about the part where you used one of Widow’s bites to stun me and then darted out of our hotel room to get to her because you knew I would stop you and go in your place,” Sam said raising an eyebrow at him.

“I don’t remember that,” Bucky said curtly.

“Oh he doesn’t remember that,” Sam nodded, a smile playing across his lips, “That’s why it took me a hot minute to get to y’all, but he doesn't remember that.”

“Bucky you’re such an idiot,” Caroline said dropping her head.

“What, we made it out didn’t we?” he asked.

“Okay first of all,” Caroline said sharply, her head snapping up to meet his eyes, “You almost died. Twice!”

“But I didn’t. Either time,” Bucky countered.

“Oh my god,” Caroline sighed, exasperated, “I wasn’t able to heal you this time Buck, you genuinely could have died. Don’t you get that?”

“Caroline,” he said placing his hand on her cheek, “I get it. But you can’t blame yourself. I mean look at this thing,” he said gesturing to the Cradle, “I’m not convinced that you could have healed this one on your own.”

“There was nothing I could do Bucky,” she said, her voice shaking, “You were dying and I was helpless and it was my fault.” 

“It wasn’t your fault,” he said firmly, “I made my choice. I came after you, I would do it again. You did exactly what you were supposed to do, if you hadn't taken that drink he would have killed you right there, in that pub, before anyone could get to you. Do you understand?” 

She hesitated for a moment, keeping her eyes on his. She hadn't considered that before, but he was right. The drink was their cue that something was off, and if she had denied it, there wouldn't have been a fight at all. 

“Okay,” she nodded.

“Good,” he said leaning his head back on his pillow, “I’m tired again,” he sighed closing his eyes.

Caroline ran her fingers through his hair, as Dr. Cho checked his vitals, making sure they were still on the right track.

“Damn,” Sam said after a moment, “How did none of us realize that?”

“Because you’re all idiots,” Bucky mumbled.

“I’m actually a genius,” Tony corrected.

Caroline glared over at him and he shrugged at her. No one wanted to say the real reason that Bucky had worked it out was because he had, for so long, thought like the rest of Hydra. No one had to say it, they all knew, especially Bucky. 

“Oh Stark,” Bucky said after a long moment.

“Yeah Barnes?” Tony replied.

“What exactly is a ‘semi-girlfriend’?” he asked with a smirk.

Tony’s face lit up as Caroline’s eyes widened in horror. She glared over at him and the cabinet above the counter where he sat opened up, it’s contents pouring out all over him. A glass vial dropped on top of his head.

“Damnit!” he said rubbing his head tenderly, “Glad to see your powers are up and running again,” he said sarcastically.

 "Watch it Tony," Steve said, "You might need her to heal that bump on your head."

"Heal it!" Tony said incredulously, "She created it!"

"All the same," Steve laughed, "You want to keep her on your side."


	39. It's Not a Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello! So I took Benadryl last night, "finished" this chapter and then posted it. When I woke up I realized that the end made very little sense and that I hadn't actually finished it the way that I wanted to. So I'm reposting it and hopefully it makes a little more sense. Also this story totally does have an ending and we're working our way there I promise! Anyway moral of the story "Don't Benadryl and write kids!" Enjoy!

Bucky sat on the sofa in the sitting room with Caroline. His arm was propped up on the back of the sofa, her back was leaned into him. She was focusing very hard on painting her nails. To avoid getting black nail polish on the couch and facing the wrath of Tony, she had laid out a towel in front of her. Bucky had watched her for a bit, struggling to get the edges right, but he had moved on to reading. As he read, he listened to music on his phone. Having background noise was always less of a distraction to him than silence. Silence led to running thoughts, and running thoughts often led to panic attacks. 

He was listening to a playlist Caroline had made for him to catch him up on all the music he had missed that she thought was important. Sam, Peter, and Natasha had each made him their own and Steve made him one of all the songs from their time. He tended to favor Caroline’s over the others, except for most of the stuff she had added from the nineties. He was adamant that the nineties produced garbage music. 

She moved against Bucky, pressing herself deeper into his side. He winced as her body pushed directly on his wound. Caroline jumped way from him and he took out his earbuds, realizing he must have vocalized his pain. Dr. Cho had done her best, but it was deep, and even with his accelerated healing it was still taking days.

“I’m so sorry,” she said quickly. 

She absentmindedly lifted his shirt to check the bandage.

“It’s okay Caroline,” he said, letting her fuss over him for a moment.

They had not discussed anything that had happened in Germany, nor had they discussed Tony’s comment. Bucky had made the briefest of mentions indicating that a conversation might be necessary, but when Caroline shut down completely, he didn’t push any further. Things were normal, mostly, except for a new kind of desperation to be around each other all the time. When she was training or out with the girls, Bucky missed her. Every touch felt weightier, like it meant more. He was finally certain of her feelings for him, but she still wasn’t ready, and he was still willing to wait. 

“I wish I could heal you,” she said softly, as she pulled his shirt back down.

“Even if you did have your powers back fully, I’m still not convinced that there would be much more you could do,” he said with a small smile, “Please stop worrying about me Caroline, I’m going to survive this one.”

He stroked her cheek gently. She narrowed her eyes at him, and shook her head, then turned back to painting her nails, he went back to reading his book. When she was finally finished, she closed the bottle and blew on her nails. Then looked down at his hand that was resting lightly over her shoulder. 

“What are you doing?” he asked as she took his hand and place it on her knee.

She grinned up at him, opening her nail polish again, scraping the excess polish of the small brush.

“No,” he said shaking his head, “I don’t want that.” 

“It’s happening,” she said spreading the paint on his forefinger. 

“Yeah, itcertainly would appear so,” Bucky sighed, allowing her to continue. 

They were both too preoccupied; Caroline with painting Bucky’s fingernails, and Bucky with is book, to notice Tony walk into the room. He stood and watched, taking them both in for a few moments, incredibly confused to say the least. 

“What are you two doing?” he asked, causing Caroline to jump.

“Damnit Tony, now I have to start on this one all over again,” she said wiping Bucky’s middle fingernail clean. 

“If you start walking around with black nail polish on that hand, I will start calling you Edgelord,” Tony said to Bucky.

“At first I was letting her entertain herself, but now, I don’t know…I’m kind of into it,” Bucky said considering his hand.

“No you’re right,” Tony nodded slowly, “It does kind of suit you…Edgelord.”

Caroline and Tony both laughed, but Bucky shrugged picking up his book again. It wasn’t the worst nickname he had been given. Also, he had learned that Tony liked big reactions and the best way to get him to quit, was not to react at all.

“Well anyway,” Tony said after a moment, sounding mildly annoyed, “Caroline, you need to get ready.”

“For what?” she asked, blinking up at him.

“No,” Tony said warningly, “No you are not playing dumb with me today. I told you at least ten times, no less than three times today.”

“What is he talking about?” Caroline asked Bucky.

“You have a press conference in the city, to clear up with the public your whereabouts and if you are actually a part of this team or not,” Bucky recited.

“That’s right,” Tony said, “So let’s go.”

“You’re a traitor,” Caroline said sharply to Bucky.

He grinned, but did not look up from his book. 

“Tony, please don’t make me do this,” she said pleadingly.

“Caroline, you have to,” Tony sighed.

“Can’t you make something up for me? Like you always do?” she asked.

“If I could I would,” he said with a soft smile, “Thing is, the public has never heard from you. In fact you’re the only one on the team that they haven't heard from, and they need to hear it from you that your running back to Hydra was a mission, not reality. Steve and I will be there the entire time, on either side of you, in case anything goes wrong…but it won’t, I promise.”

“Okay,” she nodded.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to go with you?” Bucky asked her gently.

“You’re still healing Buck,” Caroline said shaking her head, “You should stay and rest.”

“That’s not what I asked,” he smiled, “I asked if you wanted me to go.”

“I heard you asshole,” she said rolling her eyes, “And I am telling you, that despite my wanting you there, you should stay and take care of yourself.”

“You want me there, I’m going,” Bucky said firmly.

“Ugh, you two make me literally want to vomit,” Tony teased, rolling his eyes, “Listen Caroline, we all know you love to argue, but before you continue to protest, Barnes here is doing a lot better. A part of healing is getting up and moving around, outside, where the sun is.”

“I don’t love to argue,” Caroline scoffed.

“There she is, proving my point!” Tony exclaimed, gesturing to her excitedly, “Now come on you two, get ready.”

Bucky smiled over at her as Tony left the room, still muttering about he was always right. She sighed and shook her head at him reproachfully. 

“What?” he asked.

“I’m just worried about you,” she replied gently, “You wince at the slightest movements, you still look pale, and you shouldn’t be running around the city because you feel some sort of responsibility over me.”

“Caroline,” Bucky groaned, “I don’t feel responsible for you, I like being with you. You’re nervous and I want to be there for you. Besides, it’s not entirely selfless,” he added with a small smirk.

“Oh?” Caroline asked raising an eyebrow, “Don’t tell me you miss me when I’m gone?”

“Fine, I won’t tell you that I miss you when you’re not here,” he shrugged.

Caroline regarded him for a moment. She bit her lip and looked down at her nails, chipping her fresh polish anxiously.

“Buck,” she said gently, “I’m afraid of how much we need each other.”

He nodded slowly, taking one of her hands in his. 

“Okay,” he said, “I hear you, I’ll stay.”

“Wait what?” Caroline asked, looking at him confused.

“What do you mean what?” Bucky asked scrunching his eyebrows together.

“I just basically told you I needed you, and now you’re telling me you’re going to stay,” Caroline said flatly, “How does that even happen?”

“Because you didn’t say you needed me,” Bucky replied shaking his head, “You said you were afraid of _how_ much you need me. And of how much I need you apparently.”

“Yes,” she nodded, “I’m terrified of it. It means that we have more to lose and Bucky I really, really can’t lose you.”

“You keep saying that Caroline,” Bucky replied, “Where do you think I’m going to go?”

“I don’t know,” Caroline said looking up into his eyes, “I just have this feeling like one day I’m going to wake up and you’re not going to be there.”

He sighed deeply. They'd had this conversation countless times, before she lost her memories, and after, but she had never admitted that. He took her face in his hands and pressed his forehead to hers.

“Caroline Page,” he said carefully, “Please believe me when I say that I have no intention of ever leaving you. As long as it is safe for you that I stay, I’m staying.”

“Well what the hell does that mean?” Caroline breathed, pulling her head away from his. 

“You know my past,” he replied, “If the Winter Soldier comes back, I’m not putting you or anyone here through that.”

“Are you still worried about that Buck?” Caroline asked gently.

“Of course I am,” he nodded, “Caroline, I will always be worried about that.” 

“It’s not going to happen Buck,” Caroline smiled softly, pressing her hand to his cheek, “They have no control over you any more. You belong to you now.”

“Thank you for saying that Caroline,” Bucky said earnestly.

She was so kind and gentle with him when his past got brought up, it was one of the many things that drew him to her. She didn’t dance around it like Steve, or make jokes like Sam. She was careful and understanding, and he appreciated it. 

“Come on Caroline,” he said standing slowly, “You need to get ready before Tony comes down here again and loses his mind,” he said offering her his hand.

“Bucky, I can stand on my own, you do not need to be physically exerting yourself,” she scolded.

“Alright that’s it,” Bucky said glaring at her, “I’m hurt, not dead, not dying, just hurt.”

He bent down and picked her up, throwing her over his shoulder. She almost protested as he staggered slightly, but something in her told her to let him have this one. He carried her all the way up to her room, then set her down in front of her door looking triumphant and a little extra clammy.

“You okay there Buck?” she asked smirking at him.

“I’m fine, you’re tiny,” he said with a shake of his head, “I’ll…see you later, when you get back?” he asked.

“Bucky,” Caroline sighed, “Please come with me.”

“Of course I will come with you,” he smiled.

* * *

 

Tony and Steve sat across from Bucky and Caroline in the back of one of Tony’s cars. Happy had driven them to the press conference and was sitting quietly in the front, waiting for them to tell him where to go next. They were all quiet, especially Caroline, whose forehead was pressed against the window, staring blankly out onto the street in front of her.

“I don’t think it was that bad,” Tony said carefully, after a long few minutes of watching her. 

Steve sighed, glancing over at him, his eyebrows raised in complete disbelief. Caroline rolled her head to glare at Tony, then rolled it back, continuing her gaze. Happy drummed the steering wheel with his fingers. He thought Tony was right. Happy and Bucky had stood in the wings with Pepper, listening to the entire thing, it hadn’t been that bad, it had been a disaster. 

Caroline had been bombarded with questions about her personal life more than anything. After Tony had explained the situation, that she was acting as a double agent to infiltrate Hyrda, the reporters were more focused on pinning her parents death on her, trying to get more information on her sister, and hounding her about who she was dating. 

“Okay, but it wasn’t very long,” Tony suggested lightly.

“Tony, we might need to have another conversation about your lack of tact,” Steve sighed, his head dropping back onto the seat behind him.

“Alright, alright, well at least they didn’t ask you about Bucky specifically,” said Tony, “You know, by name or anything.”

“Stark,” Bucky snapped, “Shut up.”

“I’m just saying, it could have been awkward, and it wasn’t that awkward,” Tony mumbled.

“Tony,” Caroline groaned, “They insinuated that my parents’ death was my fault. One of them actually said I was bad at my job because I have healing powers and yet my colleagues still manage to get hurt. They hate me.” 

“Well…you could have been a tad more personable,” Tony said softly.

Steve groaned, Happy’s forehead hit the steering wheel, Bucky placed his head in his metal hand shaking it slowly. Caroline opened the door and stepped out, slamming the car door behind her.

“Okay, okay,” Tony said quickly, “Maybe that last comment was a little unwarranted.”

“A little?” Steve snapped.

“Alright a lot unwarranted,” Tony nodded, “Happy, can you see her?”

“Yeah,” Happy nodded, “She’s just standing out there, leaning agains the car with her arms crossed. How do you still have friends?”

“He pays us to live with him,” said Bucky. 

Tony looked over at Bucky wide eyed, his mouth agape. Steve laughed and shrugged his shoulders as Tony looked angrily over at him also.

“Come to think of it, he pays me too,” Happy added.

“Tony,” Bucky said, cutting him off before he could get snarky again, “Let Caroline and I borrow Happy and your car for the rest of the day.”

“No,” Tony said flatly, “You can’t borrow my car and my Happy to take Caroline on a date. Besides how would Steve and I get home?”

“Go home with Pepper,” Bucky suggested, “Or come with us. It’s not a date, I just think I know of a few places that might lift her spirits.”

“Sounds like a date,” Tony said narrowing his eyes at Bucky.

“You’re right Stark, I definitely want you and Steve there when I take Caroline on a date,” Bucky said sarcastically.

“Okay fair point,” Tony nodded, “Steve, let’s go home with Pepper,” Tony said climbing out of the car.

“Enjoy your date Buck,” Steve said with a wink.

“It’s not…whatever,” Bucky snapped as he heard Tony telling Caroline to get back in the car.

She climbed in, looking at Bucky suspiciously. Steve popped his head back in, smiling awkwardly.

“What?” Bucky asked Steve.

“Tony says we should actually probably tag along, because there are going to be people following her for the rest of the day. Pep is giving Tony her car, she’s taking a cab to their city apartment,” Steve explained.

“Why don’t you guys just ride with us?” Caroline asked, looking confused.

“Do you really want to be in a car with Tony right now?” Steve asked.

“No you’re right,” Caroline nodded, “Where are we going?” 

“I have a few places in mind, I wanted to take your mind off of the press conference and all of the stupid things Tony said after it,” Bucky grinned.

“Well good luck with that,” Caroline chuckled. 

“Happy, I just sent you a location,” said Bucky.

“Got it,” Happy said as his phone jingled. 

He popped the location into his GPS and drove off. 

* * *

Bucky held the door open for Caroline. Her eyes widened as she walked into the old, dusty record store. It was almost empty, except for a few you people giggling in the corner and the disillusioned workers standing behind the counter rolling their eyes at each other. Steve and Tony hopped out of their car and followed them in, hanging a few paces behind them.

“A record store?” Caroline asked, trying to hide her excitement.

“Well yeah,” he shrugged, “I remember how excited you got when I asked you to make that playlist for me. It was really important to you.”

“You are very perceptive Barnes,” Caroline smirked, turning to scour the aisles for records.

“That’s what they say,” he said following her.

He watched for an hour as she fingered her way through all of the alphabetically ordered stacks of records. Every now and then she would get excited and pull one out, telling him the significance.

“Now this is _Rumors,_ by Fleetwood Mac,” she said showing him one of the albums, “It’s widely regarded as one of the best albums of all time. Every song is absolutely amazing and they wrote it when they were all cheating on each other…with each other. I mean revolutionary, really,” she explained animatedly.

“Sounds revolutionary,” Bucky said, taking the album from her. 

He had a small stack of the ones Caroline had seemed most excited about. 

“Widely regarded,” Tony scoffed, “Have you head AD/DC’s _Back in Black, Highway to Hell,_ anything by them really?”

“Uh,” Bucky said as he scrolled through the playlists, “Oh yeah, Nat put one of their songs on here.”

“One!?” Tony gasped, “That’s it, I’m making you my own list.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be hiding in a corner somewhere,” Caroline asked, cocking her head at him.

“Right,” Tony nodded walking off to find Steve.

“AC/DC is great, he’s right,” Caroline said watching him walk away, “But they have a song called _Iron Man_ , which is why I think he likes them so much,” Caroline smirked.

“I heard that!” Tony said spinning around, “And it’s only a little true.”

Caroline laughed, shaking her head. She turned back to the albums, looking through them carefully. 

“The Beatles,” Bucky said picking up an album from another stack, “Peter put some of their music on his playlist for me.”

“They’re overrated,” said Caroline, “I mean don’t get me wrong, they’re great, but they are severely overrated. Sam would agree.”

“Oh so you and Sam are the authority on music?” Bucky asked with a laugh.

“I didn’t say that,” said Caroline, “I’m just insinuating that we probably know more than tiny baby Peter about music.”

“Alright, fair enough,” Bucky nodded. 

“So tell me Buck,” Caroline said turning to face him, “Out of all the songs on my playlist, which one is your favorite?”

“Well…that’s a lot of songs,” Bucky said avoiding eye contact.

“Buck?” Caroline asked, “Which one?”

“Alright fine,” Bucky sighed, “I really like the ones you put on there by um…I think her name is Dolly Parton?”

Caroline’s eyes widened and he lips formed at tight smile. She nodded, looking back down at the records.

“Okay see that’s exactly why I didn't want to tell you,” Bucky sighed.

“No!” Caroline said in a very high pitched voice, “I’m just surprised that’s all. She’s amazing, You just don’t strike me as the Dolly Parton type.”

“Well I like her voice,” he snapped.

“I’m just surprised that’s all,” Caroline laughed, placing her hand gently on Bucky’s forearm, “I don’t know what I expected to be honest.”

“Alright, alright,” Bucky said flatly, “Let’s move on.”

Caroline smirked, then glanced at the pile of records he was holding.

“What are you doing with these?” she asked.

“We’re buying them,” Bucky replied simply, “They’re the ones you’re most excited about, except for anything you pulled from the nineties, I put those back.”

“First of all,” Caroline said, her hand flying to her hip, “We are not getting these, I don’t even have a record player. And second of all I cannot believe you would put back N’SYNC’s iconic _No Strings Attached_ album.”

“Believe it sweetheart,” Bucky grinned, “Your nineties music was horrendous, all of it.” 

“I’m going to ignore you and go back to the part where we aren't buying these because I don’t even have a record player,” Caroline said, waving her hand in his face.

“Well you will by the time we get back,” Bucky replied.

“What are you talking about?” asked Caroline.

Tony is having one set up for you. It will be there by the time we get back,” Bucky explained.

“Trying to buy an apology Stark!” Caroline called across the store.

“Is it going to work?” Tony called back

“I mean a real one would be nice,” she replied, “But we’ll see,” she added with a shrug.

“Sorry!” Tony shouted.

Caroline laughed and turned the aisle and began looking through a whole new collection of records. She gasped with excitement and began fingering through a stack of records. She pulled some out and looked down at them adoringly.

“What did you find?” Bucky asked, peering over.

“Queen,” Caroline sighed happily, “My personal favorite. Well they’re tied with Bowie. Can’t go wrong with Queen or Bowie.”

“Queen,” Bucky nodded, “You know, they pop up on your playlist, Nat’s, Sam’s, and Peter’s.”

“And?” Caroline asked expectantly.

“Oh, much better than your nineties music,” Bucky beamed.

“Well…I can’t argue there,” Caroline shrugged, “Come on,” she said taking his hand, “Let’s go find you a Dolly Parton record.”

“Shut up,” Bucky growled, “I don’t want Tony to hear.”

* * *

After the record store, Bucky had Happy drive them to get dinner at a diner he and Steve used to go to whenever they came into the city as teenagers. It had changed throughout the years, but not by much. Tony and Steve followed them there as well, but found a hot dog cart and at hot dogs on the curb out front instead. They were anything but bored, as people kept coming up to them, asking for pictures and autographs. It was rare to see Tony Stark or Steve Rogers just out in the city, even more rare seeing them out together.

When dinner was over, they walked to Central Park. Happy said he would drive them, but Caroline welcomed the brisk air. She lit up as the lights of New York lit up around her. Bucky followed her as she galavanted through the busy streets. Having Tony and Steve trailing them was nice. It meant that people were more focused on them than on Bucky and Caroline. People still gave them the odd look here and there, but were quickly distracted by the other two.

“I love New York at Christmas time,” she said dreamily.

“It’s only November,” Bucky said looking around him.

“November is Christmas time Buck,” Caroline laughed.

“Alright,” he nodded, “I’ll take your word for it.”

She pulled him into the park, stopping at a hot chocolate stand. Normally she would ask for ice cream, but the chilly air made her want hot chocolate. They walked around the park as it got dark. Finally, the both found a spot on the lawn and took a sit. Sitting across from each other they sipped the cocoa in silence.

“So…” Caroline said after a moment.

“So,” Bucky nodded.

“Is this a date Buck?” she asked quickly, the words falling out of her mouth before she could stop them.

Bucky laughed however. He set his cup down and looked at her, a smile playing across his lips.

“No Caroline,” he said finally, “This is not a date. If this was a date you would know…also I would know,” he added, “And believe me, Steve and Tony would not be following us all night if it was.”

“Okay,” she nodded, “It just kind of feels like one.”

“Well it isn’t,” Bucky shrugged.

He glanced around, making sure Tony and Steve were out of sight. They were, they hadn't followed them into the park. He moved closer, Caroline looked up from her hot chocolate.

“Do you want it to be a date?” he asked with a small smile.

She looked up at him with wide eyes. She shivered involuntarily.

“I don’t know,” she hesitated, “No,” she said shaking her head slowly.

“Which is precisely why it isn’t,” he said picking up his hot chocolate and glancing at her over his cup. 

“You’re so patient,” Caroline said softly, “Why are you so patient?”

“Well…” Bucky pondered, “Part of me thinks you’re testing me to see if I am actually going to leave you. Which is the number one reason I don’t. I want you to trust me.”

He smiled at her, then lay back in the grass. She followed suit, scooting closer to him. She brushed the back of his hand with hers, then placed it gently on top of his.

“There are a lot less stars here aren’t there?” he asked.

“Yes,” she replied, “A lot less.”

There was a long silence. Caroline was chewing over words in her head, trying to find the proper way to say them. Finally she breathed out slowly, deciding the best way to do it, was just to do it.

“I think we should stop spending time together Buck,” she said slowly.

“What?” he asked turning his head to face her.

“I need…space,” she said avoiding his gaze, “I can’t give you what you’re asking for and I don’t know why.”

“I’m not asking for anything Caroline,” Bucky said sitting up, “You know that.”

“Of course you aren’t,” Caroline sighed, she sat up too, “But you should be, you should be asking for everything, because that’s what you’re giving me. It isn’t fair to you Buck, this isn’t right.”

“It doesn't have to always be fair,” Bucky said desperately, “Please don’t do this,” he added softly.

Caroline placed her hand on his cheek and looked at him sadly. 

“You told me once that you would give me whatever I needed to figure this out,” she said softly, “I need space. I want to be with you all of the time, and that terrifies me, being with you terrifies me. For me, and for you, and for us, I need to work through that.”

“Fine,” Bucky said shortly, “Let’s go home, I’ll ride with Steve.”

* * *

Steve tapped the steering wheel, trying to make some sort of sound other than the deafening silence that had been filling the car. He glanced over at Bucky, but didn’t say anything to his brooding friend. When Bucky and Caroline had walked out of Central Park, Tony and Steve knew that something had happened. Bucky was stormingout in front of her, as she cried softly behind him. Tony had walked over to Caroline, pulling him into her and walked her back to Happy, as Bucky had climbed silently into the car Steve and Tony had been using.

“Buck what happened?” Steve asked finally.

“She wants space,” he replied gruffly.

“And that’s bad how?” Steve asked gently, “You always said if she needed space you’d give it to her. Whatever she needed.”

“It’s just a little easier said than done, that’s all,” Bucky sighed, dropping his head back onto the seat behind him, “Having her around makes everything easier. Easier to sleep, easier to smile and laugh, easier to get through my days without panic attacks.”

“Well…” Steve said, hesitating on his words, “Maybe this is a really good thing then. You rely on each other a lot. Maybe even an unhealthy amount. If you work through these things separately, then maybe an actual relationship can finally happen.”

“What if she takes her time and realizes that she doesn’t love me?” Bucky asked, “What if that’s the outcome of all this?”

“First of all, that’s not going to happen,” Steve said shaking his head, “She adores you, she thinks the world of you, she’s just scared of her feeling fro you and probably of your feelings for her. I mean she has been, this has been a common theme for you two over the past year.” 

“Fine,” Bucky said curtly, “What is your second of all?”

“My second of all is this; if she does come out of this realizing she doesn’t love you, then there really isn't anything you can do about it Buck,” he said grimacing, “You would have to accept it and move on.”

“I hate your ‘second of all’,” Bucky sighed, looking out the window.

“Like I said Buck, I really don’t think that is going to happen,” Steve added quickly, “Anyone with eyes can see she loves you.”

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore Steve,” Bucky said shortly.

“Alright,” Steve nodded, “we don’t have to talk about it anymore.”

“Thanks Steve,” Bucky said, giving his friend a small smile.

Steve nodded and glanced over at Bucky. He clapped a hand on his shoulder, gave it a small squeeze, then returned it to the wheel. What he wouldn’t give to see his friend catch just one break. 

 

 


End file.
